# Okcupid: What to do when nobody is messaging you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 11, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258 "2005-01-11T19:27:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2005, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/141 "2005-01-17T04:58:30Z")
Well, I feel like I’ve gone full circle. I started this post feeling frustrated that I wasn’t getting any results from my efforts, so posters gave me great advice and lots of encouragement, I redoubled my efforts, and I’m posting this back from a date I went on with a woman I met on okcupid. 🙂 The date went well; I’m not sure how much she enjoyed it because she was kind of stoic and reserved, but she also told me she is like that around people she’s just met, and so I am kind of interested in getting her to open up a bit and would definitely take her out again. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/142 "2005-01-18T11:13:15Z")
I made a few minor improvements to my profile and have now answered more than 200 questions. I actually did some searching and found someone in my area who was physically kind of cute and had a profile that caught my attention. So I sent him a message. We’ll see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/143 "2005-01-18T11:34:09Z")
I got really bored and overhauled mine, added pictures, and answered about 300 questions. Still haven’t bothered to take any quizzes though. I also found someone interesting that I wound up friending on livejournal (she mentioned it in her profile) but I’m not looking for anything more. Just doing that is more than I ever intended. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/144 "2005-01-18T18:17:05Z")
Something I didn’t think of until now :smack: was to run a search for people with a similar demographic (in this case, single guys in their 20’s) just to see what other guys are doing with their profiles. That way I can go back and adjust my profile to make it stand out above the crowd. I think this is the real key to making my profile ‘quirkier’ and setting me apart from all the other single guys. Funny observation, I must be in the top percentile or something for ‘morality’ because it says I’m ‘more moral’ than a lot of people. Sheesh, you’d think I was a priest or something! I hope women don’t take it the wrong way, it’s not like I’m some kind of wet blanket or anything. I recently updated my profile and added 4 new photos, replacing the old one. http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=11105295135417524130 ]New and Improved! ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/145 "2005-01-18T18:25:17Z")
Something I didn’t think of until now :smack: was to run a search for people with a similar demographic (in this case, single guys in their 20’s) just to see what other guys are doing with their profiles. That way I can go back and adjust my profile to make it stand out above the crowd. I think this is the real key to making my profile ‘quirkier’ and setting me apart from all the other single guys. Funny observation, I must be in the top percentile or something for ‘morality’ because it says I’m ‘more moral’ than a lot of people. Sheesh, you’d think I was a priest or something! I hope women don’t take it the wrong way, it’s not like I’m some kind of wet blanket or anything. I recently updated my profile and added 4 new photos, replacing the old one. http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=11105295135417524130 ]New and Improved! ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/146 "2005-01-18T20:05:00Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > By the way, I meant “emailing” in the non-euphemism way. However, what you all do on your own time is your own business. Email can bu used as a euphemism?! :eek: “Hey baby, how 'bout you and I go email each other.” “Sure thing hot stuff, and afterwards, how about a facsimile?” “Whao, whoa, I’m not into that kinky stuff!” ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/147 "2005-01-18T20:07:36Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > By the way, I meant “emailing” in the non-euphemism way. However, what you all do on your own time is your own business. Email can bu used as a euphemism?! :eek: “Hey baby, how 'bout you and I go email each other.” “Sure thing hot stuff, and afterwards, how about a facsimile?” “Whao, whoa, I’m not into that kinky stuff!” (This might be a half double-post…my apologies.) I haven’t gotten any responses yet…but then again, my profile has been up for…less than five days, so really, I didn’t expect any. Add to that the fact that I am in the middle of f\*cking nowhere, and that equates to very few women being there to message me in the first place. My only hope is that lots of women decide to search within 100 miles, cause in that case, all those hot canuks in Montreal can see my profile. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lost\_in\_the\_post](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@lost\_in\_the\_post](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost_in_the_post)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/148 "2005-01-19T02:34:23Z")
