# Old contradictory story about the two dead boys getting up to fight **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 5, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562 "2006-05-05T16:18:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/21 "2006-05-08T02:02:36Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Quick, somebody post their version of… Barnicle Bill The Sailor! \*‘Oh, the AirForce is the life for me,’ said Barnacle Bill the Sailor ‘I’ll jump my ship and I’ll leave the sea,’ said Barnacle Bill the Sailor 'I’ll fly so high, I’ll pass the sky; and gravitation, I’ll defy ‘I’ll make the ladies faint and sigh,’ said Barnacle Bill the Sailor 'Pretty soon, you’ll lose that grin. Pretty soon, you’ll lose that grin. ‘Pretty soon, you’ll lose that grin,’ cried the fair young maiden ‘Well, I’m rough and tough and I know my stuff!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot 'I’ll fly this ship, ‘til I’ve had enough!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot 'Oh, I know the struts, I know the fins, I know the barrel rolls and spins ‘I know the Outs, I’ll learn the Ins!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot 'You’re out of gas, you must go down. You’re out of gas, you must go down. ‘You’re out of gas, you must go down,’ cried the fair young maiden ‘Well, I’m a cockeyed Finn, if I give in!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot ‘I’ve made my way through thick and thin!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot He kicked the bar, he pulled the stick, he hit the ground like a ton of bricks I’d tell you more, but it makes me sick! Poor Barnacle Bill the Pilot 'Here’s some flowers for his grave. Here’s some flowers for his grave. ‘Many brave hearts lie asleep in the deep,’ cried the fair young maiden\* ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/22 "2006-05-08T04:58:48Z")
The version I know is essentially the same as those posted, except it runs: They stood back to back and faced each other Drew out their swords and shot one another. The reason for this is that, as bad as it is to rhyme each other with another, it’s at least an order of magnitude worse to rhyme each other with each other! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/23 "2006-05-08T11:00:40Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > \*‘Oh, the AirForce is the life for me,’ said Barnacle Bill the Sailor > ‘I’ll jump my ship and I’ll leave the sea,’ said Barnacle Bill the Sailor > 'I’ll fly so high, I’ll pass the sky; and gravitation, I’ll defy > ‘I’ll make the ladies faint and sigh,’ said Barnacle Bill the Sailor > 'Pretty soon, you’ll lose that grin. Pretty soon, you’ll lose that grin. > ‘Pretty soon, you’ll lose that grin,’ cried the fair young maiden > > ‘Well, I’m rough and tough and I know my stuff!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot > 'I’ll fly this ship, ‘til I’ve had enough!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot > 'Oh, I know the struts, I know the fins, I know the barrel rolls and spins > ‘I know the Outs, I’ll learn the Ins!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot > > 'You’re out of gas, you must go down. You’re out of gas, you must go down. > ‘You’re out of gas, you must go down,’ cried the fair young maiden > ‘Well, I’m a cockeyed Finn, if I give in!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot > ‘I’ve made my way through thick and thin!’ said Barnacle Bill the Pilot > He kicked the bar, he pulled the stick, he hit the ground like a ton of bricks > I’d tell you more, but it makes me sick! Poor Barnacle Bill the Pilot > > 'Here’s some flowers for his grave. Here’s some flowers for his grave. > ‘Many brave hearts lie asleep in the deep,’ cried the fair young maiden\* The Barnicle Bill I know goes _nothing_ like this. It’s a dirty, dirty ditty. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/24 "2006-05-08T15:55:03Z")
The one I learned is very similar: _One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead men got up to fight Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and came and killed those two dead boys. If you don’t believe this lie is true Ask the blind man - he saw it too._ ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/25 "2006-05-08T16:34:40Z")
The version I know has one line that no one has mentioned so far: 'Twas midnight on the ocean Not a streetcar was in sight The sun was shining brightly As it rained all day that night **Two barefoot boys with shoes on Stood sitting on the grass** Back to back they faced each other Drew their swords and shot each other A deaf policeman heard the noise And came and killed the two dead boys ---
**Author:** ![Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Myron\_Van\_Horowitzski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myron_Van_Horowitzski)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/26 "2006-05-09T19:32:42Z")
> [@SpoilerVirgin](#): > > **Two barefoot boys with shoes on > Stood sitting on the grass** Yes! I knew I was missing something! ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/27 "2011-10-20T02:18:14Z")
Alright, I got here via stumbleupon, which one of you yahoos did it? ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/28 "2011-10-20T02:56:32Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Funny, I was thinking of starting a thread about nonsense rhymes. Really, I was! I was going to mention this poem and another favorite of mine: > As I was going down the stair > I met a man who wasn’t there. > He wasn’t there again today. > I wish that man would go away. I always thought this was Robert Louis Stevenson, 'cause I read his stuff constantly when I was little and this just SOUNDS like him. But apparantly I read something by William Hughes Mearns as well, since that’s who wrote this. Thanks for the memories. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/29 "2011-10-20T03:24:04Z")
This is a particularly meta resurrection. ---
