# Okay, guys: what is the deal with lap dances? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225 "2013-08-03T03:42:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/61 "2013-08-05T19:53:09Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > That’s not been my experience - at least as a spectator. When I’ve seen women give women lapdances, all the inhibitions go out the window. The lapdancee usually gets some of her clothing taken off, and the dancers do things that they would never do to a man. Huh. I need to go to different clubs…or maybe I look too old. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/62 "2013-08-05T20:00:52Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > 99% of the male population will never have a girl as hot as a stripper. And there she is, naked and on your lap. …reminding you that you’ll never have a girl as hot as a stripper–even when one is naked and grinding on your ever-tightening jeans. May as well invite some Ethiopans over to watch you have Thanksgiving dinner. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/63 "2013-08-05T20:01:21Z")
I’m a straight woman who has never been to a strip club, but I’d imagine the appeal is comparable to a rollercoaster ride. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/64 "2013-08-05T20:48:47Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > …reminding you that you’ll never have a girl as hot as a stripper–even when one is naked and grinding on your ever-tightening jeans. . Hell, during my Hollywood period, I _dated_ strippers, models and various wannabe actresses. Great to look at, but many were very shallow. Really guys, the fantasy is just that. Haven’t much been to strip joints after that, until the Govt sent me to Texas for six months. Got lonely, and DAMN do they have some hot strippers there, and very nasty lap dances. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/65 "2013-08-05T20:55:51Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > I’m a straight woman who has never been to a strip club, but I’d imagine the appeal is comparable to a rollercoaster ride. Nervousness and excitement as she’s going down? ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/66 "2013-08-05T21:15:23Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > Then why get a lapdance? Because some men like attractive naked women rubbing up against them with minimal social ramifications. That’s just the way it is. You might as well ask why anyone makes out without having sex or why any man would cop a feel. It’s a rather self-evident thing, I should think. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/67 "2013-08-05T21:25:07Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > You might as well ask why anyone makes out without having sex … Wait. Is that a thing? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/68 "2013-08-05T21:25:48Z")
I don’t see why so many people are having trouble with the concept here. It’s like the cheerleaders at a football game. Do they serve any purpose in the game? Not really. They’re just some good-looking women who are scantily dressed. Their purpose is to be part of the entertainment. Do people argue that cheerleaders are pointless because they don’t have sex with the fans? I doubt very many do - people understand that cheerleaders are just something to be looked at for fun without expecting to have sex with them or masturbate to their image. Same thing with strippers. They’re entertainers not prostitutes. They give a performance - either on stage or up close in a lap dance - and you enjoy the show. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/69 "2013-08-05T22:04:28Z")
The role of a cheerleader makes sense: Act positive & excited for the team, do what you can to get the crowd positive & excited for the team. That energy IS felt by the players, and has an effect on the game. There is no lie or fantasy involved, it’s psy-ops at the high school level. The role of the stripper/dancer is to, what? Pretend to want you when you both know it’s just a show? Is it any different than going to an interactive play? Maybe that’s the problem. You know a play is just a play, but for those of us who don’t ‘get’ the whole lap-dance thing, the personal sexuality of it is difficult to equate to a broadway show. They’re basically the same thing, if you can accept that. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/70 "2013-08-05T22:19:41Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > The role of a cheerleader makes sense: Act positive & excited for the team, do what you can to get the crowd positive & excited for the team. That energy IS felt by the players, and has an effect on the game. There is no lie or fantasy involved, it’s psy-ops at the high school level. > > The role of the stripper/dancer is to, what? Pretend to want you when you both know it’s just a show? Is it any different than going to an interactive play? Maybe that’s the problem. You know a play is just a play, but for those of us who don’t ‘get’ the whole lap-dance thing, the personal sexuality of it is difficult to equate to a broadway show. They’re basically the same thing, if you can accept that. Here’s the thing. A lot of guys don’t care if the attention they are getting is sincere or fake. It doesn’t matter, as long as they are being treated like a king. And there’s a certain rush that goes along with knowing you can own any bitch in that place for a few dollars. Egos, people, it’s all about the ego. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/71 "2013-08-05T22:31:46Z")
I’m surprised no one has mentioned the role, for pleasure maximization, of prolonging euphoria or delaying gratification. This is a major reason why men enjoy lap dances, etc. without immediate release. Or maybe you guys are all youngsters, with refractory periods of just a few minutes. When you get to be my age, you won’t be in such a hurry. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2013, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/72 "2013-08-05T23:32:23Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Here’s the thing. A lot of guys don’t care if the attention they are getting is sincere or fake. It doesn’t matter, as long as they are being treated like a king. And there’s a certain rush that goes along with knowing you can own any bitch in that place for a few dollars. > > Egos, people, it’s all about the ego. You do know your strip clubs, I’ll give you that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/73 "2013-08-06T01:39:17Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Nervousness and excitement as she’s going down? No, getting jerked off… of your seat with every hill and bump. