# Old Dopers: Age gap of sexual attraction. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 30, 2011, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367 "2011-06-30T10:18:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Doggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/87869e/32.png) [@Doggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doggo)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/61 "2013-03-28T07:58:02Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > How do you feel about zombies? Good looking zombies are OK. ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/62 "2013-03-28T08:18:34Z")
Is the age thing about how old they look, how old they are or how old they seem, because those can be all over the map. Why do the numbers matter really? I had this one friend years ago. Met the love of his life but she was much younger, something like 20 years or so. It didn’t matter, but he let it bother him. I think it was part insecurity and part catholic guilt (the catholics out there will know what I mean) and maybe some other stuff but the end result I think was he basically fucked it up - and for what? ---
**Author:** ![coffeecat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coffeecat/32/3405_2.png) [@coffeecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coffeecat)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/63 "2013-03-28T15:49:30Z")
“Bless me Father for I have sinned. I’m 73 years old, and last night I slept with an 18-year-old girl.” “Go over by the altar and say 5 Hail Marys.” “What’s a Hail Mary?” “What do you mean, ‘What’s a Hail Mary?’ You’ve been Catholic 73 years and don’t know what a Hail Mary is?” “I’m not Catholic; I’m Jewish.” “Then . . . why’d you tell me all this?” “I’m telling everyone!” ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/64 "2013-03-28T16:34:13Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Mmm… I’m 40, and the idea of having sex with an 18 year old is gross, because they’re kids. (Someone will be along any moment to say they’re adults as though I’m unclear on the concept of the legal age of majority. I’m not, it’s just not relevant to whether I want to have sex with them. I don’t. I consider them children.) > > Now, 25 - 30 year olds, I won’t consider them as life partners, but I’ll sure as hell have sex with them. I suspect I’ll feel the same way when I’m 60. I also suspect they won’t be quite as much of an option. 😉 op, you would have sex with someone young enough to still be in high school? While an 18 yr old may technically under the law be an adult, half of thm are still in high school, they are not even old enough to buy alcohol, they can be found at high school , they are basically KIDS I would classify any man old enough to be their father who would consider having sex with them as a pervert who is ok with taking advantage of a high school age kid ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/65 "2013-03-28T16:36:58Z")
> [@john03063](#): > > I’m 55. In the past 5 years I’ve dated 10 or 11 women, ranging in age from 16 to 71. They were all wonderful! Those of you who limit yourselves only because of age may be missing out on a perfect companion and many wonderful memories. But do be careful if your potential partner is under 18 - you could get in trouble depending on the jurisdiction you’re in !! You are 55 and prey on 16 hear olds, in other words creepy child molesting behavior going on there.. It is disgusting, so basically this is child molestation,wow ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/66 "2013-03-28T16:50:19Z")
> [@Tollhouse](#): > > You are 55 and prey on 16 hear olds, in other words creepy child molesting behavior going on there.. > It is disgusting, so basically this is child molestation,wow Not if she consented. Who are you say she didn’t? ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/67 "2013-03-28T17:00:03Z")
One of life’s transitions: She’s right for me. She’s too young for me. She’s too young for my son. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/68 "2013-03-28T18:13:43Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Not if she consented. Who are you say she didn’t? ``` I guess people have to say something to make it easier on their conscience about molesting a child....dress it up anyway you want, a senior age man having sex with a child is disgusting and criminal...besides the risk factor of men like this who escalate into harming or murdering the child . There was a case some yrs.back Samantha Runion a six yr old girl was raped and.murdered by some scumbag who had a few years prior molested an adolescent girl. ``` ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/69 "2013-03-28T18:47:25Z")
