# Ok, I paid my money, so start entertaining me! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662 "2004-03-27T01:55:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![constantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@constantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/constantine)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/1 "2004-03-27T01:55:44Z")
I just forked over my $5.00 bucks, so I want to get my money’s worth. Quick, somebody say something entertaining or interesting or funny! ---
**Author:** ![snorlax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@snorlax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snorlax)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/2 "2004-03-27T01:58:08Z")
As you wish: [http://www.rathergood.com/chicken/](http://www.rathergood.com/chicken/) Erm, why is s in the Pit? ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/3 "2004-03-27T02:00:54Z")
This might turn into a joke thread, and then we’ll all be in big trouble. ---
**Author:** ![NotMrKnowItAll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/6bbea6/32.png) [@NotMrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotMrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/4 "2004-03-27T02:03:16Z")
How about: “A fool and his money is soon parted?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/5 "2004-03-27T02:41:38Z")
> [@constantine](#): > > I just forked over my $5.00 bucks, so I want to get my money’s worth. > > Quick, somebody say something entertaining or interesting or funny! Entertaining: Let’s set up a pool on whether this thread gets: 1. Moved to MPSIMS, where it belongs. 2. Locked by **Lynn** because the hamsters don’t want to move it and it looks like a joke thread. 3. Hijacked to Opal’s site. Interesting: The Grammar Pedant is IN, and wishes to point out that the OP should say either “$5.00” or “five bucks”, and that “$5.00 bucks” belongs in the Department of Redundancy Department. Funny: How many Dopers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Answer: One to hold it, and a Pitful to argue about whether to turn it left or right. ---
**Author:** ![Club\_33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@Club\_33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Club_33)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/6 "2004-03-27T02:50:40Z")
Ummm… You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think. ---
**Author:** ![WernhamHogg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a587f6/32.png) [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/7 "2004-03-27T02:53:14Z")
“I didn’t say she was crazy,” Micky told the Judge. “I said she was fucking Goofy.” ---
**Author:** ![headshok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@headshok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headshok)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/8 "2004-03-27T02:57:56Z")
“No, I’m a frayed knot!” ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/9 "2004-03-27T03:01:01Z")
Take my wife… please! ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/10 "2004-03-27T03:01:50Z")
I do not wish to buy this tobacconist. It is scratched. ---
**Author:** ![Achren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Achren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achren)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/11 "2004-03-27T03:04:03Z")
I thought you were bringing my wife _back_! ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/12 "2004-03-27T03:08:52Z")
The “horticulture” line reminded me of the wonderful acerbity of Dorothy Parker. Parker once encountered Clare Boothe Luce entering a theater. “Age before beauty,” Luce declared, stepping aside. “Pearls before swine,” replied Parker, gliding through. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/13 "2004-03-27T03:14:10Z")
Mein hovercraft is full of eels. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/14 "2004-03-27T03:40:33Z")
Ahhhr, it drives me nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/15 "2004-03-27T04:20:28Z")
Don’t you see…? I _stepped_ on the _ball!_ ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/16 "2004-03-27T04:24:06Z")
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?” 😃 No? Umm… **Begins to hum and tap-dance fervently** ---
**Author:** ![Club\_33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@Club\_33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Club_33)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/17 "2004-03-27T04:32:20Z")
> [@Starving Artist](#): > > The “horticulture” line reminded me of the wonderful acerbity of Dorothy Parker. Parker once encountered Clare Boothe Luce entering a theater. “Age before beauty,” Luce declared, stepping aside. “Pearls before swine,” replied Parker, gliding through. That is because the quote is from Dorothy Parker 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/18 "2004-03-27T04:52:24Z")
> [@Club 33](#): > > That is because the quote is from Dorothy Parker 🙂 **Club 33** , I’m not sure if you’re agreeing with me, or informing me that the quote was by Parker, but just in case, I do know it was by Parker. That’s why it reminded me of the “pearls before swine” crack. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/19 "2004-03-27T04:55:27Z")
Und vun ov dem vas assalted…peanut. ---
**Author:** ![dinahmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dinahmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dinahmoe)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662/20 "2004-03-27T04:57:34Z")
South Park+ Song of the South= Shut Your F\*cking Face, Uncle Remus. This is stolen from somewhere else, just wanted to see if “Charter Member” showed up under my name:) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-i-paid-my-money-so-start-entertaining-me/236662.md?page=2)