# Old Magazine Ad: Spider Monkeys Through The Mail **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [July 25, 2003, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855 "2003-07-25T13:42:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/42 "2022-01-25T21:47:35Z")
> [@anny\_m](#): > > When I was in college, a half-century ago, a friend and I sent in to one of those ads. This one supposedly gave the secret to growing 2 inches in height (or something like that – it was 50 years ago). We had a lot of fun imagining the secret our money was going to buy. > > A few weeks later our envelope was returned unopened, stamped “Fraudulent Use of the Mail.” I seem to recall this from an old Johnson Smith catalog. The “secret” was two little wedges you’d put in your shoes under your heels–kind of like how wearing high heels gives you height–but your shoes would hide the wedges. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/43 "2022-01-25T21:53:50Z")
[![](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/SloAAOSwcB1eRE0V/s-l1600.jpg) ](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/SloAAOSwcB1eRE0V/s-l1600.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/44 "2022-01-25T22:00:06Z")
> [@anny\_m](#): > > Does your book include this ad? Sadly, no. I still give it my highest recommendation. ---
**Author:** ![Marvin\_the\_Martian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marvin_the_martian/32/2898_2.png) [@Marvin\_the\_Martian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvin_the_Martian)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/45 "2022-01-25T22:38:51Z")
Don’t forget the classic Charles Atlas “Dynamic Tension” ads… ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/46 "2022-01-25T22:46:38Z")
Mail Order Mysteries actually gave them a good grade. If you sent in the money, you got a manual on training the legs, or the arms or whatever. That manual contained good advice and isometric exercises. Follow the advice and do the exercises and you would indeed get bigger, stronger muscles. Also, most other strongmen books gave bad advice and taught tricks to perform feats of strength that were not based on actual strength. Charles Atlas may not have gone by his real name, but he was the real deal. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/47 "2022-01-25T23:05:46Z")
Here we are: [![](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/articleimages/wong/comicads/monkey1.jpg) ](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/articleimages/wong/comicads/monkey1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/48 "2022-01-25T23:37:55Z")
I’ve posted this here before, but FYI… "True story. When we were kids, my friend decided he wanted one of those - from that exact ad. His dad said he would build a cage if Mark could raise the scratch. He went door to door selling something (vegetables from his dad’s garden if I remember correctly) until he reached his goal. Dad built a cage. The money was sent off. The day came when the monkey arrived. His dad put him in the cage and all the neighborhood gathered around and marveled. Shortly my friend got a bowl of fruit and decided to feed him. He cautiously cracked open the door and like a brown blur the monkey was gone. Mark cried unconsolably. Monkey lived in a very tall tree across the alley for a while. One day he wasn’t there anymore." ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2022, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/49 "2022-01-25T23:53:19Z")
Am I the only person who wasn’t mad that Sea Monkeys were brine shrimp? First, I knew they weren’t going to look like they did in the ads. Second, I had a book on undersea life that had a chapter on raising brine shrimp. They looked pretty cool magnified. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/50 "2022-01-26T01:15:12Z")
> [@Marvin\_the\_Martian](#): > > Don’t forget the classic Charles Atlas “Dynamic Tension” ads… It could turn you “into a beast of a man!”. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/uKvuhk0TwbQ/maxresdefault.jpg "Charles Atlas (Take 1)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKvuhk0TwbQ) ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/51 "2022-01-26T01:29:49Z")
> [@P-man](#): > > Am I the only person who wasn’t mad that Sea Monkeys were brine shrimp? I didn’t have to buy sea monkeys through the mail. Back in the early sixties when we lived in San Diego I could literally walk across the street and scoop them out of vernal pools (actually they were fairy shrimp, a close relative). Sadly there are very very few of those vernal pools left. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/52 "2022-01-26T01:36:52Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Here we are: The fine print also requests “your favorite snapshot”’and the color of your eyes and hair. There’s something extremely creepy going on. Regardless, this may be the funniest thread I’ve read in a long time. The mental image of mid century adolescents unleashing frightened, hungry, feral primates into their homes gives new perspective on all that talk about “kids these days”. ---
**Author:** ![Pork\_Rind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pork_rind/32/111_2.png) [@Pork\_Rind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pork_Rind)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/53 "2022-01-26T01:48:30Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > > [@DCnDC](#): > > > > Here we are: > > The fine print also requests “your favorite snapshot”’and the color of your eyes and hair. > > There’s something extremely creepy going on. Nah, they were selling hand colored enlargements of black and white prints. They were sending you one as a selling tool. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/54 "2022-01-26T01:51:25Z")
> [@Pork\_Rind](#): > > they were selling hand colored enlargements of black and white prints. Oh, to by a fly on the wall of that marketing meeting that began with “how do we promote our primitive Photoshop business?” and ended with “We’ll send monkeys by mail!” ---
**Author:** ![Marvin\_the\_Martian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marvin_the_martian/32/2898_2.png) [@Marvin\_the\_Martian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marvin_the_Martian)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2022, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/55 "2022-01-26T16:04:15Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > “We’ll send monkeys by mail!” The boss wanted flying monkeys. Had to settle for air mail monkeys. ---
**Author:** ![Pork\_Rind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pork_rind/32/111_2.png) [@Pork\_Rind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pork_Rind)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2022, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/56 "2022-01-27T21:19:56Z")
I can imagine the discussion went like this: “How do we get an army of unskeptical salespeople that are willing to work for almost free?” _“Well, I think we have to hire a shit ton of kids.”_ “What motivates a kid these days? Bubblegum? Hoops and sticks?” _“How about we promise them a monkey?”_ ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2022, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/57 "2022-01-27T21:31:59Z")
Yep, and I remember the monkey ad. And later the sea monkey ad, and those are okay to raise for a bit until they get boring or die. They do not look like the illustrations however. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2022, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/58 "2022-01-27T21:32:08Z")
Hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2022, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/59 "2022-01-27T21:45:16Z")
> [@Pork\_Rind](#): > > I can imagine the discussion went like this: > > “How do we get an army of unskeptical salespeople that are willing to work for almost free?” > > _“Well, I think we have to hire a shit ton of kids.”_ > > “What motivates a kid these days? Bubblegum? Hoops and sticks?” > > _“How about we promise them a monkey?”_ And yet people these days question the wisdom of the 3 martini lunch. When people talk about Making America Great Again, this is the sort of nostalgia they mean! ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2022, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/60 "2022-01-27T22:10:19Z")
Does anyone remember those greeting card/wrapping companies that promised cool stuff if if you sold hundreds or thousands of “items” ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2022, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855/61 "2022-01-27T22:16:02Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Yep, and I remember the monkey ad. > > And later the sea monkey ad, and those are okay to raise for a bit until they get boring or die. They do not look like the illustrations however. I’m sure millions of kids were taken in by the ads like Eric Cartman. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/wpijPFtQiK0/hqdefault.jpg "South Park - Sea People and Me") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpijPFtQiK0) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-magazine-ad-spider-monkeys-through-the-mail/190855.md?page=4)