# Ok men, give it to me straight - does being a single mum make a woman undateable? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224 "2012-08-31T03:26:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/21 "2012-08-31T04:54:26Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > That’s my theory, anyway. > > But like you said, Junior is young (only 2, did you say?) and you are knocking on the door of 40 (“old bag”-please, lol) so it’s a bit of both worlds here. But I think the ages of the ones doing the dating is more significant. I disagree. Maybe as the ages are older (say 50’s or 60’s?) this might be true. My experience is that younger women have it easier to date a guy because there are more available young guys to date. At my daughter’s school, I am one of the very few divorced moms. Most guys my age (40) are married. I think also that as we get older (men and women), we know more what we want in a mate. Some call this being “picky”. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/22 "2012-08-31T04:55:00Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Wow, that’s been completely different from my experience of 12 years of dating as a single mom with a kid aged 0-12. My single mom friends of 1-2 kids all do fine getting dates too. Of course, if someone has a bunch of kids, that could be different. > > It also depends how tied down you are. When I was going through the clubbing/partying phase (early 20s, I had my daughter young), my daughter’s father was taking her every Saturday night and all day Sunday. Humm, well that’s interesting to here - how old are you now? Also, I don’t go to clubs and haven’t for close to 15 years so that’s not really a factor. I’m more of a ‘Lets try that awesome new restaraunt and maybe a play or opening at a gallery.’ sort of gal which perhaps attracts different men? Of course, I know nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Jaledin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jaledin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaledin)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/23 "2012-08-31T05:07:57Z")
No. It’s out of the question. Certainly for anything serious beyond screwing casually, unless the women were doing the Murphy Brown thing. I already have two nephews and wouldn’t want to be involved in someone else’s little delightful problems. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/24 "2012-08-31T05:08:17Z")
Interesting posts from everyone - thank you for your insights. Regarding the ‘If’ there is no if. Ex and I are separated and have no plans to get back together - we are both much happier apart and Junior seems to be coping quite well with our arrangement so I think it’s for the best. I do wonder about 40-50 something never-married guys - I suppose I get the ‘Never met the right one.’ idea, and obviously neither have I or I wouldn’t be getting a divorce, although it does give me pause. I’m also a touch concerned about another single parent only because of higher potential Ex-drama. I HATE drama in my relationships - that’s one thing that I can absolutely bring to the table is a totally drama free relationship with my ex. We get along fine, dont fight and really only communicate about Junior. I’m mildly interested in his life and he’s mildly interested in mine. So I guess one of my concerns is being forced to date people with crazy exes - I think I would rather just not date. Mind you, my ex isnt crazy and I’m not crazy so obviously people like that exist. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/25 "2012-08-31T05:09:51Z")
> [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > I disagree. Maybe as the ages are older (say 50’s or 60’s?) this might be true. > > My experience is that younger women have it easier to date a guy because there are more available young guys to date. > > At my daughter’s school, I am one of the very few divorced moms. Most guys my age (40) are married. What I am saying is that as a single mother (and the men) gets older, many factors come into play that make _men_ more likely to not find that single motherhood a deterrent to dating her. Factors such as maturity of the man, life advancements and plans, age(s) of the kid and other things can, over time, make him more receptive to the reality of dating a woman with children. Younger men have more superficial standards, many times; at least “right out of the box”. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/26 "2012-08-31T05:10:48Z")