> [@Doggo](#): > > If you can’t carry on a conversation with a “normal” adult, perhaps you need to examine your conversational skills. > However, it could also be the sort of women that you are picking up for sex. > I know plenty of older people that can’t talk about anything other than what they saw on telly, what they want to eat and other trivia. > > BTW, what constitutes “meaningful”? Well, besides tv and what to eat, my partner and I tend to discuss our jobs, our house, our families, and our social circle. So now imagine that a 50-year-old and a 20-year-old are super attracted to each other. The 50-year-old needs to talk about the stress of searching for work after a position held for 23 years was outsourced; the 20-year-old needs to talk about the stress of finals and rising student debt. The 50-year-old is caring for sick aging parents; the 20-year-old is trying to negotiate new adult boundaries with overprotective family. The 50-year-old is preoccupied with adult children and grandchildren; the 20-year-old is preoccupied with the problems of their friends/frat brothers/soro sisters. Yeah, they may both be the wittiest of conversationalists, but there’s a certain level at which they are just not going to connect. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/70 "2013-03-28T18:49:59Z")
> [@Tollhouse](#): > > I guess people have to say something to make it easier on their conscience about molesting a child…dress it up anyway you want, a senior age man having sex with a child is disgusting and criminal…besides the risk factor of men like this who escalate into harming or murdering the child . There was a case some yrs.back Samantha Runion a six yr old girl was raped and.murdered by some scumbag who had a few years prior molested an adolescent girl. _If_ the teenager consents, and is over the age of consent (which is usually between 15 and 17, apart from in a few US states, and Turkey), it’s neither wrong nor disgusting. It is, in fact, no-one’s business but the two people involved. If she doesn’t consent, it’s rape, and the age should be irrelevant. I’m not sure what you think your story about someone molesting a teenager has to do with consensual sex, but in fact it has nothing to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2013, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/71 "2013-03-28T20:52:03Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > My roommate is 21. I think he’s cute and funny and I know he is quite popular with the ladies but he’s like a little boy to me. No way could I even find myself sexually attracted to him. That was me with my former officemate: he was 26/27 with the bone structure of an Abercrombie & Fitch model, but just too…boyish. I could definitely admire his looks, but that was about it. (I’m 41, FWIW.) > [@epbrown01](#): > > I don’t roll over and say “Good morning! So do you see dualism as a metaphor for good and evil or a gender-biased world-view like yin and yang?” > > …okay, I didn’t _used_ to, but now I totally will. Now I totally must sleep with you…no matter _how_ old you are/look. 😃 Unless you’re a chick. In which case, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/72 "2013-03-29T00:03:09Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > _If_ the teenager consents, and is over the age of consent (which is usually between 15 and 17, apart from in a few US states, and Turkey), it’s neither wrong nor disgusting. It is, in fact, no-one’s business but the two people involved. > > If she doesn’t consent, it’s rape, and the age should be irrelevant. > > I’m not sure what you think your story about someone molesting a teenager has to do with consensual sex, but in fact it has nothing to do with it. no, im calling it, for what it is, sorry i cant put a pretty spin on it any grown ass man who wants to hae sex with highschool age kids is disgusting and is just poain taking advantage because most people understand a child is not in a position to give consent…it may make you feel better to say it does, though in certain situations, consent is beside the point, if a 12 yr old consents to have sex , or an adolescent, or other things, theyre not an adult to do so it makes a grown ass man nothing but a child moesting pervert, as much as he doesnt want to feel like a person who takes advantage of children, or a perert, doesnt change that he is. one ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/73 "2013-03-29T02:08:07Z")
I’m in my late 50s, and the age range of women I’m physically attracted to runs from sexual maturity into the 70s. I’m not talking about conversation here, I’m talking about the least passing moment of physical infatuation, that vaporware of desire. I’ll get under **Tollhouse** ’ skin a bit simply by being honest and saying that, yes, there are 13 year olds in this world that, however briefly, I look at and part of me wants to have sex with them. I don’t consider this a big deal. It’s how evolution has wired us guys: to desire to bang young, attractive women and spread our genes. But being an adult human, it’s not like I respond to every brief moment of desire. Most of them flit by too quickly to do anything about, even if I wanted to. And I’m married, so it’s all academic, but even if I weren’t, the “what would the conversation afterwards be like” question would quickly shut down serious consideration of hitting on a strange woman in her 20s or younger. But that certainly doesn’t mean the desire isn’t there. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/74 "2013-03-29T05:01:18Z")
