# Okay. Let's do this. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 18, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578 "2005-11-18T00:37:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/41 "2005-11-18T14:14:09Z")
> [@Q.E.D.](#): > > Like it or not, this is a community of _people_ with problems and emotions, not some sterile repository of knowledge and ignorance-fighting posted by faceless drones. I was misinformed. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/42 "2005-11-18T14:21:56Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I knew that thread was going to end badly. Threads about child-rearing always do. That’s why I never mention any of my seventeen children on the board. You mean our seventeen children, bitch. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/43 "2005-11-18T15:38:56Z")
Two things from that other thread that I have to get off my chest: 1. “Her house, her rules.” Huh? Keep your shoes off of the sofa. Put your dirty dishes in the sink. No dessert until you finish your homework. Those are rules. “Shut up” is not a rule. It’s rudeness to a child. Paying the rent does not give you that right. 2. “Poor grandma had the stress of cleaning up doggie puke. She had every right to yell at the child.” Bullshit. If you have pets, you have to clean up after them. It’s part of the package, and it doesn’t cause PTSD. If grandma can’t deal with the stress of cleaning up after her own pets without yelling at a child, perhaps grandma needs to find a better home for Rover. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/44 "2005-11-18T15:56:16Z")
Oh, and two more things: 1. “She needs to learn that life is harsh, and she’d better learn to deal with it now.” That’s roughly the same as saying “Your feelings don’t matter, so it’s OK for us to treat you badly.” That is **not** a valuable lesson to teach the child. That just devalues the child. 2. **Alias** and **Harborwolf** , if you feel inclined to invite me over for breakfast, I’ll gladly accept. But I’m thinking I’m going to go ahead and preemtively pass on the flapjacks, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/45 "2005-11-18T16:22:01Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > Well, we’ve jumped the most expensive hurdle in that we already have land for the house. Here’s a thought, in case push comes to shove. In-laws of mine built their own house on land they owned. They’d also been living with relatives. They got enough money together to build the basement and put in electricity and plumbing, and they lived in the basement while they saved enough to finish the rest of the house. (It’s a damn nice basement.) I also have relatives who lived in a trailer (a cheap secondhand mobile home) on property they owned, while building. I have another relative who lives in a camper on his sister’s property, but that’s only until the cops find him. 🙂 I’ve lived with relatives and had relatives live with me, and it’s definitely a strain, for everyone, no matter how well you get along. ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/46 "2005-11-18T16:51:54Z")
Hi all, I don’t really want to post in here, but I feel that I should. My thread about what happened was really stupid, and I shouldn’t have posted it online. I got rather caught up in the moment of the situation (also, PMS + annoyance = emotional meltdown), and I just got really angry. I never meant for that thread to devolve into me trying to defend myself, and explain my circumstances. I just wanted to express my anger with my mother-in-law telling my daughter to shut up. I found it disrespectful. Period. Maybe it didn’t belong on the SDMB, but I figured any message board that has regular threads on farting wasn’t going to be too picky 😉 My point is that I felt comfortable enough here on the dope to share things like that. Elsewhere online, they’re saying horrible things about me and my family, and mocking us because we stated that no one here really knows us. That hurts, and I’m not even sure why. Most people here don’t have a face to me, but for some reason, they’re disapproval of who they think we are bothers me more than if they knew us all personally. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/47 "2005-11-18T17:05:18Z")
> [@Alias](#): > > Hi all, > > Elsewhere online, they’re saying horrible things about me and my family, and mocking us because we stated that no one here really knows us. That hurts, and I’m not even sure why. Most people here don’t have a face to me, but for some reason, they’re disapproval of who they think we are bothers me more than if they knew us all personally. Eeyugh. Don’t worry about that, you’ll be a nine days’ wonder and then they’ll find something else. An old Hindu proverb: “People will always talk. It’s people’s job to talk”. And that’s what they’ll do. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/48 "2005-11-18T17:21:41Z")
> [@Alias](#): > > Elsewhere online, they’re saying horrible things about me and my family, and mocking us because we stated that no one here really knows us. That hurts, and I’m not even sure why. Most people here don’t have a face to me, but for some reason, they’re disapproval of who they think we are bothers me more than if they knew us all personally. Alias, let it go. I don’t want to sound harsh, but you should know by now that when you post something online in an open forum, you are going to get a lot of responses that you don’t like from a lot of people you don’t know. Stop taking it so personally. The internet is huge, and any one message board is tiny, and none of it means a damn thing in real life. Also, it should be obvious to you by now that dragging “elsewhere online” over to the SDMB never does anyone any good. Do yourself a favor. Ask that this thread be closed, and then erase the Elsewhere URL from your browser’s history and stop going there. Every post you make in a trainwreck prolongs it. Walk away from it, log on to somewhere like [chickenhead.com](http://chickenhead.com) and have a good laugh, and forget about the crap. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/49 "2005-11-18T17:23:21Z")
I want to know about the spatula. Was it plastic? Was it metal? Did it have little slots in it? How was it cleaned, just regular like in a dishwasher or using a high powered hose and bleach and then super-heated? Maybe it was disposed of or has been relegated to permanent vomit duty? We need ALL the facts. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/50 "2005-11-18T17:44:27Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > I want to know about the spatula. . . Careful about that. I made a joke in the other thread about the spatula going right from the puke to the mac ‘n’ cheese, and someone took me seriously. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/51 "2005-11-18T17:47:53Z")
