# Oh, where is my happy little roadside zoo? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 4, 2018, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798 "2018-04-04T11:09:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/1 "2018-04-04T11:09:22Z")
Those are real honest to bubastis bobcats? And they’re tame like kittehs, or something approaching it? Oh wow, they really _are_! This person in the movie has got _pet bobcats!_ And they’re all happy-like! And so _pretty_ with their bobcat eyes and tails and ears. And claws. And teeth. I love it when folks who live with non-ordinary, non-domestic-species animals share videos of their pets; I don’t really hold with the idear, so very common amongst a certain kind of animal advocates, the notion that “They’re _wild!_ _animals!_ who shouldn’t ever be tame and we shouldn’t interact with them” just sounds as authoritarian as hell to me, and harsh and intrusive. Besides that it’s not historically accurate. People have kept wild animals as pets for as long as they’ve been people, sometimes it is a very good thing, and we should all have the right to choose those interactions and relationships with our animal kinflesh. . Historically, there really have been people who kept tame wild animal as pets and done well by tyhem and happily. (Full disclosure Facebook fess-up time: I’ve always really wanted a pet monkey. Not a chimp or an ape, but a small little Black and White Capuchin Monkey baby. A little girl monkey I would name Maisey or Daisy or Rosie. Maybe most people shouldn’t keep pet primates but there are the right people out there who can become real friends and proper human companions for a monkey; it happens. you have to learn about the animal and its care and have the heart to do it right. and i’ve always been pretty cert that i would be a great monkey keeper parent person. Would’ve, could’ve anyway, but i am poushing 60 now and i live in California, which has just about the _most_ restrictive and prohibitive laws in the USA concerning what animals one is allowed to keep. You can have a cat and a dog, and maybe some birds and fish and a rat or a rat snake, and that’s about it. No monkeys Phoooey.) I just wanna go to the least restrictive state wrt pet ownership and have a monkey and a Chestnut or Severe macaw, and three or four dogs. And a couple of little kune-kune pigs like they have in the children’s petting zoo at the San Fran Zoo. Because they are really cute little fuckers, all speckled with pink and black, and they really _are_ little for life, little as pigs go anyway–that is, they grow up to be two feet tall and five feet long and weigh two or three hundred pounds, instead of growing into monsters as big as sofa beds. They look like the lovable li’l pigs that hillbillies carry around in old comic strips. And an aviary full of budgies and another aviary fiull of the little finches that go “Beep, beep, beep” as they flitter and hop about their wee bird world. And a half dozen fainting goats. Because I think it would be pretty funny to ride up on a bicycle two or three times a week and go “Hyaaaa! HYAAA!” at my goats and make them all faint. And a glass and plastic room for snakes and big hairy spiders, and a great big fish tank, and a water turtle tank with red eared sliders in it, and a land turtle tank with a box turtle in it. And I’d like some chickens and some ducks, too, please? For out in the yard. And rabbits in a hutch, getting fat. And I’d like to get my boyfriend some capybaras. They’re his favorite wild animals and cute to boot. I see that there’re a number of pet-capybara keepers on the Net, so the resources for keeping them do exist. I think Racer would be a great captive-capybara companion. He’s become real good at care and keeping parakeets and cockateils, that’s for sure. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/2 "2018-04-04T11:49:39Z")
Often times, it turned out that cute roadside zoo creators lacked realistic understanding of their own limitations. They turn into collectors with too many animals, (but they love them all!) And will just keep taking them in until conditions are foul for them all. Y’know they _think_ they can manage a whole menagerie, because gosh, wouldn’t that be fun? Colour me very, very happy such things are regulated more strictly today. And uninformed animal lovers are kept to within reasonable expectations. As for your long, long list of all the animals you want, let’s just start with monkeys. Do you know where pet monkeys come from? Yeah, Mama monkeys don’t give them up for adoption, I’m afraid. Only baby monkeys have any potential as pets. Baby monkeys only come from killing the mothers. Also, they grow to be aggressive and violent quickly, without a sex mate they will viscously turn on their keepers. When the pet owner discovers how difficult they are to manage, once mature, they give them up or abandon them to being forever caged. Separated from the one they bonded to, having lost their Mom, they then often die of broken hearts. But sure, get a monkey, and all those other things too. Why not? How hard could it be? After all, you LOOOVE animals, right? ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/3 "2018-04-04T16:31:56Z")
For a while I was on a kick of reading about people keeping exotic pets. The sheer number of people who obtained tigers because they loved how beautiful and majestic they were, only to keep them penned up in way too small pens and fed them roadkill because costs were prohibitive was appalling. Not to mention how many people perished because the bond they thought they had with them did not extend both ways. And don’t even get me started on [chimps](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travis_(chimpanzee)). ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/4 "2018-04-04T17:44:32Z")
