Got it! Managed to get someone at USPS Consumer Affairs to escalate the issue instead of just reassuring me that “it is en route to the recipient”. Turns out some official, at some point, had affixed a label, “RETURN TO SENDER — NONMAILABLE DANGEROUS GOODS”. Because of the lithium battery? Who knows. Not that they returned it to sender or anything.
Box looks like shit at this point, but the laptop is cheerfully perched on my unmade bed, booted into MacOS 8.6
Here’s the final account of this poor thing’s travels:
Delivered
Delivered, Front Door/Porch
NEW HYDE PARK, NY 11040
March 10, 2026, 2:55 pm
Out for Delivery
NEW HYDE PARK, NY 11040
March 10, 2026, 7:54 am
Arrived at Post Office
NEW HYDE PARK, NY 11040
March 10, 2026, 7:43 am
In Transit to Next Facility
March 9, 2026
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
MID NY DISTRIBUTION CENTER
March 8, 2026, 3:34 pm
In Transit to Next Facility
March 8, 2026, 3:13 pm
Departed USPS Facility
PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 08865
March 8, 2026, 12:55 pm
Arrived at USPS Facility
PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 08865
March 8, 2026, 6:17 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
CHICAGO IL LOGISTICS CENTER
March 7, 2026, 1:15 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
March 3, 2026, 8:40 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
March 2, 2026, 4:52 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
CAROL STREAM IL DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 28, 2026, 9:17 pm
Departed USPS Regional Facility
CHICAGO IL DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 28, 2026, 10:11 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
CHICAGO IL DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 28, 2026, 8:15 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 27, 2026, 8:04 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 27, 2026, 6:38 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
CAROL STREAM IL DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 25, 2026, 8:35 pm
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
CHICAGO IL DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 25, 2026, 5:29 pm
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 24, 2026, 11:47 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 23, 2026, 6:50 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 20, 2026, 9:32 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 20, 2026, 5:28 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 19, 2026, 8:21 am
Processing at USPS Facility
CAROL STREAM, IL 60188
February 17, 2026, 8:20 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
CAROL STREAM IL DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 14, 2026, 1:28 pm
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
METRO NY DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 12, 2026, 1:54 am
In Transit to Next Facility
February 12, 2026, 1:42 am
Departed USPS Regional Facility
MID NY DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 12, 2026, 1:25 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Facility
MID NY DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 11, 2026, 6:20 pm
In Transit to Next Facility
February 11, 2026, 4:28 pm
Departed USPS Facility
PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 08865
February 11, 2026, 3:14 pm
Arrived at USPS Facility
PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 08865
February 11, 2026, 1:40 pm
In Transit to Next Facility
February 11, 2026, 1:30 pm
In Transit to Next Facility
February 11, 2026, 8:37 am
In Transit to Next Facility
February 11, 2026, 5:07 am
Departed USPS Regional Facility
DETROIT MI DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 11, 2026, 1:19 am
Arrived at USPS Regional Origin Facility
DETROIT MI DISTRIBUTION CENTER
February 10, 2026, 3:30 pm
Accepted at USPS Origin Facility
CASS CITY, MI 48726
February 10, 2026, 2:15 pm
Shipment Received, Package Acceptance Pending
SAGINAW, MI 48601
February 9, 2026, 6:22 pm
Shipping Label Created, USPS Awaiting Item
CASS CITY, MI 48726
February 9, 2026, 6:27 am