> [@Jaledin](#): > > If by “dating” you mean fucking, I guess it’s possible to “date” the right single mother. > > Generally I’d never look twice at one of those, though. Maybe if she was doing the Murphy Brown thing. I already have two nephews. Don’t care about someone else’s little accident/fuckups. No way. No way in hell. Huh. Well I wasn’t into you before but if you keep up this sweet talking you’ll win me over for sure! Besides - what’s the biggest selling point of dating a single mother? You know she puts out! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/27 "2012-08-31T05:16:01Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Besides - what’s the biggest selling point of dating a single mother? You know she puts out! 😃 I’ll be brutally honest here; I tend to look at single mothers as much more likely to be willing to hook up for meaningless sex than other girls/women. Now I’m sure this is at least partly due to personal experiences with one or two single moms that has biased me on some level but it’s the truth. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/28 "2012-08-31T05:17:09Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > So I guess one of my concerns is being forced to date people with crazy exes - I think I would rather just not date. Mind you, my ex isnt crazy and I’m not crazy so obviously people like that exist. My ex and I are great friends but not to the point of being intertwined in each other’s lives. Many of the women that I have dated think that that’s so great at first but then get all pissed off and jealous that we chat on the phone from time to time. Yeah, drama is bad and a lot of single parents have drama on the other end. That’s the down side. Over 40 and never been married can be a red flag too but not universally. It can be a mine field but I’ve had fun with the dating. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/29 "2012-08-31T05:21:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I’ll be brutally honest here; I tend to look at single mothers as much more likely to be willing to hook up for meaningless sex than other girls/women. Now I’m sure this is at least partly due to personal experiences with one or two single moms that has biased me on some level but it’s the truth. I have to admit, if I had some way of arranging some super hot hook up without repercussions, I’d be all over it. I miss sex. Sex is fun. I would like to have sex. \ That being said, it’s not really doable so I guess I’m on my own for now. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/30 "2012-08-31T05:32:10Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > **Ok men, give it to me straight - does being a single mum make a woman undateable?** My brother dated and then moved in with a single mother with two children; so nope they aren’t undateable. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/31 "2012-08-31T05:41:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > My brother dated and then moved in with a single mother with two children; so nope they aren’t undateable. Ok, so the most reasonable follow up question is would I want to date your brother? Not your actual brother, of course, but a facsimile of him - does he have dating appeal? Per the OP, I am actually quite confident that I could find \* SOMEONE\* to date - the bigger question is could I find someone I would actually _WANT_ to date who would want to date me, a single mother. ETA - none of the posters in this thread who have indicated that they have dated single moms are unappealing in anyway that I am aware of, lest anyone think my previous post was a jab - it was not. ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/32 "2012-08-31T05:46:33Z")
Ok, Alice–here goes. Met and married a single mom, introduced by my very best friend’s girlfriend. 1. She had a good job and was very good at what she did. 2. Her ex was ok, not some crazy-eyed bomb-throwing tatted-up biker–he was just an benign immature clod that took the kids one weekend a month. 3. Her parents were very supportive of her (but not supporting her $‘ally) and helped look after the kids every day after school and could take them on weekends if we wanted to get away, which she would lie about to her parents saying she was going out of town with her girlfriends–a tactic that I recommend by the way. (Good ol’ Southern Baptists–but that’s another story.) 4. She also had the convenience of a teenage girl across the street that could sit on the kids when we went out. Red flags? a. Well you have a kid(s)–so, unless you are looking for just sex you better fess up at some point early in the relationship. I knew and she knew I knew, so that was not an issue for us. We talked about her kids on the first date, but very superficially. b. Run like the wind if someone was either very excited or very angry about the fact that you have progeny. Pedophiles/angry-young-men + kids = poison. c. Make sure he has a job. Scratch that–a career. There are some creeps who think they can live off your alimony and/or child support. After your second date call him at his work number just to say “thank you for a nice time the other night”. If they don’t know his name where he supposedly “works”, run like hell. d. Three date rule–no meeting the kid(s) until after the third date. It will impress whomever you date about what a good mom you are, and the kid won’t be on Dr. Phil in 20 years talking about “all your dates”. +1’s are allowed. +2’s are not. -1’s are frowned upon, -2’s verbotten. This time is about you and him, only. e. Do have a dog? If the dog does not like him, run. f. Somewhere before the “L” word is uttered, you better find out if his family is OK with this. Love conquers all–except intransigent in-laws. Lessons learned i. Make it easy on him because men are lazy. So have him pick you up after the kidlet is put down for the night. No drama or anxiety for him, he is just picking you up for a date–just like any other woman. If he hits on your babysitter, an attack of pre-prandial gastric distress may be used as an excuse to immediately end the evening. ii. At some point, after the third date, but before _ **the meeting** _ you are going to have to decide what his role is with your kid. Friend, BBQ guru, uncle, baseball coach, handyman? Supervisory adult is most likely. What does that mean to you and to him? iii. Kids are smart. They know men do not were suits when having their first cup of coffee on Sunday morning. Have him pack a bag if he is going to stay over out of respect for them and you. They know it, he knows it, you know it is hypocritical–but it is a polite dance of decency rather than throwing “I just boinked you mother” in the kid’s face. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/33 "2012-08-31T05:47:57Z")
Dating? Fine - no problem. Many guys love a yummy mummy. Some men might be reluctant to enter a more serious relationship though, because of the strings attached or because if things don’t work out they don’t want to feel like they’ve shoplifted the pooty. ---
**Author:** ![tomcar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tomcar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomcar)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/34 "2012-08-31T05:48:12Z")
Of course you are worth dating. For every single mother, is a single father Trying to buy her dinner and find love. Remember, just as you have standards, others have standards too… Which might include not having children. Big deal. I date women with children and without. I like dating women with kids because they do have a little one to focus on! I am not in such demand 😉 Also… Sex, late night rendezvous, etc. Here is a big issue, I find adults without kids too self centered. Once you have a kid, you really learn to care. Motherhood is a beautiful thing. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/35 "2012-08-31T05:51:14Z")
Do people actually lie about having kids when they’re dating someone? I mean, sure someone could fudge their weight by 20 pounds thinking g they could crash diet before the date, but a kid is somewhat harder to get rid of, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/36 "2012-08-31T05:51:40Z")
Jeez. They should know before the first date that you have a child. After the 3rd date is probably way too soon to meet the kid. More like after a couple months of exclusivity. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/37 "2012-08-31T05:53:34Z")
It depends on [ul] [li]How hot she is[/li][li]How bratty the kids are[/li][li]How psycho/jealous her ex is[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/38 "2012-08-31T05:54:24Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Dating? Fine - no problem. Many guys love a yummy mummy. Some men might be reluctant to enter a more serious relationship though, because of the strings attached or because if things don’t work out they don’t want to feel like they’ve shoplifted the pooty. Um, what is the ‘pooty’ in this context? I ask because thats what I call it when junior has a turd in his diaper which would be really…wrong. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/39 "2012-08-31T05:55:25Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Jeez. They should know before the first date that you have a child. After the 3rd date is probably way too soon to meet the kid. More like after a couple months of exclusivity. Well this was my thought as well. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224/40 "2012-08-31T05:58:17Z")
Sorry, it’s a crude reference from the movie Jerry Maguire. Pooty = the booty = your body (sex). Jerry: What do you know about dating a single mother? Rod: Oh I know plenty. I was raised by a single mother. Jerry: Tell me, because it’s been a month, and she’s about to take another job in San Diego. Rod: First, single mothers don’t “date.” They have been to the circus, you know what I’m saying? They have been to the puppet show and they have seen the strings. You love her? Jerry: How do I know? Rod: You know when you know. It makes you shiver, it eats at your insides. You know? Jerry: No, I don’t know. Rod: Then you gotta have The Talk. Jerry: But I sure don’t like that she’s leaving. Rod: Well, that ain’t fair to her. A single mother, that’s a sacred thing, man. Jerry: The kid is amazing. Rod: No. A real man does not shoplift the “pootie” from a single mom. Jerry: I didn’t “shoplift the pootie.” We were thrown together and – I mean it’s two mutual people who – Alright, I shoplifted the pootie. Rod: Shame on you. Shame on you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-men-give-it-to-me-straight-does-being-a-single-mum-make-a-woman-undateable/633224.md?page=3)