# Ok, now I have heard just about everything...(excuses for absenteeism) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 8, 2009, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429 "2009-04-08T20:44:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/101 "2009-04-13T19:24:50Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > It’s the first place I’ve worked with zero guaranteed leave. Other places put 14 days, or whatever, in your ‘bank’ on January 1, which you could then take during the year. Even when you started at zero, after some point like 3 or 6 months, your leave would be made available. And also the first place I’ve worked with no paid holidays. That happened to me - when I started my current job, years ago, I got hired in mid-November and started with zero days in my paid time off “bank”. I forget how Thanksgiving was handled; I think I had to “borrow” two to-be-earned days off to cover the two-day shutdown. I was the only person in the office on Christmas Eve Day that year (typically we don’t have off that day, but we did then) because I was still stuck for days off and needed to cover Christmas Day and New Year’s Day. Fortunately I started earning the days off more quickly with more time in on the job. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2009, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/102 "2009-04-13T22:23:12Z")
I had an employee show up on time for the 7:30 am shift, looking a bit ruffled and not in his usual work clothes - he had on a red and white striped shirt. After about an hour he said he wanted to go home - his back was hurting him. Off he went. When the evening shift came in one of the bartenders couldn’t wait to tell me about some “tourist” in a red and white shirt who had been banging a blonde in the bushes the previous evening. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/103 "2009-04-15T13:42:46Z")
I heard my all-time favorite excuse today. My co-worker in India is going to be off for a couple weeks because he broke his ankle. Evidently he was “hooing monkeys off his porch” when he fell off. :eek:😛 ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/104 "2009-04-15T14:41:51Z")
> [@Juliefoolie](#): > > I don’t know if I should say “these are great, keep 'em coming” or be VERY AFRAID someone who works for me reads the Dope and gets “ideas.” One way to tell for sure. If you ever hear anything you’ve read here, the obvious rejoinder will be to ask for a cite. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know, regardless of what they say. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/105 "2009-04-16T00:28:41Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > One way to tell for sure. If you ever hear anything you’ve read here, the obvious rejoinder will be to ask for a cite. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know, regardless of what they say. Love it. I wish. If I ever have an employee who is a doper, I will be a very happy juliefoolie boss-a-roonie. PS… “Bailing landlord’s son out of jail in town 400 miles” away has been back in town since at least Saturday. No she has not been at work yet. The partner and I were discussing what to do with her. Im almost in favour of giving her an odd look, and saying… “Hey, didn’t you used to work here?” when she comes back in. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/106 "2009-04-16T00:47:44Z")
Oh, do it! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/107 "2009-04-16T01:22:51Z")
I wish. But I will probably be at the job that pays the bills, (nursing) wiping butt and getting mine kicked. Lucky BF gets to hire/fire and he never does anything as fun as that. ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/108 "2009-04-16T18:40:13Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I heard my all-time favorite excuse today. My co-worker in India is going to be off for a couple weeks because he broke his ankle. > > Evidently he was “hooing monkeys off his porch” when he fell off. > > :eek:😛 I had a coworker who had to take time off for the bacterial dysentery he picked up while in India. He had great fun telling us about the big monkeys that the manufacturing plant “hired” to help keep the little monkeys out of the building. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429/109 "2009-04-16T18:47:26Z")
> [@Avarie537](#): > > I had a coworker who had to take time off for the bacterial dysentery he picked up while in India. He had great fun telling us about the big monkeys that the manufacturing plant “hired” to help keep the little monkeys out of the building. Wow. Unbelieveable. Logically I know that this is no different from me “hooing” raccoons off my deck, but I just can’t stop giggling about this! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-now-i-have-heard-just-about-everything-excuses-for-absenteeism/492429.md?page=5)