# Old Jokes That Still Crack You Up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646 "2011-08-05T22:21:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/21 "2011-08-06T02:40:14Z")
A kangaroo hops into a bar and orders a scotch. The bartender is surprised, but serves the drink and says “that’ll be $10.” The kangaroo pays up, then drinks silently. Finally, the bartender can’t stand it anymore and says in the most conversational tone he can, “Say, we don’t see many kangaroos in here.” The kangaroo looks up from his drink and says, “At these prices, you won’t be seeing many more, either.” ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/22 "2011-08-06T02:56:42Z")
> [@TheChileanBlob](#): > > Why did the chicken cross the playground? > > To get to the other slide! Synchronicity! Moments ago, I mentioned this thread to my wife, and she cited this joke! It’s one my 4-year-old niece just learned! Joe ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/23 "2011-08-06T03:45:44Z")
> [@Palo\_Verde](#): > > If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re IN the bathroom? > > European (go ahead, pronounce it, it sounds like “You’re a peeing” Tee Hee Heee!) I don’t get it. When he’s on his way into the bathroom, wouldn’t he be Russian? When he comes out, wouldn’t he be Finnish? (And when he gets back in bed with his wife; Himalayan?) ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/24 "2011-08-06T03:56:39Z")
The mechanic said “Well, it looks like you blew a seal” And the penguin replied, “No, no, I just had a vanilla ice-cream cone!” ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/25 "2011-08-06T04:04:35Z")
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on him? Nothing. He just let out a little wine. ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/26 "2011-08-06T05:58:13Z")
A turtle is walking along with a snail on top of its shell. The snail says to the turtle, ‘whoa!’ ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/27 "2011-08-06T06:00:28Z")
What’s twelve inches long and white? Not a fuckin’ _thing!_ ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/28 "2011-08-06T06:03:00Z")
A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender: “Hey, we have a drink names after you.” Grasshopper: "You have a drink named “Bob”? ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/29 "2011-08-06T06:38:06Z")
Slick city guy is lost in the boondocks and sees a local farmer. So he goes up there and asks haughtily for directions. (song lyrics from a Michelle Shocked song, Arkansas traveller) Hey farmer! You been livin’ here all your life? _Not yet._ Hey farmer! Where does this road go? \*Been livin’ here all my life, it ain’t gone nowhere yet. \* Hey farmer! When you gonna fix that leakin’ roof? _Ah stranger, when it’s a rainin’ it’s too wet to fix it and when it’s dry it’s just as good as any mans house._ Hey farmer! You’re not too far from a fool are you? _Just a barbed-wire fence between us._ Hey farmer! You don’t know very much do you? _No, but I ain’t lost._ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/30 "2011-08-06T07:53:33Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A stick. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/31 "2011-08-06T07:54:56Z")
Why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/32 "2011-08-06T08:33:51Z")
Why did the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken. ---
**Author:** ![Alan\_Smithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2acd7d/32.png) [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/33 "2011-08-06T10:07:10Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Slick city guy is lost in the boondocks and sees a local farmer. So he goes up there and asks haughtily for directions. > (song lyrics from a Michelle Shocked song, Arkansas traveller) > > Hey farmer! You been livin’ here all your life? > _Not yet._ > > Hey farmer! Where does this road go? > \*Been livin’ here all my life, it ain’t gone nowhere yet. > \* > > Hey farmer! When you gonna fix that leakin’ roof? > _Ah stranger, when it’s a rainin’ it’s too wet to fix it and when it’s dry it’s just as good as any mans house._ > > Hey farmer! You’re not too far from a fool are you? > _Just a barbed-wire fence between us._ > > Hey farmer! You don’t know very much do you? > _No, but I ain’t lost._ [nitpick]_Arkansas Traveller_ is a traditional tune, and the comedy routine is from Pete Seeger. (I _think_ adding it to the tune for “color” was Seeger’s innovation, but I don’t know for sure.)[/nitpick] What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/34 "2011-08-06T10:57:17Z")
“Soccer? I just met 'er!” ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/35 "2011-08-06T12:46:20Z")
Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/36 "2011-08-06T13:39:40Z")
“knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Interrupting cow” “interrupting c…” “MOOOOOOOOO!” ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/37 "2011-08-06T13:52:35Z")
Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A: Hot Cross Buns Also a moldy-oldie one from my mom, stupid but it makes me grin 'cuz it’s the first “dirty” joke I ever heard her tell: Hey, didja hear there was a streaker in church last Sunday? Yeah, they caught him by the organ. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/38 "2011-08-06T15:41:25Z")
Three blondes walk into a bar… You’d think one of them would’ve seen it. ---
**Author:** ![Picard\_Kills\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dec6dc/32.png) [@Picard\_Kills\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Picard_Kills_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/39 "2011-08-06T16:50:47Z")
Why do ducks have flat feet? For stamping out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? For stamping out flaming ducks. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/40 "2011-08-06T16:51:22Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > What’s brown and sticky? > A stick. What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646.md?page=3)