# Ok then ,how many ways can we say dead? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2000, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846 "2000-03-16T23:09:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/21 "2000-03-17T04:49:00Z")
…is no longer with us …passed on …gone to the Happy Hunting Ground …went to that big (dance hall, parking garage, casino, whatever)in the sky …gone to the Elysian Fields …slept with his fathers * * * The trouble with Sir Launcelot is by the time he comes riding up, you’ve already married King Arthur. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/22 "2000-03-17T05:48:00Z")
Paws up ---
**Author:** ![Cowboy\_Greg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Cowboy\_Greg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowboy_Greg)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/23 "2000-03-17T07:49:00Z")
Metabolically disadvantaged ## Floating at the top of the tank A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/24 "2000-03-17T13:14:00Z")
“I’m not quite dead, sir…” ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/25 "2000-03-17T13:49:00Z")
I’m all about the Monty Python referances. _I feel happy! I feel Happy!_ I wish I could remember some of the other parrot ones. Isn’t there one about “I’ve known rocks with more life than this parrot!” or something along those lines? I’m too lazy to go look it up. Feh. * * * DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour. BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Sc: i ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/26 "2000-03-17T13:54:00Z")
Shut up, you’ll be stone cold in a second. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/27 "2000-03-17T14:01:00Z")
Ran with the scissors Sleeping in the sod Done growning * * * Teacher, my red crayon tastes funny – Ralph Wiggum ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/28 "2000-03-17T14:11:00Z")
Alright then, because it is such a gem: > [@](#): > > Praline (John Cleese) > Hello, I wish to register a complaint… Hello? Miss? > > Shopkeeper (Michael Palin) > What do you mean, miss? > > Praline > Oh, I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint. > > Shopkeeper > Sorry, we’re closing for lunch. > > Praline > Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about a parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. > > Shopkeeper > Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What’s wrong with it? > > Praline > I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. It’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it. > > Shopkeeper > No, no it’s resting look! > > Praline > Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I’m looking at one right now. > > Shopkeeper > No, no sir, it’s not dead. It’s resting. > > Praline > Resting!?! > > Shopkeeper > Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, inn’t? > > Praline > The plumage don’t enter into it - it’s stone dead. > > Shopkeeper > No, no - it’s just resting. > > Praline > All right then, if it’s resting I’ll wake it up. > (shouts in into cage) > Hello Polly! I’ve got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot! > > Shopkeeper > (jogging cage) > There it moved. > > Praline > No he didn’t. That was you pushing the cage. > > Shopkeeper > I did not. > > Praline > Yes, you did. > (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) > Hello Polly, Polly > (bangs it against the counter) > Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly > (throws it in the air and it lands on the floor) > Now that’s what I call a dead parrot. > > Shopkeeper > No, no it’s stunned. > > Praline > Look my lad, I’ve had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired shagged out after a long squawk. > > Shopkeeper > It’s probably pining for the fjords. > > Praline > Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home? > > Shopkeeper > The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage. > > Praline > Look, I took the liberty of examining the parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there. > > Shopkeeper > Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom. > > Praline > Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn’t go voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It’s bleeding demised. > > Shopkeeper > It’s not. It’s pining. > > Praline > Ot’s not pining, it’s passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot. > > Shopkeeper > Well I’d better replace it then. > > Praline > (to camera) > If you want to get anything done in this country you’ve got to complain till you’re blue in the mouth. > > Shopkeeper > Sorry guv’, we’re right out a parrots. > > Praline > I see. I see. I get the picture. > > Shopkeeper > I’ve got a slug. > > Praline > Does it talk? > > Shopkeeper > Not really, no. > > Praline > Well, it’s scarcely a replacement, then is it? > > Shopkeeper > Listen, I’ll tell you what, (handing