# Ohio death row inmate sings "Too Fat Polka" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 8, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264 "2008-08-08T04:39:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/1 "2008-08-08T04:39:00Z")
Attorneys for [Richard Cooey say that his excessive weight will cause trouble finding his veins and that, coupled with a prescription drug he takes](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26014962/) could make his execution “excruciating”. Cry me a fucking river. His date with Miss Gurney is scheduled for 14 October, so put his ass on a calorie restricted diet, wean him off the Topamax, and put in a shunt. If he doesn’t like that, ship his ass to one of the states that still use a firing squad. Or use a double wide electric chair turned up to ‘self-cleaning’ from ‘broil’. I’m really sick and tired of bullshit appeals launched by these bastards who want me to get all in a lather over their feelings at the very end. The two young women he raped and murdered didn’t draw their last breath amidst peals of gleeful laughter. I should send him a copy of a cartoon that shows a guy wired up in the electric chair, and the guard by the door says, “Hey-it’s something from the Governor!” The guy in the chair looks up hopefully, as another guard carries in a spray of flowers with a ribbon reading, “Bye-bye, asshole”. You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis. For all of you DP opponents, save your bandwidth. Fuck him. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/2 "2008-08-08T05:12:06Z")
I can certainly understand his motive. Not sympathize, mind you. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/3 "2008-08-08T06:34:24Z")
When I first heard of this story I was expecting a completely huge guy. Not 267 pounds; that’s just regular American-sized. ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/4 "2008-08-08T07:23:22Z")
He’s still going to die. This little Million Dollar Shot didn’t save him. Therefore, I feel nothing. Don’t you get it yet? When the worthless bastard _gets what he wants_, that’s when you get outraged. Absent success, all this amounts to is a desperate human being acting exactly like you’d expect him to. You’re going to start a pit thread every time someone says something ridiculous? (And if so, why the hell haven’t you done ME yet? 😃 ) And _telling_ DP opponents to back off? Are you _trying_ to get your own thread hijacked 15 ways from Tuesday? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/5 "2008-08-08T15:08:02Z")
I live here. I was here when this guy and his buddy threw rocks off a highway overpass, disabling the victims’ car, and then went down there to “help,” gaining their confidence. The other punk got a life sentence because he was 17. Their names were Dawn McCreery and Wendy Offredo. And it could have been me. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/6 "2008-08-08T15:28:22Z")
Surprisingly, he still has a heart. Can’t they give him some inhalent anesthetic and then do a cardiac stick with the euthanasia drugs? ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/7 "2008-08-08T15:38:04Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] For all of you DP opponents, save your bandwidth. Fuck him. [/QUOTE] I did a quick search for information on him, and found that he was severed abused by his father as a child. So the solution for childhood abuse leading to a stupid rape and murder at the age of 19 is 22 years in prison followed by a botched death? Well, I say fuck that in return. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/8 "2008-08-08T16:06:54Z")
[QUOTE=Giles] I did a quick search for information on him, and found that he was severed abused by his father as a child. So the solution for childhood abuse leading to a stupid rape and murder at the age of 19 is 22 years in prison followed by a botched death? Well, I say fuck that in return. [/QUOTE] Can someone please make a graph so that I know at exactly what age I am responsible for my own actions given the amount of childhood abuse received (X) vs the severity of my crime (Y)? Should look like a parabola. ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/9 "2008-08-08T16:14:18Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] Can someone please make a graph so that I know at exactly what age I am responsible for my own actions given the amount of childhood abuse received (X) vs the severity of my crime (Y)? Should look like a parabola. [/QUOTE] That’s not really the issue, though, is it? I don’t imagine anyone is suggesting that this man should be allowed to roam free, or that he isn’t responsible for his actions. It’s just that we have a range of possible sentences for crimes, as a general rule, and there’s a reason for that. ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/10 "2008-08-08T16:15:18Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] Can someone please make a graph so that I know at exactly what age I am responsible for my own actions given the amount of childhood abuse received (X) vs the severity of my crime (Y)? Should look like a parabola. [/QUOTE] While you’re at it, we need to figure out the relative worth of a crime. Apparently, rape and murder falls in the “stupid” category. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/11 "2008-08-08T16:17:19Z")
Cooey. Isn’t that the name of the guy who killed that little Florida girl and stashed her body on his property or something? Is “Cooey” the new “Wayne?” ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/12 "2008-08-08T16:26:06Z")
[QUOTE=danceswithcats] For all of you DP opponents, save your bandwidth. Fuck him. [/QUOTE] So, you’re telling me not to reply at all? Sorry, Jack. If you don’t want to hear a contrary opinion, is there any point at all to your OP? ETA: I realize there’s a long history of pointless venting threads in the Pit. I guess this is one of those. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/13 "2008-08-08T16:28:17Z")
I’m with Pullet. Unless it shows he didn’t do it, I don’t care what his sob story is. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/14 "2008-08-08T16:34:21Z")
[QUOTE=PaulParkhead] It’s just that we have a range of possible sentences for crimes, as a general rule, and there’s a reason for that. [/QUOTE] So, because he didn’t hit the state-provided weight machine enough in the last 22 years, we should give him a lesser sentence? That might be too complicated to add to my parabola graph. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/15 "2008-08-08T16:35:11Z")
[QUOTE=ArizonaTeach] While you’re at it, we need to figure out the relative worth of a crime. Apparently, rape and murder falls in the “stupid” category. [/QUOTE] Youthful indiscretion. Hell, when I was 19 I did a lot of stupid things. Tried to buy beer, drove too fast, had sex without a condom. Heh, there was even one time I raped, tortured, and strangled these two girls I was pretending to help, and carved an “X” into their stomachs. Now I’m like, what was I _thinking_? I remain—albeit somewhat waveringly—philosophically opposed to the death penalty, but reading cases like Cooey’s make it momentarily difficult to remember why. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/16 "2008-08-08T16:36:55Z")
[Too Fat Polka](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JT22n6x7J0g) (She’s too fat for me) This isn’t the Arthur Godfrey version, but still pretty good. ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/17 "2008-08-08T16:37:54Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] So, because he didn’t hit the state-provided weight machine enough in the last 22 years, we should give him a lesser sentence? That might be too complicated to add to my parabola graph. [/QUOTE] Um, it was more to do with the “childhood abuse” stuff. My point was that there are alternatives in between “let him go free” and “Evil! Evil! Kill!” ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/18 "2008-08-08T16:39:09Z")
[QUOTE=PaulParkhead] Um, it was more to do with the “childhood abuse” stuff. My point was that there are alternatives in between “let him go free” and “Evil! Evil! Kill!” [/QUOTE] Hence, the graph. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![PaulParkhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PaulParkhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PaulParkhead)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/19 "2008-08-08T16:43:55Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] Hence, the graph. 🆒 [/QUOTE] I think we could be talking at cross-purposes here. Or am I just missing the point? It’s happened before. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264/20 "2008-08-08T16:52:08Z")
If his obesity and poor veins stood in the way of cannulizing a vessel as required for a life saving procedure, a cut-down would be done. May I suggest the same effort be expended to end his life? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ohio-death-row-inmate-sings-too-fat-polka/459264.md?page=2)