# OJ VINDICATED REAL KILLER CAUGHT - Newspaper headlines you'd love to see **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 16, 2006, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735 "2006-02-16T02:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/21 "2006-02-16T08:59:14Z")
**Veep shoots man in face** What? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/22 "2006-02-16T10:52:14Z")
**Bush Officiates Lesbian Wedding of Marine bin Laden-Capturer** _"‘It’s the least I can do!’ said a cheerful commadner in chief, hours after signing in the historic Same-Sex Marriage bill._ There. EVERYBODY wins! 😃 Then, the followup: **Bin Laden ‘screamed like a little girl for his mommy’ in his Final Hours** _USACIC Promises Investigation into ‘intentional botching’ Allegations after the Terrorist Leader’s 45 min.-long Hanging_ 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/23 "2006-02-16T11:37:24Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Hi! How’s it going? 🙂 > > :: ahem :: > > Headlines, headlines. Hmm… > > Electric battery breakthrough! > [sub]greater energy density than gasoline[/sub] > > New solar cell inexpensive, 25% efficient > > **Transportation Subsidies Harmonised** > > New moderate parties win elections in Palestine, Iran, USA > > LAST HOMELESS PERSON IN REGION HOUSED > > Chinese solar weapon abandoned; Beijing parliament contrates on lunar, Earth-orbital developments > > **US Enacts National Health Care** > Single-Payer Breakthrough; > System To Boost US Competitiveness > > Beanstalk Functional > [sub]space elevator passes first tests[/sub] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/24 "2006-02-16T13:09:52Z")
**SDMB Shirley Ujest Wins 150 Million dollar Lottery! Buys a new bionic hamsters for the boards.** “Really, it was the least I could do.” says the long time doper . ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/25 "2006-02-16T13:14:22Z")
**Fred Phelps caught in homosexual orgy** Of course, that would soon be followed by: **Phelps declares "The fags set me up"** ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/26 "2006-02-16T13:20:40Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > **Fred Phelps caught in homosexual orgy** > > Of course, that would soon be followed by: > > **Phelps declares "The fags set me up"** Some poor bunch of gay guys has to sleep with Phelps? Maybe God really DOES hate fags! ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/27 "2006-02-16T13:40:30Z")
deer got hit by a car at the canadian-mexican border 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/28 "2006-02-16T14:07:17Z")
SETI Makes Contact. We Are Not Alone. ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/29 "2006-02-16T14:54:55Z")
Yetti Makes Contact. We Are Not Alone. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/30 "2006-02-16T15:05:02Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > BUSH CONVICTED ON ALL COUNTS Well, don’t leave us all hanging, Dio. Give us all the headlines that lead up to this one! > [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Vikings Win 5th Consecutive Superbowl. OK, c’mon now. These things have to be at least somewhat believeable!! > [@Tenar](#): > > Some poor bunch of gay guys has to sleep with Phelps? > Maybe God really DOES hate fags! Is it wrong that I found this hilarious? As for a headline, how about … **New System Kills All Internet Spam – Inventor Ponder Stibbons A Gajillionaire** ---
**Author:** ![35340](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/8baadc/32.png) [@35340](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/35340)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/31 "2006-02-16T15:29:52Z")
> [@Tenar](#): > > Some poor bunch of gay guys has to sleep with Phelps? > Maybe God really DOES hate fags! As I clean off my keyboard and screen … I’m thinking **Administration finds religion, resigns en masse, refuses pardoning and requests a full public inquiry into the last six years of power** ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/32 "2006-02-16T15:50:36Z")
**Madame President Clinton** **Hilary Wins** **First Female President** I can only hope… ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/33 "2006-02-16T16:02:13Z")
Hussein admits he had WMD Bush is quoted as saying, “Really? I had no idea!” ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/34 "2006-02-16T16:07:30Z")
**Michael Jackson arrested for soliciting a 35 year-old female prostitute** :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/35 "2006-02-16T16:15:30Z")
STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS EXPIRES, BILL AND HILARY CONFESS TO MONUMENTAL WHITEWATER SCAM! “Yep, we screwed everybody and got away with it,” smirked the former First Lady. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/36 "2006-02-16T17:57:52Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > **Madame President Clinton** > > **Hilary Wins** > > **First Female President** > > I can only hope… In other news, the mysterious _666_ begins appearing everywhere… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/37 "2006-02-16T18:17:22Z")
**Center Holds** \*\* Historians In High Demand \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Citizen\_Bob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@Citizen\_Bob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Citizen_Bob)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/38 "2006-02-16T18:20:48Z")
1. \*\* BUSH AND OSAMA RELATED? You be the judge. \*\* 2. \*\* Wood Chuck chucks wood more than a wood chuck would normally chuck. \*\* 3. \*\* SPACECRAFT BREAKS LIGHT SPEED! Physicists explain, using Einstein’s relativity. \*\* 🙂 * * * Conversely, the NIGHTMARE newsfeed might be: \*\* NOT GUILTY! Saddam released today after 14 grand juries found Hussein ‘not guilty’ on all charges’ \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/39 "2006-02-16T18:34:28Z")
**First Chimp-Human hybrid created:** Has same mannerisms and speaking skills as President George W. Bush. ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/40 "2006-02-16T18:41:28Z")
\*\* Major new development in “Bop-she-bop-she-bop” case, man arrested investigators hopeful of some answers to this and also the closely related Rama-lama-ding-dong mystery \*\* In further headlines, “Baby fell out of love with me” - culprit sought, no warranties sought or implied IRS assesses value of handshakes, masonic connections alleged. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735.md?page=3)