> [@Tollhouse](#): > > no, im calling it, for what it is, sorry i cant put a pretty spin on it > any grown ass man who wants to hae sex with highschool age kids is disgusting and is just poain taking advantage > because most people understand a child is not in a position to give consent…it may make you feel better to say it does, though > in certain situations, consent is beside the point, if a 12 yr old consents to have sex , or an adolescent, or other things, theyre not an adult to do so > > it makes a grown ass man nothing but a child moesting pervert, as much as he doesnt want to feel like a person who takes advantage of children, or a perert, doesnt change that he is. one Why have you changed it from a 16 year old to 12? Perhaps because you’ve realised that 16 year olds can legally consent in half of US states, all but 3 countries in Europe, and most of the rest of the world? I’ll certainly agree with you that a 55 year old man who molests a 16 year old is disgusting - but it would be disgusting if they molested another 55 year old, or an 80 year old, or whatever age. Conversely, if they have consensual sex with a 16 year old, it’s fine (although such an event is probably somewhat rare), just as it would be fine with a 55 year old, or 80, or whatever age. There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of someone’s desire to have sex with you by doing so, regardless of age gaps. ---
**Author:** ![Weeping\_Wyvern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@Weeping\_Wyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weeping_Wyvern)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/75 "2013-03-29T15:57:04Z")
I’m 20, so I don’t really have a lower limit yet. If someone’s old enough to be having sex at all, then she’s old enough for me. As for older, I suppose 30 or so. Unlike some people here, I’m not at all intimidated by the prospect of a partner in a “different stage of life”. All I would care about would be her intelligence, personality, and physical allure. ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/76 "2013-03-29T16:05:46Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Why have you changed it from a 16 year old to 12? Perhaps because you’ve realised that 16 year olds can legally consent in half of US states, all but 3 countries in Europe, and most of the rest of the world? > > I’ll certainly agree with you that a 55 year old man who molests a 16 year old is disgusting - but it would be disgusting if they molested another 55 year old, or an 80 year old, or whatever age. > > Conversely, if they have consensual sex with a 16 year old, it’s fine (although such an event is probably somewhat rare), just as it would be fine with a 55 year old, or 80, or whatever age. > > There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of someone’s desire to have sex with you by doing so, regardless of age gaps. No, I didnt ‘change’ it, I used a 12 yr o,d as an example to show that giving consent when it comes to a child is irrelevant…since you seem to have found a way to justify in yourmind that taking advantage of a high school age kid is ok I used a more extreme example of ‘child’ in the event you would be able to understand that concept Its gross and disgusting you would justify taking advantage of a young kid. I do not think a real man, a grown adult mature healthy mans mind would even want to do that ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/77 "2013-03-29T16:20:00Z")
> [@Tollhouse](#): > > Its gross and disgusting you would justify taking advantage of a young kid. I do not think a real man, a grown adult mature healthy mans mind would even want to do that A 16 year old is not a young kid. That you think _any_ consensual sex is gross and disgusting is your problem, not anyone else’s. ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/78 "2013-03-29T17:47:56Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > A 16 year old is not a young kid. That you think _any_ consensual sex is gross and disgusting is your problem, not anyone else’s. all that silly business of them being in high school, doing homework, wearing braces, needing a parents permission to do anything go on a field trip etc shouod be overlooked when trying to entice them into lewd acts maybe they want to, maybe they want to do alot of things even a nine yr old can become sexually stimulated, that does not mean the person who tries to do that with them any less of a scumbag ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/79 "2013-03-29T18:09:29Z")
> [@Tollhouse](#): > > all that silly business of them being in high school, doing homework, wearing braces, needing a parents permission to do anything go on a field trip etc shouod be overlooked when trying to entice them into lewd acts Yes, you’re quite correct here. We’re not talking about “enticing”, though, we’re talking about consensual sex. Sex isn’t something so dangerous or unpleasant that it should be withheld from 16 year olds, if they happen to want it. ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367/80 "2013-03-29T18:49:12Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > Yes, you’re quite correct here. We’re not talking about “enticing”, though, we’re talking about consensual sex. Sex isn’t something so dangerous or unpleasant that it should be withheld from 16 year olds, if they happen to want it. if thats what you need to tell yourself :rolleyes: Did it ever occur to you that just because you have an itch, there are sometimes you should avoid scratching that itch, especially if theres an issue of it causing harm to another i guess you feel a sex organ should do your thinking [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-dopers-age-gap-of-sexual-attraction/587367.md?page=5)