# Okay for a 14 year old boy and 23 year old woman to have sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 30, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804 "2004-06-30T01:03:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![BoringDad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@BoringDad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoringDad)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2004, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/321 "2004-07-06T20:12:39Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > You may or may not consider this an issue which should impact the law, but I think an important point to consider if we’re talking about the “okayness” of adult/teen relationships is what sort of 23 year old is likely to want to have sex with a 14 year old in the first place. Even if our hypothetical teen is uncoerced, mentally and emotionally competant to consent to sex, and would not be harmed by any normal sexual relationship, I can’t help but fear that the adult involved is bound to be a real weirdo. Well see, this is the part about if the teen is competent to decide. If the teen is shown to be competent to decide, then it is not your job to worry about if he hooks up with a loser any more than it is your job to decide if a 27 year old hooks up with a loser. If the teen is uncoerced and mentally and emotionally competant to consent to sex, why do you think he would consent to sex with a freaked out 23 year old? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2004, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/322 "2004-07-06T21:31:37Z")
> [@ambushed](#): > > But let’s keep things in rational perspective, shall we? I was greatly surprised when I read a few years ago of compelling scientific, well-designed, methodologically sound medical/psychological studies (I learned of this first in an article in the _Skeptical Inquirer_, not some NAMBLA pamphlet!) that show that consenting (in the personal rather than legal sense) adult/teen sexuality very seldom causes any psychological harm whatever, and is instead often seen and later remembered with real fondness. Some of you no doubt vehemently disagree, but that really is what the scientific evidence reveals. Although I’ve seen a similar study referred to before, I don’t really know know _what_ the evidence reveals. How was adult defined and how was teen defined? Were the teen responses separated by situation , or were the responses of the 12 year olds who had sex with their much older coaches (teachers,ministers,scout leaders) lumped in with the ( probably much more numerous) 17 year olds who had sex with their 18 year old significant others? There could very well be a difference in the harm based on the situation. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/323 "2004-07-06T21:45:45Z")
> [@HomeOfTheBraves](#): > > 1. I am ashamed to admit I teach Reading at a middle school in Hillsborough County. > 2 I am further ashamed to admit that I grew up and live less than 15 minutes from where she grew up and lives. My cousin teaches at her High School, which is the rival of my High School. I’m not sure why. Living in a large city, there probably dozens of thousands of despicable people living within 15 minutes from where I’m living. If I had to be ashamed for everything they did, I should probably shot myself, or something… > [@](#): > > 1. I think we are all forgetting who the true victim of this, and that is her Husband. Imagine the personal HELL that he is going through. Well…Maybe…Having the medias running around the house, as it is probably the case must be a major pain in the ass. But apart from that, if I were him, I would probably be happy of getting rid of such a wife. I wouldn’t know if the teenager is going to be disturbed in any way by the experience (though he surely will at least by all the fuss about this event), but I somehow doubt the husband will be the main victim in this story. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2004, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/324 "2004-07-07T02:17:02Z")
> [@BoringDad](#): > > Well see, this is the part about if the teen is competent to decide. If the teen is shown to be competent to decide, then it is not your job to worry about if he hooks up with a loser any more than it is your job to decide if a 27 year old hooks up with a loser. As a rational human being, it _is_ my job to make decisions about whether or not I think things are “okay”. I may not be in any position or have any right to _do_ anything about it, but I’m certainly allowed to form an opinion on the subject and express that opinion when asked…and the subject line asks. If the OP were about whether or not it’s okay for an adult woman to tell her adult husband that he’s a worthless loser every single day I’d be happy to say “no, that’s not okay” too. There isn’t (and couldn’t fairly be) a law against such behavior, and what other people say to their spouses in private is really none of my business, but that doesn’t mean I have to think it’s “okay”. > [@](#): > > - > > If the teen is uncoerced and mentally and emotionally competant to consent to sex, why do you think he would consent to sex with a freaked out 23 year old? \*Because he was too young and inexperienced to realize what a freak she was? Because plenty of nutty people can seem fairly normal? Heck, her adult husband probably wasn’t fully aware of what a nutcase she was, and if she could pull the wool over his eyes a 14-year-old must have been easy. ---
**Author:** ![Carm6773](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/2bfe46/32.png) [@Carm6773](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carm6773)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2004, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/325 "2004-07-11T13:35:56Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I’m not sure why. Living in a large city, there probably dozens of thousands of despicable people living within 15 minutes from where I’m living. If I had to be ashamed for everything they did, I should probably shot myself, or something… I said that I was ashamed to admit the nearness of her hometown and high school because of the eventual media fallout. Sure enough, my hometown and high school (which she did attend before transferring to the rival-she probably ran out of guys to screw, so she had to find a new playground) have now been dragged through the mud in an article about this situation in, of all publications, _The National Enquirer_. I’m not going to kill myself because of it, but it makes me mad that this slut has put a bad mark on the area, which is not a large city, but a small town (think Mayberry). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804.md?page=16)