# Okay, can't we just split the country in two fucking pieces? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 3, 2004, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786 "2004-11-03T17:04:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/81 "2004-11-04T18:15:25Z")
Spliting the country would likely put Nevada on the red side. That would seem to pretty much ruin my new city of residence. For the love of Og, no! :eek: But since about half of the population doesn’t want one guy and about half doesn’t want the other, it does seem unfair to force either one after such a close race. I propose the following reform: put in a multiparty system and require a 2/3 majority to win. Any less, and the top 2 must play a game of chess - the winner gets the Presidency. > [@RickJay](#): > > Bow to the One True Coffee, else we unleash the holy fire of the atom upon your unsuspecting Dunkin Donuts franchises! No, no, no. Starbucks is the One True Coffee. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/82 "2004-11-04T18:31:52Z")
Maybe we could split the country by mean elevation. Okay, heh, who wants the high ground? ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/83 "2004-11-04T18:32:29Z")
> [@cityboy916](#): > > But since about half of the population doesn’t want one guy and about half doesn’t want the other, it does seem unfair to force either one after such a close race. I propose the following reform: put in a multiparty system and require a 2/3 majority to win. Any less, and the top 2 must play a game of chess - the winner gets the Presidency. Chess? Oh no, that is far too advanced for certain candidates. _cough, cough_ I think we could settle for Rock-Paper-Scissors, best out of three. Or, better yet, Bear-Ninja-Cowboy. [sub]Please say somebody’s heard of Bear-Ninja-Cowboy. . .[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/84 "2004-11-04T18:36:57Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Yeah…everyone who didn’t vote your way is a brainswashed yokal, you fucking moron. OH yeah? Point out where I said that. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/85 "2004-11-04T18:40:55Z")
Ummmm…Post #73. Or were you refering to something else? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/86 "2004-11-04T18:44:33Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Ummmm…Post #73. Or were you refering to something else? Does it say "everyone who didn’t vote my way is a brainswashed yokal, "? Because if it doesn’t, then get the fuck off my ass. (not you in particular) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/87 "2004-11-04T19:00:21Z")
Clarified. Understood. 😃 Did you ever get your coffee this morning? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/88 "2004-11-04T19:52:19Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Clarified. Understood. 😃 > > Did you ever get your coffee this morning? nah but I just had a slice of pizza and some stale ass party mix. _That’s_ going to put me in a bad mood. Bleeh. ---
**Author:** ![Yamirskoonir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/c0e974/32.png) [@Yamirskoonir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yamirskoonir)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/89 "2004-11-04T20:08:57Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > That does it! If we ever meet at a AllCal Dopefest, I’m buying you a beer. Unless you’d prefer a nice Chardonnay… 😃 The Viognier from the Temecula and Napa Valleys is the “new” Chardonnay…sorry for the hijack, but I highly reccommend it! ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/90 "2004-11-04T20:42:29Z")
> [@JimSox5](#): > > I think we could settle for Rock-Paper-Scissors, best out of three. Or, better yet, Bear-Ninja-Cowboy. No, you’ve missed my point completely. It has to be chess, or backgammon, or something like that. > [@JimSox5](#): > > Chess? Oh no, that is far too advanced for certain candidates. _cough, cough_ Exactly. You want a smart President or a dumb President? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/91 "2004-11-04T20:42:56Z")
> [@Yamirskoonir](#): > > The Viognier from the Temecula and Napa Valleys is the “new” Chardonnay…sorry for the hijack, but I highly reccommend it! I love this Board! Where else can a partisan rant lead to wine recommendations? 😃 I’ll have to look that up next time we go wine shopping. I wonder if Cilurzo does a Viognier… I’ll have to ask Vinnie next time I see him. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/92 "2004-11-05T00:45:31Z")
> [@cityboy916](#): > > No, you’ve missed my point completely. It has to be chess, or backgammon, or something like that. > > Exactly. You want a smart President or a dumb President? 😉 Oh, I got your point. I was just amused at the thought of deciding such a high position on such a simple game. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/93 "2004-11-05T02:14:09Z")
> [@](#): > > - All new Canadian citizens must swear allegiance to Tim Horton’s. Nope. You have to swear allegiance to Dunkin’ Donuts! > > FIE on your disgusting Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Tim Horton’s is the only true coffee & donut shop. Timmy’s coffee is the nectar of the gods; Dunkin Donuts coffee is pig swill drunk by the inferior mongrel races. > > Bow to the One True Coffee, else we unleash the holy fire of the atom upon your unsuspecting Dunkin Donuts franchises! Bah, Dunkin Donuts coffee is powerless against the mighty Green Mountain coffee! ---
**Author:** ![pasunejen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/58956e/32.png) [@pasunejen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pasunejen)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/94 "2004-11-05T04:43:13Z")
This subject reminded me of [this](http://idisk.mac.com/glwebb-public/new_map.jpg). That is all. ---
**Author:** ![RealTronic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9dc877/32.png) [@RealTronic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealTronic)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/95 "2004-11-05T06:52:19Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Sounds good to this Canadian. I welcome the opportunity to increase our population from 32 million to about 170 million and make Canada the world’s largest economic power. Of course, the new federation must be on Canadian terms: > > - It has to be called “The Empire of Canada.” > - Not all states get to be provinces; Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont are all rolled into New Brunswick. Michigan is rolled into Ontario and Detroit is renamed “Greater Windsor.” Washington State is rolled into British Columbia. > - All new Canadian citizens must swear allegiance to Tim Horton’s. > - NASCAR is banned. > - The Anaheim Mighty Ducks have to change their name to something respectable. > - Premier Schwartzenegger has to wear a Mountie outfit. > > D.C. went Democrat, but you can keep it. Seems like similar plans have been thought of before… Found this while browsing the web… [United States of Canada](http://www.confusion.net/~msanders/tmp/election-map.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/96 "2004-11-05T07:52:17Z")
> [@Hamish](#): > > Great post, **RickJay** , but I think we should administer Canadian history exams to all prospective future citizens of Canadia. Heh. Canadia. I say that all the time, but that’s just 'cause I’m a 'merkin who don’t know no better. I’ve also been known to accidentally refer to the British as inhabitants of Britland. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/97 "2004-11-05T09:04:13Z")
> [@cityboy916](#): > > Spliting the country would likely put Nevada on the red side. That would seem to pretty much ruin my new city of residence. For the love of Og, no! :eek: Fine, we get Lake Tahoe and you keep Reno and Vegas. We’ll need to keep some of you around for the hookers and blackjack dealers. Also, you get Ely and we get 3/4 of the desert for hunting and shooting. This seems fair as there is likely more value in the dirt than Ely, and besides, you get the Mirage anyway. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/98 "2004-11-05T09:06:31Z")
I’m sorry, but California will claim Tahoe in the event of any dispute. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/99 "2004-11-05T09:16:14Z")
> [@spooje](#): > > I’m sorry, but California will claim Tahoe in the event of any dispute. Only the western shores. We still need borders. 😉 Plus, we’ll likely have more guns, so let’s be civil here. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2004, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786/100 "2004-11-05T16:38:29Z")
BTW, just to make things even more complicated… [![](http://kieranhealy.org/files/misc/purple_america_2004_small.gif) ](http://kieranhealy.org/files/misc/purple_america_2004_small.gif) Our counties shaded from red to blue based on **proportion** of the vote, as opposed to just who won. Enjoy all that surveying! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-cant-we-just-split-the-country-in-two-fucking-pieces/272786.md?page=6)