# Old Friend and family debt **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 11, 2015, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379 "2015-02-11T13:00:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/1 "2015-02-11T13:00:03Z")
Did you ever borrow money from a friend or family member that you never paid back? Everyone says that once you loan money to a friend or family member you might as well consider that money gone. I’ve only borrowed money from friends or family a couple times but always paid it back. Friends have borrowed from me and sometimes pay back and sometimes not. How about you? Do you owe anyone money? If so, do you plan on passing them back? Also, is anyone here owed money? I had a friend who owes me 800 bucks but I will never see that again. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/2 "2015-02-11T14:33:44Z")
My cousin borrowed $400 at a time when I really couldn’t afford to give it away, and I never got it back. I’m over that one. My cousin’s wife borrowed $1200 then decided she was going to pay it back $25/mo (without asking if that was ok) and then I had to remind her every month which infuriated me. So I stopped reminding her and she still owes me $300 and this also infuriates me. I’m done ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/3 "2015-02-11T15:28:43Z")
The one time when I borrowed from a family member, my debt was cancelled a few months early because neither of us could remember how much I still owed. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/4 "2015-02-11T15:39:29Z")
I won’t lend money to family members - if I have money available that they need for a legitimate reason they can have it. If they choose to pay me back great, if not, fine. When I was just out of high school I let a friend borrow money because his windshield got smashed. Years later he still hadn’t paid me back and I needed the money. I asked him for it and he sent me a bad check. The check bounced and I was charged $35.00 for a bad check fee. We clearly weren’t friends anymore so I threatened to call the police for check fraud and he paid the remainder back in money order form. Generally never lend money you can’t do without. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/5 "2015-02-11T15:45:03Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > My cousin’s wife borrowed $1200 then decided she was going to pay it back $25/mo (without asking if that was ok) and then I had to remind her every month which infuriated me. So I stopped reminding her and she still owes me $300 and this also infuriates me. consider yourself lucky to have a honest and resourceful relative. large debts can get paid back in time but they may not get paid back if it has to be a lump sum. ---
**Author:** ![Lubricious\_Integument](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/82dd89/32.png) [@Lubricious\_Integument](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lubricious_Integument)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/6 "2015-02-11T15:47:39Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > I won’t lend money to family members - if I have money available that they need for a legitimate reason they can have it. If they choose to pay me back great, if not, fine. This, but I take it a step further. Don’t lend money to anyone who you wouldn’t simply give the money to with no strings attached. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/7 "2015-02-11T15:53:15Z")
I don’t owe anyone money and no one owes me. I have loaned in the past and been repaid and not been repaid. I’ve not been repaid enough that I don’t loan anymore, either. If someone is dear enough to me and in need, then I will give them the funds. Others have done this for me. I did once have a friend (now former) who desperately wanted a special, expensive Christmas gift for her son that was only available on the West Coast. I agreed to help her, killed myself running all over town to find it, get it boxed and shipped at great expense to get it there by Christmas. She mailed me a check to reimburse me for the cost of the gift and shipping – that bounced. Some years later, she got married. My card contained her wedding gift: The bounced check, torn in half. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/8 "2015-02-11T16:00:13Z")
My grandfather loaned me something like $7K when I bought my first house, and we agreed that I’d pay it back at a certain monthly rate with interest. I had no problem with that at all - he was doing me a great favor. My grandmother, on the other hand, thought it was terrible that he’d charge his oldest grandchild interest, and she badgered him till he agreed I’d just repay what I’d borrowed. I made sure he got his money back way faster than we’d agreed. Over the time they were dating, my daughter subsidized her then-boyfriend to the tune of something over $600 - a lot of money for a college student working part time. They broke up years ago. She’ll never see any of that money. No big surprise - he was a lazy bum. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/9 "2015-02-11T16:05:03Z")
No - don’t owe anyone and I rarely lend money on a personal basis because of some bad juju. I had four people the same year die owing me cash. I could stand the loss of the money but losing four really close friends in the same year suddenly just struck me as some bad karma. These days I just gift it and if they want to return it they can; I just don’t expect it. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/10 "2015-02-11T17:02:53Z")
I borrowed money several times from my parents and paid them back with interest. We had an informal, hand-written note for the largest loan, which I was able to repay early. My brother, on the other hand, would borrow from them but end up not paying most of his loans back. Because my parents were meticulous about “keeping us even”, I would be gifted out of the blue with a nice fat check. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2015, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/11 "2015-02-11T17:09:59Z")
