# Okay, THAT'S IT, I'm getting the shovel (v. long, and v. strange) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 23, 2002, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221 "2002-08-23T12:24:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/41 "2002-08-30T21:58:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*Sorry, **stofsky** , but “Muskrat Love” was recorded by Captain and Tenille _and_ by America. It’s on the latter’s “Greatest Hits” album, even. > \*\* My bad. I should be glad that I’ve only heard the one version. But what was Dewey Bunnel thinking? ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/42 "2002-08-30T22:00:23Z")
TWO BAND NAMES! \*Disembodied Santa Heads Infernal perpetual motion machine of Death. \* Hey, somebody had to say it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marvel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marvel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvel)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/43 "2002-08-30T22:02:06Z")
“Now the difficult part: which song, when continuously repeated, will cause maximum strife in minimum time? “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”? “This is the song that never ends…”? Perhaps some Kate Bush?” Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!! That’s the Goddess of All That is Good your talking about there, partner! Now if you REALLY want to mess with someone, how about using “The Macarana?” sp? Patty ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/44 "2002-08-30T22:09:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marvel \* > \*\*"Now the difficult part: which song, when continuously repeated, will cause maximum strife in minimum time? \*\* Whatever song you choose, be sure it’s recorded to sound it’s dragging just a little. Also, have half the dolls singing about a half-second behind the other half. Oh yeah, red blinking LED’s for eyes would hurt and maybe some glow-in-the-dark yellow teeth, too. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/45 "2002-08-30T22:35:04Z")
You know, when I was younger, I once cut out a photo of my younger brother’s head and glued it next to the word ‘ugly’ in the dictionary. My mom thought it was funny, but she had to hide it because my brother was crying. ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/46 "2002-08-31T05:25:47Z")
My gawd–I can’t believe I just learned that ‘Muskrate Love’ was sung by two separate bands. This is just horrible! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![LCP2972](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@LCP2972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LCP2972)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2002, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/47 "2002-08-31T12:29:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Osip \* > \*\* snip > maybe turning his skin blue for a few weeks? > snip > \*\* hey I want to know how to turn blue for a couple weeks, it seems liek a good way to get folks at work to leave me alone. any help in this, or on how to turn green, for that matter would be greatly appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![DarkJudicator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@DarkJudicator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkJudicator)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/48 "2002-09-02T07:21:26Z")
Which song should you use to cause a maximum of psychological trauma, for minimum listening time? Silly question. _It’s a small world after all, It’s a small world after all, It’s a small world after all, It’s a small, small world…_ This situation calls for a serious mindfuck. I don’t think the automated toy angle is something you can attack him with - let’s be honest, your brother has that one sewn up nicely - but possibly a ketchup-drenched Santa head facing him in the morning when he wakes up, Godfather style, kitchen knife through its forehead, might let him know you mean **business**! (of course, you might have to negotiate with your parents - I think it’ll be worth being forced to wash your brother’s bedsheets, though). Of course, the problem remains to try to find some weakness to exploit once you’ve made this opening gambit… hmmm… he’s 11, I’m inclined to go with the replacing-the-underwear idea **Zebra** suggested, and possibly make sure an item or two of that nature finds its way into his laundry hamper “accidentally” every week or so for a while… If one _does_ choose to take the path of fighting fire with fire, my personal vote would be not for a singing doll, but rather one of the talking **Crocodile Hunter** dolls. It’s like Chucky crossed with Crocodile Dundee. Provided you can stand the sound yourself, three or four of these set up to activate in ingenious (sp?) ways could drive your brother insane. I’ll observe nearby children of the same age and observe the way their minds work… and report back. DarkJudicator, over and out. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/49 "2002-09-02T12:42:51Z")
For an eleven year old, your little brother is a fucking evil genius! You should be proud (and afraid…very afraid). ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/50 "2002-09-02T18:05:47Z")
What i’ve always wanted to do was buy: 2 tape recorders, 2 “clappers” attach the recorders to the clappers, then fill both machines with tapes of endless loops of clapping. Then turn one on. Hopefully, the first clap will simultaneously turn the one machine off, and its brethern back ON. It will then play the sound of clapping and the process repeats itself. lemme know if it works if anyone tries this 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fifteen\_Iguana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Fifteen\_Iguana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fifteen_Iguana)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/51 "2002-09-02T18:19:31Z")
hey auRa; Thanks. I haven’t laughed that hard in many a long day. Fifteen Iguana ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2002, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/52 "2002-09-03T06:31:37Z")
