# okay, what constitutes being "Good in Bed" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388 "2003-05-29T23:11:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![angelabaca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@angelabaca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelabaca)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/21 "2003-05-30T18:03:49Z")
“Good In Bed” 1.) Definitely laughing… Almost all the bloopers that happen in bed are real, natual things, just giggle and have at it. 2.) Reading each other… Talking each other through sex towards the orgasm… If it’s with a S/O, Im sure she (or he) has talked about or given hints about the things that she likes but hasn’t tried. 3.) Make sure to have your ‘code word’ decided. Mine is “pineapple”. ---
**Author:** ![angelabaca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@angelabaca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelabaca)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/22 "2003-05-30T18:09:11Z")
“Good In Bed” 1.) Definitely laughing… Almost all the bloopers that happen in bed are real, natual things, just giggle and have at it. 2.) Reading each other… Talking each other through sex towards the orgasm… If it’s with a S/O, Im sure she (or he) has talked about or given hints about the things that she likes but hasn’t tried. 3.) Make sure to have your ‘code word’ decided. Mine is “pineapple”. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/23 "2003-05-30T18:44:27Z")
…code word…?? I thought it was universally known as “boinking”… This all sounds too easy. Is what everyone saying is that if each partner gets each other off (repeatedly according to **rjung** )and doesnt take the gaffs too seriously, then theyre good in bed? gotta be more to it than that. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/24 "2003-05-30T19:13:53Z")
Maybe there wouldn’t be such a thing as ‘bad in bed’ if there wasn’t a selfish person expecting and not teaching. If your complaining, you’re not helping anything. It takes two. If you dislike something about your parter in the area of sex, for gods sake, LET THEM KNOW!!! ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/25 "2003-05-30T20:13:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by X~Slayer(ALE) \* > \*\*…code word…?? > > I thought it was universally known as “boinking”… > > \*\* Perhaps she means “safe word”? I just came from “What is romantic?” and I’m going to say the same thing: pay attention. Because (like I said there) it’s generally romantic to be paid attention to and you’ll figure out what really does it for your partner, also because sex is all about being a feed-back loop. You get excited by your partners excitment, you repsond to it, they repond to your response… I’d like to say a certain amount of selfishness is not out of place. If I get excited by his pleasure, then I want to know about it. I like demanding, if it makes me feel like he wants me desperatly. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/26 "2003-05-30T22:51:04Z")
Actually Xslayer… I think it really is that simple. As long as the two people involved are each satisfied with the other in the relationship then they will each feel the other is good in bed. Would I satisfy someone other than my husband? Who knows and really who cares… I make him happy and that’s what counts. Conversely he makes me happy and that’s really all that matters there too. I’ve often seen satisfaction with ones sex life as a good barometer for the relationship as a whole… Sex life good … relationship good… sex life bad … relationship having problems. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/27 "2003-05-30T23:00:53Z")
good to know **tannokie** thank you. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/28 "2003-05-30T23:02:06Z")
a thousand abject pardons **tanookie**! ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/29 "2003-05-30T23:21:02Z")
Being good in bed means being the kind of person who: makes you come (or at least have a really good time) makes you feels safe and comfortable (or makes you feel naughty and dangerous) makes you breakfast in bed (or makes YOU breakfast, in bed). All I can say is, you’ll know when you’ve found it. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/30 "2003-05-30T23:22:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by betenoir \* > \*\*Perhaps she means “safe word”? > I just came from “What is romantic?” and I’m going to say the same thing: pay attention. > > Because (like I said there) it’s generally romantic to be paid attention to and you’ll figure out what really does it for your partner, also because sex is all about being a feed-back loop. You get excited by your partners excitment, you repsond to it, they repond to your response… > > I’d like to say a certain amount of selfishness is not out of place. If I get excited by his pleasure, then I want to know about it. I like demanding, if it makes me feel like he wants me desperatly. \*\* I was just kidding about the Boinking thing 🙂 For us its actually a gentle pull on the lower earlobe. Allow me to express what my opinion of what Romance really is. _Its my thread and I’ll hijack it if I want to…_ Romance is what a man will do (and he’ll do most anything) to implicitely get what he cannot explicitely wants. The Golden age of romance was born at a time when sex was not openly discussed much less practiced where anyone else can witness it. So secret words, letters, subtle gestures, innuendoes, double meanings were invented. At the crux of this 2 lovers must communicate in a way that the 2 can understand while others might be left confused. True lovers create a rapport and intimacy that is quite unequalled. However, the modern man is a horn dog. He sees sex and sexuality everywhere from the TV, magazines, movies and all around him. Modern men are born with insane appetites, a need for instant gratification and mostly a screwed up understanding of what a woman desires (based on what other men think women want). Women crave the intimacy and rapport. Men want sex. Women want wit, charm and humor. men want sex. women want to be understood, to be loved but not be bound, to find a soul mate. men want sex …and big boobs. Romance is dead. the sexual revolution killed it. ---
**Author:** ![angelabaca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@angelabaca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelabaca)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/31 "2003-05-30T23:26:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by X~Slayer(ALE) \* > **…code word…??** Well, I tend to prefer a lot of role playing… Like “rape” scenarios and stuff, but sometimes it’s too intense. Yelling “STOP!” in a rape scenario doesn’t not work for obvious resons. So a mutually agreed upon & unrelated word serves the purpose. Hence, “ **pinapple** ”. :o ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/32 "2003-05-30T23:27:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by irishgirl \* > \*\*All I can say is, you’ll know when you’ve found it. \*\* sorry dear. That may be impossible. …I’m Married. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/33 "2003-05-30T23:27:05Z")
You do everything in a half hour rather than 8 months. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/34 "2003-05-30T23:31:59Z")