My profile was lame, so I rewrote most of [it](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=1919199619956319706) a few days ago. Now I’m wondering, “Am I just toooooo weird, even for the internet?” (More specifically, can a nonspecialized audience understand the story, and the jokes in it, which were written for a specialized audience, or is it just tooooooo stupid or tedious anyways? I’m too close to it to see how others see it.) Feel free to laugh at, laugh with, revile, or ridicule ! … most of the OKC population is out of my age range, anyways. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/149 "2005-01-19T02:39:42Z")
> [@lost in the post](#): > > (More specifically, can a nonspecialized audience understand the story, and the jokes in it, which were written for a specialized audience, or is it just tooooooo stupid or tedious anyways? I’m too close to it to see how others see it.) The rest of your profile is good, but that story needs to go, IMO. You also get an invitation to the SDMB real friends club. ---
**Author:** ![alphaFemale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecb155/32.png) [@alphaFemale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaFemale)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/150 "2005-01-19T02:54:59Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > 1.) I’m not handsome enough. Maybe the people on okcupid are really superficial? > > 2.) My message never happens to be in the top of their inbox and never gets noticed > > 3.) Market saturation- too many guys similar to me, I get lost in the crowd/overlooked. > > … > > 1.) What kind of messages go straight to the trash bin for you? I’m sure some things are obvious- boring introductions (messages titled ‘Hello’ from 15 different people might blur together), details like"I am X years old…", “I make $X thousand/year…” Non-smiling profile photos (someone here mentioned that), talking too much about himself, not talking enough about himself ? The messages I write seem decent from my standpoint, but I can’t help but wonder if the women reading it are dry-heaving their way through it. > > 2.) If you get a message from someone, never respond to it, then get another message a few days/weeks later from the same guy, would that skeeve you out? I don’t want to be creepy/stalkerish about this, but I also am aware that I might not be persistant enough with some people. The only thing is, I’m not sure exactly where the balance is. honestly, i get so many messages/winks/whathaveyou that it’s hard for me to sort through them. between a heavy workload and no internet at home, it takes me a while to even glance at the message, let alone follow up with reading the profile, etc. here is how i go through my inbox (fyi, i’m on match, cupid, yahoo and lavalife): 1.) If i don’t like their pics, they get deleted. keep in mind that looks are secondary to me (hi, i’m contradicting myself!) but hey, i need _some_ attraction. 2.) If they’re too young, they get deleted. I specify a desired age range, but definitely will not date anyone younger than I am. that’s just me. 3.) If they’re too far away, they get deleted. most profiles show the dinstance she is willing to travel (i might travel 5 miles more, but that’s about it unless your’re really freaking charming). Now, after i’ve pared it down, i read the profiles: i have 2 deal breakers: smoking habits and height. After that, I read the messages: 1.) Spelling counts! i’m a spelling nazi and even though obvious typos are okay, weird alternative spellings grate on me. 2.) Quirky humour guarantees a response. ---
**Author:** ![alphaFemale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecb155/32.png) [@alphaFemale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaFemale)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/151 "2005-01-19T03:08:36Z")
since we’re sharing with the class… [LINK!](http://personals.yahoo.com/personals-1104372317-199542) ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/152 "2005-01-19T03:40:36Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I recently updated my profile and added 4 new photos, replacing the old one. New and Improved! Improved, indeed! Nice photos . . . it’s good to see you smiling. 🙂 > [@bouv](#): > > Email can bu used as a euphemism?! :eek: Dude, _anything_ can be used as a euphemism. 😃 > [@lost in the post](#): > > Feel free to laugh at, laugh with, revile, or ridicule ! I agree with **ultrafilter** : not bad, but lose the story. Both of them. They’re amusing and show that you can write, but they don’t say anything about you that would help me decide whether to message you (if I were in the Fort Worth area). Of course, that may just mean I’m not the kind of woman you’re looking for. 🙂 And get a photo posted! These days a picture is nearly as important as the profile itself, and many people (including me) will filter out profiles that don’t have a photo. > [@](#): > > _… most of the OKC population is out of my age range, anyways._ . . . but not all of it is, and that’s the important thing. 