# OkCupid: I signed up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 24, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106 "2014-02-24T15:27:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/62 "2014-03-02T12:55:50Z")
Another common one is people will send messages based on looks, and only read the profile after they get a nibble. Or, the reverse, people will messages a really witty profile, and later decide the looks aren’t really doing it for them. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/63 "2014-03-02T13:04:26Z")
I’ll confess to being on OKCupid. Some success over the preceding months but nothing long term. Then on Friday I put up a picture of me with some flamingos and my inbox is bursting. Now some of them are those silly ones with girls too young or 1000 miles away but five or six are local and interesting. Who knew flamingos were so intriguing? And Leaffan? I find that a lot of first messages never generate much. Don’t get hung up on one or two women. Just enjoy the interaction and see where each leads. If nowhere? At least the investment is small. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/64 "2014-03-02T18:23:40Z")
So, I am now being browsed by a bisexual woman who is into threesomes and anal sex. This is the stuff of Penthouse Forums. If I was 30 years younger I’d be beating a path to her back door. Alas, my vanilla veneer is not cracking at this stage in life. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/65 "2014-03-02T22:52:00Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So, I get messages from two seemingly interested gals. I message them back, and nothing. > > What’s that all about? They probably felt you’re not what they are looking for. OKCupid isn’t really a place for correspondence: you look at someone’s profile, send a couple of messages at most if you want to meet them, and have the rest of the conversation on your date. You don’t get into a lot of long conversations or write a lot of good-bye notes if you’re not interested. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/66 "2014-03-02T23:07:46Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > They probably felt you’re not what they are looking for. OKCupid isn’t really a place for correspondence: you look at someone’s profile, send a couple of messages at most if you want to meet them, and have the rest of the conversation on your date. You don’t get into a lot of long conversations or write a lot of good-bye notes if you’re not interested. You are no doubt correct. Although with my magnetic personality and charming looks it baffles me. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/67 "2014-03-02T23:59:36Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > So, I get messages from two seemingly interested gals. I message them back, and nothing. > > What’s that all about? From my experience online dating can be a very fickle place. I had women add my profile to their favorites. I’d check out their profiles, if I was interested I’d email them. More often than not I would get no replies or very curt replies. Befuddling. I suspect it might also be a little different form men as opposed to women for online dating. Most average to good looking women can just sit back and let their in boxes fill up if they choose to and they don’t have to do much pursuing. Men come to them. So they end up dealing with a higher volume a messages than men do. So unless we all look like Brad Pitt that’s my theory on how it works. I went with a one contact attempt policy and moved on. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/68 "2014-03-03T15:14:30Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I’m a 51 year old white guy. Why is a 30 year old black woman in Washington DC messaging me? In your area, what kinds of desired age ranges are you seeing in profiles of 40-something and 50-something women? ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/69 "2014-03-03T16:01:52Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > I’m a 51 year old white guy. Why is a 30 year old black woman in Washington DC messaging me? If you haven’t set strict age limits, you’ll get much-too-old and much-too-young people sending you messages. The distance thing isn’t necessarily a problem, depending on how open you are to a long-distance relationship and/or moving to a new area. I opened up a conversation with a cute guy from Maryland who showed up in my “global matches” after I become depressed with who was available in Montreal. And now I’m married to him and living a happy life in the US. So you never know. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/70 "2014-03-03T18:11:26Z")
No, I set the age limits. In the 45 - 55 range I think. I can’t check at work. Although that’s by no means a hard and fast rule, 30 is like right out. Anyone for Steely Dan’s “_Hey Nineteen_?” ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/71 "2014-03-03T18:46:15Z")
A lot of people simply do not read the profiles of the people that they select. Why? Beats the hell out of me. Can’t explain dumb. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/72 "2014-03-03T20:14:35Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > A lot of people simply do not read the profiles of the people that they select. > > Why? Beats the hell out of me. Can’t explain dumb. For the same reason that people hit on strangers that they don’t know from Adam. Attraction is pretty compelling motivaation, and in the face of strong attraction, everything else can seem pretty negotiable. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/73 "2014-03-03T20:36:13Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > I suspect it might also be a little different form men as opposed to women for online dating. Most average to good looking women can just sit back and let their in boxes fill up if they choose to and they don’t have to do much pursuing. Men come to them. So they end up dealing with a higher volume a messages than men do. So unless we all look like Brad Pitt that’s my theory on how it works. I think that’s true, but of course to a large extent it’s filling up with “sup?” and garbage. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2014, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/74 "2014-03-03T21:21:03Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I think that’s true, but of course to a large extent it’s filling up with “sup?” and garbage. Yeah. The idea that women don’t have to do any work in dating is much oversold. Yes, women often get hit on by randos. By the quality of said randos is often lacking. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2014, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/75 "2014-03-04T22:12:57Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Yeah. The idea that women don’t have to do any work in dating is much oversold. Yes, women often get hit on by randos. By the quality of said randos is often lacking. Randos . . .? Random guys? Randy guys? Random randy guys? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/77 "2014-12-03T03:29:58Z")
Smells like spam. And I (as the OP) gave up looooong ago on OKCupid. I decided I’m not in the least bit interested in dating again right now. Reported. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2014, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106/78 "2014-12-03T04:33:44Z")
Reopened by a spammer and the OP isn’t interested in the subject anymore. I’ll close it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-i-signed-up/682106.md?page=3)