# Old Jokes That Still Crack You Up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646 "2011-08-05T22:21:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ronald\_C.Semone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/cc9497/32.png) [@Ronald\_C.Semone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ronald_C.Semone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/41 "2011-08-06T17:06:15Z")
1. What do you mean “we”, white man? 2. And her ass fell off. 3. Cut the shit! Did you ever see so many fucking indians? ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/42 "2011-08-06T17:19:57Z")
How do you make a venetian blind? Poke him in the eye with a sharp stick. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/43 "2011-08-06T17:47:02Z")
Two chickens standing on opposite sides of the road. One yells to the other “How do you get to the others side?” The other chicken answers: “You are on the other side” What’s brown, mushy, stinky, tapered on both ends, and has 4 wheels. A piece of shit on wheels. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/44 "2011-08-06T17:50:28Z")
“Would I? Would I?” “PEG LEG! PEG LEG!” ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/45 "2011-08-06T18:00:44Z")
Noah’s ark came to rest after the flood subsided. He told all the animals “go forth and multiply!” However, two snakes slithering on the deck didn’t leave. Noah asked “why don’t you go forth and multiply?” The snakes responded “We can’t, sir. We’re adders!” ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/46 "2011-08-06T18:10:02Z")
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the 'possum it could be done! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/47 "2011-08-06T18:46:58Z")
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light bulb has to _want_ to change! ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/48 "2011-08-06T19:04:17Z")
That’s nacho cheese! That’s nacho cheese! ---
**Author:** ![drbhoneydew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d78d45/32.png) [@drbhoneydew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drbhoneydew)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/49 "2011-08-06T19:10:14Z")
So a baby seal walks into a club… What’s brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG! My absolute favourite, though, can only be used in response to this rather poor joke: What do you do when an epileptic has a fit in the bath? Throw in the washing. [At this point you look horrified] That is NOT funny! My brother died after having a fit in the bath. [The teller will start to backtrack spectacularly] Yes, he choked on a sock. Anyone know any other response jokes? ---
**Author:** ![Toucanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Toucanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toucanna)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/50 "2011-08-06T19:34:13Z")
Translated from Spanish, so not sure if it’ll work, but… Once there was a dog named “Eraser”. One day he started scratching himself and disappeared. “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Banana.” “‘Banana’, who?” “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Banana.” “‘Banana’, who?” “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Banana.” “‘Banana’, who?” “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Banana.” “‘Banana’, who?” “Knock, knock!” “Who’s there?” “Orange.” “‘Orange’, who?” “Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘banana’ again?” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/51 "2011-08-06T19:38:17Z")
What do you get when you goose a ghost? A handful of sheet. ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/52 "2011-08-06T19:43:53Z")
> [@MacCat](#): > > Last night I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/53 "2011-08-06T20:05:41Z")
Do you know why you can never starve in the desert? Because of all the _sand which is_ there. ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/54 "2011-08-06T21:05:44Z")
About 200 drachmas a day. ---
**Author:** ![codgerone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c37758/32.png) [@codgerone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/codgerone)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/55 "2011-08-06T21:22:28Z")
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other “do you know how to drive this thing?” ---
**Author:** ![Emergency911](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/43a26b/32.png) [@Emergency911](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emergency911)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/56 "2011-08-06T21:37:20Z")
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas… How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/57 "2011-08-06T21:40:50Z")
Why was Helen Keller a shitty driver? Because she was a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/58 "2011-08-06T21:43:10Z")
> [@saje](#): > > Q: What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? > > A: Hot Cross Buns I always thought that was when a KKK guy shoved a burning cross up one’s ass. I wrtote that one years ago, btw, but got bleeped when I tried to use it on the air.🙂 Q ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/59 "2011-08-06T22:11:12Z")
This guy gets lost in the woods for several days. He finally makes his way out of the woods and seeing some lights in the distance, finally finds himself at a pizza place. The poor guy is, of course, half starved. He walks in and tells the waiter “give me your largest pizza, I’ve just been through the worst ordeal and I’m STARVING, I’m going to eat the whole thing right here, right now”! The waiter says “would you like that cut in 8 pieces or 12”? The guy says “Oh 8 of course! I could never eat 12 pieces of pizza”. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646/60 "2011-08-06T23:51:10Z")
What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls? Walk him and pitch to the Rhino. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-jokes-that-still-crack-you-up/591646.md?page=4)