# OK. You have a small dick **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 5, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603 "2003-11-05T19:35:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/61 "2003-11-07T01:00:52Z")
“Rice-burner” isn’t racist. At worst, it’s rice-ist. Thank you, I’m here all week. ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/62 "2003-11-07T04:40:47Z")
Two days ago we bought a (used) Jeep cherokee and I called my insurance company fully prepared for the worst when they told me it’s classified as a station wagon. Woohoo! My insurance went up $14.00 a yr. Really, it’s all just a matter of proportion. There’s no need for anyone to be driving these huge monster trucks around. And to claim safety seems weird. My choice was out of practicality plus I just like cherokees (wheres unumondo when you need him?). Compact SUVs seem ok, but the big fuckers are just obnoxious. I actually saw someone in a SUV stop in a road when a piece of cardboard blew into their path. What??? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/63 "2003-11-07T04:50:16Z")
Had a redneck mechanic call for parts one time. Told me he was working on a Nazi windsucker. Excuse me? A nazi windsucker WTF? ::: think, think, think::: Do you mean an aircooled Volkswagon? Yeah, a nazi windsucker Racist? no Derogatory? Yup Funny? You bet ---
**Author:** ![Tezmac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@Tezmac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tezmac)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/64 "2003-11-07T17:52:10Z")
All of you cagers are pricks, I dont care if you have a SUV or a car, you all drive like shit no matter how much gas you use. Changing your radio stations while yelling at your kids in the back seat, rubbing your sig-others leg, putting on your makeup, talking on your cellphone, reading your newspaper all while not paying attention to us motorcyclists in the lane next to you. Fuck all of you no turnsignal using, no blind spot checking, pulling out in front of me cause you cant judge oncoming speed for shit drivers. Hopefully soon all of the SUV drivers will ram their bumpers through your tiny cars only to have their SUVs rollover and explode. Oh, and let me tell you about those damn rickshaw pullers… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/65 "2004-01-17T19:09:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Haven’t you ever seen someone driving with their wrist draped over the top of their steering wheel? That is to what ‘limp wristed’ referred. Thank you for clarifying it for me. That was precisely the context in which I intended to convey. I was simply not willing to add much to the description of the scene as the long-winded statement already consisted of some 101 words and I was trying to give the hampsters a little bit of a break. Limp wristed seemed to fit perfectly. I still apologize however, as I was unaware that you were so sensitive about your sexual orientation. 😉 > [@](#): > > OK, I will fully admit that the “limp wrested” connection may be a stretch, but I was not aware that the term “Rice Burner” was anything but racist. Again, this was me taking advantage of the parlance of our day in an effort to make the rant somewhat funny. I did not intend to insult you or your car in any way. Apology accepted. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/66 "2004-01-17T19:13:08Z")
The point of this resurrection was? “The headline was: Three Rickshaw Pileup!” ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/67 "2004-01-17T19:19:42Z")
> [@Ilsa\_Lund](#): > > The point of this resurrection was? To demonstrate how infrequently I visit the forum lately and call myself to the mat over it. ---
**Author:** ![ouisey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9fc29f/32.png) [@ouisey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouisey)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/68 "2004-01-17T19:49:05Z")
> [@GaWd](#): > > My Jeep isn’t taller than most passenger cars. Most SUVs aren’t, for that matter. THe more bloated SUVs are, but they aren’t the majority, so saying “they(SUVs) have a bumper that’s the same height as my head” is bullshit. > > Keep on hating them. Thankfully your opinions don’t matter that much. Of course, you don’t NEED to have such attitude about SUVs… > > Sam bullshit. My Toyota Corolla: [58" tall](http://www.toyota.com/vehicles/2004/corolla/specs.html) A Honda Accord: [57" tall](http://www.hondacars.com/models/specifications.asp?ModelName=Accord+Sedan) A Honda Pilot: [70" tall](http://www.hondacars.com/models/specifications.asp?ModelName=Pilot) A Ford Explorer: [71" tall](http://www.fordvehicles.com/Suvs/explorer/features/specdimensions/) A Jeep Grand Cherokee: [70" tall…you’ll have to click your way from here to look at the exterior specs yourself…I can’t link to it](http://www.jeep.com/grand_cherokee/index.html?context=homepage&type=main) If SUV’s weren’t so tall, most of us wouldn’t give a shit if you drove one or not. ---