**Author:** ![sco3tt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@sco3tt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sco3tt)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/30 "2011-10-20T03:32:38Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > The Barnicle Bill I know goes _nothing_ like this. It’s a dirty, dirty ditty. [This is the version](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhCdKi4vtfI) I grew up listening to on one of my dad’s old Oscar Brand LPs. He kept it in a Mantovani Orchestra sleeve but I saw right through it. He should’ve stashed it inside Herb Alpert’s **Whipped Cream & Other Delights**. I never got past the cover of that one. Link: URL=“[herb alpert whipped cream album cover - Google Search](https://www.google.com/search?q=herb+alpert+whipped+cream+album+cover&hl=en&safe=off&prmd=imvnso&source=lnms&tbm=isch&biw=1399&bih=822)” ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/31 "2011-10-20T03:57:28Z")
My grandfather and his brothers used to recite something resembling this. I don’t remember the bulk of it, but it began thus: > [@](#): > > Ladies and gentlemen, > horses and fleas, > crosseyed mosquitos > and bowl-legged bees: > > I stand here before you > (not after you). > > I come to address you > (not to undress you). > > I’m here to tell you a story I know nothing about. > > Last night, at 12:00 noon… And that’s all I remember. I’m fairly certain the rest of it, while sharing the “string of contradictions” nature of the story you guys are recalling, had little else in common. I don’t think it shared any of the details. I feel like maybe it had a line about somebody driving into my back yard and killing my dead cat, but I’m not sure. I’m certain that after the introductory bit, the thing didnt rhyme. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/32 "2011-10-20T04:15:38Z")
The version I remember had “pulled out his club and shot both boys” which seems more in keeping with the contradictory nature of the song. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/33 "2011-10-20T04:48:01Z")
Five and a half years and nobody dared post the dirty Barnicle Bill lyrics. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/34 "2011-10-20T15:35:50Z")
I was wondering about that… ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/35 "2011-10-20T16:04:13Z")
Alrighty-- Barnacle Bill: The Dirty Ditty _Who’s that knocking at my door? Who’s that knocking at my door? Who’s that knocking at my door, said the pretty young maiden. Open the door and lay on the floor, said Barnacle Bill the sailor. Open the door and lay on the floor, said Barnacle Bill the sailor._ The rest follows that same pattern of maiden and sailor– What is that between you legs? said the pretty young maiden It’s my pole to stick up your hole, said Barnacle Bill the sailor What if we should have a baby? I’ll dig a ditch and bury the bitch. What if you should go to prison? I’ll fill my balls and bust the walls. What if you should get the chair? I’ll blow a fart and bust the spot. Those are the lines I remember from elementary school. Seriously, that’s where I learned this. But not in class, don’t be ridiculous. P.S., I’m sure there are more lines. I just don’t remember them. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/36 "2011-10-20T16:06:04Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Five and a half years and nobody dared post the dirty Barnicle Bill lyrics. The one I know is from [hashing](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hash_House_Harriers). Here’s a hash songbook with barnacle Bill in it, though you’ll have to search for it, the page doesn’t have links. [Definitive Hash Songbook (Jan 1994)](http://www.horntip.com/html/books_&_MSS/1990s/1994_the_definitive_hash_songbook__zippy_(1994)/1994-01-00_definitive_hash_songbook__zippy_(PB)/index.htm) \<– Beware, most of the songs are dirty, though there are no pictures or anything else visually NSFW. The two dead kids poem I’ve seen in a book that my sister had as a kid full of nonsensical poems. I wish I remembered the name of that book. ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/37 "2011-10-21T02:41:07Z")
It rained all night the day I left, the weather it was dry. Sun so hot I froze to death Suzanna don’t you cry. Oh Suzanna oh don’t you cry for me. I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2011, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/38 "2011-10-21T02:50:24Z")
> [@auRa](#): > > I remember memorizing a version of this poem for our literary week in about third or fourth grade. I can’t remember the last two lines exactly, but the rest is still embedded in my mind for some reason. > > Ladles and jellyspoons, > I come before you > to stand behind you > to tell you something > I know nothing about. > Next Thursday, > the day after Friday, > there will be a mothers’ meeting > for fathers only. > Wear your best clothes > if you haven’t any > and if you can come, > please stay home. > Admission is free, > you can pay at the door. > We’ll give you a seat > so you’ll sit on the floor. I learned a version of that that went Ladies and jellybeans, reptiles and crocodiles, I stand before you and sit behind you to tell you something I know nothing about. There will be a meeting tomorrow night right after breakfast to decide what color to whitewash the church. There will be no admission, just pay at the door; there are plenty of seats, so sit on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![4alaff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/dbc845/32.png) [@4alaff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/4alaff)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/39 "2012-08-19T02:33:30Z")
I remember parts of some of these posts as two different poems: (1) 'Twas midnight on the ocean Not a streetcar was in sight The sun was shining brightly For it rained all day that night 'Twas a summer day in winter And the snow was raining fast As a barefoot boy with shoes on Stood sitting in the grass (2) Early in the morning, about the middle of the night These two dead cowboys got up to fight Back to back, they faced each other They drew their swords, and shot each other Two deaf sheriffs heard this noise, and got up and killed the two dead boys Now if you don’t believe this lie, it’s true You can ask the blind man, 'cause he saw it too. I guess, as things like these are shared, people put their own little twist on them, or tell them the best they can remember them. ---
**Author:** ![filling\_pages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b9bd4f/32.png) [@filling\_pages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filling_pages)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562/40 "2012-08-19T23:15:05Z")
I learned it at scout camp as a marching cadence. _Late last night in the middle of the day (Late last night in the middle of the day) Two young old men went out to play (Two young old men went out to play) Back to back they faced each other (Back to back they faced each other) Drew their swords and shot each other (Drew their swords and shot each other). Sound off! (One! Two) Sound off! (Three! Four!)_ and so on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-contradictory-story-about-the-two-dead-boys-getting-up-to-fight/355562.md?page=3)