# Old Love **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 16, 2010, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465 "2010-08-16T22:58:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Labor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Labor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labor)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/1 "2010-08-16T22:58:54Z")
As you might guess from looking at my information I am mostly a lurker, but I am looking for some anonymous opinions. I am happily married for almost 18 years. Recently, I was trolling about the social media and I came across the home page of a former girlfriend. I looked at the information and especially her photo. She still is as beautiful as ever and I am a bit taken aback by how many old emotions have been stirred up from a relationship that I terminated more than twenty years ago. Do you have any comments? I will check back to this post to answer questions if you have them. I have ruled out contacting my old flame or doing anything to stir up old passions. But my heart really pounded for a few moments there when I first saw her again. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/2 "2010-08-16T23:01:49Z")
Tell your wife of 18 years that you love her very much. And quit surfing the 'net for old flames. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/3 "2010-08-16T23:21:26Z")
“Old love is the best love, Stay in love with me. My love is the best love; It comes with a lifetime guarantee.” –Bowser & Blue ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2010, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/4 "2010-08-16T23:59:27Z")
> [@Labor](#): > > But my heart really pounded for a few moments there when I first saw her again. That’s normal, don’t worry about it. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/5 "2010-08-17T00:00:39Z")
Destroy your life if you want to. But first, ask yourself the question: If she is soo wonderful, so appealing, if she can provide everything that you lack in your life; why is she on the internet instead of taken by the love of _her_ life? Dreams are just dreams. Learning to be happy with the bounty you have is a wisdom that comes with time. And \*\*Oakminster \*\*is a wise man. Not always, I’m not sure I even remember the last time, but it happens. In this case you should just read his post over and over until you get it. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/6 "2010-08-17T00:08:02Z")
I agree with the Devil’s Grandmother and with Oakminster. It’s normal, but it’s not a good idea to dwell on it. We do tend to idealize certain parts of our lost youth. ghardester, though I agree with your post for the most part, the first thing that came to mind when Labor mentioned her page was Facebook. Everyone and his pet has a page there, people aren’t necessarily neglecting the love of their life or trolling for action. ---
**Author:** ![Labor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Labor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labor)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/7 "2010-08-17T00:43:43Z")
Oakminster, ghardester, MoodIndigo1. Thanks, just the slap in the face I was hoping to get. During my evening run I remembered that I broke up with her for a reason, and although she still looks great my wife looks better! I’m counting my blessings and not going to do anything rash. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/8 "2010-08-17T00:50:27Z")
Seeing a picture of your old flame takes you right back emotionally to that time of your life. You have to remember, that was THEN. The past. You cannot pick up where you left off, if you reconnect. It’s water under the bridge, let sleeping dogs lie, the road less taken, etc. Stop looking. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/9 "2010-08-17T01:16:05Z")
> [@ghardester](#): > > Destroy your life if you want to. But first, ask yourself the question: If she is soo wonderful, so appealing, if she can provide everything that you lack in your life; why is she on the internet instead of taken by the love of _her_life While I agree here to let it go, I had to comment on this. There are a lot of valid reasons why she is not with “the love of her life” and not one of them take away her wonderfulness. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/10 "2010-08-17T17:08:15Z")
It sounds like you are fooling yourself. If you were really happily married, you wouldn’t have given your old flame a second thought. Since your old passions were not quieted by the supposed love for your wife, they must be stronger. Follow your heart. Contact your old flame and arrange a time and place to meet. Life is too short to not follow your heart. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/11 "2010-08-17T17:10:58Z")
