# Old Dopers: Age gap of sexual attraction. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 30, 2011, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367 "2011-06-30T10:18:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/41 "2011-07-02T06:39:49Z")
My partner is exactly 20 years younger than I am (45 and 65), and our age difference is totally irrelevant to both of us. In fact, we’d feel the same way even if the difference were greater . . . or reversed. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/42 "2011-07-02T10:36:18Z")
I take “attractive” to mean “inclining one to get physically closer, especially by exciting sexual urge”. I feel a certain sexual urge and, for me, equivalent wish for sex with anybody I find attractive. But there are wishes and there are wishes. Whether I really choose to have sex with somebody, all things considered, depends on many things. These days, the bar for choosing sex is so high I can’t picture how it would, ah, come about. Half my age plus seven is almost twice the age of the youngest legal porn stars, so I think feeling attraction for people below that age is very acceptable and not at all creepy. However, it is also the age of our youngest kid, and the idea of choosing to enter into a sexual relationship with somebody at that age is beyond the pale. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/43 "2011-07-02T17:24:50Z")
I’m a 34 year old guy, and I have female friends in their late teens, and I really don’t understand this idea that we should have nothing to talk about. Sure, most 19 year olds aren’t that interesting, but frankly neither are most people of any other age. I’ve not slept with a teenager since I was one, but if I were to meet someone that age, who I liked and who wanted to, the age wouldn’t be an issue. Same as if I met someone 15 years older than me. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/44 "2011-07-02T17:27:43Z")
As my Department Chair once noted: You know it’s time to retire when your students aren’t attractive in the least but some of their moms are hawt! ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/45 "2011-07-02T17:50:30Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Now I’m 43. I realised I was “thinking older” earlier this year when I stood next to two extremely shapely 19-year-olds in a bar and though I appreciated their form, facially they seemed like children to me, and their conversation was stunningly vacuous. No real attraction. (Though I guess if I encountered them naked in my bed I may have changed my mind.) If you went to bed with both of them at once, they’d be almost your age. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2011, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/46 "2011-07-02T19:08:30Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Whether I really choose to have sex with somebody, all things considered, depends on many things. The humor in this line just struck me. Let me rephrase. The choice I am talking about is the moot choice of whether I would have sex with somebody in the admittedly impossible situation that they would want to have sex with me. I like to think that the principle still matters, even if it does not change any real outcomes. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2011, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/47 "2011-07-04T00:30:35Z")
A great thing about being 32 and single is I can date a woman in her early twenties or early forties without it being weird. I’m generally attracted to younger women and don’t really get the whole cougar thing. That being said, barely legal women look like girls to me and I’m attracted to women, not girls. If we can’t go to a bar legally together, I’m not too interested. I’m surprised [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnDH-RXCptY) hasn’t been posted yet. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/48 "2011-07-04T14:24:00Z")
My roommate is 21. I think he’s cute and funny and I know he is quite popular with the ladies but he’s like a little boy to me. No way could I even find myself sexually attracted to him. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/49 "2011-07-04T17:04:50Z")
I’m 62 and a hot 18 year old will still make me raise an appreciative eyebrow. I can even visualize a roll in the sack with one. But would I make a move on one? Hell, no. What would I talk to her about afterwards? ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/50 "2011-07-04T19:51:44Z")
You talk in your sleep? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2011, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/51 "2011-07-06T02:35:51Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > I’m 62 and a hot 18 year old will still make me raise an appreciative eyebrow. I can even visualize a roll in the sack with one. But would I make a move on one? Hell, no. What would I talk to her about afterwards? I find the older I get, the more hot 18 year olds seem to me to be “unfinished.” They’re all angles instead of curves, there are no little wrinkles and they talk too fast. I swear, I now find myself saying, “she’ll be really hot in about 15 years if she puts on a few pounds.” ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/52 "2011-07-06T04:02:43Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Give me smile lines, freckles, and life experience over youthful folly any day. So… no more than 10 years younger than me need apply. I’m 40, and more attracted to 45-55 year olds. O f couse the 51 year old lady who is attracted to me considers me a “boytoy”😃 ---
**Author:** ![john03063](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@john03063](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/john03063)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/53 "2013-03-25T15:11:04Z")
I’m 55. In the past 5 years I’ve dated 10 or 11 women, ranging in age from 16 to 71. They were all wonderful! Those of you who limit yourselves only because of age may be missing out on a perfect companion and many wonderful memories. But do be careful if your potential partner is under 18 - you could get in trouble depending on the jurisdiction you’re in !! ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/54 "2013-03-25T18:49:01Z")
