Okay, so I'm finally trying online dating...

JoeSki, I think I see what you mean, but the ‘hard sell’ would still make me bristle a bit. (I mean, it’s making me bristle right now, and you’re not even trying to use it on me, just describing it!) While it might work for getting a single ‘yes’, it would make me feel uncomfortable about going on the date, as the guy has demonstrated that he doesn’t care enough about my feelings to make sure it was a date I wanted as well, and was more concerned with pushing through his own agenda. I would be less likely to go on follow-up dates with someone who did that.

Can you be more specific? In PM if not in the thread is fine!

dmatsch, considering that as far as I know, weed is still illegal where you are, I’m not surprised you can’t find a site that openly caters to users…try Craigslist?

You look very cute and have a lovely smile; if I were 15 years younger…

Being a smoker is a put-off for many. As is not wanting children.

But I suggest that you hook up with the Nadsters (Angua’s one). They often meet up for drinks and the like in London.

I can see we’re going to agree to disagree here about some of the ways I might think or act to meet people. But I don’t this post ending with you thinking of me as a creep, because I’m really not and there are other people out there like me who are really good people. Like I said, I’ve been happily in a relationship for over a year now. If I only cared about what I wanted, there’s no way we would still be together.

I’ve been in sales for three years, and I originally got into it because I had crippling social anxiety and it had to go. I took the “rip your clothes off and jump into the ice cold water” approach and got a job selling cell phones. I didn’t grow up with charisma, it was very much something I had to learn. I’ve learned that “influence” and “manipulation” are the same thing, only when you hear one word you think of likeable inspirational speakers and when you hear the other you think of comic book super villains. I really don’t see the difference between selling someone a product, making a crowd laugh with a well placed joke, or having a pretty girl go out with me on a date. Manipulation is manipulation, and it’s just as difficult when you have good intentions as when you have bad intentions. The only thing that makes a difference is wether the person making the calls is good hearted or a bastard.

A girl who says “yes, I’ll go out with you” but doesn’t really want to isn’t a girl who actually shows up for a date. If a girl doesn’t like me when I “tell her out”, thw hole thing is going to fall on its face. I’m not trying to tell anyone here how to hold absolute control over anyone or how to try and bully someone into a date. What the “tell her out” thing to me says is “Hey, I like you and I see you having fun with me, so lets just go and have some fun and leave the akwardness at home”. I’m not trying to tell anyone how to be a good person either. It’s up to whoever uses my advice to actually be a decent person and likeable. But when it comes to the dating scene, that really isn’t enough. You have to know how to show yourself as strong, confident, cool headed, funny, and overall likeable. You have to make that particular impression, and if you can think of a way to describe the steps on how you do that without sounding, well, controlling or manipulative, be my guest.

Yes, I used to think of dating very much in terms of “sales” in much the same way you might think of an auditorium of people being naked so you can perform your recital without screwing up. No, these allusions do not compliment the other people in the picture very well. You may say it even degrades them. The point is it allows you to function at your best until you can get a grip on your bearings for an unfamiliar situation.

None of what I mention here speaks of my better qualities, or the qualities of someone you might meet who might think the same way. Like how when I confront a personal problem, I attack it head on until I understand the fundemtnals of the issue. Or how I like to cook for other people, I love adventure, I’m generous, I love laughing, I hate arguing, I’m dependable, I value honor and can tell you what it means even, and despite my sales background I am known to my family, friends and customers as being very open and honest.

Sorry if this ran on for too long. It was supposed to be shorter and I didn’t mean to hijack a thread here. I wanted you to share my perspective for a moment.

Yes, to people who don’t smoke or who want children. She is not trying to attract those people.

True, but, for example, in the latter case she might put ‘Not at this time’. After all, she’s young, and has time to change her mind.

But she might not. Why should she present herself as anything other than what she is? There are, presumably, women out there who do want kids, who would presumably be better matches for the men who want to have kids.

twicks, who didn’t want to have kids when she was 23, and still doesn’t at 53.

Okay - here’s a sentence fragment - “. So that clearly worked out well. I”
"expanding my bookcase, moving, music in groups, grilled cheese sandwiches " - should be capitalized and punctuated, the same as the rest of the short notes.
“I love all Shakespeares, and although my preferences have shifted as I’ve gotten older, Love’s Labour’s Lost, Othello and the Henry VI trilogy have always been pretty close to the top of my list.” - Shakespeare’s should have possessive apostrophe; titles of plays/novels should be in quotes or italicized.
“Lentils, in the week before payday, and, of course, Guinness, a meal in itself.” - This might be more of a style choice, but I would take the comma out after “lentils.”
"Or if you want to find a friend in the city! " - another sentence fragment.

Just my opinions, of course, and I’m no editor or grammar expert myself. :slight_smile:

I think your grammar is fine, Tracy. When I was on OKC I was very picky about grammar, but your profile would definitely not have set off any alarms in that area for me. (If I were a straight guy looking for a girl, anyway. :slight_smile: ) It’s an online profile, not an academic thesis.