Don’t thank me, thank my brother. If it weren’t for him, the stories of my life would be not only far less stressful, but also less interesting. 🙂 And just think, I have four little brothers. Two of them are younger than Tauri. They haven’t even _got_ to the Budding Evil Genius stage yet. Methinks I need to move out asap. ---
**Author:** ![MaryFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90db22/32.png) [@MaryFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaryFoo)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/53 "2002-09-06T21:59:57Z")
Escalation in a war with a ten-year-old could be unwise, specially a fiend such as this one. However… try [http://www.crashbonsai.com/](http://www.crashbonsai.com/) He may not have his own bonsai, but if he is a fan of any of the cars depicted, you may come up with a scene for it that would get his attention. ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/54 "2002-09-13T19:07:59Z")
So school started up again this week, and, since this is the Helsinki School of Economics, of course we are showered with back-to-school presents from different companies. (Well, technically only first-year students are, but I’m not going to go into the details.) And thus, completely by chance (or was it **Fate**?), on Monday morning I made contact with The World’s Most Annoying Bottle Opener. The moment I saw what it could do, my brain was turned into a blazing furnace in which was forged the cunning plan of revenge on my little brother. The World’s Most Annoying Bottle Opener is a business gift from Two Dogs beer. It is green. It is made of plastic, except for the actual bottle-opening part, which is metal. It has the Two Dogs logo. It is battery-operated. When the metal part comes into contact with a bottle cap (or any other metal, as quick experimentation proved), it starts barking. Woof! Woof woof!.. yes! Yes yes! _I had it!_ The perfect weapon. I managed to mooch two of these babies off the people handing them out, and then convinced my friend to lend me hers (which was easy, since she threw it across the hall in alarm and disgust when I demonstrated to her how it worked while she was holding it). I was now armed with not one, not two, but _three_ Weapons of Mass Brother Bothering. (Of Death.) I waited until Wednesday night to carry out my nefarious plan. For, you see, Tauri likes his sleep as much as I do, and he didn’t have school until 10 am on Thursday, so he was going to make the most of his time. Prepubescent Dr. Demento was conked out by 11.30 pm. Really deeply. Snoring even. How sweet. It was then I struck. I slithered over to his room, carrying with me the three WMABOs, some tape, and three ordinary metal paperclips. I taped a paperclip to each bottle opener so that the circuit was closed and the barking began. I hid one under his pillow, one under the bed, and one in his backpack, which was lying on the floor on the opposite side of the room. There were now three “Woof! Woof woof!” loops going on and on in his room. Not synchronized, of course. The end result somewhat resembled the opening sequence of “Who Let The Dogs Out” (woof, woof, woof-woof), but was even more annoying (if that is humanly possible). The sound was just quiet enough not to wake one up immediately, but still loud enough to _bore deep into a sleeping mind and **fester there, poking at synapses and tearing at neurons…** _ [sub]I’m sorry, that might have been slightly frightening to some people. The point is, the sound was friggin’ annoying.[/sub] I then walked out, shut the door of his room, and retired to my own room. And waited. My efforts were rewarded about 30 minutes later, when Tauri burst into my room, half giggling and half attempting to suffocate me with a stuffed panda. After warding him off (which was hard to do, since I was laughing hysterically myself by now), we both had to lie down for a while because laughing really wears you out, you know. So thus ends this episode of **auRa** vs. various annoying singing beeping gyrating things. I’ll keep you updated if need be. ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2002, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/55 "2002-09-13T23:21:34Z")
You Fool! Now HE has the barking bottle openers! Methinks the saga has only just begun… ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2002, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/56 "2002-09-14T07:04:51Z")
Ah, I forgot to mention that I did, indeed, retrieve the bottle openers from his room when I escorted him back to bed. **I** have the bottle openers. Mwahhaa. ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/57 "2002-09-15T03:40:47Z")
Good work! You had me fearing there for a second. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/58 "2002-09-15T06:06:16Z")
Here’s a suggestion a la Dave Barry: Get a karaoke machine and have your parents sing showtunes to his classmates (during school hours, of course)! It’s just possible that the embarrassment could kill him, though, so proceed with caution! Oh, and thanks for the laugh. I nearly split my sides!! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/59 "2002-09-15T10:21:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auRa \* > Prepubescent Dr. Demento was conked out by 11.30 pm. Really deeply. Snoring even. How sweet. > > It was then I struck. Fucking poetry. Beautiful. You, my esteemed e-colleague, have a bright future ahead of you whether you plan to conquer the world or cure cooties. I remain faithfully yours, punha, admirer from afar (America, actually, but who’s counting?) ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2002, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221/60 "2002-09-15T11:27:34Z")
I knew I should have opened this sooner!!! Sounds like a friend of mine might have competition for Evil Genius Who’ll Take Over the World. Remind me not to make either of you mad. In the meantime, does your little brother use a computer, specifically a Windows based one? If I recall, there are some evil things you can do using Control Panel that may confuse him. CJ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-thats-it-im-getting-the-shovel-v-long-and-v-strange/125221.md?page=4)