# Okay, I'll pit the Secret Service morons **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 15, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809 "2012-04-15T01:39:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/1 "2012-04-15T01:39:57Z")
So you couldn’t keep your dicks in your pants for even a few days and got your asses recalled to WDC? What the fuck is the matter with you idiots? You represent your country, and worse, your President when you’re part of the security detail. As part of the advance team, you’re supposed to liaison with local security and make necessary contacts and conduct yourselves in a professional capacity _at all times_. Instead, you decide to engage the local clap-ridden debutantes, and then try to stiff them on the bill and get busted by the locals for non-payment. Are you fucking insane? Can you say “bye-bye, career?” Sticking one’s dick in a convenient hole is nothing new, and it happens at far higher levels than some flunky in the Secret Service. I personally saw the Black Caucus entertaining hookers on the floor of their hotel in Lisbon, stealing liquor out of the hospitality suite, and arguing about the price of pussy at 0300. It was disgusting and embarrassing. But you knuckle-draggers are embarrassing both yourselves and your country with this lapse of good sense. It’s time to clean house; I hope you all are summarily fired. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/2 "2012-04-15T01:42:48Z")
^^^ This. Bad enough that the current President is the target of so much frothing hatred without asinine behavior like this calling into question to judgment of the people assigned to protect him. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/3 "2012-04-15T01:44:24Z")
Major instance of unprofessional behavior. The job should entail avoiding even the _appearance_ of such shenanigans (For reference: [link to news item](http://www.chron.com/news/article/Secret-Service-scandal-deepens-11-placed-on-leave-3481449.php)). Or at the very least, if we’ll be cynical about it, honor the outfit’s name and make sure whatever you do CAN stay secret! ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/4 "2012-04-15T01:47:38Z")
From the cite above… _The New York Republican said the women were “presumed to be prostitutes” but investigators were interviewing the agents._ Do ya think? ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/5 "2012-04-15T11:37:55Z")
I was reading about this on the Politco website, which is right leaning, and most of the comments blamed Obama for his lack of leadership that created this problem, and some of them were speculating that the Secret Service is actually covering up for Obama’s whoring. Others pointed out that the president hadn’t even arrived in Columba at the time, but that’s just how sneaky Obama is. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/6 "2012-04-15T12:16:36Z")
> [@madmonk28](#): > > I was reading about this on the Politco website, which is right leaning, and most of the comments blamed Obama for his lack of leadership that created this problem, and some of them were speculating that the Secret Service is actually covering up for Obama’s whoring. Others pointed out that the president hadn’t even arrived in Columba at the time, but that’s just how sneaky Obama is. It’s even worse. I bet Obama impregnated one of the prostitutes, and 40 years or so from now that progeny will run for U.S. president–_even though he was born secretly in Colombia!_ Birthermania part II! Sign up now! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/7 "2012-04-15T12:23:39Z")
> [@Stratocaster](#): > > Birthermania part II! That’s interesting… Did any of the Founding Fathers write about where a candidate had to be conceived? Would provide a nice auxiliary to the Constitution for such principles. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/8 "2012-04-15T13:51:07Z")
> [@gamerunknown](#): > > That’s interesting… Did any of the Founding Fathers write about where a candidate had to be conceived? Would provide a nice auxiliary to the Constitution for such principles. You’re going to try and use facts on Birthers? Good luck with that. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/9 "2012-04-15T14:02:56Z")
And they couldn’t even keep it SECRET!! They’re supposed to be the Olympic Gold Medal winners of SECRET!! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/10 "2012-04-15T14:11:47Z")
They were doing their job! As advance men, they were checking out everything and everyone in advance. So the strip searches got a little out of hand… ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/11 "2012-04-15T14:20:52Z")
> [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > Bad enough that the current President is the target of so much frothing hatred without asinine behavior like this calling into question to judgment of the people assigned to protect him. If you hate the President enough, you’d want his security detail to be incompetent, wouldn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/12 "2012-04-15T14:24:41Z")
I’ve read only the brief synopsis: > [@](#): > > … anyone visiting the hotel overnight was required to … leave the hotel by 7 a.m. When a woman failed to do so … police investigated. They found the woman with the agent in the hotel room and a dispute arose over whether the agent should have paid her. > > King said he was told that the agent did eventually pay the woman. Are we to understand that the scandalous act brought to light was not hiring a harlot, but attempted larceny? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/13 "2012-04-15T14:27:37Z")