I am connected to my old flame on Facebook. Every few months he tries to sell me on some pyramid scheme. My boyfriend and I laugh and laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/12 "2010-08-17T17:22:53Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > It sounds like you are fooling yourself. If you were really happily married, you wouldn’t have given your old flame a second thought. Since your old passions were not quieted by the supposed love for your wife, they must be stronger. > > Follow your heart. Contact your old flame and arrange a time and place to meet. Life is too short to not follow your heart. Geraldine Jones lives! Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/13 "2010-08-17T17:25:55Z")
> [@Labor](#): > > As you might guess from looking at my information I am mostly a lurker, but I am looking for some anonymous opinions. Dude. You’ve been a Doper since 2002, and you have 124 posts? This is the understatement of the century! 😉 > [@Oakminster](#): > > Tell your wife of 18 years that you love her very much. And quit surfing the 'net for old flames. **Oakminster** has good advice. It sounds from your later post that you’re on track. Best of luck to you. And come back soon! ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/14 "2010-08-17T17:27:17Z")
Just a few days ago someone I knew in High School contacted me - telling me he “always had feelings for me” and wanted to reconnect. Sorry, dude. Those feelings you have been carrying around for twenty years now are for a girl who no longer exists. I am not the same person and whatever feelings has been held for twenty years have been done so in fantasy situation. Time to move on; be grateful for what you have and not what you may have lost. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/15 "2010-08-17T17:34:42Z")
I still like the smell of crayons, and crank up Deep Purple when I hear it on the radio. It’s all completely normal behaviour. ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/16 "2010-08-17T18:20:57Z")
I heard from my old high school sweetheart on Facebook a few months ago. We wrote to each other a few times to catch up on our lives. At one point he mentioned getting together just to show me some stuff he’d been working on and I said, is that okay with your wife. He replied, of course it’s not okay with my wife. When are you free? That really freaked me out; we haven’t contacted each other since. What’s really freaking me out is now I keep thinking about him and wondering how things would have been if we’d stayed together and how much I really loved him back then. I’m missing him all over again. But I know myself. The bottom line is I’m not immoral enough to mess around with a married man. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/17 "2010-08-17T18:35:07Z")
Reading this thread made me think about someone I haven’t dated for over 15 years. She must be about 50 now, I wonder if she still looks good. So I looked her up on Facebook. She looks fantastic. She looks like she’s in her 20s, she’s gotten even prettier, and it would seem that she’s now Asian. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/18 "2010-08-17T18:48:40Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Reading this thread made me think about someone I haven’t dated for over 15 years. She must be about 50 now, I wonder if she still looks good. So I looked her up on Facebook. > > She looks fantastic. She looks like she’s in her 20s, she’s gotten even prettier, and it would seem that she’s now Asian. This was my mello yello spittake of the day. At least when I get laid off next week - i’ll be leaving things mellower than when it was before . . .😃 ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/19 "2010-08-17T19:45:26Z")
I will never stop loving my High School Sweetheart. I often dream that someday, in some way I can’t foresee he will find himself honorably free, and contact me. even if I just had the chance to tell him how i feel it would be wonderful. But if he contacted me with unfaithful intentions, while he’s still married to the woman who gave him two beautiful children, I would be enormously disappointed. His integrity is the primary thing I loved about him; and if he did that I would love him less, maybe even not at all. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465/20 "2010-08-17T20:27:26Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > Just a few days ago someone I knew in High School contacted me - telling me he “always had feelings for me” and wanted to reconnect. > > Sorry, dude. Those feelings you have been carrying around for twenty years now are for **a girl who no longer exists.** I am not the same person and whatever feelings has been held for twenty years have been done so in fantasy situation. Bolding mine - and truer words will not be found in this thread. About 10 years ago, my first boyfriend tracked me down via Classmates and a little clever detective work, and got his email to me. We’ve communicated on and off over this last decade. And yes, my husband knows about it - sometimes he reads the IMs over my shoulder. But I’m no longer the 19-y/o away from home for the first time. And he’s not the smooth-talker he was. I’ve gotten just a wee bit more cynical, and he’s gotten religion. So, yeah, the us of 1973 no longer exists. Plus he just divorced wife #4… I expect if we did meet again (not likely due to geography) it would be awkward and just a little weird. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-love/550465.md?page=2)