# Okay, guys: what is the deal with lap dances? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225 "2013-08-03T03:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/41 "2013-08-03T22:17:29Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Considering the shenanigans in some of the bars over here, I’ve always considered lap dances pathetically lame. > [@polar\_bear](#): > > Well yeah, but many of the things the Thai bar clientele is looking for happen in stripclubs as well (I gather). Talking, just spending time with girls even without the ‘erotic act’. Objections like the ones Askthepizzaguy has, also applies to the girls in the Devils Den. Well, that’s a little bit of apples and oranges. You can’t even find something as lame as a lap dance in Thailand is what I was saying. If the girls want to get you all hot and bothered, they generally, er, take matters into their hands, shall we say. However, the phenomenon of coyote dancers has appeared in recent years. Do you have those in the West? Scantily clad uber-hot dancers dong some rather acrobatic moves on the very bar tops. Some bars started bringing them in to boost customer numbers, but they’re generally not available for play, so it’s almost as lame as a lap dance. But it was only a handful of bars that were trying this, and it seems to be fading out now for the most part. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/42 "2013-08-03T23:43:14Z")
The one lap dance I’ve had was nice. Since I was too broke to buy myself one, or to buy booze, another guy at the bachelor party declared me the designated driver and paid for a dance for me. The girl was absolutely beautiful and quite good at her job. I enjoyed the “tactile 3D porn” but it’s not like I rushed out the next day to do it again. It was fun, but I wouldn’t go back unless maybe with my wife as part of foreplay or something. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/43 "2013-08-04T00:42:20Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > “A beautiful woman rubs herself all over your body. What’s the big fucking deal?” Only on the Dope. A beautiful women who’s naked (or nearly naked). ---
**Author:** ![diggerwam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/919ad9/32.png) [@diggerwam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/diggerwam)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/44 "2013-08-04T02:11:11Z")
I’ve recv’d two and I gotta say Meh!! First one at the local strip club between small towns here. There wasn’t a lot of “foreplay” per se, all she started doing was directing her snatch in my face. Sorry, seen it. I was expecting more eroticism and less in your face. The 2nd, my wife paid $100 in downtown Vegas so I could get a professional lap dance. I choose the girl and it was nice but she didn’t have much repertoire and for $100, I was expecting somehow more. I know Vegas is expensive, but $100 in ten minutes is simply not worth it. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2013, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/45 "2013-08-04T02:25:50Z")
I think for some it can be a bit of a power trip or big shot trip. I know of guys with families who would blow their whole pay check on lap dances and even pay for their friends. I have had a few women want me to take them for a lap dance. Does nothing for me but if they are having fun I have no problem with it. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/46 "2013-08-05T11:15:28Z")
Bisexual female here. I like strip clubs, I’ve been a few times in a mixed group of friends. They aren’t just feebly gyrating on the stage over here. They are extremely fit and they do some serious poledancing acrobatic shit up there. It’s like Cirque Du Soleil, but with boobs! And 2 dollar beers once a week! As far as lapdances go, I’ve only gotten one, once, from a girl who assumed my much-older male friend and I were a couple. It was… awkward and extremely hot at the same time. Some of the Bourbon street places do them in little booths in the back room, which makes you feel super skeezy and reach for the hand sanitizer. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/47 "2013-08-05T13:57:26Z")
I haven’t had many lap dances, mainly because I haven’t gone to a lot of strip clubs. But I have had a few, enough to know that some girls know what they’re doing and some are just going through the motions. A really sensual lap dance is hot, not just ‘rub my snatch on your leg’-raunchy. Whenever I attended a bachelor party that was going to involve strip clubs, my wife would get me off before I left the house. Her rationale was, ‘you’re going to a strip club and the girls are going to give you a boner, and you’re going to come horny and want to get laid. I’m going to be asleep. So you don’t have to just jerk off in the bathroom before coming to bed, I’ll drain your balls now.’ And then she drops to her knees. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/48 "2013-08-05T14:26:19Z")
> [@Askthepizzaguy](#): > > Never understood it either. I just can’t suspend my disbelief enough to believe the fantasy that these women are at all interested in anything besides my money. Paying women to pretend to like me doesn’t begin to fulfill any of my needs or desires. > > I deal with fakeness all the time as it is. Fake smiles, forced politeness, customer service. I don’t find a fake, forced customer service smile to be warm and inviting. Nor do I find faux seduction to be erotic. It’s possible your wife/girlfriend/whatever(?–I don’t know enough about you to know which may apply) is only interested in your money too, isn’t it? And wives generally get a lot more of a man’s money than lapdancers do! ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/49 "2013-08-05T14:49:28Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > Whenever I attended a bachelor party that was going to involve strip clubs, my wife would get me off before I left the house. Her rationale was, ‘you’re going to a strip club and the girls are going to give you a boner, and you’re going to come horny and want to get laid. I’m going to be asleep. So you don’t have to just jerk off in the bathroom before coming to bed, I’ll drain your balls now.’ And then she drops to her knees. Ladies, may I submit that this is a healthy attitude. **Corkboard** , can you confirm that you have had a healthy, long-lasting marriage? ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/50 "2013-08-05T14:49:53Z")