**I got yer happy little roadside zoo, Right Here!** Wallabies make pretty good pets. Quiet, reasonably clean, not aggressive, quiet, don’t stink too bad, and most of all _Quiet_. Then, after they die, you can make some real nice mittens and boot-liners. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/5 "2018-04-04T18:29:30Z")
You didn’t mention any equine species. What you got against zebras, huh? Why don’t go to work at a zoo? They love poop shovelers. ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/6 "2018-04-04T19:07:37Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Often times, it turned out that cute roadside zoo creators lacked realistic understanding of their own limitations. They turn into collectors with too many animals, (but they love them all!) And will just keep taking them in until conditions are foul for them all. > > Y’know they _think_ they can manage a whole menagerie, because gosh, wouldn’t that be fun? > > Colour me very, very happy such things are regulated more strictly today. And uninformed animal lovers are kept to within reasonable expectations. > > As for your long, long list of all the animals you want, let’s just start with monkeys. Do you know where pet monkeys come from? Yeah, Mama monkeys don’t give them up for adoption, I’m afraid. Only baby monkeys have any potential as pets. Baby monkeys only come from killing the mothers. Also, they grow to be aggressive and violent quickly, without a sex mate they will viscously turn on their keepers. When the pet owner discovers how difficult they are to manage, once mature, they give them up or abandon them to being forever caged. Separated from the one they bonded to, having lost their Mom, they then often die of broken hearts. > > But sure, get a monkey, and all those other things too. Why not? How hard could it be? After all, you LOOOVE animals, right? Y’know, I’ve already heard all the reasons that you (the particular and general you, both) don’t think I should have a monkey as a pet, or anyone else either (or a leopard or a leucrotta or a fire breathing wyvern). Those arguments have all been around for a long time, and I’ve done my research and then some, so of course I’ve been exposed to the antis, and the pro-restriction, pro-prohibition rationale. And because I’m a really smart and thoughtful individual, I thought these things over for myself, and did my research some more, and I _arrived at different conclusions than you have._ You’re in favor of restrictions and forbids and state prohibitions on the animals I keep. Yeah, you and a bunch of other people, I get it. Well I don’t agree with the whole notion and resent that it’s been sanctioned by authority. Mockery and borderline insult really don’t make your argument more correct than mine or show me up. And they _sure_ won’t convince me of anything. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/7 "2018-04-04T19:17:07Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > without a sex mate they will viscously turn on their keepers. At least their keepers will be able to outrun them faster than if they had turned on them more fluidly. ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/8 "2018-04-04T19:22:23Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You didn’t mention any equine species. What you got against zebras, huh? > Why don’t go to work at a zoo? They love poop shovelers. Zebras are mean-tempered, squirrely beasts which will kick you and bite you and kill you to death the first chance they get, is what. Besides, cleaning up after someone else’s animals, that I won’t get to keep for my own, and hang out with and make friends with on my own terms, is unappealing as all get-out to me. I do have a warm and squishy spot in my heart for the whole tame-donkey tribe, though. Especially burros; they’re such hard-working, gentle, unassuming little guys, with big soft noses I’d like to pet. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2018, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/9 "2018-04-04T23:27:20Z")
Oh, okay then. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2018, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/10 "2018-04-05T02:49:17Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > . . . without a sex mate they will viscously turn on their keepers. > . . . Ewwww yes. My fourth grade class saw some monkeys doing that once. Looking back the boys all seemed to understand it,but my friends and I had no idea until years later. . . ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2018, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/11 "2018-04-05T04:11:18Z")
This didn’t work out so well for a man in Ohio a few years ago, or most of the animals for that matter. > **[Terry Thompson and the Zanesville Ohio Zoo Massacre](https://www.gq.com/story/terry-thompson-ohio-zoo-massacre-chris-heath-gq-february-2012)** > > 51 Dead in Ohio. The body count: fifty exotic animals, one man. Chris Heath reports on the Zanesville massacre ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2018, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/12 "2018-04-05T04:47:27Z")
I’ve worked in zoos. And even the best zoos, with huge budgets, round-the-clock staffing, top vets, AZA accreditation… they can’t keep animals alive and happy. Small facilities can be even worse. If there’s only one person upholding standards of care, it’s all too easy for those standards to slip and become the new normal. And then slip a bit more. Then you have a bunch of animals hurting for no reason. No, wait, there was a reason. Coz it’s cute and I waaaant it. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2018, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/13 "2018-04-05T15:40:42Z")
I let my wife talk me into letting her get a leucrotta. I resisted at first, “Ew, I heard they were gross and eat a lot.” She pointed out that people online who own them insist they are unjustly maligned, and that they are really quite sweet creatures that make excellent pets given frequent enough baths and routine dental rinses. “Whatever.” I said. It ended up not working out, and the poor thing had to be put down after it got out and ate most of the local Kindergarten. Recently she talked me into letting her get an undocumented “American Stafforsdhire Terrier”. My drinking is getting worse. For my part, I was essentially raised by cats. I have “repaired” about a dozen malfunctioning cats held in the custody of incompetent owners. Usually this is just a matter of explaining to the owner how they are misinterpreting the cat’s determined efforts to communicate a need–usually (no joke) the cat needs a kitten to ignore. Introduce kitten, it gets ignored by the problem animal and soaks up lots of human lovins and scritches. Kitten grows up loving people, and the problem animal starts jonesing for some scritches and lovins as well. In short order, demand for lovins exceeds the human supply, and the cats end up snuggling on the sofa, ignoring their humans. This insight, I believe, qualifies me to raise bobcats and cougars. Could be true. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2018, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oh-where-is-my-happy-little-roadside-zoo/811798/14 "2018-04-05T17:05:13Z")
I don’t like to pile on, but: [Mauling, escapes and abuse: 6 small zoos, 80 sick or dead animals](https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/crime/mauling-escapes-and-abuse-6-small-zoos-80-sick-or-dead-animals/2015/09/18/dff46f10-2581-11e5-b77f-eb13a215f593_story.html?utm_term=.1888fd7963ee)