**Author:** ![ouisey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9fc29f/32.png) [@ouisey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouisey)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/69 "2004-01-17T19:57:25Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > It’s probably pointless for me to bring it all up, because considering that we live on the exact opposite side of the country, the chances that you or I will ever even see each others’ vehicles is slim at best. > > One of the great things about being able to purchase and drive whatever I like is that I can do so without giving one minute, infinitesimal, mosquito-shit about what someone in Seattle thinks. And frankly, I sleep better knowing that my wife drives a gas-guzzling, monster of a vehicle, because when you and your rice burner are shoulder-rolling and skipping across 8 lanes into on-coming traffic because you were weaving through cars 90-plus miles per hour with no turn signals, with one hand on your cell phone and one limp wrist draped over the steering wheel at 12 o’ clock right about the time one of your front, low-profile, tires decides to shred itself, well, I prefer as much metal between my wife and your little carnival ride as possible. But unfortunately, it doesn’t make those of us in smaller vehicles comfortable when your wife is trying to apply lipstick, talk to her friends on her cell phone, yell at the kids, and change the movie in the dvd player, while encased in a three-ton behemoth hurtling through the rest of us more vulnerable drivers. ---
**Author:** ![SanguineSpider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SanguineSpider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanguineSpider)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/70 "2004-01-17T20:01:23Z")
I could really care less what vehicle you own. What I care about is the driver. Most of my problems on the road stem from some asshole trying to anally invade me, rip off a bumper or two, drive me off the road in general, and such. MOST of these drivers happen to be behind the wheel of lifted trucks, SUVs, or other BIG vehicles. the SUV doesn’t bug me in and of itself. It’s the attitude of the driver that pisses me off. There have been drivers of cars that do this to me, too, but it’s mainly the trucks/SUVs. Before anyone can call me on driving like Mr. Magoo, I drive very well. I learned how to drive due to being a courier, that takes some guts out on the road because not only must you be SAFE, you must be timely. You HAVE to get your packages there ON TIME without causing mayhem on the streets. When my daughter is in the car with me, I go the speed limit and that’s THAT. If you are in a hurry to get to the red light in front of me, fine… just don’t drive me off the road while doing it. If you can’t stand going the speed limit, leave EARLIER!!! Don’t drive up my ass to make up some time. I put my daughter’s life into these assholes hands daily and **THAT is what angers me**. People don’t obey the laws of the roads anymore. They have to get ahead, even if its one friggin’ car space! They have to run that red light because the rules don’t apply to them, their late or bored or whatever, and who cares right? I do, Mister… I do. If you run me off the road, slam into the back of me, or somehow injure my kid with your vehicle… I will fuckin’ get you. By law or not, I will get you. The vehicle doesn’t… SHOULDN’T make you drive as if you own the road. You don’t. I don’t think that is so hard to understand but it seems to be the case. Like I said before, people in cars do this too but I see more of this shit from SUV/truck owners. I’m not a perfect driver and I don’t suggest I am, I just want people to be safe. The one accident of my life so far was caused by a truck owner. Big, white truck and he was in a hurry. I had a bunch of witnesses and the cops cited him, not me. It was his fault, no doubts. Personally, I don’t think many people realize the damage a moving vehicle can do. I wasn’t going fast but he was and the damage from that “small” accident caused $4700.00 to my car alone. I was out of work for three months and my car was never the same after that. Again, it wasn’t the fact that he drove a truck, it was his shitty attitude on the road. I guess my reason for this post is to understand why people drive like they do. Why must you ride my tail? Why must you own a vehicle that is so big/tall/far from the ground? Why are you in such a hurry that you have to make every light? Is it something emotional? Mental? I’m very curious… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/71 "2004-01-17T21:02:02Z")
Being in the minority of SUV owners who actually drive offroad I’ve got a middle of the road perspective on the matter. I hate when I see people driving SUVs like the damn thing is made of glass. I saw one person try twice to drive over a speed bump and roll back both times because they treated the damn thing like it was going to shatter. What the fuck did they buy it for? Get a goddamn mini-van instead. To me, those things are not speed bumps, they are shock testers. That said, when it’s snowing or raining heavy, putting 4 wheel drive on does not make you an invincible rolling force of nature which can command all objects natural and man-made to move aside. Slow your dumbass down and let the Pinto drivers live. Mines a 4x4 Durango and I take it into the mud, snow, whatever presents itself. I’ve also pulled people out who figured since they had a 4x4 the terrrain didn’t matter and they were exploring the New World. During Mardi Gras or a good weekend in the French Quarter, I’ll pile 7 or 8 people into it. Sadly this usually make me the DD. Bastards! As for people wanting a bigger dick so they drive an SUV, most SUV drivers I know are women. Does this mean these women want a penis so they buy an SUV? If a guy really wants a bigger penis, he should be buying assault rifles, not SUVs. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/72 "2004-01-17T22:43:05Z")
I, for one, drive a Volkswagen Cabrio to compensate for my enormous penis. ---
