# Okay women...school me! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 1, 2009, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939 "2009-02-01T00:40:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2009, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/101 "2009-02-04T23:57:31Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > How can a work function with no particular romantic intent with somebody who probably doesn’t even know you’re interested go “well”? > > Either ask her out, or knock it off. > > Better yet, get a profile on OKCupid. Message every reasonably interesting woman within a 25-mile radius. Go on at least a half dozen first dates, two second dates, and get laid at least once. If the topic comes up in conversation with Ms. Wonderful, casually mention them (not the getting laid part - that’s implicit). If, after about two months of dating, you haven’t met somebody even MORE fabulous, THEN ask her out. > > It sounds like you’ve already dug yourself into a hole by inappropriately fixating on one particular woman. If she rejects you, you’re going to feel like shit. Best to quit while you’re only slightly behind instead of utterly crushed. So in this day and age, I can’t even make small talk with someone before asking her out? How would she know if I am interested if don’t even say “hello” By your logic I should just find some random woman on the street and ask her out. Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I would hope to know SOMETHING about someone before I ask them out. By going well I meant that we had good conversation. Is that not at least one of many possible good signs? If she was a raving control freak I probably would have moved on. I’m not fixated, but it’s an idea at least. And I won’t feel crushed, I’ll just move on. Have I already posted that? If it’s not in this thread it’s in the other one. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/102 "2009-02-05T00:10:21Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Maybe you have the problem of being only able to talk about things that interest you but not about things that interest her…When you’re talking to women, do you ask them questions about themselves? Not easy questions like “Where are your parents from?” But thoughtful questions that engage their minds and stimulate the gray matter. Like “What’s the one thing you feel like you’re missing in life the most?” or “Are you living the life you thought you would when you were little?” I have a difficult time even getting to that point, i.e. getting to an actual date. On the occasions that I do, I generally don’t talk much about myself–to a point of fault–and my general approach is to ask questions about her. I don’t think I’d ask the type of questions you’d suggest on a first or second date just because I wouldn’t be comfortable answering questions like that myself. (I tend to avoid questions about family or experiences growing up for the same reason, though I’ve tried to get more comfortable in revealing things in that vein to friends.) Back when I was in relationship, a lot of our conversations tended to be centered around word play and puzzles, or discussing films and books, or other intellectual pursuits, not really small talk. I suspect part of the reason she broke up with me was because I was so awkward with her friends and other people. > [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Dude, you know I think you’re a peach. But I really must ask - Do _NONE_ of your good female friends know someone they can introduce you to?!?!? No recently divorced friend or sister? Some never married, somewhat crabby, but mostly nice sorority sister? A cute co-worker? > > Have you asked them? Are any of _them_ single? Really, it seems like you have access to a huge source of potential chicks that you’re totally ignoring. That doesn’t seem to be as fertile a field as it ought. For one, many of my friends (and thus their friends) are significantly (10+ years) younger. Another is that some friends themselves just aren’t that social or don’t work in fields that offer good dating opportunities. I have a couple of friends who keep claiming that they have women that I should meet but that never seems to pan out, or when it does, it’s a complete bust on both sides. And I’d feel awkward about actively soliciting friends to find dates for me and about the social repercussions if it goes poorly; I’d rather date outside my normal social circle just out of a desire to keep that compartmentalized from all the things that are already working in my life. I know that all of this are my own issues, not everybody else’s’ unwillingness to bend to my peculiarities. I know people just go balls-to-the-wall headfirst into dating, making mistakes right and left and not worrying over the consequences, treating it all as a learning experience. But when I’ve tried to do that it just seems to go as badly as I could imagine or worse, both the real fallout from my mistakes and my own internal frustration and anger at myself about things not going well or walking away with anything positive from the experience. Anyway, I’ll stop hijacking the o.p.; I just wanted to point out that its not just a matter of nutting up and doing; there is also a requisite level of aptitude invovled in even getting in the door, and if you aren’t there and haven’t had the models or coaching to develop that, it is really difficult to make up for it on your own. