# Okay, who ordered the phoenix? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 22, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604 "2003-06-22T19:03:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/41 "2003-06-23T15:55:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* Hey, who ordered the Phoenix? \*\* Well, maybe nobody did? He’s standing over there. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/42 "2003-06-23T15:57:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* Hey, who ordered the Phoenix? \*\* Is that a riddle? Don’t ask, but I’ve really truly HAD it with riddles for today. :wipes sweat of brow: ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/43 "2003-06-23T17:22:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maastricht \* > \*\*Is that a riddle? Don’t ask, but I’ve really truly HAD it with riddles for today. \*\* Really? I’ve never heard of serving riddles with Phoenix. Usually they serve riddles with Sphinx. How about this one? It’s easy, but appropriate. \*I am always hungry and must always be fed. The finger I lick will soon turn red. What am I?\* ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/44 "2003-06-23T17:50:06Z")
Fire? Good, lord men, don’t start a fire in here!! They’re never going to fall for this whole hollow horse gag if they see smoke coming out the cleverly concealed airholes. Honestly. Some people. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/45 "2003-06-23T17:55:14Z")
I don’t have time for this. I have my father to kill and several sisters eager for me to impregnate them. ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/46 "2003-06-23T17:59:19Z")
(Damn commas. That, of course, should have been, "Good lord, men, . . . "). :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Tambo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@Mr\_Tambo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Tambo)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/47 "2003-06-23T18:04:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Maastricht \* > \*\*Is that a riddle? Don’t ask, but I’ve really truly HAD it with riddles for today. > > :wipes sweat of brow: > \*\* Oh, hey, it’s you! Thebes rang. Your mother wants you. ---
**Author:** ![FordPrefect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@FordPrefect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordPrefect)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/48 "2003-06-23T18:19:29Z")
those damn twins from that unpronouncable town have just crushed my collar-bone with a large rock and I cannot throw my spear. Oh look, my brains have been smooshed out of my ears and blood just exploded out of my nose, it would have come out my mouth as well had that bastard on the chariot not just stuck a spear in it. ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/49 "2003-06-23T18:27:12Z")
(The original post was just an afterthought I posted before signing off one day. Now I come back and I’m laughing my head off at the replies. You guys are amazing! Then, I guess I’m like Will Rogers: I never metamorphosis I didn’t like.) To the diner who ordered the phoenix: it just conked it’s head on the inside of the oven the last time it rose, and now it’s out cold. Here’s your chance. Hope you like dark meat. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/50 "2003-06-23T18:39:47Z")
Noman should order the phoenix. It’s a classic. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/51 "2003-06-23T19:35:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aholibah \* > \*\*Fire? > > Good, lord, men, don’t start a fire in here!! They’re never going to fall for this whole hollow horse gag if they see smoke coming out the cleverly concealed airholes. > > Honestly. Some people. \*\* I called my neigh-bor concealed horse’s airhole, and he looked perplexed. I walked away; it would have taken too long to explain. I didn’t Troy. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/52 "2003-06-23T20:52:10Z")
Okay, so we were wandering around out there on the sea for WAY too long, and those guys in the walled city kept saying that what’s-her-name wasn’t even there anymore, so whu were we beseiging it? and that lummox with the lute got brained, so even though music may soothe the savage breast, it does NOTHING for the male of the species, and… dammit, I want to get back home. This whole expedition? I think we got fleeced. ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/53 "2003-06-24T00:39:53Z")
Look, this morning, when I ordered the phoenix, I really thought I was going to be hungry later, but a lot has happened since then. A while back I kind of accidentally sort of killed this old guy I met on the road. A bit later I fell in love with this really foxy older babe and we got married and everything seemed to be going pretty well. Today, pretty much right after I’d decided on what I’d like for take-out, I come to find out that the stiff was my dad and I’m married to mom. What with the remorse and trying to figure out how to break this to the kids, I decided just to poke my eyes out. So I’m really not all that hungry just at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Quantum\_Butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e79b87/32.png) [@Quantum\_Butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quantum_Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/54 "2003-06-24T07:45:16Z")
Hi, we ordered thirty cattle of the sun, roasted medium-rare, to go. Just don’t tell the captain, or he’s gonna be pissed. Oh, and could you dress one of those cows for a sacrifice to Helios? Sure, the soothsayers said he would get mad if we killed his cattle, but we figure a sacrifice will make it all good. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/55 "2003-06-24T08:04:35Z")
Damnit, that guy stole my wife! I mean, I don’t care myself, good riddace to the old bat, but my psychopath brother’s got a bee in his bonnet about it and I don’t have the reciept for the wedding gifts anymore and, oh who cares. Pass me that wine flask. The really big one. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/56 "2003-06-24T11:19:37Z")
Well, not me. See, I’m currently dating this big-shot guy. He claims he knows exactly what it feels like to be a prize-bull, a swan, or one of those little birds they stuff and eat in Southern Europe. I think he’s full of crap, but the sex is divine, so I’m not going to argue. So he’s temporarily turned me into a vegetarian. But don’t spread the word: he’s got an insanely jealous bitch for a wife and I wouldn’t want her after me. ---
**Author:** ![mallocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f4b2a3/32.png) [@mallocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mallocks)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2003, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/57 "2003-06-24T12:51:05Z")
I’m trying to out-run a hare at the moment, I’ll be there as soon as it’s done. damn thing, always outrunning me… (sorry if this was already taken, was kinda distracted when reading the thread :)) ---
**Author:** ![Aholibah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Aholibah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aholibah)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/58 "2003-06-25T03:53:32Z")
I ordered the Phoenix. I thought it was going to be the deciding factor in this contest that was going on, but then whats-her-name goes and offers the judge the most beautiful woman in the world to be his wife. So, obviously, for bribery purposes, the Phoenix is pretty much a washout. Maybe the delivery guy (is Hermes still working that gig?) can take it home with him at the end of the night, if you can’t find any other takers. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/59 "2003-06-25T04:06:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeVena \* > \*\*No thanks - I’m not eating anything today… Have to get back and help my mom. > > No really! I’m on a diet, I couldn’t eat a thing. > > OOoooo Pomegranate seeds!!! Well maybe I can stay a while… \*\* **sigh** Kids. You turn your back on them for one minute and they’re running off with some punk who runs the underworld and breaking their mother’s heart… Now if you’ll excuse me I have droughts to cause! ---
**Author:** ![Hoopy\_Frood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hoopy_frood/32/8452_2.png) [@Hoopy\_Frood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hoopy_Frood)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604/60 "2003-07-07T12:32:49Z")
Sorry bout the Phoenix thing. My replacement has yet to come and relieve me of my burden. He was supposed to show up during this century. When he gets here, I’ll let you know. _Entire Earth Trembles._ Sorry 'bout that. Had to work out a kink in my neck. By the way, can you add an order of herbs to that. Extra poppy plants if possible. My back and shoulders are killing me right now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-who-ordered-the-phoenix/183604.md?page=4)