My brother and I have each loaned one another money (usually a few hundred bucks, once a little more) and always paid it back. I had one friend not pay back like $100. Generally speaking, I don’t think I’d loan anyone in my family money other than my brother (I’d give them money if they really needed it, and have done so). I have quite a few friends I would trust making a loan too, but I doubt it would come up. I once had a friend, unprompted, offer to loan me tens of thousands of dollars to put a down payment on a place I mentioned that I liked but didn’t have the cash make a down payment on and I just looked at him like he was nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Elemenopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5e925/32.png) [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/12 "2015-02-12T13:44:33Z")
A few years ago, we had to move on short notice due to work, and expenses were far greater than we anticipated. Borrowed $5000 from my grandparents. I immediately sent them 5 checks of $1000, postdated to correspond with work pay dates. That was acceptable to everyone involved. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Airk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Airk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airk)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/13 "2015-02-12T19:34:42Z")
I loaned a friend 3k once. I had pretty much written it off, but like, 15 years later, he paid it back. It was a bit of a surprise. ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/14 "2015-02-12T19:44:17Z")
I believe the saying is, “Loan oft loses both itself and friend.” Nothing new about this; put the word “For” in front of it, and it’s the line after “Neither a borrower nor a lender be” in _Hamlet_. ---
**Author:** ![48Willys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/db5fbb/32.png) [@48Willys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/48Willys)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/15 "2015-02-12T19:51:35Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > I won’t lend money to family members - if I have money available that they need for a legitimate reason they can have it. If they choose to pay me back great, if not, fine. > > … > > Generally never lend money you can’t do without. This. If the person needs money because they spent theirs on booze, gambling, or drugs, they get no $$ from me. I will not be an enabler. I am happy to give someone a hand up, but I try not to give them a handout. I err on the side of giving handouts if I am unsure. The last, never lend money you can not do without, ever! ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/16 "2015-02-12T21:49:11Z")
I always think of the old adage that if you don’t want family to come over unannounced that you should borrow from your rich relatives and loan it to the poor ones! It’s already been said multiple times; but if loan money; I consider it gone; and I am happy when it’s paid back. I will occasionally loan my kids small amounts, like payday loans. For example, just today my daughter sent me a text asking me for $20 tonight to be paid back tomorrow. No problem; but if it’s not paid back promptly it’s going to be harder for you to ask next time. On bigger amounts for my kids; I tell them that if they make a token payment on a regular basis just to let me know they haven’t forgotten me; then they can pay me what they’re comfortable with. But don’t make me ask for it. My two daughters have each added me on their direct deposit list to regularly pay me money. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/17 "2015-02-12T23:04:19Z")
When I needed what was essentially a second mortgage to take over an existing mortgage, I asked my best friend. He had grown up in a very poor family, was making a decent living, saving and putting money in a savings account. He asked for the bank interest and I signed a note to him, promising to pay it back in five years. The loan was for $5000 (this was 42 years ago) and I paid him back–with interest–in four years. This saved me a huge bundle of money over the years since 19 years later the mortgage was paid off. And the rate was significantly lower than what was available at the time. When my brother died 16 years ago, my SIL asked for an emergency $5000 loan “until the insurance money arrived”. I happened to know he had $2M in insurance because he discussed it with me several years before he got sick, explaining that’s how much he needed to educate his three kids and keep his wife living at their accustomed level (he was well-off, although not wealthy). That’s the last I ever saw of that money. It was worth it not to ever have to deal with her again. Frankly, I couldn’t stand the lady. But I digress. Other than that, I have never lent or borrowed money with friends or relatives. ---
**Author:** ![Marion\_Wormer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Marion\_Wormer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marion_Wormer)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2015, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/18 "2015-02-13T02:57:23Z")
There was a psycho roommate back in the 80s who owes me $450. I didn’t say anything to her, or contact her in any way after I moved out. It was worth the $450 just to get away from her. I found out last year she came to a bad end. She didn’t die or anything, she’d had an affair with a married man while we were sharing the apartment (and had sex with him with her bedroom door open…AWKWARD!) broke up his marriage and her marriage to marry him, the he dumped her for someone else. It could have only been better if she’d got fat. Psycho, psycho, psycho. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2015, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/19 "2015-02-13T03:03:25Z")
A friend owes $800. I don’t think she’ll ever repay. She doesn’t reply to my messages either. She lives about a thousand miles away. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2015, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379/20 "2015-02-13T05:02:56Z")
My brother borrowed some money, but I knew it would never be paid back and he would never mention it again. So is it a loan if that’s what he asks for, but we both know it’s gone for good? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-friend-and-family-debt/712379.md?page=2)