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/103 "2009-02-05T00:11:59Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Yeah, I have to agree. No offense, but after three posts, the OP sounds kind of tool-esque. > > People have all sorts of self-help tricks, pick-up routines, empty advice like “be confident” (WTF does that even mean?) and other advice to somehow modify who and what they are in order to pick up women. > > Here’s my advice. > > 1. Embrace who you are. > > 2. Go to where women are. > > 3. Casually talk to some of them. > > 4. If it is going well, ask one of them out. > > Let’s examine some of your posts so that you might understand how you might want to not appear so pathetic: > **Okay female dopers. I SUCK at getting a date.** > > Well, right off the bat I can see how women would want to be with the guy no other woman wants. > **I don’t think I am a bad person, and I’ve mostly solved the emotional crap in my life.** > > Ok…issues. I’ve red highlighted the terms people actually heard. > \*\* I am a decent person (a school teacher) who has a stable job, is relatively intelligent, likes to go out and have fun, and is a musician to boot. \*\* > > First of all, school teacher is what you do, it doesn’t necessarily make you “a decent person”. Already you are starting to get into “nice guy language”. “Hey, I’m a likable guy. Why doesn’t anyone like me?” Logic would dictate you are not as likable as you think. > > Just tell people what you do and what you like and let them make their own judgements. > \*\*I am a little overweight but not much. I do exercise regularly. \*\* > > Again, why tell people how fat you are? Just tell people you like to stay fit. > > **I think I am OK looking, probably not hunky as some, but decent. I have a nice car too (hooray for that!)** > > Unless that car is a 911 Carrera, no one gives a crap. Basically you just described yourself as fiercely “average”. By the way, your Mazda 3 is dangerously close to being a “chick car”. > **Why the hell can’t I get anywhere!? I have tried…and try…and continue to fail.** > > Unless you are a virgin, look at what has worked in the past and what hasn’t worked. > **I sent her a burned DVD of a movie I thought she would like. Nothing too crazy. She’s planning on watching it she tells me, but who knows. It was subtle enough that no one else around would know what was going on.** > > Ok, that’s just dumb. First of all, it’s right up there with a “mix tape” which is like a 5th date thing…in high school. Second, why would you send her a movie instead of inviting her to hang out and watch a movie with you. > \*\*I have had personality problems which has led me to lead a single life my entire life. Anxiety, weight problems, you name it I had it. Most of those problems are solved. I feel much more confident and in control of myself now. \*\* > > They don’t sound very solved to me. > And then later you go into some borderline psycho talk that other people have commented on already. > > Also, coming up with a laundry list of things you do as if you were filling out a college application doesn’t really attract women (unless one of those things is maybe playing guitar for Fall Out Boy, shopping for Hamptons houses or being Derick Jeter). It sounds like you are trying to impress instead of finding things to do together. > > I’m not trying to come down on you or anything. But if you think I’m being hard on you, imagine I’m a girl meeting you for the first time evaluating whether you are worthy of giving up the booty to. Woman can be maddingly critical. And with good reason. > > And I have to say, being “fun” and “having a sense of humor” does go a long way. So maybe my advice is stop overthinking it. Just go around and have a good time with people and it will sort of work itself out. All I’m going to say is for you to go nuts and pick apart every single detail I wrote is over the top. I run for cancer, I teach children how to play musical instruments because I am not money hungry. I am not the person you paint me to be. I am coming here looking for advice. I like some of the advice I am getting, but predatory attacks really help no one. When you say my personality problems aren’t solved…you can shove it. I have licked depression, and have lost 50 pounds of excess weight. I now rarely have social anxiety. I have lots of close friends, and I understand that the most important things in life are taking care of people around us. Do you think I am really that messed up? I asked her to watch the movie, she wasn’t into it. Maybe it was a bad call to send the dvd to her, but I’m learning. Yeesh, were still friends so it can’t be that bad. We were chatting on Facebook last night. You know just because I am currently not in a relationship doesn’t mean I haven’t solved problems. Last year I contemplated ways to commit suicide and was taking anti depressants for awhile. I haven’t thought that way in a year. So no I am not perfect. I am here trying to learn to help better my life. The time you spent picking me apart makes me think you have a serious superiority complex going on. Why don’t you go deal with that? Maybe I look pathetic in this thread, but if I learn something from it, so be it. I’d rather