well since you hijacked your own thread… romance isn’t dead but you do need to work a little harder at it these days. Also when people think of romance they picture carriages filled with flowers and champagne with a midnight ride by the lake kind of stuff… but for most of us life just is not like that. You want romantic? My husband made a bath for two one evening after the baby finally fell asleep. Candles and soft music and bubble bath! We had big plans for nookie that evening! So we sat in the tub together him sitting in the back and me nestled in front of him so we kinda spooned… we have a normal size tub… you know how two people don’t fit in that! But we were all warm and relaxed and just sharing our day. Well he gave me a back/neck massage and I fell asleep:eek: He let me sleep there for a while and woke me gently when the water got cold. He dried me all up and tucked me into bed. As I sleepily apologized for not fulfilling our romantic evening he shushed me and told me that he was happy just having the time to sit and marvel at what a lucky man he was for having me as his wife! 🙂 And nope sorry he doesn’t have a brother. ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/35 "2003-05-30T23:38:35Z")
Rapport. Aint it grand? I _used_ to have a knack for goving gifts. I prided in being able to find the perfect gift for anyone for any occasion. The trick was really simple. I listened to the ones I was giving a gift to. I gave them what they wanted but wouldnt buy for themselves. It translates well into a relationship that it was almost like reading minds until ---
**Author:** ![X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbe5ce/32.png) [@X\_Slayer\_ALE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/X_Slayer_ALE)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/36 "2003-05-30T23:40:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by angelabaca \* > \*\*Well, I tend to prefer a lot of role playing… :o \*\* How do manage to get more intriguing??! _sigh_ I’m 2 inches below you height requirement tho ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/37 "2003-05-31T01:07:41Z")
> [@](#): > > makes you breakfast in bed (or makes YOU breakfast, in bed). Hmmm, one thing I did right at least 😛 > [@](#): > > X-Slayer wrote: > **How do manage to get more intriguing??! > _sigh_ I’m 2 inches below you height requirement tho** Heh, once again I agree with you. Or was it the other way around last time and you agreed with me? I can’t remember 😉 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/38 "2003-05-31T01:35:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by X~Slayer(ALE) \* > \*\*_Its my thread and I’ll hijack it if I want to…_ > > Romance is what a man will do (and he’ll do most anything) to implicitely get what he cannot explicitely wants. The Golden age of romance was born at a time when sex was not openly discussed much less practiced where anyone else can witness it. So secret words, letters, subtle gestures, innuendoes, double meanings were invented. At the crux of this 2 lovers must communicate in a way that the 2 can understand while others might be left confused. True lovers create a rapport and intimacy that is quite unequalled. > > However, the modern man is a horn dog. He sees sex and sexuality everywhere from the TV, magazines, movies and all around him. Modern men are born with insane appetites, a need for instant gratification and mostly a screwed up understanding of what a woman desires (based on what other men think women want). Women crave the intimacy and rapport. Men want sex. Women want wit, charm and humor. men want sex. women want to be understood, to be loved but not be bound, to find a soul mate. men want sex …and big boobs. Romance is dead. the sexual revolution killed it. \*\* Oh, bullshit. I’m tired of hearing this line. Read my post in “What is Romantic?” and reconcile it with your idea of “what woman want”. Not becuaes it was about what women want, just about what I (a woman last time I checked) want. First of all I WANT SEX. Second of all, I know countless men who want sex and intimacy and rapport and wit and charm and humor. Well, duh!!! The “Golden age” of romance seems to me to involve a lot of idealized ideas about the other person (idealization of “male” and 'female")as oppoesed to any real knowegde of the other person. I like it better now. ---
**Author:** ![noddygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/47e85d/32.png) [@noddygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/noddygrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/39 "2003-05-31T19:37:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by betenoir \* > \*\*Oh, bullshit. > > I’m tired of hearing this line. Read my post in “What is Romantic?” and reconcile it with your idea of “what woman want”. Not becuaes it was about what women want, just about what I (a woman last time I checked) want. > > First of all I WANT SEX. > > Second of all, I know countless men who want sex and intimacy and rapport and wit and charm and humor. > > Well, duh!!! > > The “Golden age” of romance seems to me to involve a lot of idealized ideas about the other person (idealization of “male” and 'female")as oppoesed to any real knowegde of the other person. I like it better now. \*\* I’m with you 100%, betenoir. The point is–everyone is different. Anyone who assumes that “women/men want _X_” and approaches sex based on that kind of generalisation is bound to be a lousy partner, in my opinion. Agree with all who said that communication is the number one key. That and having no inhibitions (or as few as possible 😃 ). Sex is no time to be selfconscious! On oral sex: Most guys who perform it seem to think they’re doing you some great favour. Eh. Like some of the other women here, I find it boring _unless_ someone really knows what they’re doing down there. Hint: don’t be afraid to do more than lick. Would a few licks constitute a good blowjob? I somehow doubt it. ---
**Author:** ![Ooner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/c67d28/32.png) [@Ooner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ooner)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388/40 "2003-05-31T20:11:36Z")
Being responsive, especially MAKING NOISE. Now screaming isn’t necessarily good, but I can think of no time when heavy breathing and moaning is a bad thing. Fake sounds are never good, but I think anyone who gets into it and lets go of some inhibitions can make some noise, and that’s good for both of us. I’ll add another vote for sense of humor in bed too, but clarify that that’s only good sometimes. Sex shouldn’t be completely giggly and silly. Good in bed means knowing when to roll around and giggle and when to look passionately into your partner’s eyes and kiss gently and moan just a little and be extra serious about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-what-constitutes-being-good-in-bed/178388.md?page=3)