# OK, this time I nearly screamed 'CITE?!" in church **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 16, 2003, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841 "2003-03-16T21:16:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/41 "2003-03-17T21:57:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > Now I’m marvelling at Texas having a female governor in the '20’s. Or is “Ma” a man? Off to Google again… [Quite female.](http://www.tsl.state.tx.us/governors/personality/index.html#MaFerguson) > [@](#): > > Her first administration was noted for the unusually large number of pardons granted (averaging one hundred per month) And she was a Texan? Wow, how times have changed… [sub]Please don’t shoot me.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/42 "2003-03-17T22:05:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*If you want to see a magnificent example of that, head on over to [WhiteHouse.org](http://www.whitehouse.org) and read the 11 pages of random hatemail. \*\* Hilarious - this is my favorite: > [@](#): > > SUBJECT = Eat Shit > NAME = Liberal Fags > MESSAGE = You unpatriotic little whores need to paste your adresses on this site, so some real Americans can show up at your house and your goddamn computer up your ass. At least they got that the site was a parody. ---
**Author:** ![Algernon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a183cd/32.png) [@Algernon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algernon)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/43 "2003-03-17T22:16:49Z")
> [@](#): > > _from the OP…_ > “I’ve decided to utterly believe the whole of this [waving a Bible] until such time as someone can prove it wrong in any way, people have tried to prove it wrong to me and I’ll admit I didn’t always have the answers; there are a million things I don’t understand and in any case, these critics are mostly not worth listening to… anyway, it can only either be entirely true or entirely false.” **Mangetout** , this is nearly word for word what the pastor said at my mother’s funeral four weeks ago. The fact that he took the opportunity to “preach” at my mother’s funeral service was irritating enough (he even made an altar call), but his statement that the bible he was waving “contained all the answers to life’s questions, and [that he] has never found an error in it” really caused me to clench my jaws and grind my teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/44 "2003-03-18T04:52:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by missbunny \* > \*\*I thought it had come out that Cassie Bernall most likely didn’t ever have the “do you believe in God?” exchange with the Columbine shooters. \*\* It did, but people like the “martyrdom” version better. \*Posted by blowero \* > [@](#): > > I think I saw this on [Snopes.com](http://Snopes.com) but there was apparently an email going around where someone had read an article in The Onion and thought it was serious. The article in question was a satirical piece about how kids thought that Jesus was weak and liked Harry Potter better. They said a lot of people were up in arms over something that was completely made up. There was a letter to the editor in \* Reader’s Digest \* from a woman protesting the magazine’s interview of J.K Rowling because, the woman said, she had seen in \* The Onion \* that the profits from \* Harry Potter \* all go to the Church of Satan. The editor replied gently that \* The Onion \* is satire, which, given the idiocy displayed in the original letter, I doubt the writer could define. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/45 "2003-03-18T06:23:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*Hilarious - this is my favorite: > > At least they got that the site was a parody. \*\* I like the clueless people who were like “Gosh, I don’t think Mrs. Bush would appreciate this. I’m going to write her right now and let her know.” ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/46 "2003-03-18T10:36:30Z")
Actually, not only was Cassie Bernall not asked if she believed in God, a young woman named Valeen Schnurr was by one of the killers at Columbine, and he reloaded but didn’t shoot her. Here’s a cite from [Salon.com](http://Salon.com), since I can’t get the http:// button to work: [http://www.salon.com/news/feature/1999/09/30/bernall/print.html](http://www.salon.com/news/feature/1999/09/30/bernall/print.html) There seems to be a need among some Christians to try to depict themselves as victims of a corrupt and oppressive government or society. I am a devout Christian, and I have to disagree. If Christianity were in danger, I somehow doubt every firehall in the area would be advertising Friday night Fish Frys! By the way, **Mangetout** , did you talk to the priest about this? After my minister once preached a sermon on abortion, during the course of which he mentioned he asked God called to " educate him about this", I went up to him and said, “You asked for an education; you’re about to get one.” Then again, he was a friend, and we knew how to disagree with each other while still respecting each other. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/47 "2003-03-18T10:58:36Z")
Regrettably there was not time to tackle the preacher himself, as I was busy rounding up children (mine and someone else’s) after the service; I’m not entirely sure how well I would have fared; the guy has built himself pretty much an impenetrable logic of unfalsifiability; anyone who tries to argue against him is either an unbeliever or a backslider and is therefore wrong and can be substantially ignored. (this might seem like a huge assumption, but remember, I have only related a couple of brief statements from a 35 minute talk) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/48 "2003-03-18T13:27:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Governor Quinn \* > \*\*Malacandra: I’ve seen a similar list involving American newspapers. Tell me how your list goes, and I’ll tell you how ours goes. \*\* 'Scuse the delay. IIRC it goes like this: The _Times_ is read by the men who run the country The _Daily Mail_ is read by wives of the men who run the country The _Daily Mirror_ is read by the men who think they run the country The _Guardian_ is read by the men who think they ought to run the country The _Morning Star_ is read by the men who think the country ought to be run by another country The _Daily Express_ is read by the men who think the country ought to be run the way it used to be run \* The _Daily Telegraph_ is read by the men who think it still is The _Sun_ is read by the men who don’t care who runs the country, as long as she has big tits and runs Bingo games. - Less true now than formerly, the _Express_’s editorial slant has changed a bit over the last few years ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/49 "2003-03-24T18:00:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shodan \* > \*\*Did you notice that the story about the hot cross buns being banned is substantially true? \*\* [Tisn’t.](http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,920373,00.html) The council says the Telegraph story is false. ---
**Author:** ![Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/50 "2003-03-24T18:09:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Since it’s been mentioned twice already in this thread, do we even know who _actually_ said this first? I’ve seen it attributed to school boards, city and state legislatures, various members of Congress, preachers, teachers, and so on. I can’t find it in Snopes either. \*\* I don’t know who said it _first_, but according to my Mom, my uncle said it many times. (And yes, he was serious.) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/51 "2003-03-24T19:10:24Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by blowero_ > \*\*Hilarious - this is my favorite: > > ## quote: > > SUBJECT = Eat Shit > NAME = Liberal Fags > MESSAGE = You unpatriotic little whores need to paste your adresses on this site, so some real Americans can show up at your house and your goddamn computer up your ass. > > * * * > > At least they got that the site was a parody.\*\* Actually. I kind of preferred this one: > [@](#): > > SUBJECT = Your website > NAME = Bryan Ekers > MESSAGE = Looking at this pile of reactionary crap has never made me prouder to be a Canadian. Is that OUR **Bryan Eckers**? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/52 "2003-03-24T19:33:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Isn’t it funny that the only Bible that some fundamentalists accept is stamped with the name of a gay Catholic? \*\* **matt** , James I was not a Catholic-he was a High Church Anglican. His mother, Mary, Queen of Scots WAS Catholic. If he had been Catholic, he would have included parts of the Apocrypha. (At least, the ones that are so to Protestants, not Catholics). ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/53 "2003-04-14T09:39:28Z")
**Update:** “Paper sorry for ‘banned buns’ story” [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk\_news/england/2944005.stm](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/2944005.stm) The story that sparked this whole thread has turned out to be false. Hand a printout to your minister, **Mangetout** , and let us know if he passes the correction on to the congregation. ---
**Author:** ![nogginhead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5e9695/32.png) [@nogginhead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nogginhead)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/54 "2003-04-14T14:09:03Z")
Ah yes. The quality of the press is clearly reverting to the bad old days. Check out The Museum of Hoaxes [http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/category.html](http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/category.html) for some real doozies. Nog ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/55 "2003-04-14T16:06:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sublight \* > \*\*The story that sparked this whole thread has turned out to be false. \*\* FWIW, I did mention this three weeks ago. See page 1 of this thread, near the bottom. ---
**Author:** ![Morrigoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/858c86/32.png) [@Morrigoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrigoon)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/56 "2003-04-14T18:20:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Isn’t it funny that the only Bible that some fundamentalists accept is stamped with the name of a gay Catholic? \*\* Cite?! ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/57 "2003-04-14T18:55:16Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by lno \* [sub]Please don’t shoot me.[/sub] [QUOTE] Don’t worry, **lno** , none of us here are Texan. 😉 [sub]_looks around shiftilly_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![spinky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@spinky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spinky)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/58 "2003-04-14T20:28:16Z")
_Re: screaming “CITE?” in church:_ It’s better than screaming, “FUCKO OFF”. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![zwaldd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a9adbd/32.png) [@zwaldd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zwaldd)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/59 "2003-04-14T20:44:09Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\* "This is true; I heard about a school where they have banned hot cross buns because they are overtly Christian_\* RE: The cross: It’s a good thing Jesus was crucified. Can you imagine how depressing the religion would be if he was hung, and their symbol was the noose? Or what if he’d just slipped and fell and the symbol was the banana peel? ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841/60 "2003-04-15T00:17:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*FWIW, I did mention this three weeks ago. See page 1 of this thread, near the bottom. \*\* So you did. Sorry. The BBC story just came out this weekend so I thought it was a new report (and the Telegraph admitting the story was false was news, at least). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-this-time-i-nearly-screamed-cite-in-church/161841.md?page=4)