learn than live the status quo for the next 50 years. PS, my boderline pyscho talk is a result of bad phrasing combined with the impersonality of text on the internet. Relax. ---
**Author:** ![HoboStew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f17d59/32.png) [@HoboStew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoboStew)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/104 "2009-02-05T00:39:34Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > “Being confident” is stupid advice because it doesn’t really tell you what to do. Personally I think it is also putting the cart before the horse. You gain confidence from success, not the other way around, and it isn’t really something you can fake. ---
**Author:** ![Sycorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Sycorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sycorax)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/105 "2009-02-05T00:46:29Z")
I haven’t read all the replies to the OP, so others may have brought this up. Stop trying and get moving. Stop focusing on finding someone and live and participate in activities you enjoy. (In other words, you’re trying too hard.) I know you can’t completely put it out of mind, but don’t go into anything with the sole purpose of finding a woman. While you’re enjoying life and exploring your interests, that’s when you’re most likely to encounter someone to whom you’re attracted, and who’ll be attracted to you. ---
**Author:** ![black\_rabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f19dbf/32.png) [@black\_rabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/black_rabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/106 "2009-02-05T01:01:29Z")
> [@Quasimodal](#): > > By your logic I should just find some random woman on the street and ask her out. Honestly, that’s a much better idea than asking out a coworker in a professional environment, and far less likely to result in heartbreak and/or unemployment. > [@](#): > > By going well I meant that we had good conversation. Is that not at least one of many possible good signs? If she was a raving control freak I probably would have moved on. Dude, it’s a good sign in the same way that making pleasant small talk with a _male_ coworker is a good sign. It means that they have basic social skills, and that’s it. Regarding what **msmith537** said, well, “They don’t sound very solved to me” was kinda outta line, but he didn’t really say anything different than [**HoboStew** did in post 15](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10769250&postcount=15). And they’re mostly right on. To recap: [ul] [li] 99% of women could care less what kind of car you drive, though keeping the interior relatively clean is a plus.[/li][li] Be funny.[/li][li] Be outgoing. Or learn to fake it.[/li][li] Dress decent.[/li][li] Unless she’s really in to musicians or really hates sales guys, she probably doesn’t care about your job, as long as a) you like it, and b) it puts food on the table.[/li][li] Be funny.[/li][li] Have an interesting hobby.[/li][li] Be funny.[/li][li] Unless it’s immediate, obvious, _mutual_, undying love, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM WOMEN AT WORK.[/li][/ul] The sense I keep getting from your posts is “I’m not overweight and suicidal any more. Why the hell aren’t they falling into my lap?” ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/107 "2009-02-05T04:52:20Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > **clayton\_e** , what I’m getting is that you live in a college town with any number of young women, and yet you’ve put yourself in a job and a daily routine that insulates you from any contact with them. In other words, this is your own doing. > > I’m not saying this to bust your chops, but rather to urge you to look at why this might be. Maybe you’re not into having a relationship just now. Maybe something burned you in the past, and you’re now a little gun-shy. Maybe you’ve just let yourself fall into a rut. I guess the only reason I work the job I do is because its along the field of stuff I enjoy and the shift is the only one that was readily available two years ago when I started.. And now I’m kinda running lots of things on my shift so I’ve stayed there.. Seems like there arn’t a lot of places to go to meet people before work.. The two coffee shops in town have kinda become central locations of AA member hangouts and people going through business meetings related to pyramid schemes and such.. There isn’t a whole lot of people just hanging out to hang out.. that whole scene has kinda driven people away from that. And there arn’t many “hang out” places besides that. I think I just need another town. ---
