# OJ VINDICATED REAL KILLER CAUGHT - Newspaper headlines you'd love to see **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 16, 2006, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735 "2006-02-16T02:04:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/41 "2006-02-16T18:50:13Z")
**Leaper** and **Sunspace** – curses to both of you for beating me to the same comment. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/42 "2006-02-16T19:46:14Z")
Jesus Returns to Earth; Peace Breaks Out Worldwide Nations, Terrorist Leaders Repudiate Violence, Lay Down Arms ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/43 "2006-02-16T22:04:40Z")
NOAH’S ARK FOUND 12 dinosaur species found pickled in giant wine vats. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/44 "2006-02-16T22:32:06Z")
Eight Decades Later, Equal Rights Amendment Finally Passes ---
**Author:** ![6\_6\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e0b2c6/32.png) [@6\_6\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6_6_6)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/45 "2006-02-16T22:56:56Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > In other news, the mysterious _666_ begins appearing everywhere… 😃 Did someone call? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/46 "2006-02-17T03:40:10Z")
**Mutant Gene Prevents Stupid People from Breeding** **Automated Phone Systems Outlawed** – Qwest ordered to answer phones by third ring **New Law Makes Rudeness, Inconsideration Illegal** – Offenses punishable by $5,000 fine, one year in jail **Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly Caught in Gay Love Trist** **Al Franken Wins Presidency!** **Minimum Wage Raised to a Liveable $18 an Hour** **Government Mandates 2 Months Paid Vacation After First Year of Employment for Every Worker** **Only One Easy Form Required to Receive Medicare Benefits** ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/47 "2006-02-17T04:26:55Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > **Michael Jackson arrested for soliciting a 35 year-old female prostitute** :eek: :eek: :eek: Thats what I call humor! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/48 "2006-02-17T06:44:17Z")
**U.N. Predicts Long-Term Global Warming Trends Largely Negated by Ashfall from Middle East Nuclear Tragedy** _“‘It’s a pity about Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Iran, though.’ says U.N. Secretary General.”_ **Rutan, Branson Land at Copernicus Crater** **Exxon-Dow-Microsoft-DOE Consortium Reveals Pure, Clean Energy Device** _“'You failed. It’s too late. You can’t win. We’ve gotten too powerful. Bow down’ says Lord Chairman Gates.”_ ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/49 "2006-02-17T07:04:44Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > **Leaper** and **Sunspace** – curses to both of you for beating me to the same comment. 🙂 I’m especially proud to have beaten someone with your username. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/50 "2006-02-17T11:09:12Z")
Universal Healthcare Available For All US Citizens! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/51 "2006-02-17T12:40:47Z")
**Chemical Treatment Successfully Regenerates Severed Spinal Tissue in Human Trials** Nahh…'need some sillier entries. **Ranchoth Proclaimed God-Emperor of Sol System** **Shroud of Turin DNA Matches Mummy in Jerusalem Crypt** _“The body, which was found impaled through the heart and wrapped in intricately knotted silver wire…”_ **"The Superman Exists—and He’s American"** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RunSilent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@RunSilent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RunSilent)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/52 "2006-02-17T12:54:12Z")
LEFTWING IDEOLOGY PROVEN WRONG! “We have been duped for years, say leftist leaders” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/53 "2006-02-17T13:33:17Z")
> [@](#): > > Mutant Gene Prevents Stupid People from Breeding Wouldn’t that just be wunderbar? > [@](#): > > Shroud of Turin DNA Matches Mummy in Jerusalem Crypt > “The body, which was found impaled through the heart and wrapped in intricately knotted silver wire…” This is gold! **Chocolate does not cause fat says Harvard-Oxford Drs.** \*" It’s salad, water and carrots." said Drs. Patel, Patel, Suprtramidnadgutpapatel and Cohen. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2006, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/54 "2006-02-17T13:35:54Z")
**Hollywood Admits Its Run Out Of Ideas** We are profusely sorry. Says one inside A List Director who asked not to be named. **Tom Cruise Comes Out Of The Closet** _Scientology is a load of crap. I’m still dyslexic and gay._ ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/55 "2006-02-18T08:07:31Z")
**Pope Benedict XVI ‘Near Death’ After Sabre Duel on Vatican Roof** _Victorious Dalai Lama: “Tell Patriarch Bartholomew I that I’m coming…and Hell’s comin’ with me, you hear? HELL’S COMING WITH ME!”_ ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/56 "2006-02-18T14:12:42Z")
**BOB RETURNS!** _Plastic, pink seen running for the hills_ **Microsoft Convicted, Split** _Forced to divide into OS, apps, evil divisions_ _Ballmer treated for herniated disc_ **Java a Joke?** Derleth reports “_It seems the Java programming language was created to see just how much programmers would put up with. “It has the elegance of FORTRAN, the cleanliness of C++, and the speed of a Yugo hauling a camper,” says James Gosling. “I mean, ‘public static void main’? Who puts up with that crap?” The successor language, Jolt, is expected to drag C++ programmers the rest of the way to Lisp._” **Perl 6 Finished** **Neurally-Implantable Computers Approved by FDA** _Nasally-implantable computers still awaiting approval_ ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/57 "2006-02-18T16:05:25Z")
> [@RunSilent](#): > > LEFTWING IDEOLOGY PROVEN WRONG! > > “We have been duped for years, say leftist leaders” Rightwing ideology proven wrong Green Ideology Proven Wrong Juche Proven Wrong **World Philosophical Commission Meets** _ideologues worried_ WPC Hearings Stormy **WPC Hearings Extended** World Association for the Scientific Method to speak Scientific Method Lauded _theory, experiment, correction all that’s needed, really_ Religious Leaders to Speak in Joint Broadcast ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/58 "2006-02-18T18:28:43Z")
> [@RunSilent](#): > > LEFTWING IDEOLOGY PROVEN WRONG! > > “We have been duped for years, say leftist leaders” The first already happened. But the second never could. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![BJMoose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@BJMoose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BJMoose)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/59 "2006-02-19T02:38:12Z")
**Bush, Cheney to wed** “Not shotgun wedding” says McClellan _Rev. Phelps to officiate_ or even more outlandish: **Gas prices stabilize** ---
**Author:** ![squeekster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/779978/32.png) [@squeekster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeekster)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2006, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735/60 "2006-02-19T03:13:02Z")
In honor of past US presidents, US car makers have decided that each company would name a new car after a past president of their choice. Chrysler Corporation has decided to honor President Clinton. Their entry will be named the _Dodge Drafter_ and will be built in Canada. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oj-vindicated-real-killer-caught-newspaper-headlines-youd-love-to-see/344735.md?page=4)