# Old and need diaper changed **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2013, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224 "2013-08-03T03:33:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Daniel6867](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ab097/32.png) [@Daniel6867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel6867)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/1 "2013-08-03T03:33:14Z")
Would you rather a family member change you or a health professional? ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/2 "2013-08-03T04:16:55Z")
need answer fast? ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/3 "2013-08-03T04:18:14Z")
Seriously?! Need answer fast? Damn! Ninja’d by **simster**! ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/4 "2013-08-03T04:21:43Z")
Having changed diapers for my husband as he was dying, I know he always preferred that I do it. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/5 "2013-08-03T04:29:13Z")
I think that’s when I pull the plug. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/6 "2013-08-03T04:37:42Z")
I’m sorry, but that’s offensive ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/7 "2013-08-03T04:41:11Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > I’m sorry, but that’s offensive I concur. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/8 "2013-08-03T05:38:19Z")
Well, not to make the decision for another person, but if I were the patient in question, I honestly do think I’d prefer to have the plug pulled. I would simply prefer death over living in that degree of helplessness. If my loved one had made the same determination, and expressed it in writing, then, yes, I would vote to pull the plug on them. The way it was phrased may have been offensive (although I didn’t sense that it was meant to be,) but the opinion itself isn’t necessarily. It’s a question that individuals should make for themselves, and well ahead of time. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/9 "2013-08-03T05:53:02Z")
I would prefer to have a health professional do it. A CNA or nurse is used to dealing with that kind of thing and won’t think anything of it. On the other hand, in some cases, it could be very embarrassing for a family member to have to deal with it and I wouldn’t want my family to have to worry about it. Nobody WANTS to be incontinent of course, but it’s not the worst thing in the world either. In a lot of situations, I think that the minor embarrassment of needing help with a basic function of the body that all of us have (really, when you look at it objectively, why do we get so hung up on this stuff? OMG!!! What a horrible thing it would be to let anyone else find out you poop - just like EVERY SINGLE OTHER HUMAN BEING IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!) could be outweighed by getting to enjoy some of the good things in life like seeing your grandkids grow up. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/10 "2013-08-03T05:57:51Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Well, not to make the decision for another person, but if I were the patient in question, I honestly do think I’d prefer to have the plug pulled. I would simply prefer death over living in that degree of helplessness. > > If my loved one had made the same determination, and expressed it in writing, then, yes, I would vote to pull the plug on them. > > The way it was phrased may have been offensive (although I didn’t sense that it was meant to be,) but the opinion itself isn’t necessarily. It’s a question that individuals should make for themselves, and well ahead of time. Not trying to belittle your opinion, but being incontinent and being in a vegetative state are entirely different degrees of ‘helplessness’. I think that the OP meant if one had to wear adult diapers and weren’t able to change them by themselves, as opposed to unaware and unresponsive. I await correction, if I’m wrong. To answer the OP… Definitely a loved one, before a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/11 "2013-08-03T06:54:03Z")
To clarify, when my husband was dying, he was unable to walk, thus not able to attend to his bathroom needs. He was responsive, and had not signed a DNR nor a “pull the plug” order. Whatever that is. This is very hard, but his many many medications, including morphine, zanax, haldol etc. meant he was conscious to a point, but not really able to understand. Shit, can you understand this? When he was told he was dying, he’d been on his meds for about 10 mos. At that point, I don’t think I or anyone else could know what he comprehended. Cancer is a motherfucker. However, his basic needs meant diaper changing. And the bottom line is, that he preferred I do it, to the medical professionals that stepped in for as respite my 24 hr. a day caretaking. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/12 "2013-08-03T07:04:45Z")
I’ve already discussed this (and many other topics) with my partner, who is 20 years younger than I. Of course he said it wouldn’t be a problem for him, but I really want to spare him that chore, leaving it for a professional. Of course that depends on whether insurance will cover the expense. When I was in the hospital last year following my heart surgery, there were two women who bathed me while I was still confined to the bed. I discovered that it didn’t bother me at all, but I wouldn’t let a family member do it. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/13 "2013-08-03T08:05:56Z")
> [@Daniel6867](#): > > Would you rather a family member change you or a health professional? Different strokes for different folks. I’m still offended that the nurses curtained off the bed and pushed my mother out so that my dad could defecate in private. 40 years that man had shared a bedroom bathroom and kitchen with that woman. He never closed the bathroom door on her, and they didn’t have 40 years experience living with the man to make that judgement. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/14 "2013-08-03T12:44:04Z")
Yea, I’m not sure what plug you’re intending to pull should you find yourself incontinent and bedridden. There isn’t one. Or do you mean for someone to hold a pillow over your face to save you/them the embarrassment of changing a diaper? I was the primary caregiver for my bedridden, stroke survivor, mother in law for six years. That’s a lot of diapers. But it’s just shit people, not freaking nuclear waste! Are you saying your babies deserve this care, without a thought, but not your aged parent? My MIL, prior to her stroke was adamant that she would never move in with her kids. She stood in cold hard judgment of her peers who chose so as their lives wound down. No, she was certain she’d rather go off to a nursing home than be a burden! On this, her opinion was firm and fixed. Don’t be so certain that you will feel then, as you feel now. She would never have survived as long or as well in a facility. And she always hated visiting for short term respite visits. My point is that how you feel now, is unlikely to be how you’ll feel then. Be prepared. And try and be open, for goodness sake, to other possibilities. Yes, it was very hard for her son and I, but we struggled through, and it truly was better for all of us. Looking back now, I’m glad we did what we did. Including all the diapers, the 17 pills a day, and 20 loads of laundry a week. I mean, do you begrudge your baby diaper changes? Of course not! And yes, we struggled. In the beginning she only wanted me to do it. But that was unworkable and all three of us had to work it out so she was fine with her son doing it too. And we did. Shit happens! Most literally! ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/15 "2013-08-03T12:53:25Z")
It was a privilege to care for my wife, whatever that entailed. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/16 "2013-08-03T12:54:27Z")
I think if I was old and needed to have my diaper changed, I’d let a health professional do it. I’d be too embarrassed to let my loved ones see my shit and private parts. Or else, maybe I wouldn’t care? I don’t know. I’m not likely to be in such a situation for a long time anyway. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/17 "2013-08-03T13:05:37Z")
Having been a family member who changed an elderly person’s diapers, I’d prefer it done by a health professional. No way would I ever expect my kids or grandkids to look after **me** instead of putting me in a home, not after that. ---
**Author:** ![JBDivmstr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b4bc9f/32.png) [@JBDivmstr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBDivmstr)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/18 "2013-08-03T14:08:49Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > It was a privilege to care for my wife, whatever that entailed. A most admirable statement. I envy the fact that you found someone that you cared that deeply for. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/19 "2013-08-03T14:11:03Z")
I’d prefer someone get paid to do it, if I can afford it. I would already feel guilty about needing such intimate support, but paying for it would assuage some of it. If I’m dying, I’d much rather have my family spend their time and energy visiting with me rather than doing work. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224/20 "2013-08-03T14:17:00Z")
My dad had years of good life after he became incontinent. He could still control his bowels, so diaper changing was only for urinary accidents. Since he was easily cared for in other ways (help with bathing, making meals, etc) which my mom and we kids did, having a professional change diapers didn’t make sense. He certainly wasn’t ready for death because he had accidents. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-and-need-diaper-changed/665224.md?page=2)