# Old contradictory story about the two dead boys getting up to fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 5, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562 "2006-05-05T16:18:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/1 "2006-05-05T16:18:49Z")
When I was a kid growing up, we had these neighbors across the street, a muni court judge and his wife, who used to hang out with my parents, and my brother and I used to hang out with the younger daughter. This was well before the age of sexual awakening; she was like a big sister to us. The judge used to tell us this long story or joke of which the point was that every sentence in it was self contradictory in one way or another. It began: \*One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. … … … _and it ended:_ If you don’t believe my story, ask the blind man. He saw it too.\*. The thing is, there was a lot of stuff in between but I can’t remember a word of it. Does anyone else remember this? If it’s any help, the judge’s family came from Utah, as my father had originally, and was probably born around 1918. ---
**Author:** ![Wee\_Bairn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90db22/32.png) [@Wee\_Bairn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wee_Bairn)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/2 "2006-05-05T16:23:16Z")
One day in the middle of the night Two dead soldiers got up to fight back to back they faced each other drew out their swords and shot each other a deaf policeman heard the noise and came and shot the two dead boys If you don’t belive this lie is true ask the blind man he saw it too. I may be missing a line or two, but that is how I remember it ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/3 "2006-05-05T16:24:11Z")
I’m sure there are other variants out there, but here’s how I learned it: _One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys arose to fight. Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise, Came and shot the two dead boys. If you don’t believe this tale so tall, Ask the blind man. He saw it all._ ---
**Author:** ![Eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/74df32/32.png) [@Eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eureka)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/4 "2006-05-05T16:24:16Z")
At the risk of being smug and unhelpful, I plugged your first line, in quotes, into Google. I got back several [links](http://www.folklore.bc.ca/Onefineday.htm) including this one which includes analysis of some alternate versions of lines, and an explanation of why this is not a “nonsense poem” in the same sense as the “Jabberwocky” is. ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/5 "2006-05-05T16:24:55Z")
The version my father used to tell me: Gather around me hobos and tramps, cross eyed mosquitoes and bow legged ants. I stand before you, right behind you, to tell you of something I know nothing about: It was midnight on the ocean not a street car was in sight, the stars were brightly shinging and it rained all day that night. So one bright morning in the middle of the night, two dead boys got into a fight. Back to back they faced each other, and they drew out thier swords and shot each other Now if you dont believe what I say is true, ask that blind man, he saw it too. ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/6 "2006-05-05T16:26:03Z")
oops…forgot the policeman line…I knew something was missing ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/7 "2006-05-05T16:44:53Z")
These all sound a bit familiar, but I wouldn’t have been able to supply a version of my own. Too long ago. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/8 "2006-05-05T16:53:00Z")
The version I know is quite similiar to a few of these Ladies and Jellyspoons, I come before you to stand behind you And tell you of things I know nothing about: One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise And came to arrest the two dead boys. If you don’t believe my lies are true Ask the blind man, he saw it too. Funny, I was thinking of starting a thread about nonsense rhymes. Really, I was! I was going to mention this poem and another favorite of mine: As I was going down the stair I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today. I wish that man would go away. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/9 "2006-05-05T16:58:20Z")
Hendrix plays a version, called _Strange Things_, that closely tracks **Miller’s** post (_sleepin’_ policeman…). It’s on a compliation called Historic Jimi Hendrix. It seems to be out of print, but if it helps it’s on Pair Records, and #SPCD2-1155 is on the spine. Good listenin’! ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/10 "2006-05-05T17:10:05Z")
The version I learned, with differences noted: _Early in the morning_ in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise And _shot and killed_ the two dead boys. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/11 "2006-05-05T17:27:50Z")
Here’s how I learned it. \*One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight. They drew their knives and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise And came and killed those two dead boys. And if you don’t believe me ask the blind man who saw it all\*. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/12 "2006-05-05T17:33:01Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Funny, I was thinking of starting a thread about nonsense rhymes. Really, I was! I was going to mention this poem and another favorite of mine: > As I was going down the stair > I met a man who wasn’t there. > He wasn’t there again today. > I wish that man would go away. I always liked this version: As I was going down the stair I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today– I think he’s from the CIA. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/13 "2006-05-05T17:36:36Z")
I came to post the version I knew, but **Miller** beat me to it. ---
**Author:** ![stanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@stanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stanger)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/14 "2006-05-05T18:19:08Z")
From a Golden Book that I had back in grade school (early to mid 1960’s): One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead men stood up to fight Three blind men to see fair play Forty mutes to yell ‘Hooray!’ Back to back they faced one another Drew their swords and shot each other Why this was in a joke book, I’m not sure, unless it was just because of the absurdity of it all. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/15 "2006-05-05T21:54:17Z")
In the version I know, the deaf policeman “saved the lives of the two dead boys”, which seems to maintain more of a contradiction that shooting or arresting them, and I never heard the last two lines about the blind man (but I’m going to add them anyway, the next time I tell it). I’ve also heard one of “I’ll tell you a story I know nothing about”, but it looks significantly different than the one folks are quoting here. I don’t remember all of it, but it includes “Admission is free, so pay at the door / Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor”, and I think there was something about bricks rolling down (or maybe up) a hill. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/16 "2006-05-05T22:51:08Z")
I was expecting to be able to say the author was Edward lear, but apparently not. ---
**Author:** ![auRa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c4cdca/32.png) [@auRa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auRa)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/17 "2006-05-05T23:07:31Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’ve also heard one of “I’ll tell you a story I know nothing about”, but it looks significantly different than the one folks are quoting here. I don’t remember all of it, but it includes “Admission is free, so pay at the door / Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor”, and I think there was something about bricks rolling down (or maybe up) a hill. I remember memorizing a version of this poem for our literary week in about third or fourth grade. I can’t remember the last two lines exactly, but the rest is still embedded in my mind for some reason. Ladles and jellyspoons, I come before you to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. Next Thursday, the day after Friday, there will be a mothers’ meeting for fathers only. Wear your best clothes if you haven’t any and if you can come, please stay home. Admission is free, you can pay at the door. We’ll give you a seat so you’ll sit on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2006, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/18 "2006-05-05T23:14:44Z")
Almost exactly the same as several posters have mentioned, but for posterity: _One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys decided to fight Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise Came and arrested those two dead boys If you don’t believe this story is true Ask the blind man, he saw it, too._ I learned it from a girl in my class in grade six. I have no idea where she got it from. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/19 "2006-05-06T00:21:54Z")
> [@auRa](#): > > I remember memorizing a version of this poem for our literary week in about third or fourth grade. I can’t remember the last two lines exactly, but the rest is still embedded in my mind for some reason. > > Ladles and jellyspoons, > I come before you > to stand behind you > to tell you something > I know nothing about. > Next Thursday, > the day after Friday, > there will be a mothers’ meeting > for fathers only. > Wear your best clothes > if you haven’t any > and if you can come, > please stay home. > Admission is free, > you can pay at the door. > We’ll give you a seat > so you’ll sit on the floor. Your right. I mushed together these two poems in my head. Quick, somebody post their version of LuLu Had A Steamboat and Barnicle Bill The Sailor! ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/20 "2006-05-08T01:43:29Z")
My dad taught us this: \*'Twas midnight on the ocean Not a streetcar was in sight Forest fires were raging And it rained all day that night Everything that you could see Was hidden out of sight The sexton rang the dishpan Someone set the church on fire Holy smoke! The preacher cried While he tore his hair And now his head resembles heaven 'Cause there is no parting there\* [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562.md?page=2)