**Author:** ![Morgs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Morgs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgs)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/73 "2004-01-17T23:35:29Z")
Oh yeah, obviously there’s zero salt to the claim that blokes who drive SUVs have miniscule wangs. As testimony from blokes who drive SUVs will prove, this is simply untrue. :rolleyes: Fact of the matter is, lads, the only way to prove your dong is any larger than comically tiny is to ditch the SUV. Furthermore, whining about it doesn’t help all that much. Come on, if your tool is really the shiz to the degree that you claim, just flop it out and silence all arguments. ‘Flop out or get out’, as they say (where I come from, at least). I have nothing against people who drive SUVs out of necessity - but the shuttle runs to and from suburban schools really make me irate. Oh, and people miss the point in saying ‘we don’t need computers, we don’t need mobile phones etc’. The fact is… we do! haha (sterling counterpoint there). The point is, we need cars… what we don’t need are enormous gas-guzzling, child-paralysing, roll-cage-lacking, side-crumple-zone-safety-test-failing, other-motorist-dazzling, health-insurance-premium-raising, global-warming-exacerbating monstrosities getting in the way of our trams/buses. Even if you decide to dispense with the public transport angle in this debate, buying a car that makes the problem that much worse when you could just get a regular car… not what I’d call effective protest. It’s the same as buying the latest P4 with the l337est Radeon 3d card and so much RAM it’s illegal, hooking it up to a T3 line… and using it to send email. What do you think? Not quite enough vitriol for the pit? I’m working on it… ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/74 "2004-01-18T00:53:00Z")
I have a theory, All those ranting and bitching about SUVs (and how they kill innocent children, poison uderground water, cause cancer, make egg shells thinner, cause plagues of locusts o’er the land, …the list is endless), are doing so because they cannot afford one. SUV ranters, come forth and prove wrong if you dare! 😛 And don’t lie, for the God (or any compatible deity, supernatural force, or just plain old Natural Selection for that matter) will punish you. ---
**Author:** ![netscape\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8c91f0/32.png) [@netscape\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/netscape_6)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/75 "2004-01-18T01:15:54Z")
> [@DoctorJ](#): > > I, for one, drive a Volkswagen Cabrio to compensate for my enormous penis. I drive a Metro convertable for the same reason. The tunnel between cab and trunk makes for a nice place to store the huge throbing errection from leaving those semis and mopeds in the dust. The bend to get it back there is a little painfull though. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/76 "2004-01-18T02:10:23Z")
> [@JuanitaTech](#): > > As an SUV owner, I think it’s funny when people say SUV owners are compensating for their small dicks. When I lived next to a very rednecky Orlando suburb, I would see large pickup trucks with front windows adorned with sayings like “I AIN’T COMPENSANTING” or “MY OTHER BIG TOOL.” Nice. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/77 "2004-01-18T06:34:10Z")
> [@Dog80](#): > > I have a theory, > > All those ranting and bitching about SUVs (and how they kill innocent children, poison uderground water, cause cancer, make egg shells thinner, cause plagues of locusts o’er the land, …the list is endless), are doing so because they cannot afford one. > > SUV ranters, come forth and prove wrong if you dare! 😛 > > And don’t lie, for the God (or any compatible deity, supernatural force, or just plain old Natural Selection for that matter) will punish you. An SUV also nailed Jesus to the cross. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/78 "2004-01-18T09:01:48Z")
> [@The Long Road](#): > > An SUV also nailed Jesus to the cross. That’s because the Baby Jesus wept at the presence of SUVs, so it decided to get even eventually. The Virgin Mary just cries about huge crew cab pickup trucks with shiny steel saddleboxes that are driven by contractor types that don’t actually ever put anything in the truck bed. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603/79 "2004-01-19T15:31:52Z")
Citing safety issues is, at best, barely an argument. The SUVs are safer _only_ because there are fewer larger vehicles out on the road. The first SUV owners only had to contend with large pickups and semis. Today, though, SUV owners are less safe then they were before as half the block now has one. Eventually the problem of safety will be right about where it was before only with bigger and faster chunks of metal. And if you _don’t_ want to buy one you’re screwed into dodging soccer moms while they put on their makeup while you drive your normally safe (if all the other vehicles were roughly its size) mid-sized car. Advances in safety technology and standards in the automotive field would now make midsized cars as safe or safer than the average SUV _if_ SUVs were not on the road. When you think safety you shouldn’t be thinking, “I’ll survive. Sucks the guy in the compact I hit, though.” SUV owners, _on average_, don’t use the potential of their vehicles. _Most_ SUV owners use their vehicles in situations where a minivan or station wagon would do just fine. On commercials SUVs are depicted as tools to climb mountains and cross rivers while in reality I’ve rarely seen one do much more than drive around a Wal-Mart parking lot. They waste a lot of resources in both their production and their use and pull up the pump costs of lower consumption vehicles when there is a shortage of gas that wouldn’t exist if people were more conservative in their consumption. Yes, this _is_ America… You _can_ buy whatever the fuck you want when it comes to vehicles. I _can_ smoke a pack a day and I _could_ drink vodka at 10 in the morning… But I don’t. I can do a lot of legal things harmful to the environment as well… But I don’t. And you’re going camping in the thing to enjoy the great outdoors and the beauty of nature… Ironic? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ok-you-have-a-small-dick/211603.md?page=3)