# OK, Jews, time to hire a lawyer... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 22, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853 "2003-08-22T03:35:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/21 "2003-08-22T05:31:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mighty\_Girl \* > \*\*Here I am hoping this case goes through and the Egyptians get their money. I have nothing agains the Jews, but think of the implications. > > I get to sue the Spaniards for having brought my African ancestors as slave to this land. \*\* You might have to wind up suing yourself [Kings against abolition](http://cgi.ghana300holland.nl/e_artik/magazine_artikel.php3?artikelid=142&cid=142) No less than two important kings of West-Africa protested against unilateral abolition. In the 1720’s, Whydah became Dahomey’s major port of trade. Records show that by the 1750’s, it alone was exporting more slaves than all the trading stations of the Gold Coast put together. The King of Dahomey remarked to Governor Abson of the African Company’s fort at Whydah: ‘‘What hurts me most is that some of your people have maliciously represented us in books that never die, alleging that we sell our wives and children for the sake of a few kegs of brandy. No. We are shamefully belied. We do indeed sell to the white men a part of our prisoners and we have a right to do so. Are not all prisoners at the disposal of their captors? And are we to blame if we send delinquents to a far country? I have been told you do the same!’’ (A. Dalzel, The History of Dahomey. London. 1793, p. 219) In another dialogue with Joseph Dupuis, British Consul at Kumasi, the asantehene Osei Bonsu stated: ‘‘The white men do not understand my country or they would not say the slave trade was bad. But if they think it bad now, why did they think it good before? Is not your law an old law, the same as the Crammo (Moslem) law? Crammos say the law is good because the great God made the book, so they buy slaves. You must put down in my master’s book all I shall say and then he will look to it now he is my friend. And when he sees what is true, he will surely restore that trade. I cannot make war to catch slaves in the bush, like a thief. My ancestors never did so. But if I fight a king and kill him when he is insolent, then certainly I must have his gold and his slaves and the people are mine too. Do not the white kings act like this?’’ (J. Dupuis, Journal of a residence in Ashantee. London 1824). ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/22 "2003-08-22T05:38:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **Would be interesting either way, but i don’t think lawyers could resolve this particular theological issue.** Lawyers can’t solve anything. That’s why we have judges! Hey, God is a judge. Let’s ask Him! I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess the whole Chosen People thing might help decide the case. Of course, He might have to recuse Himself based on the whole appearance of impropriety and all. But if God could act improper, wouldn’t that prove the failability of the Lord and thus doom the entire universe? This case opens up a great deal of legal questions. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/23 "2003-08-22T05:51:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SnoopyFan \* > \*\*Um: doesn’t Exodus say that the Egyptians GAVE the Jews the plunder so they’d get the hell outta Egypt and the plagues would stop? \*\* Well, that’s what the Bible says, but you know that’s a more biased source than Fox News. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/24 "2003-08-22T06:00:02Z")
Lessee… I was born in the 1960s in south Texas with a heritage of German, American Indian, and Irish. I’m a Trekker. You know, the more I think about it, the more people I’ve got to sue. All the oppresion, bad weather, and canon bashing my people have suffered. Who wants to represent me? ---
**Author:** ![Publius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@Publius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Publius)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/25 "2003-08-22T06:22:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Michael Ellis \* > \*\*Of course, if the lawsuit goes ahead, that means that the Jews can sue everyone who opressed them over the years. > > Egyptians, Canaanites, Babylonians, Assyrians, Persians, Greeks > Romans, Visigoths, Huns, Vandals, Moors, Crusaders, Arabs, Ottomans, and most of modern Europe (Spanish, Russians, Germans, French, Italians, English, Dutch…) > > Tell me if I missed anyone. \*\* Wouldn’t it be easier to list everyone who _hasn’t_ terribly mistreated the Jews? I’ll let you know if I think of anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/26 "2003-08-22T07:45:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mighty\_Girl \* > **I get to sue the Spaniards for having brought my African ancestors as slave to this land.** Unless you actually know which ship brought your ancestors to the New World, I’d say you’d be more accurate in suing the Dutch and the Portuguese, who pretty much controlled the slave transportations. I’m sure the Spaniards did their share, too, mind. Good luck with whomever you sue! 