Am male, in my mid-60s, and it has so come about that in the past few years, I’ve mostly lost interest in sex. (I’m single, lifelong unmarried, so it’s my issue only.) This game, of all games, has no rules whatever: so, am speaking just of myself, not wanting to come across as smug or superior, or so much as dreaming of prescribing or pontificating re anyone else. For me (with many other things in life which continue to interest me) – as above, just my sentiments, just for me, run exactly in parallel with the ancient-Greek playwright Sophocles, when he was aged 60 / 70-ish. When asked whether he still had sex, Sophocles replied: “Heaven forbid ! I was only too glad to escape from all that, as though from a boorish and insane master.” Once again, just my feelings as of right now, re myself; and I am uncomfortably aware, aged 64, that I might – once again, Heaven forbid – find self experiencing a future dramatic turn-around on this scene: going by my past experiences, would overwhelmingly-probably be unrequited – whether object of passion aged anything from 18 to 68. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2013, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/55 "2013-03-25T19:17:28Z")
Not to change the subject but I agree that it’s not weird to find something attractive but never want to experience it or live it. For example, there are probably a number of us who enjoy certain acts or fetishes in pornography that we have no intent or desire of ever acting out in our own lives, but we still like to see it from time to time. At least I do. I think it’s like that for younger folks. I mean, I’m only 27 but the idea of even having a one night stand with an 18 year old is kind of weird and gross to me. But I sure like seeing them in porn! ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2013, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/56 "2013-03-25T22:28:06Z")
> [@john03063](#): > > I’m 55. In the past 5 years I’ve dated 10 or 11 women, ranging in age from 16 to 71. They were all wonderful! Those of you who limit yourselves only because of age may be missing out on a perfect companion and many wonderful memories. But do be careful if your potential partner is under 18 - you could get in trouble depending on the jurisdiction you’re in !! How do you feel about zombies? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/57 "2013-03-26T15:40:42Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > I’m 40. I like 18yo’s. I think they make nice eye candy. I could even have sex with one legally. But The act of actually doing such a thing just seems gross to me. > > So this leaves me wondering: When I’m 60, will I think the same thing about 30-somethings? A question that should serve as a good guideline is this: when I wake up the morning after, what would I talk to her about? If I can’t think of a way to carry on a meaningful conversation, then she’s too young. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2013, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/58 "2013-03-26T21:18:45Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > A question that should serve as a good guideline is this: when I wake up the morning after, what would I talk to her about? If I can’t think of a way to carry on a meaningful conversation, then she’s too young. While I’m in agreement about a lot of this, what meaningful conversations are you guys having with your contemporaries? Most morning conversations I have center around what’s on the agenda for the day, which is pretty universal. I don’t roll over and say “Good morning! So do you see dualism as a metaphor for good and evil or a gender-biased world-view like yin and yang?” …okay, I didn’t _used_ to, but now I totally will. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/59 "2013-03-28T07:50:45Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > I think you’re on to something when you implied that, for many people, it’s not so much that the age range you are attracted to changes much, but rather that your definition of “attraction” changes. When you’re 18, 18-year-olds are “attractive as eye candy + potential mate”; by the time you’re 35, they’re just “eye candy”; and when you reach 50, they’re reduced further\*, to “mildly pleasurable, fleeting distraction in your day’s events”, at most. > > (\*“Reduced”, sexually speaking. The positive side of this is that said reduction opens the door to seeing them as more complete human beings than just as sexual attractions.) > > ETA: To answer the OP: I guess this means that, when you’re 50, 30-year-olds could be seen as, and appreciated pleasurably as, “potential mates (or friends with benefits)” – plus some degree of sexual attraction, but not as strong as what had once been felt for 18 year olds. I have to disagree completely. If you’re attracted to 18 yo now, you’ll still be attracted to them as long as you have hormones. It’s just the expectations that change. While at 20 you might have had a chance to go out with them, at 60 you know you don’t. So, while you might start going out with “older” women, they are just what will go out with you, rather than what you would really like to go out with. BTW, most “normal” men ( ie not fetishists ) can be attracted to a wide range of women. Just because a woman is 18 it does not make her attractive, but I doubt many men get “turned on” by granny. \ Perhaps you are lacking in certain hormones, or you are not yet near 50, in which case you don’t really know. ---
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/60 "2013-03-28T07:56:56Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > A question that should serve as a good guideline is this: when I wake up the morning after, what would I talk to her about? If I can’t think of a way to carry on a meaningful conversation, then she’s too young. If you can’t carry on a conversation with a “normal” adult, perhaps you need to examine your conversational skills. However, it could also be the sort of women that you are picking up for sex. I know plenty of older people that can’t talk about anything other than what they saw on telly, what they want to eat and other trivia. BTW, what constitutes “meaningful”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367.md?page=4)