IME lapdancers get really confused and awkward when you are a woman and someone buys you a lapdance as a joke. The dancer actually seems somewhat embarrassed about doing it to you, and they will start talking about things like “so, do you have any kids?” Seriously… ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/51 "2013-08-05T14:54:45Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > IME lapdancers get really confused and awkward when you are a woman and someone buys you a lapdance as a joke. The dancer actually seems somewhat embarrassed about doing it to you, and they will start talking about things like “so, do you have any kids?” Seriously… That’s not been my experience - at least as a spectator. When I’ve seen women give women lapdances, all the inhibitions go out the window. The lapdancee usually gets some of her clothing taken off, and the dancers do things that they would never do to a man. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/52 "2013-08-05T14:59:07Z")
I’m another dude who doesn’t get it. I’ve never had one, but I assume the guy tries to memorize what the woman looks like so he can run home and shank. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/53 "2013-08-05T15:20:23Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > Ladies, may I submit that this is a healthy attitude. **Corkboard** , can you confirm that you have had a healthy, long-lasting marriage? I can indeed. Together for 20 years, married for 15 (this week!). She’s the best. The last time this happened, we were at the club and my buddy said “does [wife] realize you’re going to come home and jump her bones?” and I replied, “no, she took care of me before I left the house.” “Dude! No way!?!? [Wife] is awesome!” Yes, I know. She is. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/54 "2013-08-05T15:36:23Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > Whenever I attended a bachelor party that was going to involve strip clubs, my wife would get me off before I left the house. Her rationale was, ‘you’re going to a strip club and the girls are going to give you a boner, and you’re going to come horny and want to get laid. I’m going to be asleep. So you don’t have to just jerk off in the bathroom before coming to bed, I’ll drain your balls now.’ And then she drops to her knees. so does the wife now demand to see a printed party invite after you seemed to be going to an usually high number of bachelor parties. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/55 "2013-08-05T15:51:30Z")
I can understand it, but a lap dance wouldn’t appeal to me. I don’t care for strippers, gogo dancers etc. I find looking but not touching to be pointless. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/56 "2013-08-05T16:43:53Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I’m another dude who doesn’t get it. I’ve never had one, but I assume the guy tries to memorize what the woman looks like so he can run home and shank. Maybe back in ye olden days. In these modern times we have the internet. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/57 "2013-08-05T17:31:07Z")
Then why get a lapdance? ---
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/58 "2013-08-05T17:35:49Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > When you guys say you “don’t understand” them, do guys actually mean they don’t appeal to you? I think it would take someone with extremely poor imagination to not understand why some guys just might like a hot woman grinding on their crotch - even if he had to go finish the job himself later. Well … for the reasons \*_askthepizzaguy_ and others mentioned, that doesn’t appeal to me to such an extent that I can’t see the appeal to anyone who doesn’t have specialized tastes, given all the other options available. I might be overanalyzing/overintellectualizing, but I do manage to have actual sex without getting lost in my own head. > [@fjs1fs](#): > > It’s possible your wife/girlfriend/whatever(?–I don’t know enough about you to know which may apply) is only interested in your money too, isn’t it? It’s possible, but I get more out of that arrangement. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/59 "2013-08-05T18:22:28Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Ok, imagine if you are a guy who is socially inept and has almost no contact with women, or a man in an unsatisfying relationship, then ANY contact with a pretty girl is going to be something you crave. You don’t even have to be one of those guys. 99% of the male population will never have a girl as hot as a stripper. And there she is, naked and on your lap. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/60 "2013-08-05T19:40:52Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > Straight guy here. I don’t really understand it either. Same reason I wouldn’t watch porn with dudes in the room: I have no desire to get into that " arousal zone" with my guy friends (or anyone besides my wife now) around. And (speaking from the non-married me perspective) I never had any interest in paying a woman to do something to/with me because she’s now obligated to. This exacty. My pals don’t get to see me with wood or getting off, and if there’s no actual chemistry there’s no difference between a paid woman and my hands. Oh, except my hands don’t get me all worked up and then stop if I run out of cash. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225.md?page=4)