Way above average grammar for an online ad.

In fact, anyone who has a problem with your grammar (after seeng your picture and reading what you have to say) is a pretentious snobby twit who needs to find himself another twit to date.

And “Shakespeares” (a plural meaning several plays by WS, as opposed to “Shakespeare’s,” a possessive meaning plays belonging to him) is just fine. “I’ve read many Shakespeares” is fine, informal English. Carry on.

True enough, but she also makes a point of saying that she wrangles grammar for a living. That sets the bar about as high as it can go.

Okay, that just makes it a really awkward sentence then. I’d edit it for readability.

JoeSki, I don’t think you’re a creep! I just don’t think I would react well to that kind of hard sell. I get defensive at salespeople giving me a hard sell in shops, too, so I don’t think it’s only a dating thing – it’s pretty much any time someone gives me an imperative who is not (a) paying me for work or (b) a parent. I understand the social anxiety (heck, as I mentioned in my profile, I commit an act of unbearable awkwardness about once a week over here), but I think I’ve reacted to that by being more laid-back about events and relationships instead of stressing and worrying over how to make things happen.

If a fellow “tells me out”, that signifies that he has A Plan, and that makes me more nervous/uncomfortable, not less, because it means I’ll have to figure out what he wants, and what else he might try to tell me to do, and when I’ll have to say ‘no’, and how to say ‘no’ politely, and… Whereas a request seems like an offer to start with equal interest and open lines of communication.

In summary: I would find it irritating and itself a turn-off, but I don’t think it’s intrinsically creepy.

featherlou, I think we disagree in that I don’t believe sentence fragments are automatically erroneous. In my professional opinion*, part of understanding grammar is understanding what’s appropriate for the context. For example, I allow sentence fragments in our opinion columns but not our news stories. The OKCupid profile questions are asking for lists, and in that context I believe fragments are apt.

(For the record, “Shakespeares” is a plural of the informal use, which I think I picked up as an undergrad, of referring to a play by the author’s name, as in “There’s a good Stoppard on at the Haymarket” or “I haven’t read the new Churchill yet”. I think it accurately reflects my speech patterns, which is, in my opinion, part of being honest about presentation.)

Seriously! That seems like a very odd comment to make. I don’t want kids and I do smoke occasionally. Why would I try to attract interest from someone who won’t be a good match? What’s the point of misrepresenting yourself if it’s going to decrease the likelihood of finding someone you fit with and want to date?

*how exciting is that to be able to say? :smiley:

I wasn’t going to say anything, but there’s also:

“I’ve never made actually made cinnamon rolls by myself,…”

:o Zing! That’s what happens when you revise too much and don’t have anyone else look it over. Thanks for the heads-up, I’ve fixed it, and will let you know when there’s a job opening on my desk.

Ah, you appear to have discovered the mating habits of the typical British male. :dubious:

We don’t really do the “number exchange” when sober, it feels a bit too American. :wink:

When you spot a lad you like, get one of your mates to tell one of his mates that you quite fancy him. This is the “direct approach” and can work.

Otherwise it’s a case of getting royally leathered on a Friday night and concluding the evening with a drunken snog in a minicab. This is the “romantic approach” and tends to have most chance of success.

Anyway, your profile is great and I’m sure you’ll be snapped up soon.

I think we will have to agree to disagree - I am not fond of sentence fragments outside of actual lists. My goal isn’t to get all bogged down in the grammar nitpicks - your profile is good overall. As others have said, it’s phenomenally literate for an online ad. :slight_smile:

Not to mention that it’s deceptive (a big turn-off for me and most others, I imagine) and a waste of both of their time and emotional investment in the other*, however slight. Why do that to someone else, much less yourself? It’s a pretty pointless thing to do just for the ego boost of attracting a few more people.

*In your professional opinion, Tracy Lord :slight_smile: (and others), how do I make that whole section (“and a waste…in the other”) grammatically correct? I’m assuming it probably isn’t.

You’re welcome. And I may hold you to that offer, I am looking for a job.

Good luck. (Or would “happy hunting” be more appropriate?)

Thought I’d update now that something actually seems to be going somewhere – I’ve got a date to grab a pint with Tom Waits Guy tonight! We’ve been emailing pretty steadily, and getting along in text quite well, but the Christmas season being what it is, we were both too busy to actually meet up.

I’ve also been messaging a few others, but no solid plans to meet any of them yet. I like the slower pace that online allows, and that you can stop communication relatively painlessly if you realize you’re not getting along.

I’d just kill the second “of”, which is redundant, to make it “a waste of both their time and emotional investment”. :slight_smile:

Good luck! Have fun.

And tell us all about it! :wink:

Are we getting more mature as a group? Forty replies and not a single joke about the irony of the username/OP combo?