Good OP, possibly with points taken off for misunderstanding what “summarily” means. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/14 "2012-04-15T14:43:27Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > Are we to understand that the scandalous act brought to light was not hiring a harlot, but attempted larceny? As a question of Colombian law, what I’ve read suggests that hiring a prostitute can be legal in some circumstances. I don’t know if it was in this particular case. As a matter of Secret Service rules, I’m confident that this is forbidden, because it’s illegal under US law and because it exposes the agent to blackmail or even assassination. The real _scandal_, though, is the diplomatic embarrassment. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/15 "2012-04-15T14:47:45Z")
Well, it’s part of their job to be exposed to assassination, that’s for sure. They’re supposed to take the bullet, admittedly though for the President and not a hooker. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/16 "2012-04-15T14:51:19Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Good OP, possibly with points taken off for misunderstanding what “summarily” means. It means “without delay”. [Cite](http://www.thefreedictionary.com/summarily) (scroll down). ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/17 "2012-04-15T14:51:34Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > … > The real _scandal_, though, is the diplomatic embarrassment. Seriously? I think this is bullshit. This is the kind of story only Americans get worked up over. Oooh, men going to foreign lands and hiring hookers. Though I’m sure the State Department is very flustered. If there’s any international outrage at all, it would be over trying to stiff the hookers for the bill. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/18 "2012-04-15T14:58:59Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > So you couldn’t keep your dicks in your pants for even a few days and got your asses recalled to WDC? What the fuck is the matter with you idiots? You represent your country, and worse, your President when you’re part of the security detail. As part of the advance team, you’re supposed to liaison with local security and make necessary contacts and conduct yourselves in a professional capacity _at all times_. Instead, you decide to engage the local clap-ridden debutantes, and then try to stiff them on the bill and get busted by the locals for non-payment. Are you fucking insane? Can you say “bye-bye, career?” > > Sticking one’s dick in a convenient hole is nothing new, and it happens at far higher levels than some flunky in the Secret Service. I personally saw the Black Caucus entertaining hookers on the floor of their hotel in Lisbon, stealing liquor out of the hospitality suite, and arguing about the price of pussy at 0300. It was disgusting and embarrassing. But you knuckle-draggers are embarrassing both yourselves and your country with this lapse of good sense. It’s time to clean house; I hope you all are summarily fired. Far higher levels? I’d put most of the CBC at a level just above the phosphorous suds that float in polluted rivers. The Secret Service are usually, and I stress usually, no nonsense, squared away mofos. But yeah, these dickbags deserve a hearty pitting. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/19 "2012-04-15T15:07:04Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Seriously? I think this is bullshit. This is the kind of story only Americans get worked up over. Oooh, men going to foreign lands and hiring hookers. > > Though I’m sure the State Department is very flustered. > > If there’s any international outrage at all, it would be over trying to stiff the hookers for the bill. Maybe they didn’t think they had to pay because they failed to stiff the hookers. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809/20 "2012-04-15T15:32:10Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > Major instance of unprofessional behavior. The job should entail avoiding even the _appearance_ of such shenanigans (For reference: [link to news item](http://www.chron.com/news/article/Secret-Service-scandal-deepens-11-placed-on-leave-3481449.php)). > > Or at the very least, if we’ll be cynical about it, honor the outfit’s name and make sure whatever you do CAN stay secret! This is sort of off topic, but something struck me at the end of that article. > [@](#): > > On the steamy streets of Cartagena, a resort city with a teeming prostitution trade, there was condemnation for the Secret Service agents for what residents saw as abusing their station and dishonoring their country. > > Edwin Yepes, a souvenir vendor, said “they are supposed to come here and set an example. We are an inferior culture, and so it’s better if they don’t come than if they damage our image of them.” Is this a mis-translation? If not, is Mr. Yepes viewpoint common? Do Colombians really see themselves as an inferior culture relative to the US? I’m skeptical that people think that way. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-ill-pit-the-secret-service-morons/618809.md?page=2)