# Okay for a 14 year old boy and 23 year old woman to have sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 30, 2004, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804 "2004-06-30T01:03:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/21 "2004-06-30T02:38:58Z")
> [@Zagadka](#): > > Please cite where I said “all males rape” That was sarcastic response to your claim that all males are predators and abusers. “Rape” was a metonymy for “predation and abuse”. The point was not to refute the idea that all men rape, which you indeed did not claim. What you did claim was just as much sexist bullshit, though. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/22 "2004-06-30T02:39:17Z")
Geeze Diogenes, the fact that the kid enjoyed the experience doesn’t make it OK. Let’s suppose your 14 year-old daughter got nailed by Brad Pitt or whoever she thinks is cute. Would you be OK with that? Say “Good job honey!” or something? And yeah, when I was 14 I was fantasizing about Christie Brinkley. So what? Most 14 year olds (male or female) are in no position to accurately understand what sex involves (hell, most of us barely understood the plumbing at that point), so the fact that they get all hot thinking about whoever doesn’t make much difference. Look at the photos of that woman, she’s a pretty attractive 23 year old, and the first place she goes looking for sex is with a kid? The reason that we’ve got statutory rape laws is that young people are not able to give informed consent. Your average 14 year old is physically capable of the act but that’s about it. Loopydude, I’m sure that such a relationship wouldn’t have raised any eyebrows hundreds of years ago but neither did drilling holes in your skull to let out evil spirits. The fact that people did stupid stuff centuries ago doesn’t make 'em OK today 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/23 "2004-06-30T02:41:49Z")
Where are all the Van Halen fans? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/24 "2004-06-30T02:44:26Z")
If the boy was unwilling or coerced, then yeah, he was a victim. But speaking for myself, when I was 14 I would killed or died to get it on with hot 23 year old teacher. Especially a blonde blue-eyed one, that looked like [this](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0628042teach1.html). I assure you, I would have jerked to her image in my mind at every opportunity. I’d have daily excused myself from her class, went to the bathroom, entered a stall, and beat my dick like it owed me money. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/25 "2004-06-30T02:46:04Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > Loopydude, I’m sure that such a relationship wouldn’t have raised any eyebrows hundreds of years ago but neither did drilling holes in your skull to let out evil spirits. THERE IT IS!! Thats the reason the Christian Right is so enamored with GWBush! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/26 "2004-06-30T02:48:35Z")
Sometimes I weep for this country O\_o ---
**Author:** ![alaricthegoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4bbf92/32.png) [@alaricthegoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alaricthegoth)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/27 "2004-06-30T02:52:04Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > If the boy was unwilling or coerced, then yeah, he was a victim. > > But speaking for myself, when I was 14 I would killed or died to get it on with hot 23 year old teacher. Especially a blonde blue-eyed one, that looked like [this](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0628042teach1.html). I assure you, I would have jerked to her image in my mind at every opportunity. I’d have daily excused myself from her class, went to the bathroom, entered a stall, and beat my dick like it owed me money. PLEASE!!! Some of you people are insane (oops-- some of your posts could come from an insane person…) this is the luckiest kid in the universe for the week, maybe he’ s lucky kid of the year!!! Go look at that picture!! ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/28 "2004-06-30T02:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > I don’t care what anyone says, it’s not the same thing for a boy as it is for a girl. All I know is I would have been only too happy to shag a 23 year old woman when I was 14. That kid was lucky. Oh my god, something you and I agree on! :eek: Actually, I don’t think its acceptable behavior on her part. But two things: [ul][li]Its **NOT** the same as a 23 year old guy & a 14 year old girl[/li][li]Going by this and most cases like this, it can **NOT** in any way, shape or form be considered rape[/li][/ul] Whether its politically correct or not 14 year old boys are vastly different than 14 year old girls, both emotionally & physically. And in terms of this case, while I don’t think she should get off scott free, I don’t see the boy suffering any long term, irreparable harm. He may very well have initiated things, and even if not he was a willing & able participant. He went back for more, involved his 15 year old male cousin to help him, and bragged about it. Some of us guys can start treating women like crap at a young age (whether we get to bang one at 14 or not)… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/29 "2004-06-30T02:54:54Z")
> [@Zagadka](#): > > Sometimes I weep for this country O\_o Why, because we DON’T see all men as predators? I don’t understand here. ---
**Author:** ![BornOfStardust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@BornOfStardust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BornOfStardust)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/30 "2004-06-30T02:55:11Z")
I’m with you, **Diogenes** , in that there are differences in how men and women view sex. > [@](#): > > It’s quite possible that there are inherent differences in the ways males and females relate to sex (though until someone comes up with a way to actually separate inherent characteristics from the influences of society I’m certainly not going to take it for granted) I took a class on Human Sexuality recently…I don’t feel like digging out my notes RIGHT this second ;), but there are plenty of studies proving that, on average (note the on average part–there are certainly plenty of exceptions but this is the general case), men are more interested in casual sex than women and are more easily able to separate sex and love, and there are good evolutionary explanations for why this would be true. I think it’s true cross-culturally too. It is true, though, that using one’s influence and age as power over somebody for sex is bad bad bad. ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/31 "2004-06-30T02:55:31Z")
