# Ok, so make me feel old **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297 "2001-03-16T21:45:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/1 "2001-03-16T21:45:06Z")
I’m over 50, so I routinely get mail from the AARP(something, something, Retired People). I don’t know what they are trying to sell me, insurance I guess. I just trash the stuff. But, yesterday, I got a this piece of mail. You may have gotten something similar before. The envelope was about half & half black and white with a big window and a yellow piece of paper inside. Across the top the word PERSONAL (in large block letters) and “to only be opened by addressee.” I don’t know about you, but when I see something like this, I know it is _really_ important. So, without waiting to get back to my desk and with eager anticipation, I rip this envelope open, wondering of what life altering information I have come into possession. Inside is a yellow post card. Written across the top is _Supplement your Government Benefit of $255!_ (underlined and italicized). Now I’m excited! Then the next line said “Dear Senior Citizen:” Senior Citizen? That really took the edge off my enthusiasm. After a deep breath and a quick check of the name on envelope, I decided to read on. These folks are proud to announce a Senior Final Expense Program (final expense?) that pays what Social Security doesn’t pay toward my _final_ expense. They can be a clever as they want, but I think I know what they are talking about here. I’m getting really bummed now. I head off down the hall to my closet to drag out an old suit and prepare to lay on my death bed and await the grim reaper. But wait! Although I’m fading fast, I’ve got to hold on long enough to mail the card back. These people are going to give me $10,000 and to see if I qualify, I just send in the card AND I will _not_ be charged for this information. Just to make sure I realize that I don’t have to pay to see if I qualify, the next sentence tells me this is a “FREE” (capitalized and quotated) service to me. I put away my checkbook and read on. At the bottom in tiny letters it says that if I return the card in 5 days I receive a FREE (capitalized, but not quotated) copy of the Memorial Guide Book. I guess you can tell the excitement is starting to build again by now. On the side of the card are a few blanks that I assume I should fill out although there are no instructions that say I have to. [ul][li]The first blank is for my name. Three inches to the left is my name on the address portion of the card. I guess they printed it there so that if I forgot how to spell it I could just look over there and copy. [_]The next blank is for my birthday. They’ve told me I’m a senior citizen and spoiled my whole life and they don’t know my birth date. [_]The next is for my phone number. Yeah, right, I’m not going to last long enough to be taking many more calls. The next is for my County. They know my street address, city, state, and zip but don’t know what county it’s in. Get a map and look it up.[/ul] Ok, I’m aggravated about this now, so I’m going to just throw the damn card away and go on about my life as if I’m not retired, a senior citizen nor about to die. The hell with them.[/li] I did sorta want that Memorial Guide Book, though. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2001, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/2 "2001-03-16T21:56:48Z")
You know, if you just drop that card in the mailbox without putting anything on it, they’ll still have to pay postage. They’ll also probably send you some more information, at their expense, with another card that you can drop in the mailbox… ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/3 "2001-03-16T22:51:24Z")
I find most of their material to be condescending and insulting, in a subtle sort of way. I suspect that the people who write that stuff have never actually been over 50, and are just trying their damnedest to empathize with us poor worn out old husks. I think I need to go lay down now. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecccb3/32.png) [@Lord\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/4 "2001-03-17T01:48:59Z")
**Ethilrist** , you think I’d get my Memorial Guide Book that way? **Bumbazine** , I guess you could call it condescending and insulting, but it looks like it was written by the same people that write the computer virus hoaxes, just pure garbage. Oh, and I forgot to mention that there is nothing on the card or envelope to say who these folks are that are going to give me this $10,000 burial policy.(I didn’t mean to insinuate that this came from AARP.) The address on the front side of the card is to a company named “National Reply Center.” I don’t know about y’all but I’m not about to buy burial insurance from a company name National Reply Center. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/5 "2001-03-17T04:18:52Z")
seriously, I wasn’t insinuating anything, I was absolutly talking about the AARP. But that’s just my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Alonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Alonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonist)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2001, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/6 "2001-03-17T14:37:36Z")
Bumbazine, how’s Albert? -Pogo * * * Admiral Halsey notified Pete He had to have a bath or he couldn’t get to sleep… (“Song Hits” version) ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_Bowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@Doug\_Bowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_Bowe)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2001, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/7 "2001-03-17T16:11:58Z")
I would question the fiscal stability of any company that would go to that length to sell me a $10,000 whole-life policy. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2001, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/8 "2001-03-17T21:51:07Z")
Doug, why? They will be completely solvent as they “go out of business” just before the “memorial guides” were about to ship. And the new company that will providentially be founded by the same people in the following week will have the “unexpected windfall” of discovering the same forms, envelopes, and easily modified print software that the now defunct original company “didn’t have time” to sell before they went out of business. I’d bet that they are among the most fiscally stable outfits around. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2001, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/9 "2001-03-18T00:33:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alonicist \* > \*\*Bumbazine, how’s Albert? > > -Pogo\*\* I thought he was with you! He said he was going out for a cigar and never came back. They won’t let us smoke here in the home ya’ know. ---
**Author:** ![Alonist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e68b1a/32.png) [@Alonist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alonist)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/10 "2001-03-19T06:06:48Z")
Well, he’s back, he went to see you but never got as far as Fort Mudge. It happens he sat down in a milk bath he mistook for the Fountain of Youth, that turned out to be a pool of PVC effluent. He is a little green around the gills now but Howland says that is more or less normal for a alligator. It would not have been so bad if he had not tried to light up a see-gar while sitting in the Fountain of Youth. Albert says hello: Hlo Bumbazine Hlo Hlo Hlo Hlo Hlo Albert You are always welcome to drop by the swamp to see us, and thanks to Mr.Jim B. for letting us hijack his thread. -P. ---
**Author:** ![Redboss](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8baadc/32.png) [@Redboss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redboss)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/11 "2001-03-19T06:22:04Z")
V e r y s l o w w h o o s h ! Redsomething ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2001, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-so-make-me-feel-old/58297/12 "2001-03-19T12:34:30Z")
I would love to know who DOESN’T know that Social Security only gives you a couple of hundred bucks. I’ve known that for YEARS, and I’m 24. That’s what REAL life insurance is for – honestly! BTW, my mom’s husband is 50 and went ahead and joined AARP. Since your spouse also joins, my mother, at 47 (!) is also a member. It is really creepy to go to their house and see copies of Modern Maturity lying around…