# Old people - when did the rigid rules of classroom Valentine's day behavior begin? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [February 14, 2013, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318 "2013-02-14T20:41:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![rogerbox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@rogerbox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rogerbox)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/61 "2013-02-16T03:20:46Z")
I’m 27, when we were in elementary school everyone made their own mailbox and taped it to their desk, and the rule was usually that you had to either give no valentine’s day cards, or give one to every student. I don’t see the problem with it, no one took it seriously anyway. I gave out [Streetfighter 2 Valentine’s Day cards.](http://www.rowsdowr.com/2012/02/13/terrible-early-90s-street-fighter-ii-valentines-day-cards/) ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/62 "2013-02-16T03:57:39Z")
> [@Learjeff](#): > > I’m 55. As I recall, everyone got one for everyone else. I don’t remember any discussion of optional/mandatory, that’s just what we were told to do. I remember thinking it was stupid (or really, just an annoying thing I had to do when I could be doing something good like watching TV or playing with legos). I’m your age but we didn’t do all that much in class for V-Day. Once or twice we might have done a card exchange on a randomized one-to-one basis. Each student having to come up with a card for _every_ other student in the room seems crazy excessive to me, particularly since girls and boys that age often despise each other. Making the kids do this just seems overbearing. Oh yeah–we also did the construction paper projects, which were usually intended for one’s mother or other female family members. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/63 "2013-02-16T06:47:15Z")
> [@LaurenIpsum](#): > > As an elementary student in the 80s, my experience was the same as others who posted - we were to bring in one card for each student, no candy. I believe either the teacher or some students did bring in treats for the whole class - cupcakes or something - but each student didn’t bring something. > > Even as a kid I recognized that bringing a valentine for every kid in your class, even if you didn’t like them, was stupid. But I also recognized that it was probably the only reason I received any valentines myself. ☹ The 1st paragraph is my experience. (same age) ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/64 "2013-02-16T06:52:59Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > OMG I hated that! One year I got a flower from a guy I didn’t like back, and that was awkward. Then my Senior I didn’t get one from my then boyfriend and I was pissed. He thought fooling around at his house later in his game room was enough for Valentine’s Day. :rolleyes: I ALWAYS sent flowers/chocolate flowers to the Girl I Wasted My Adolescence On. She never confronted me about it, from what I was told, she took it in good humor. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/65 "2013-02-18T18:19:10Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Temporary tattoos, amiright? You could freak out the PTA sending gift certificates to the local tattoo shop. Best thing, they’d sell you the certificates dirt cheap, since they’d be non-transferrable and therefore never redeemed.😃 One would hope so -------- but some of the shops down here in De Burgh will tattoo kids - with both parents signing and at least one present. (I actually know a family who let their 10/11yo get tats and look at how many of the local high school football players are sporting ink :smack: ) ---
**Author:** ![md2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@md2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md2000)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/66 "2013-02-20T16:58:16Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > When my son was playing T-Ball, circa 1996, I asked him who was winning. He explained that they didn’t really keep score, and they were just supposed to have fun. "Bullshit! " I told him. “Now go out there and kick some ass!!” And he did. > [@](#): > > The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now. > Build the kids’ self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. > If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs? > What’s going to happen to our porno industry? > These women don’t just grown on trees. > It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks. > And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection? _Lazy Boy - Underwear Go Inside the Pants_ I almost drove off the road, when I heard that song/rant on the radio(!) while driving around New Zealand. Best summary of the situation. * * * I was unfortunate and went to an all-boys school. Fortunately as a result though, Valentines day was basically completely ignored, it was a non-event. I don’t recall ever getting a Valentine. I’m sure that did not impinge on my self-esteem. With my contemporaries in the mid-60’s and late 60’s, IIRC they could give valentines to select favourite individuals and there were mutterings in places like Dear Abby about how unfair and cruel that was. Also, IIRC at that time it was mainly a boy-girl thing. ---
**Author:** ![Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shinna_Minna_Ma)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2013, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/67 "2013-02-20T17:13:54Z")
In elementary public school in the late 60s/early 70s, we did the “give everyone a card” thing, although I don’t remember ever giving or receiving candy. At the end of the day we opened them and had a party. I also seem to remember making a “mailbox” from a decorated brown paper lunch bag and taping it on my locker. ---
**Author:** ![sunstone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunstone/32/3372_2.png) [@sunstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunstone)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/68 "2013-02-21T02:27:22Z")
In the '40s and early '50s (of the 20th Century, kids), we had some grades where we only gave to certain people. My Mother suggested that I give them to not only the kids I liked, but to the unpopular kids too. Other classes asked us to give to everyone. Apparently this was a teacher option in my rural elementary school. I do remember treasuring the cards from Linda Lee and Sandra…sigh. 1st grade through 4th. You did ask for old people to respond, right? ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/69 "2013-02-21T05:01:36Z")
