# Okcupid: What to do when nobody is messaging you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258 "2005-01-11T19:27:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/201 "2005-01-25T04:18:58Z")
So, is it too late to [play?](http://okcupid.com/profile?tuid=12429387852599568999) Any and all advice is welcome. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/202 "2005-01-25T04:23:36Z")
> [@TheOnlySaneOne](#): > > So, is it too late to [play?](http://okcupid.com/profile?tuid=12429387852599568999) Any and all advice is welcome. Write a self-summary. Everyone else managed to. You get the invite. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/203 "2005-01-25T14:50:04Z")
> [@TheOnlySaneOne](#): > > So, is it too late to [play?](http://okcupid.com/profile?tuid=12429387852599568999) Any and all advice is welcome. You said ‘Gotcha ya.’ Please PLEASE fix this, it is simply ‘gotcha.’ Say them both out loud and you’ll see what I mean. Other than that, I think it’s OK. But I’m no expert. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/204 "2005-01-25T17:38:53Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > You said ‘Gotcha ya.’ Please PLEASE fix this, it is simply ‘gotcha.’ Say them both out loud and you’ll see what I mean. Other than that, I think it’s OK. But I’m no expert. _coughs_ ---
**Author:** ![TheOnlySaneOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@TheOnlySaneOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOnlySaneOne)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/205 "2005-01-25T18:11:41Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > You said ‘Gotcha ya.’ Please PLEASE fix this, it is simply ‘gotcha.’ Say them both out loud and you’ll see what I mean. Other than that, I think it’s OK. But I’m no expert. Okay, I’ll change it. I’d put it like that on purpose, as an homage to the Dope. But I’ll go change it. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/206 "2005-01-25T18:15:41Z")
> [@TheOnlySaneOne](#): > > Okay, I’ll change it. I’d put it like that on purpose, as an homage to the Dope. But I’ll go change it. I was wondering if you were, in which case, consider me whooshed, but non-dopers who read your profile won’t get it, and therefore might think less of you. I’m just looking out for your best interests here. Oh, and I got a message from somone. It was a reply to one I sent her, (only the second person I messaged), so hey, 1/2 isn’t bad! Of course, it was nothing spectacular, I just commented on her nice eyes, then talked about a couple things in her profile. Her response was just more about the stuff in her profile that I talked about, and then a repsonse to a question I asked (it was about the weather we’ve been getting up here.) Now I have no clue what to write, as I used up the one thing I thought of to write about the first time and was hoping I could get more to talk abotu in her reply. Maybe her short, to the point reply should be taken as a sign not to pursue? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/207 "2005-01-25T18:17:52Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Now I have no clue what to write, as I used up the one thing I thought of to write about the first time and was hoping I could get more to talk abotu in her reply. Maybe her short, to the point reply should be taken as a sign not to pursue? If she were interested, she would’ve given you something to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/208 "2005-01-25T18:28:31Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > If she were interested, she would’ve given you something to talk about. Funny, because I was thinking that if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t have written so much in return (or, more likely, wouldn’t have bothered to reply at all). Why is the burden on her to provide conversation fodder? He admits that his opener wasn’t exactly sparkling, so she could be thinking the same about him. I don’t know why men always expect women to be better at this stuff than they are. 😉 **Bouv** , I say write again. At least once more. I can’t help you come up with something to say, but if you’re interested you’ll think of _something_. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/209 "2005-01-25T18:31:06Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Funny, because I was thinking that if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t have written so much in return (or, more likely, wouldn’t have bothered to reply at all). Why is the burden on her to provide conversation fodder? He admits that his opener wasn’t exactly sparkling, so she could be thinking the same about him. I don’t know why men always expect women to be better at this stuff than they are. 😉 Let’s just say that I’ve received emails like that one before, and did respond to them. My experience leads me to believe that it’s an overly polite expression of disinterest. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/210 "2005-01-26T01:35:53Z")
I got some attention! On Sunday, a guy from Yahoo Personals sent me an Icebreaker (a short, premade comment), “I like your profile. Tell me more.” I looked up his profile and thought he seemed like a good guy so I sent him back, “Thanks! Are we a good fit?” which probably was a little silly under the circumstances, but Yahoo recently put in some stuff that’s a bit more specific about personality. I figured he could look at it and if red warning signs flashed, we could quietly ignore each other. He sent me a long message back today. I’m writing back to him once I figure out what to say. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/211 "2005-01-26T03:28:07Z")
