# Old Jokes That Still Crack You Up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646 "2011-08-05T22:21:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/1 "2011-08-05T22:21:28Z")
1. Q: “Do you smoke after making love?” 2. Kid goes to buy his first pack of condoms… Some of y’all may have heard/read these before. I just thought we needed to lighten things up a bit around here.;)😃 Thanks Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/2 "2011-08-05T22:24:08Z")
What’s black and white and red all over and can’t turn around in a hallway? A nun with a javelin through her head. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/3 "2011-08-05T22:43:54Z")
If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re IN the bathroom? European (go ahead, pronounce it, it sounds like “You’re a peeing” Tee Hee Heee!) ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/4 "2011-08-05T22:44:46Z")
What do you call a fly after you pull its wings off? A walk. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/5 "2011-08-05T22:52:58Z")
Man, food prices are outrageous! I was in the bread aisle at the grocery store, and saw that they changed my favorite variety to pumperDIME! Joe ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_chewing\_gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@nocturnal\_chewing\_gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_chewing_gum)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/6 "2011-08-05T22:53:07Z")
What’s green and fuzzy and will hurt like hell if it falls out of a tree and lands on top of you? A pool table. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/7 "2011-08-05T23:00:01Z")
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? Because he had no_body_ to go with. ---
**Author:** ![MHaye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bbe5ce/32.png) [@MHaye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MHaye)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/8 "2011-08-05T23:08:36Z")
I say I say I say. What do you say? What do you say? How do you start a pudding race? I don’t know? How do you start a pudding race? Sago. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/9 "2011-08-05T23:12:12Z")
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Pun not joke live with it. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/10 "2011-08-05T23:17:49Z")
“I called my wife ‘kitten’ till we were married nine days. Then she got \*her \*eyes opened!” ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/11 "2011-08-05T23:18:14Z")
What? I should have said _Dimaggio?_. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/12 "2011-08-05T23:25:37Z")
**Eve?** \*\*EVE??? \*\ ***EVE???** Oh, my, God! Where in the world have you been, and may I say how very _honored_ I am that you chose to visit one of MY stupid threads??? And yes, I’d peel a grape for you! (I think that’s the last interaction you and I had here?:)) It is very good to see you again!!! Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/13 "2011-08-05T23:32:43Z")
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two. But don’t ask me how they get in there. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/14 "2011-08-06T00:04:17Z")
A couple on their honeymoon trip were about to make love in their Pullman sleeper birth, when they wondered if they might make a baby that very night. But that led to an argument over sending the child to Harvard or Princeton. Finally a voice came from the lower berth “why don’t you just stick it in her ass and send the results to Yale?” ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/15 "2011-08-06T00:59:06Z")
“Rectum? Damn near killed him!” ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/16 "2011-08-06T01:29:32Z")
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/17 "2011-08-06T01:32:50Z")
From my Pappy-in-law: The doctor goes to visit a rural patient. Her husband is out front with lumber, saw, hammer and nails. From inside the house comes a terrible hacking cough. “Hey, Earl,” says the doc, “Heard your wife was doin’ poorly. That her coughin’?” “Nope,” says Earl. “Buildin’ a henhouse.” ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/18 "2011-08-06T01:34:23Z")
Joke for everyone - if vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Joke for the techies on SDMB (since there seem to be quite a few) - How many statisticians does it take to screw in a light bulb? That must be solved using a non-parametric procedure because statisticians are \*\*not \*\*normal! ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/19 "2011-08-06T01:47:06Z")
Do you like shaggy dog jokes? I’ve got a bunch of them, I adore them, but they might be too long. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/20 "2011-08-06T01:58:41Z")
Cut and paste, **flatlined**!!! 🙂 Only you can skip the one which ends, “I wouldn’t send a knight out on a dog like this!” All jokes are welcome here! Just consider me the bartender at the Hobbiton Inn in the Shire! Thanks! Q [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646.md?page=2)