I had typed a post for that thread, and by the time I was done, it had been closed. I guess I just don’t get people. How it devolved into a judgement on your parenting and “abuse” of Grandma’s hospitality floored me. 😕 **The Harborwolves** have every right to their feelings–and that’s all the thread was–an expression of frustration. So, I feel for you guys. to think that others have taken this and run with it “elsewhere” (guess I’m glad I have no knowledge of elsewhere) is ludicrous. As if noone has ever been exasperated by an in-law before. IMO, Grandma was out of line and for all I know is passive/aggressive as hell and can’t talk about issues with adults, so takes them out on kids. OR she may have just lost her nut momentarily. The solution is to move out asap–but they already know that. Shut up is not a nice thing to say or a proper thing to say to a child. Woud those who defend it say to their boss, their spouse, their dog? Why is OK to say it to a child? But it’s not worth making a big issue out of, either. Again, MO, but I would pull kid aside and say, Grandma says these things when she is overwhelmed/angry, but she shouldn’t and we don’t want you to do so. End of story. ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/52 "2005-11-18T17:52:56Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > I want to know about the spatula. Was it plastic? Was it metal? Did it have little slots in it? How was it cleaned, just regular like in a dishwasher or using a high powered hose and bleach and then super-heated? Maybe it was disposed of or has been relegated to permanent vomit duty? > > We need ALL the facts. 😃 Honestly, I don’t know. I never saw the spatula in question. I’m hoping it was boiled in bleach. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/53 "2005-11-18T18:06:40Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > Shut up is not a nice thing to say or a proper thing to say to a child. Woud those who defend it say to their boss, their spouse, their dog? Why is OK to say it to a child?. I’ve certainly said it to my dog before (and honestly, said a lot worse), and I don’t know, I might have even said it to my boss, and I know my parents have said it to me offen enough. I don’t have a spouse. Is “shut up” all of a sudden a horribly terrible thing to say, such that hearing it will traumatize you for life? I realize it’s probably less formal and polite than, “Please refrain from speech for a bit.”, but I wasn’t aware it some some sort of uber-obscenity. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/54 "2005-11-18T18:09:38Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > Have you read any of my posts in this thread, or are you responding simply to the title? The title was less bluster and more “let’s get this out of the way.” I figured that the title might be taken the wrong way, so I made sure to clarify in the op and in a couple of posts after. **Harborwolf** , I seriously disagree with your belief that you need to do this. I don’t see how it’s even an issue, really. You don’t need to get this out of the way, the people who are making a big deal about it are the ones who aren’t worth paying attention to. Just ignore the snark boards. They’re trolls- they say those things because they know it upsets you and **Alias**. Or, what **Uvula Donor** said. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/55 "2005-11-18T18:10:11Z")
I can’t tell my _dog_ to shut up now? ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/56 "2005-11-18T18:11:43Z")
I now feel really bad for telling me daughter’s parakeet to shut up last night. He started it, though. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/57 "2005-11-18T18:26:05Z")
> [@Captain Amazing](#): > > Is “shut up” all of a sudden a horribly terrible thing to say, such that hearing it will traumatize you for life? I realize it’s probably less formal and polite than, “Please refrain from speech for a bit.”, but I wasn’t aware it some some sort of uber-obscenity. Not an uber-obscenity, but rude and disrespectful nonetheless. To me it’s just unheard of to say it to anyone. It’s **far** less polite than “Please refrain from speech for a bit.” If I were your boss and you said it to me, it’s likely that you’d be looking at want ads really soon. But maybe it’s a regional thing. Maybe it’s not as big a deal in some parts of the world. I remember years ago when I was visiting DC, I saw people all over the place giving each other the finger, like it was no big deal. Around here people never do that, except maybe on the highway. I was pretty shocked and surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/58 "2005-11-18T18:40:50Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Not an uber-obscenity, but rude and disrespectful nonetheless. To me it’s just unheard of to say it to anyone. It’s **far** less polite than “Please refrain from speech for a bit.” If I were your boss and you said it to me, it’s likely that you’d be looking at want ads really soon. Agreed. And I think it’s not even the words “shut up”; even “be quiet!” would have been rude in that situation. It’s not that children should think that there are never times when people don’t want them to talk or be noisy, but they should at least learn why. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/59 "2005-11-18T18:41:16Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Not an uber-obscenity, but rude and disrespectful nonetheless. To me it’s just unheard of to say it to anyone. It’s **far** less polite than “Please refrain from speech for a bit.” Yep, there are lots of other ways to say it. Shhhh. Be quiet please. Finger to lips gesture. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone to “shut up” except in jest, like when someone teases me when I do something stupid, and I say “Oh just shut up,” but I’m smiling when I say it. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578/60 "2005-11-18T18:48:03Z")
I told a co-worker to shut up once, and he threatened to kick my ass. I said I was okay with that, so long as he did it quietly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-lets-do-this/331578.md?page=4)