Okay, I know mine needs improvement, but here’s the [first draft](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=13000313200769316188) of mine. And yes, I know I need photos. I have to take some halfway decent ones, as all those that I own now aren’t really worthy. Tear me into bits. Or just send me an invite to your group. Whatever. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/212 "2005-01-26T03:42:33Z")
> [@lel](#): > > Tear me into bits. Or just send me an invite to your group. Whatever. Done and done. Well, not really to bits, cause your profile’s pretty good. But yeah, photos are awesome. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/213 "2005-01-26T04:22:15Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I got some attention! > > On Sunday, a guy from Yahoo Personals sent me an Icebreaker (a short, premade comment), “I like your profile. Tell me more.” I looked up his profile and thought he seemed like a good guy so I sent him back, “Thanks! Are we a good fit?” which probably was a little silly under the circumstances, but Yahoo recently put in some stuff that’s a bit more specific about personality. I figured he could look at it and if red warning signs flashed, we could quietly ignore each other. He sent me a long message back today. I’m writing back to him once I figure out what to say. Way to go! Be sure to say something about something he wrote. And ask a few questions, that makes things a lot easier. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/214 "2005-01-26T04:57:36Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > Way to go! Be sure to say something about something he wrote. And ask a few questions, that makes things a lot easier. I will. He made it obvious in his message that he had read my profile well. He mentioned several things I wrote in it, and commented about my pictures. I’m working on a good long message to him. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/215 "2005-01-26T20:26:12Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I got some attention! Yay! 🙂 I think 2005 is going to be a good year for us Dopers who have been single for a while. 😉 > [@lel](#): > > Tear me into bits. Or just send me an invite to your group. Whatever. I like your profile, too (and yes, a photo would be good). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2005, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/216 "2005-01-28T07:05:04Z")
I replied to the aforementioned gentleman, and in his turn, he sent me another long e-mail. And he said I was cute. Minor but heartening. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2005, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/217 "2005-01-28T08:21:34Z")
I read page 1, and page 6, and skipped the bit in between, so I’ll just say that if your profile says ‘seeing someone’ because you got lucky on OK Cupid recently, then congratulations, Incubus! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/218 "2005-01-28T16:18:57Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I replied to the aforementioned gentleman, and in his turn, he sent me another long e-mail. > > And he said I was cute. Minor but heartening. Keep it up! Mine little romance just got derailed by some asswipe. I got a call last night from the LadyChameleon and apparently she’d had such a horrible time with this guy last night she wasn’t going to be seeing anyone for a while but she did like me and my dog. Ufff, how bad do you have to be to destroy someone’s willingness to date in one evening? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2005, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/219 "2005-01-28T17:30:36Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > Mine little romance just got derailed by some asswipe. I got a call last night from the LadyChameleon and apparently she’d had such a horrible time with this guy last night she wasn’t going to be seeing anyone for a while but she did like me and my dog. Ufff, how bad do you have to be to destroy someone’s willingness to date in one evening? Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. ☹ But at the same time, it’s completely unfair of her to give up on _you_ just because some other guy is a schmuck. Sounds either flaky, or like she was looking for an excuse to not see you again. Either way, though, it sucks. Hopefully, you can be heartened by my story (which I can’t seem to resist sharing at every opportunity! 😉 ): the first guy I met through OK Cupid was at first promising, but wound up being a dud. It was a little disheartening, but I immediately got back on the horse: now, a month later, I’ve shared numerous e-mails, a few phone calls, and two dates with Bachelor #2, and things are going _very_ well. In fact, this might even turn into a relationship ( :eek: ). Hang in there! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/220 "2005-01-28T18:35:05Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Wow, I’m sorry to hear that. ☹ But at the same time, it’s completely unfair of her to give up on _you_ just because some other guy is a schmuck. Sounds either flaky, or like she was looking for an excuse to not see you again. Either way, though, it sucks. Yeah, its rather a big reverse of the signals and statements she was giving me earlier. I figure I’ll give her a week and send her a text message ( I don’t have her e-mail addy) and see if she’ll give it another shot. > [@](#): > > now, a month later, I’ve shared numerous e-mails, a few phone calls, and two dates with Bachelor #2, and things are going _very_ well. In fact, this might even turn into a relationship ( :eek: ). Awesome. I think you owe us some details. 🙂 > [@](#): > > Hang in there! 🙂 Yeah, I will. I think I just need a weekend of self-indulging in mindless videogames. Though the city of Wacaunda is trying to set a Guinness record witht he largest snowball fight… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258.md?page=12)