# Okay, guys: what is the deal with lap dances? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225 "2013-08-03T03:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/1 "2013-08-03T03:42:46Z")
You sit in a chair or on a sofa and a woman (a stripper) dances for you, either grinding up against you or not touching you at all – I assume you are not allowed to touch her at all – and you get aroused (some Doper once recommended you put a condom on beforehand Just in Case)… but then nothing else happens. Is this not THE MOST ridiculous exercise in frustration anyone has ever dreamed up? I don’t get it. Explain it to me. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/2 "2013-08-03T04:14:51Z")
Dude here and I don’t get it either, with two exceptions: 1.Some clubs (especially a private lap dance) are illegally allowing touching or even sex, it is illegal but it happens. 2.Some guys in relationships feel like strip clubs/lap dances are a safe way to blow off some steam without feeling like it is cheating. Other than that no I don’t get why I’d want to spend a lot of money to get blue balls and be frustrated when there are actual horny women in the world. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/3 "2013-08-03T04:17:22Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Dude here and I don’t get it either, with two exceptions: > > 1.Some clubs (especially a private lap dance) are illegally allowing touching or even sex, it is illegal but it happens. > > 2.Some guys in relationships feel like strip clubs/lap dances are a safe way to blow off some steam without feeling like it is cheating. > > Other than that no I don’t get why I’d want to spend a lot of money to get blue balls and be frustrated when there are actual horny women in the world. Non-straight guy here, but my speculation would be because those horny women don’t want YOU (general-you) to defrustrate them. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/4 "2013-08-03T04:28:34Z")
Ok, imagine if you are a guy who is socially inept and has almost no contact with women, or a man in an unsatisfying relationship, then ANY contact with a pretty girl is going to be something you crave. Yeah, you’ll go handle you business alone later but at least you’ll have something exciting to think about this time. On the other hand you’re probably just a regular guy who likes getting all worked up because you know you’ll be getting some later anyway. It’s kind of like asking why guys watch porn. It’s live, 3D, tactile porn. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/5 "2013-08-03T04:37:35Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > On the other hand you’re probably just a regular guy who likes getting all worked up because you know you’ll be getting some later anyway. That’s what I understood it to be - you get all excited, then go home and make sweet love to the wife. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/6 "2013-08-03T05:57:26Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Ok, imagine if you are a guy who is socially inept and has almost no contact with women,… Yeah, imagine. Sure. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/7 "2013-08-03T06:37:12Z")
Why do men enjoy strippers and porn? Why do women read romance novels? Because we enjoy love and sex even when we know it’s an illusion. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/8 "2013-08-03T07:28:15Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > It’s live, 3D, tactile porn. Genius. If ever I win the lottery and buy a strip club this will be on the neon sign out front. The BIG neon sign. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/9 "2013-08-03T08:00:21Z")
My standard rate is 28% of the gross for the first 5 years. PM me… ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/10 "2013-08-03T10:32:59Z")
Never understood it either. I just can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe the fantasy that these women are at all interested in anything besides my money. Paying women to pretend to like me doesn’t begin to fulfill any of my needs or desires. I deal with fakeness all the time as it is. Fake smiles, forced politeness, customer service. I don’t find a fake, forced customer service smile to be warm and inviting. Nor do I find faux seduction to be erotic. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/11 "2013-08-03T10:47:07Z")
I don’t understand why it needs explaining. The penis is being stimulated by the bumping and grinding of the woman’s body. What would need an explanation would be a lack of physical response from the male. You are in effect being masturbated. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/12 "2013-08-03T10:48:50Z")
Moved from Cafe Society to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/13 "2013-08-03T10:57:15Z")
Considering the shenanigans in some of the bars over here, I’ve always considered lap dances pathetically lame. ---
**Author:** ![Askthepizzaguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askthepizzaguy/32/9405_2.png) [@Askthepizzaguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askthepizzaguy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/14 "2013-08-03T11:00:28Z")
> [@aldiboronti](#): > > I don’t understand why it needs explaining. The penis is being stimulated by the bumping and grinding of the woman’s body. What would need an explanation would be a lack of physical response from the male. You are in effect being masturbated. I’m afraid I’m a member of the “doesn’t orgasm at the first sign of being touched” crowd. Merely “bumping” against it isn’t going to begin to get the job done. Anything that would is pretty much illegal. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/15 "2013-08-03T11:20:35Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Considering the shenanigans in some of the bars over here, I’ve always considered lap dances pathetically lame. Well yeah, but many of the things the Thai bar clientele is looking for happen in stripclubs as well (I gather). Talking, just spending time with girls even without the ‘erotic act’. Objections like the ones Askthepizzaguy has, also applies to the girls in the Devils Den. In general it will probably be about being around hot women that will do something sexy for you. Although I would never pay for something as lame as a lapdance. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/16 "2013-08-03T11:36:03Z")
I’m kinda impressed, awestruck even, at any man who has to pay a woman to not have sex with him. I’ve always had to manage on what I could get for free in that department, but I never felt like I was going short. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/17 "2013-08-03T12:01:24Z")
> [@polar\_bear](#): > > In general it will probably be about being around hot women that will do something sexy for you. Although I would never pay for something as lame as a lapdance. Your “ask the ice bear” thread is still one of my favorites at the Dope, and I can certainly imagine that you would never pay for something as lame as a lap dance given your options. On the other hand, I really don’t understand lap dances either. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/18 "2013-08-03T12:19:53Z")
I don’t understand lap dances either. Of course I’ve never tried but then, strippers don’t appeal much either. I tend to think of them as drug addicted or sexually abused or simply cynical young women who do not like their audience. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/19 "2013-08-03T12:43:45Z")
When you guys say you “don’t understand” them, do guys actually mean they don’t appeal to you? I think it would take someone with extremely poor imagination to not understand why some guys just might like a hot woman grinding on their crotch - even if he had to go finish the job himself later. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/20 "2013-08-03T12:52:01Z")
“A beautiful woman rubs herself all over your body. What’s the big fucking deal?” Only on the Dope. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225.md?page=2)