over a card) tell you what, if you go to my brother’s pet shop in Bolton he’ll replace your parrot for you. > > Praline > Bolton eh? > > Shopkeeper > Yeah. > > Praline > All right. > (He leaves, holding the parrot.) > > CAPTION: ‘A SIMILAR PET SHOP IN BOLTON, LANCS’ Close-up of sign on door reading: ‘Similar Pet Shops Ltd’. Pull back from sign to see same pet shop. Shopkeeper now has a moustache. Praline walks into the shop. He looks around with interest, noticing the empty parrot cage on the floor. > Praline > Er, excuse me. This is Bolton, is it? > > Shopkeeper > No, no it’s ,er, Ipswich. > > Praline > (to camera) > That’s Inter-City Rail for you > (leaves) > > Man in porters outfit standing at complaints desk for railways. Praline approaches. > > Praline > I wish to make a complaint. > > Porter (Terry Jones) > I don’t have to do this, you know. > > Praline > I beg your pardon? > > Porter > I’m a qualified brain surgeon. I only do this because I like being my own boss. > > Praline > Er, excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn’t it? > > Porter > Oh yeah, it’s not easy to pad these out in thirty minutes. > > Praline > Well I wish to make a complaint. I got on to the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswich. > > Porter > No, this is Bolton. > > Praline > If this is Bolton, I shall return to the pet shop. > > CAPTION: ‘A LITTLE LATER LTD’ > Praline walks into the shop again. > > Praline > I understand this IS Bolton. > > Shopkeeper > Yes. > > Praline > Well, you told me it was Ipswich. > > Shopkeeper > It was a pun. > > Praline > A pun? > > Shopkeeper > No, no, not a pun, no. What’s the other thing which reads the same backwards as forwards? > > Praline > A palindrome? > > Shopkeeper > Yes, yes. > > Praline > It’s not a palindrome. The palindrome of Bolton would be Notlob. It don’t work. > > Shopkeeper > Look, what do you want? > > Praline > No, I’m sorry, I’m not prepared to pursue my line of enquiry any further as I think this is getting too silly. Bless these guys 😃 * * * **Coldfire** _Voted **Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk** _ * * * _ **"You know how complex women are"** _ - Neil Peart, **Rush** (1993) ---
**Author:** ![TomH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@TomH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TomH)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/29 "2000-03-17T15:58:00Z")
Past his live by date. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/30 "2000-03-17T16:11:00Z")
Existentially challenged ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/31 "2000-03-17T16:28:00Z")
Shuffled off this mortal coil. The main course at the worm buffet. Married. * * * Sig! Sig a Sog! Sig it loud! Sig it Strog! – Karen Carpenter with a head cold ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/32 "2000-03-17T16:41:00Z")
[hyjacking thread] Hey, Coldfire, isn’t there a part where the shopkeeper offers to shave the feathers, add a tail and make it a gerbil? Maybe that was just on the version Palin and Cleese did on SNL a while back. (guess who got 6 volumes of Flying Circus for Christmas this year? [does a silly walk in celebration])[/hyjacking thread] To keep this on-topic: Dorothy Parker always wanted her gravestone to read “Excuse my dust.” * * * DON PEDRO: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour. BEATRICE: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star danced, and under that was I born. -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Sc: i ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/33 "2000-03-17T17:31:00Z")
My favorites: “Joined the choir invisible” “That sweet chariot has come for to carry him home” And—courtesy of a British friend—“Popped his clogs” ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/34 "2000-03-17T19:51:00Z")
Kicked the bucket. Bought the farm ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/35 "2000-03-17T19:52:00Z")
Kicked up his toes. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/36 "2000-03-17T19:53:00Z")
Reminds me of a bad joke: What does Mozart and John Lennon have in common? They both are decomposing. ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/37 "2000-03-17T20:18:00Z")
Tango Utah * * * “You have no choice but to be impressed.” Tony Rothman and George Sudarshan _Doubt and Certainty_ ---
**Author:** ![MadPoet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@MadPoet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPoet)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2000, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846/38 "2000-03-17T23:40:00Z")
Electroencephalograhicly Challenged Flatlined A goner Moved to Wisconsin * * * [http://www.madpoet.com](http://www.madpoet.com) Please hit Ctrl-A I hit Ctrl. Now what, eh? Damn Canadians. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-then-how-many-ways-can-we-say-dead/14846.md?page=1)