> [@Hail Ants](#): > > Oh my god, something you and I agree on! :eek: > > Actually, I don’t think its acceptable behavior on her part. But two things: > [ul][li]Its **NOT** the same as a 23 year old guy & a 14 year old girl[/li][li]Going by this and most cases like this, it can **NOT** in any way, shape or form be considered rape[/li][/ul] > Whether its politically correct or not 14 year old boys are vastly different than 14 year old girls, both emotionally & physically. > > And in terms of this case, while I don’t think she should get off scott free, I don’t see the boy suffering any long term, irreparable harm. He may very well have initiated things, and even if not he was a willing & able participant. He went back for more, involved his 15 year old male cousin to help him, and bragged about it. > > Some of us guys can start treating women like crap at a young age (whether we get to bang one at 14 or not)… I’m shocked that so many of you are perfectly fine with sexual abuse as long as the victim is a male, or not assume that a 14 year old girl can “want it” just as much, and be just as unprepared psychologically. ---
**Author:** ![rolandgunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cdc98d/32.png) [@rolandgunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rolandgunslinger)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/32 "2004-06-30T03:05:00Z")
I’m gonna seem like a hypocrite here… If I had the chance at 14 to have sex with a 23 y/o I would have jumped at it with no problem at all. But…now I’m a 36 y/o with a 14 year old daughter. I would probably want to kill someone her age having sex with her. Let alone a 23 y/o… :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/33 "2004-06-30T03:05:11Z")
[I think you all need to read this](http://www.malesurvivor.org/myths.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/34 "2004-06-30T03:08:16Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > If a 23 year old man seduced a 14 year old girl people would find it disgustingly creepy and want him strung up by his nuts. Yeah, right. People always say things like this when the teen boy/older woman issue comes up here, but I don’t think it’s true. Despite what the law says, I’ve never seen anything to indicate that people in general are concerned about protecting teenaged girls from older men. Quite the contrary, the common response seems to be to blame the girl for “seducing” or “tricking” the man. In my youth I knew plenty of teenaged girls who slept with older (sometimes _much_) older men, and the general reaction of outsiders was that the girl must be a little slut, not that the guy did something wrong. The men in such situations may be seen as pathetic losers who can’t get women their own age, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone in real life calling for their heads…or other body parts. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/35 "2004-06-30T03:11:14Z")
> [@Zagadka](#): > > I’m shocked that so many of you are perfectly fine with sexual abuse as long as the victim is a male, or not assume that a 14 year old girl can “want it” just as much, and be just as unprepared psychologically. The point is that many guys would have KILLED to be in this kid’s position (or positions). We fantasized about it, and would have sold our mothers into slavery to obtain it. Yes, he may have been coerced or unwilling, in which case it’s firmly in the abuse column. But it’s ignorant to ignore the fact that many 14 year old boys wake up in a puddle of their own goo after having the finest dreams about such a situation. Can it be abuse in any real sense if it’s the culmination of one’s most desirable fantasy? On preview, I see your link. If anybody was claiming abuse was impossible, it might be relevent. For the third time, if he was unwilling and coerced, it’s abuse. BUT HE MAY NOT HAVE BEEN UNWILLING. I would have been extremely willing, and there was nothing I would have wanted more. NOTHING. **Zagadka** , would I have been a victim in your eyes? ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/36 "2004-06-30T03:19:42Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > The point is that many guys would have KILLED to be in this kid’s position (or positions). We fantasized about it, and would have sold our mothers into slavery to obtain it. Not all abuse feels bad, and that doesn’t make it OK. :-p ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/37 "2004-06-30T03:22:30Z")
Calling it “abuse” if my fanstasies are fulfilled without coersion is an insult to the real abuse that takes place. ---
**Author:** ![Unregistered\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3da27b/32.png) [@Unregistered\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unregistered_Bull)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/38 "2004-06-30T03:23:15Z")
Of course it isn’t OK. I don’t think the effect is the same for a male of that age however. I still believe that it should be criminal and is deserving of punishment. How stupid is this lady anyway? Teenage boys aren’t known for keeping there mouth shut on sexual liasons. ---
**Author:** ![Zagadka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zagadka/32/7272_2.png) [@Zagadka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zagadka)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/39 "2004-06-30T03:26:14Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > Calling it “abuse” if my fanstasies are fulfilled without coersion is an insult to the real abuse that takes place. As mentioend, a 14 year old girl may dream of having sex with her favorite movie star or whatever - THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT OK. NOT calling abuse abuse is an extreme disservice to the abused. > [@](#): > > Myth #4 - Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls. > > While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society’s refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must “tough it out” in silence. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804/40 "2004-06-30T03:28:23Z")
I did myself have one teacher who I spanked the monkey about on occasion, and if she had come on to me, I probably would have come on myself right there, given my age and hair-trigger excitability (sexual endurance is not a teen male strong point, if memory serves, which makes me wonder what this woman was after…clearly not the best sex). The subject of the OP is better looking than that teacher… Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I’m guessing if the two of them hadn’t been caught, he’d likely be a very, very, _very_ happy camper for a long time. But that romance would be doomed from the outset to crash and burn, and the breakup could be ugly. Or not. It really would depend on the kid and the woman, and how emotionally invested they got in the whole thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-for-a-14-year-old-boy-and-23-year-old-woman-to-have-sex/252804.md?page=3)