**Author:** ![HoboStew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/f17d59/32.png) [@HoboStew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoboStew)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/108 "2009-02-05T05:36:50Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Well, maybe I’m the freak. Small talk bores me to the point of infuriation. I have little interest in talking about how many brothers and sisters I have, or what kind of music I listen to. Probably because these are questions I have to answer every single time I meet someone new. > > A guy who is novel and makes me think “wow, no one has ever asked me that before…let me actually ponder a minute” will go further with me than someone who keeps things on a “what’s your favorite color?” level. > > Again, maybe I’m just a freak. I suppose. But then again, I don’t necessarily need to have my mind blown by every person I meet. Sometimes I just want to chat with someone, not question the origins of the universe. Of course, maybe I’m the freak. Fortunately thanks to relativity, we will never know 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/109 "2009-02-05T17:50:13Z")
> [@clayton\_e](#): > > I guess the only reason I work the job I do is because its along the field of stuff I enjoy and the shift is the only one that was readily available two years ago when I started.. And now I’m kinda running lots of things on my shift so I’ve stayed there.. > > Seems like there arn’t a lot of places to go to meet people before work.. The two coffee shops in town have kinda become central locations of AA member hangouts and people going through business meetings related to pyramid schemes and such.. There isn’t a whole lot of people just hanging out to hang out.. that whole scene has kinda driven people away from that. And there arn’t many “hang out” places besides that. > > I think I just need another town. I hear you. It’s tough to make big changes for something new, when your current routine is working well enough to keep you content. I’ve certainly been in that same situation. That’s amusing about the coffee places. ---
**Author:** ![cat09tails](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5fc32e/32.png) [@cat09tails](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cat09tails)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/110 "2009-02-05T18:43:44Z")
To echo some of the other posts here, there are as many types of women as there are women. I’m a woman. I generally don’t care much about looks, clothing, hair, car, or income. I may find some men physically appealing, but not necessarily want to date them. I know it sounds like a bowl of hogwash to some men when women say “just be yourself” but it’s the truth. I have loved men who were not handsome, not particularly well dressed, were poor, had esteem issues, etc. I loved them because of how I felt when I was around them. I would suggest holding off on any gifts until you’ve established more of a relationship. I concur with other women here who find it creepy to get too much attention too quickly. Treat new dates as friends, not love interests. Think of it as hanging out with a new friend instead of a job interview- where it is your job to impress. The more dates you go on the better the chance one will click. You are not a failure if the interest trails off after a number of dates. It just means she’s not that into you. Ever think of asking one of these women why it’s not working out? Just be aware that if you ask and expect honesty, it may mean you hear something you might now have wanted to know. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/111 "2009-02-05T21:46:49Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > Regarding what **msmith537** said, well, “They don’t sound very solved to me” was kinda outta line, but he didn’t really say anything different than [**HoboStew** did in post 15](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10769250&postcount=15). And they’re mostly right on. Appologees if I came across as harsh. But he is talking about being anxious and overweight a lot. > [@black\_rabbit](#): > > msmith, I can agree with many of your points, but I think you misunderstand the OP. He wasn’t trying to pick you up, but just giving an honest description of himself. I assume everyone is trying to pick me up.😃 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/112 "2009-02-05T21:52:59Z")
> [@cat09tails](#): > > I know it sounds like a bowl of hogwash to some men when women say “just be yourself” but it’s the truth. I have loved men who were not handsome, not particularly well dressed, were poor, had esteem issues, etc. I loved them because of how I felt when I was around them. The problem is that “being yourself”, you might not be interacting with women in such a way that they notice you or know that you are interested in them. Basically, you might just need to “be yourself”, but also put yourself out there a bit more. ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/113 "2009-02-05T22:28:26Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Appologees if I came across as harsh. But he is talking about being anxious and overweight a lot. The overwhelming majority of the fat people I’ve met had major anger issues and very low self-esteem. I don’t imagine that these problems magically fix themselves when a person loses weight… ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/114 "2009-02-06T00:16:40Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > Honestly, that’s a much better idea than asking out a coworker in a professional environment, and far less likely to result in heartbreak and/or unemployment. > > Dude, it’s a good sign in the same way that making pleasant small talk with a _male_ coworker is a good sign. It means that they have basic social skills, and that’s it. > > Regarding what **msmith537** said, well, “They don’t sound very solved to me” was kinda outta line, but he didn’t really say anything different than [**HoboStew** did in post 15](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10769250&postcount=15). And they’re mostly right on. > > To recap: > > [ul] > [li] 99% of women could care less what kind of car you drive, though keeping the interior relatively clean is a plus.