# OK Say I am a Zillionaire **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 23, 2003, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002 "2003-05-23T10:37:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/21 "2003-05-23T16:30:14Z")
I’d need at least a half dozen sycophants. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/22 "2003-05-23T16:55:46Z")
And, of course, your own personal Congressman. I think you could afford a senator. ---
**Author:** ![Mayor\_McJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@Mayor\_McJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mayor_McJesus)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/23 "2003-05-23T16:58:26Z")
Two words: Monkey butlers. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/24 "2003-05-23T17:16:48Z")
What about women to wave palm fronds, you’ll need a dozen of those. And in Saudi Arabia, wouldn’t a Harmem or two be required, you’d need eunuchs to go with that, and a small private army to keep them all safe. Now the army might not want to be eunuchs, and might go for your harem, so why not an all female private army, that would be cool. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/25 "2003-05-23T17:28:01Z")
I’d just be happy to have Mr Belvedere or Alice. and David Beckham as my “trainer”. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/26 "2003-05-23T18:09:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mayor McJesus \* > \*\*Two words: Monkey butlers. \*\* That’s what the Wicked Witch of the West used and look how _she_ wound up. Stick to either British or inscrutable Oriental. DD ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/27 "2003-05-23T18:11:21Z")
For de luxe dining ambiance, you’ll need a concert pianist. You’ll also have to spring for a grand piano (baby grand, minimum). And a candelabra. You can also probably buy Elton John, for special engagements. If you install a private casino in your sprawling compound, you’ll need extra security & financial arrangements for that, not to mention a croupier or two, and a professional bartender (who will come in handy anyway, with or without the casino). A couple of cocktail waitresses would be nice, too – at least for your parties. You’ll need a full complement for the grounds: groundskeeper & assistant, landscaper & assistant(s), and a greenhouse, replete with a florist (& assistant?) to keep the place nicely stocked with floral arrangements year-round. If the grounds have gophers, you’ll need a plastic-explosives expert. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/28 "2003-05-23T18:16:08Z")
> [@](#): > > why not an all female private army, that would be cool. Oh yeah, got to have the army of hot babes. Natch. But that’s just going to add to your staff. You’ve got to have the full time kung fu instructors for the babes (because all self-respecting armies of hot babes know kung fu. Duh.), plus a weapons master, groundskeepers for the training facility, mechanics to maintain the fleet of smokin’ sports cars (duh) that transports your hot babe army, stylists, cooks, pilots… hey, let’s face it. Hot babe armies don’t come cheap. ---
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/29 "2003-05-23T21:09:24Z")
Well, according to Madonna you will need the following: _“…a lawyer and a manager An agent and a chef Three nannies, an assistant And a driver and a jet A trainer and a butler And a bodyguard or five A gardener and a stylist”_ ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/30 "2003-05-23T21:51:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paul in Saudi \* > \*\*OK Say I am a Zillionaire \*\* I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Actually, I can’t believe no one else HAS yet. “I am a zillionaire.” :: rimshot :: ---
**Author:** ![medstar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@medstar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/medstar)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/31 "2003-05-23T21:51:58Z")
How about a full-time flosser? You don’t really want to floss your own teeth, do you? ---
**Author:** ![soulsearcher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@soulsearcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsearcher)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/32 "2003-05-23T23:15:51Z")
i’d name the butler jeeves, even if that wasn’t his real name this thread is starting to remind me of the film coming to america and so i will steal the bathers from that. i believe there were three…although i’d prefer some hunky men… ---
**Author:** ![Payton\_s\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3da27b/32.png) [@Payton\_s\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payton_s_Servant)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/33 "2003-05-23T23:21:03Z")
Look, if you want this done right, then you need to give us more info: 1. How many houses/apartments/castles will you have? How many rooms in each house? 2. How many cars will you have? 3. Jets? How many and what kind? Helicopters? How many and what kind? 4. Yachts? Sailboats? Speedboats? How many? 5. How exactly will you acquire your zillions? Legal, semi-legal or illegal means? If illegal, is it something that would involve regular or semi-regular pay-offs/bribes of elected officials/police/judges? ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/34 "2003-05-24T00:01:59Z")
My staff for when I have my own Zillions. 3 Gate keepers. They get the job of keeping tabs on who can and cannt come into tha land of Osip. 3 cooks 3 assistant cooks. 2 librarians/research staff 1 estate manager 2 butlers 21 Yard matinance personel 8 cleaning staff 2 personal drivers 1 mechanic (automotive) 21 Security people 5 flight crew for personal jet 1 mechanic (plane) 2 live fencing dummies err partners 1 someone to arrange my travel and personal apperances 2 Building matinance personel 1 accountant 2 communications personel (they answer the damn phone) 2 lawyers 3 nurses err looks like 83 to me. I am sure there would be more as I expand the holding of Osipdom to various countries and start collecting various private islands later on. ---
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/35 "2003-05-24T00:55:18Z")
You forgot the most basic lackess (female lackey?) of all…a highly trained backscratcher. Sheeesh! ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/36 "2003-05-24T01:46:45Z")
Just having all those people lurking around would drive me totally batshit. They’d be all, in and around _my space_\*. (\* Loathesome jargon but expressive of hermetish tendencies.) It isn’t like they’d be invisible, devoted, machine-like conveniences for little me. The surface convenience would far outweigh the cost. They’d be human _employees_ who’d not unreasonably look at me, what they’re doing and come to their own conclusions about wages, health benefits, motivation, comparable offers, etc. It’d be like herding eels, fer cryinouloud. The effort would far outweigh the benefit. It’d be trading a huge hassle for a bunch of smaller ones. Oh. Sorry. Just sucked all the air right out of a perfectly good fantasy. Got panicky there for a minute. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/37 "2003-05-24T02:25:46Z")
Don’t forget the trusted assistant who will one day discover a book on hypnosis and mold you into nothing more than a puppet for his own devious plans. You’d better hope a plucky young adventurer falls in love with your beautiful daughter and mounts a daring rescue to win her over. You DO have a beautiful daughter, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/38 "2003-05-24T03:12:39Z")
Well, I’m not too up on the whole zillionaire thing, but I, too would be willing to learn and adjust. ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/39 "2003-05-24T03:55:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by scout1222 \* > \*\*I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Actually, I can’t believe no one else HAS yet. > > “I am a zillionaire.” > > :: rimshot :: \*\* CURSE YOU! Granted, I was going to post “All right, you’re a zillionare,” but still, Curse you. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002/40 "2003-05-24T05:39:59Z")
I once read a book called “The Rich and the Super-Rich.” One of the wealthy people interviewed said, “After the first million, the lifestyle doesn’t change much.” He’s got a point. Most of what’s been written about here is what’s called “bling bling.” (I love that phrase!) If you think about it, you can live VERY well with a million in income. You can eat well, dress well, travel well, get great medical care, live in a very nice home with plenty of room and plenty of toys. Thinking seriously about how you’d live if you had unlimited wealth is a great way to focus on what’s really important to you. Once you can deal with the small goals by throwing money at them, you start to focus on the important ones. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-say-i-am-a-zillionaire/177002.md?page=3)