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/74 "2013-08-06T02:08:08Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Here’s the thing. A lot of guys don’t care if the attention they are getting is sincere or fake. It doesn’t matter, as long as they are being treated like a king. And there’s a certain rush that goes along with knowing you can own any bitch in that place for a few dollars. > > Egos, people, it’s all about the ego. I’ll completely agree with this, except for it being characterized as “a lot of guys.” I used to go to trade shows, often in Vegas, and a lot of guys would go to strip clubs. I never saw anyone overtly act like that. Out of 320 million people in the US, there are going to be a number of jerks. But I don’t see it as a high percentage. I don’t view humanity that darkly. Of course, I intentionally avoid reading comments on youtube so my idealism may not be justified. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/75 "2013-08-06T03:11:17Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > The role of the stripper/dancer is to, what? Pretend to want you when you both know it’s just a show? Is it any different than going to an interactive play? Maybe that’s the problem. You know a play is just a play, but for those of us who don’t ‘get’ the whole lap-dance thing, the personal sexuality of it is difficult to equate to a broadway show. They’re basically the same thing, if you can accept that. Like I said, a stripper isn’t a prostitute - she’s not somebody who’s pretending to sell sex. She’s selling nude dances and she delivers that. People who think that stripping is just a cover for prostitution are going to feel they got cheated but it’s just their own self-delusion that led them astray. I wouldn’t kid myself that a comedian or a singer feels some personal connection to me and is giving me some special jokes or songs. Same thing with a stripper - they dance naked for their customers’ entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/76 "2013-08-06T03:22:37Z")
As a gay male, I can’t speak to traditional lap dances. But they are fun, in a sort of goofy way. I wouldn’t say I find them all that sexually exciting. It’s more embarrassing, but in a fun sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/77 "2013-08-06T03:29:01Z")
What’s not to get? I’m not in a relationship and don’t desire to be in one. If I feel like a night out, rather than going to some bar and trying to pick up I just go to the strippers. I can sit and watch the show while having a drink. Girls will come up and ask if I want a lap dance, If I find them attractive or have some kind of connection, I do. Had a lot of good conversations with strippers, a number of very good lap dances and a few lousy ones. The good ones it’s all in the eroticism rather than just grinding on my lap or sticking a pussy in my face. It’s arousing and enjoyable and some of the girls obviously have long memories. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/78 "2013-08-06T20:57:44Z")
When I was in college we had a ethics/philosophy class that touched on everything from abortion to euthanasia. One of the topics was pre-marital sex and one earnest young man apparently spoke to the professor before class and asked to get up and give his opinion on the topic. The professor was amused at this and decided to let the young man “beard the lion in its own den”(his words) by kicking off the discussion among a group of college juniors. He got up and used the chalkboard to list the virtues of [agape love](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agape) and how it was fulfilling, responsible, and the far better alternative to the shallow and essentially empty [eros love](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros_%28concept%29). He framed it as a matter of self respect and that eros was “settling” and agape was “reaching” and that he’d rather reach and get the great love than settle for the physical love. He went on to say he hoped we’d all make the same decision and not settle for the mere physical when we can enjoy all the benefits of a complete and perfect love within a committed and mutually respectful relationship(meaning marriage). Once the floor was open for discussion I’ll never forget the first question that came his way. “Ever eat at McDonalds?” Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/79 "2013-08-07T00:37:12Z")
On the one hand, I like teasing a lot. I like being aroused and tormented and played with. I do like it if, interspersed with several such occurrences in my life, I get pushed over the edge and come. Would be annoying if i never did, but I don’t need to every time in order to enjoy it. On the other hand, I’ve never felt any lure towards lap dances. Maybe it’s the strip bar culture (which is foreign to me), dunno for sure, but I have zero curiosity and might not experience it as erotic at all. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2013, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225/80 "2013-08-08T07:18:10Z")
i found this new post on a scam warning an appropriate reply to this thread. > [@I had no idea they were selling sex at the mall!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/i-had-no-idea-they-were-selling-sex-at-the-mall/665661/11): > > … > > > [@](#): > > > > … A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, > > Costco, or even Wal-Mart customers. This one caught me totally by > > surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while > > out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be > > quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to > > you or your friends. > > > > Here’s how the scam works: > > > > Two seriously good-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or > > truck as you are packing your shopping into your vehicle. They both > > start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts > > almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to > > look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but > > instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s. > > > > You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start > > undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other > > one steals your wallet. > > > > I had my wallet stolen Sep. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, > > 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Oct. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, > > 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this > > upcoming weekend. … > > Seeing pretty girls is one of the most wonderful pleasures in a man’s life. On a bad day, it might be the only one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-guys-what-is-the-deal-with-lap-dances/665225.md?page=3)