[/li][li] Be funny.[/li][li] Be outgoing. Or learn to fake it.[/li][li] Dress decent.[/li][li] Unless she’s really in to musicians or really hates sales guys, she probably doesn’t care about your job, as long as a) you like it, and b) it puts food on the table.[/li][li] Be funny.[/li][li] Have an interesting hobby.[/li][li] Be funny.[/li][li] Unless it’s immediate, obvious, _mutual_, undying love, STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM WOMEN AT WORK.[/li][/ul] > > The sense I keep getting from your posts is “I’m not overweight and suicidal any more. Why the hell aren’t they falling into my lap?” I thought I made it pretty clear I’m not expecting anything to magically happen for me. I mean I was hoping to say that there have been people with my problems that have managed to get somewhere, even though I haven’t. So I understand the fault lies mostly with me. I’m not complaining, I want to fix things. Maybe it’s a bad idea to pursue someone at work. I certainly felt more awkward about it today when I made some small talk with her. Maybe people are right and I am setting my expectations too high. But if I don’t try I won’t learn. But I think she is interested. She’s made some remarks about me, and apparently she sent me a silly note with one her kids to my class just for fun today (the damn kid didn’t give it to me though so I found out after the fact 🙂 ) Maybe it’s flirting, maybe it’s not. I thought I also caught a couple of glances at our staff meeting last day. And seriously I jest about my car. Yes I think it’s cool, but of course it’s just a piece of metal with wheels. Can’t I have a little fun with that? Who doesn’t like to feel a little pride in their car? I think one of my biggest problems is I am funny and outgoing when I am relaxed. I begin to think too much when I meet someone I am interested in. I guess it’s just trial and error. Hopefully I’ll get over it with practice. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/115 "2009-02-06T00:33:37Z")
PS, for the record I am 10 pounds overweight, and am training for a marathon. I have lost 4 pounds in the last month. I expect to be in good shape in 1-2 months. My life is an open book. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/116 "2009-02-06T00:42:02Z")
My good female friend had a very hard time meeting men after college because she lived in a very small rural town, and worked at a job where she only ever encountered girls and their mothers (like a ballet teacher, for instance) found her now-husband on [Match.com](http://Match.com). Another friend who also lived in the same small town met some nice guys, no future husbands or anything, but it was an overall good experience. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/117 "2009-02-06T09:51:11Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Yeah to the above. Desperation is DEADLY. Women HATE desperation, and neediness. I’d go further. Women can’t stand the first sign of loneliness in a man. They want someone whose social fitness is at least equal to theirs. If being alone is really that intolerable to you, you are going to have to find ways to beat it without involving a woman, or else youre going to have to repress it like hell every time you’re around them. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/118 "2009-02-06T15:05:07Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I assume everyone is trying to pick me up.😃 Hey, how you doin’? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/119 "2009-02-06T18:12:55Z")
> [@clayton\_e](#): > > I think I just need another town. I don’t mean to be a downer, but the above sentence reminded me of this great poem by Konstantinos Kavafis > [@](#): > > **The City** > You said, “I will go to another land, I will go to another sea. > Another city will be found, better than this. > Every effort of mine is condemned by fate; > and my heart is – like a corpse – buried. > How long in this wasteland will my mind remain. > Wherever I turn my eyes, wherever I may look > I see the black ruins of my life here, > where I spent so many years, and ruined and wasted.” > > New lands you will not find, you will not find other seas. > The city will follow you. You will roam the same > streets. And you will age in the same neighborhoods; > in these same houses you will grow gray. > Always you will arrive in this city. To another land – do not hope – > there is no ship for you, there is no road. > As you have ruined your life here > in this little corner, you have destroyed it in the whole world. I don’t necessarily agree 100% with its message, but it does have a point And now, back to the regular discussion… ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939/120 "2009-02-06T18:22:02Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Desperation is DEADLY. Women HATE desperation, and neediness. Isn’t this the case on both sides? Desperation and neediness in women are a huge turnoff for men too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okay-women-school-me/483939.md?page=7)