# Okay, I have solved the death ray problem **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 8, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219 "2003-09-08T04:06:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![criminalcatalog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@criminalcatalog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/criminalcatalog)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/41 "2003-09-09T15:47:24Z")
**Go fly a kite with a hole in it** ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/42 "2003-09-09T16:01:58Z")
I can’t remember who said it or which thread it was in but: > [@](#): > > I’m going to rip off your head and throw it at your dieing body . That’s pretty catchy. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/43 "2003-09-09T16:06:44Z")
Go fly a hole with a kite over it ---
**Author:** ![Shiva418](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Shiva418](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shiva418)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/44 "2003-09-09T16:32:05Z")
I’ll put in another vote for > [@](#): > > I’d rather be gang-raped by the house of Lords ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/45 "2003-09-09T17:53:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*We may accidentally get the Spanish Inquisition in here if we do that though. \*\* NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise… Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency… Our _three_ weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope… Our _four_…no… _Amongst_ our weapons… Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise… **and 1920’s Style Death Rays!!** HA-HA! WEREN’T EXPECTING THAT, NOW WERE YOU!?! ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/46 "2003-09-09T18:33:46Z")
I’d rather be ganged raped by the house of **Lord Ashtar** ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/47 "2003-09-09T19:22:36Z")
I’d like to dip my balls in it. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/48 "2003-09-09T20:21:10Z")
I think **fizzygoodmakefeelnice** came up with a great candidate: “Dibs on the wild turkey.” ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_of\_the\_CC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Earl\_of\_the\_CC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_of_the_CC)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/49 "2003-09-09T21:32:26Z")
The solution is obvious. If it’s used in a funny way, it’s cool. If it is used in a boring, predictable or overused manner, the offender is to face the wrath of a 1920’s style “death ray.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/50 "2003-09-09T22:04:06Z")
Personally, I’d rather try to bebeak a live giant squid than be gang raped by the House of Lords wielding a 1920’s style death ray. ---
**Author:** ![Algorithm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/algorithm/32/12204_2.png) [@Algorithm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Algorithm)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/51 "2003-09-09T22:12:16Z")
I think this can all be settled by a game of Rock, Paper, 1920’s style “Death Ray” ---
**Author:** ![Beryl\_Mooncalf\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9f8e36/32.png) [@Beryl\_Mooncalf\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beryl_Mooncalf_1)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/52 "2003-09-10T03:50:19Z")
For sale, New duck-billed speculum, still in box. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/53 "2003-09-10T14:14:08Z")
Aquaman, if he’s prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/54 "2003-09-10T17:46:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zebra \* > I’d rather be ganged raped by the house of **Lord Ashtar** This has got to be one of the more intriguing offers I’ve received in quite a while. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/55 "2003-09-10T19:37:23Z")
Before I make a similar offer, could you describe your house, **Lord Ashtar**? I’m not interested in some humble, tumble-down cottage, mind you. If I’m going to be raped by a house, it better be at least a mansion. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/56 "2003-09-11T00:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EddyTeddyFreddy \* > \*\*Before I make a similar offer, could you describe your house, **Lord Ashtar**? I’m not interested in some humble, tumble-down cottage, mind you. If I’m going to be raped by a house, it better be at least a mansion. \*\* You should make sure it’s adobe, too. A wood house has splinters. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/57 "2003-09-11T00:58:50Z")
Depends on the climate, too, of course. An adobe house wouldn’t last long in New England. Red brick can handle the elements, but it might be a bit rough – like a six o’clock shadow all over. I suppose there’s always granite. With a tasteful overlay of marble facings, perhaps. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/58 "2003-09-11T13:28:50Z")
Well I’m hoping you have some college age daughters. ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/59 "2003-09-11T13:37:55Z")
You are discussing what kind of house you would be prefer to be raped by… just wow. Might have known it was **EddyTeddyFreddy** , though! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219/60 "2003-09-12T00:16:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EddyTeddyFreddy \* > \*\*Before I make a similar offer, could you describe your house, **Lord Ashtar**? I’m not interested in some humble, tumble-down cottage, mind you. If I’m going to be raped by a house, it better be at least a mansion. \*\* Would a lord live in a hovel? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-i-have-solved-the-death-ray-problem/200219.md?page=4)