I’m 32 now. I went to an all girls’ school where Valentine’s was celebrated. As I remember, we each had white paper bags about the size of lunch sacks. We decorated them and put our names on them, then they were taped up around the edge of our classrooms. Most of the valentines were just cards though a few had a piece of candy too. Kinda weird a bunch of girls sending each other valentines, but there you go. Then by the time I got to high school some of the other girls were getting flowers from boys. That’s a lot more normal. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/70 "2013-02-21T05:15:08Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > When I was in grade school in the 60’s you could get those packs of cards with enough for everyone in the class. I seem to remember themes like Peanuts or TV cartoons characters. At that time we were encouraged but not required to being one for each person and we had slots for each student on the bulletin board. No candy that I remember except that sometimes the teacher would hand out candy hearts. Exactly the same for me. I could have written this word for word myself. ---
**Author:** ![md2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@md2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md2000)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/71 "2013-02-21T15:36:09Z")
Of course the same sort of people who tsk-tsked (i.e. bitched) about selective valentine cards, to Dear Abby and other social advice columns, also at that time were complaining about the damage to children’s precious self esteem when someone went around handing out birthday party invitations in class to only a few (or only half, or worse, except for a few) of the the kids in the class. IIRC the 70’s was also when you started seeing rules about “no handing out party invitations in class”. Most kids were not stupid - by around age 8 they knew exactly what they were doing when they selected special friends and snubbed others. They are just less subtle about it than adults. ---
**Author:** ![Orville\_mogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/aeb1de/32.png) [@Orville\_mogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orville_mogul)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/72 "2013-02-21T16:03:09Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > In fact, the largest number of cards were for any unspecified adult to any unspecified child. Now that’s just creepy. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Bones\_Daley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@Bones\_Daley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bones_Daley)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/73 "2013-02-21T21:59:14Z")
Wow …weird thread… I feel like I might have gained just a little more insight into all the high school shootings over the past few years … ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2013, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/74 "2013-02-21T22:56:25Z")
> [@Orville\_mogul](#): > > Now that’s just creepy. :eek: Why? It’s already been explained that Valentine’s Day is a neutered occasion in American culture. A kid could get a card from aunts, uncles, grandparents, whatever. There’s nothing sexual about those cards. > [@Bones\_Daley](#): > > Wow …weird thread… I feel like I might have gained just a little more insight into all the high school shootings over the past few years … You what now? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/75 "2013-02-22T02:48:01Z")
> [@Orville\_mogul](#): > > Now that’s just creepy. :eek: > [@Acsenray](#): > > Why? It’s already been explained that Valentine’s Day is a neutered occasion in American culture. A kid could get a card from aunts, uncles, grandparents, whatever. There’s nothing sexual about those cards. Exactly. My father used to give both me and my mother Valentine’s Day candy, and it really was all perfectly innocent. But I think it’s become looked on outside of the US as purely a romantic occasion between lovers. It’s a big hit in Thailand now, and the romantic angle is played up heavily. The culture mavens are even decrying the fact that it’s even become somewhat traditional for girls to lose their virginity to their boyfriends on that day. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/76 "2013-02-22T22:16:23Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Why? It’s already been explained that Valentine’s Day is a neutered occasion in American culture. A kid could get a card from aunts, uncles, grandparents, whatever. There’s nothing sexual about those cards. It’s still weird that the majority are for an UNSPECIFIED adult. It does get a bit creepy if you picture them being used people who aren’t covered by the other cards. It’s one thing to hang around kids you don’t have any type of relationship with, but another to single them out with full cards. It just seems like a little too much interest. Anyways, we did the perfunctary version. In fact, it seems wrong to me not to. There’s no reason you can’t also single out people to be your Valentine–I did it all the time. Since no one got to see the contents of others’ mailboxes (which, yes, we made in class) you could give them without making others feel left out. So you got the best of both worlds. My first “girlfriends” happened because of Valentine’s Day. And to offer some relief to April, it meant we hung out at recess, maybe holding hands. That’s it. And I think we were right on the cusp with candy. I didn’t in kindergarten, but did by sixth grade. And I remember it happened becuase some kid became very well liked because he put candy in his, which led to other people doing it. It was not quite perfunctary by the time I did it, but I’m not surpriesed it has become that. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/77 "2013-02-22T22:21:15Z")
> [@Bones\_Daley](#): > > Wow …weird thread… I feel like I might have gained just a little more insight into all the high school shootings over the past few years … I sorta understand where you are coming from, but I think this sort of talk would be better suited for another thread, perhaps in GD. I know other people are sorta hinting at it, but making it this direct is just going to stir people up. People are pretty starkly divided on whether forced inclusiveness is a good or bad thing. As it is, your post seems rather inflammatory for no reason. I of all people know it is tempting to make these types of posts, but you gotta take time to stop and think about whether they will mess up the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2013, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318/78 "2013-02-22T22:31:58Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > It’s still weird that the majority are for an UNSPECIFIED adult. It does get a bit creepy if you picture them being used people who aren’t covered by the other cards. But why would you assume that’s who is using them? Most likely they _are_ being used by those who might be covered by another card, but for whatever reason doesn’t want one of those cards. I find myself often rejecting greeting cards that are specifically directed at my situation, simply because I like some other card better. I should think that that’s more economical for the card company – produce a handful of specific cards that people who are insistent on a specific card can buy, and a large number of cards that anyone could buy. Now, why be as specific as an unspecified adult for an unspecified child? Well, because those cards are more suitable for children. The absolute generic valentines are ones that do seem to be more romantic. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-people-when-did-the-rigid-rules-of-classroom-valentines-day-behavior-begin/650318.md?page=3)