🙂 I do know what you mean, though: I’ve been seeing the same 12 local matches for the past two months, because I’m only interested in men 30-45. It’s a little frustrating, but I hold firm to the belief that quality is _way_ more important than quantity. _{grin}_ > [@alphaFemale](#): > > since we’re sharing with the class… I like your profile! The e.e. cummings imitation was a little annoying, but once I got past it I liked what I read. 🙂 And to be quite frank, I love your face. I’m a straight woman, but if I were a guy (who could spell) I think I’d write to you just because of your face. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lost\_in\_the\_post](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@lost\_in\_the\_post](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost_in_the_post)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/153 "2005-01-19T04:21:13Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > And to be quite frank, I love your (Alphafemale’s) face. Yeah. AF, sounds like your problem is that you’re getting too many responses. I cannot advise, having no experience with that manner of problem. Hire a secretary? > [@ultrafilter](#): > > The rest of your profile is good, but that story needs to go, IMO. > You also get an invitation to the SDMB real friends club. Thanks. > [@Misnomer](#): > > Both of them. > And get a photo posted! Both … ha ha … actually, it’s one story; the scenes are intentionally out of sequence (or did you mean that it wasn’t clear … the second should be prefaced by “four days earlier”); either way, the author has to take responsibility … where’s the delete button … I had a photo up for a while. I took it down after lack of local interest. It’ll go back up for any serious interest. Actually, I did get a woo without a photo up, but I don’t think it was due to the writing in the profile. Hmm. Maybe I’ll leave the story up for a while longer, just as an experiment. See if anyone reads rather than looks (well, we know the answer to that) … maybe there’s a nice blind woman out there on a computer with a voice synthesizer … In the meantime, back to real life. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/154 "2005-01-19T04:42:02Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > **Wolf in second hand clothing** , I like your profile! This will sound more condescending than I intend it to, but it was better than I thought a profile by a guy your age would be. 🙂 Thanks, I was mainly posting it so that everyone would know that I actually have a profile and that I’m not just making it all up to stir up trouble. But the real friends network is an added bonus. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/155 "2005-01-19T04:54:08Z")
**alphaFemale** , how _you_ doing? 😉 Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m not old enough (only 24) and live too far away. But it was worth a shot 🙂 I have another date this Saturday. I’m psyched, 2 dates in one week! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SoupNazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SoupNazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SoupNazi)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/156 "2005-01-19T05:05:16Z")
[Care if I give it a go?](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=3947016645106003540) I know the paragraphing isn’t right yet, but overall, what do you think? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/157 "2005-01-19T05:15:11Z")
> [@SoupNazi](#): > > [Care if I give it a go?](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=3947016645106003540) > > I know the paragraphing isn’t right yet, but overall, what do you think? If I were a woman, I’d be wondering why I should message you instead of some other guy. See what I said to everyone else. And you’re invited to the SDMB real friends club. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/158 "2005-01-19T05:47:14Z")
Okay, this is insidious… I keep finding myself with more and more downtime and I keep spending it on OKCupid tweaking my profile or just idly looking at profiles. I’ve reworked practically everything on my profile to some degree and think it looks good for what it is but I’m curious as to whether or not others agree. [Critique](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=4403156651177033841), please. ---
**Author:** ![DidYouSpitInThis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DidYouSpitInThis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DidYouSpitInThis)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/159 "2005-01-19T15:39:50Z")
As long as there seems to be plenty of piling on…any [suggestions](http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=6369255627636094039)? Also, a big thank you to the person I met on OkCupid who turned me onto this site 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258/160 "2005-01-19T15:50:49Z")
I like it. Your intro’s really good but I’d beef up a few of the other things a little. That’s just me though and you might have noticed that \*\*Misnomer \*\*took me to task for my own just a couple days ago, so take my suggestions with a grain of salt. Welcome to the board, by the way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/okcupid-what-to-do-when-nobody-is-messaging-you/284258.md?page=9)