🙂 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Michael Ellis:_ > \*\*Of course, if the lawsuit goes ahead, that means that the Jews can sue everyone who opressed them over the years. > > Egyptians… most of modern Europe (… Dutch…)\*\* Not that I’m claiming no discrimination of Jews _ever_ took place here, but I feel I must point out that the Netherlands was a bit of a “safe haven” for Jews long before their presence in Europe was accepted throughout the continent. It dates back to the Sefardic Jews fleeing Inquisition-led Spain (and Portugal), and seeking refuge in the Netherlands in the late 15th/early 16th century. Now, it should be stressed that they were not accepted as equal citizens straightaway: the Netherlands was largely Protestant at the time (certainly, the political centers were), and Jews were restricted in the professions they could persue. This injustice was corrected about 200 years ago, and Jews have been relatively free of discrimination here ever since. Which is not to day discrimination doesn’t occure here, of course: it does. The ugly side of that surfaced in WWII, when lots of seemingly nice Dutchmen and -women turned in their Jewish neighbours, often people with whom they had a normal relationship before. On the whole, though, I’d have to say that as far as _institutionalised_ discrimination against Jews goes, the Netherlands has actually been a rather tolerant exception in Europe throughout the centuries. The same applies to Belgium, although the parts of Belgium to which this applies (mainly the Antwerp region) were of course Dutch at the time. All right, rant on. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/27 "2003-08-22T07:50:03Z")
Actually Coldfire, that was a mistake. It was supposed to be another sentance. I meant to say: “And the Dutch could probably sue over the loss of New Amsterdam.” Otherwise, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/28 "2003-08-22T07:56:39Z")
What??? I typed out half the history of my nation because of YOUR stupid mistake? I’m gonna sue your Yankee ass. 🙂 Well, the _loss_ of Nieuw Amsterdam… I don’t know. We sort of swapped it with the Brits, and got Suriname in return. Stop laughing. No, stop it. There’s lots of bauxite in Suriname, you know. And, uh, forrests. Stop it. Oh, all right. New rules. A nation can’t sue any other nation if the economic loss happened because of sheer stupidity. Which means the US can’t sue half the Middle East, because you can’t blame someone for fighting if you arm them first. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Truth\_Seeker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Truth\_Seeker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truth_Seeker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/29 "2003-08-22T08:22:53Z")
As batty as these claims are, are they any worse than the ones made by those Israelis who push for eretz Israel? Indeed, the two claims seem intertwined. Maybe there’ll be a counterclaim. Or perhaps everyone ought to call it even and do justice to the present. The past is old enough to take care of itself. ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/30 "2003-08-22T10:12:54Z")
Edward G. Robinson: _ **"Where’s your Gold now, Moses?"** _ ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/31 "2003-08-22T10:30:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SnoopyFan \* > Um: doesn’t Exodus say that the Egyptians GAVE the Jews the plunder so they’d get the hell outta Egypt and the plagues would stop? Yeah, but that just makes it extortion, which is still illegal. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/32 "2003-08-22T10:32:35Z")
Since he’s hiring “all Jews” I think you’ll need to hire “all lawyers”. And then some more to countersue for false imprisonment. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/33 "2003-08-22T10:33:52Z")
:smack: “Since he’s suing…” :smack: Way to ruin a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/34 "2003-08-22T10:58:18Z")
Wouldn’t it be easier to ask the Swiss to hand it over? Didn’t they have it last? Or should we just make inquiries into who, exactly, the Pharaohs pinched it from in the first place, and get the Swiss to give it back to _them?_ ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/35 "2003-08-22T12:07:21Z")
Now where are the Jews ever going to find a lawyer? ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/36 "2003-08-22T13:15:23Z")
Rather than get into the questions of plunder / extortion vs. 400 years of back wages (plus interest and penalties), I think the Jews should exercise a prior claim against all of Egypt for saving their (the Egyptians’) butts from extinction by starvation, along with large portions of the western Levant. (Gen. 41 and following.) ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/37 "2003-08-22T13:35:22Z")
I didn’t know the British Museum was run by Jews! ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/38 "2003-08-22T14:32:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agiantdwarf \* > \*\*The trouble is, who will represent the Egyptians in court? \*\* I was thinking Johnny Cochran. “If the gold bar fits, you must convict!” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/39 "2003-08-22T14:48:13Z")
When lawyers were in Egypt’s land… Get my people’s gold ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853/40 "2003-08-22T14:48:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Johnny Bravo \* > \*\*Crap! They’re on to us! \*\* Ah, they’re 1920’s-style “Death Rays”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-jews-time-to-hire-a-lawyer/196853.md?page=3)