# (Old) Tell A Stoopid Joke MMP! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [July 13, 2026, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637 "2026-07-13T10:37:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2026, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/101 "2026-07-14T23:39:03Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > It’s fun being a fly on your wall. We hafta be very careful about keeping the drive-thru window closed. { _bzzzzst_ } ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/102 "2026-07-15T00:10:07Z")
> [@dogbutler](#): > > What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the pool? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your porch? Matt > [@SCAdian](#): > > I’ve seen mac-and-cheese pizzas in the coffin freezers at Aldi. Big Y occasionally has them in their deli section. They used to have them on the buffet at Cici’s Pizza. > [@Aspenglow](#): > > Ollie is suffering with skin allergy issues from being off his regular meds. Poor Ollie! Nelson’s mother has a lot of skin allergy issues. Sis has to doctor her every day. ---
**Author:** ![Kitten\_Mitten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b782af/32.png) [@Kitten\_Mitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitten_Mitten)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/103 "2026-07-15T00:41:35Z")
**VanGo** oh, a vacation, how awesome! Ok, you’re over near the East coast. If I were you, I’d head to the beach!!! Go for it! > [@swampbear](#): > > I like black olives and I like garlic and both are good together on pizza, but ya know, it would need other stuff to be a good pizza. yeah, like Eye-talian sausage! > [@Aspenglow](#): > > He thinks he can keep the cost to under $1,000, so long as he and his family can come pick Chanterelle mushrooms in the fall. Sounds like a WIN-WIN. In order to not heat up the house made BLT’s for dinner. Dessert-more of that delicious Toffee Apple pie. 😋 ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/104 "2026-07-15T01:02:20Z")
> [@Kitten\_Mitten](#): > > Dessert-more of that delicious Toffee Apple pie. Where did you find such a wonderful concoction? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/105 "2026-07-15T02:04:40Z")
Howdy Y’all! A couple more jokes for your evenin’ enjoyment. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie on it! What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? It’s Butt! **BrightTree** sounds like you have found a fix for your pond that is somewhat reasonable price wise. HUZZAH! Poor Ollie! Hope he gets over his itchies soonest. :: skritches :: **Oopsie** by now the meetin’ is over for the day. Get some rest. Hope it goes faster tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/106 "2026-07-15T02:10:11Z")
Up from naptime. Having a Manhattan and Southwest style stirfry for dinner. > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > She friggin’ loved the stickers, BTW, ❤ > [@Paintcharge](#): > > Feels weird to not be going to work. You get used to it. > [@Aspenglow](#): > > He feels it is a fairly straightforward fix. That’s good, especially after all you went through. > [@Misnomer](#): > > day 2 of this meeting 😮 ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/107 "2026-07-15T03:32:21Z")
I’m cruising The Dope and having a G&T before hitting the sack. I did my power flow and Yin yogas tonight. So I’m tired AND relaxed. I do miss **Mrs Magill** , especially at yoga where everyone kept asking where she was. She’s currently corrupting her niece to make her brother’s life a living hell. Something about payback. > [@Aspenglow](#): > > . I hope the meeting between Vickie and Mrs. Magill is arranged. I hope so, too. When I told **Mrs Magill** about Vickie’s offer, she said she would like that, and I hadn’t even mentioned she’s a nuclear physicist. They sound like they should get on like gangbusters. I’ll meet Vickie this weekend at the MTTA night out. It’ll be my first time presenting as **Mollie** outside the safety of counseling, my home, the car, and the meetings. I’m excited/scared to death. > [@Aspenglow](#): > > He thinks he can keep the cost to under $1,000, so long as he and his family can come pick Chanterelle mushrooms in the fall. Nice! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/108 "2026-07-15T06:02:15Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > He feels it is a fairly straightforward fix. Great! ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/109 "2026-07-15T07:12:01Z")
Up, caffeinated, and sheveled. Off to heave. It’s currently 66 degrees Ferret Height(18.889 Centipedes), a cold start to this week’s heatwave. Spot got a wild hair up his ass earlier, and I had to use The Vulcan Death Grip on him. > [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I’m excited/scared to death. {{{{ **Mollie** }}}} ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/110 "2026-07-15T08:06:29Z")
Morning, mumpers! It’s currently 17c/62f with a predicted high of 27c/80f and mostly cloudy. Weather app says “I wish it were fucking colder or warmer, at least that would be fucking interesting.” No, what would be interesting would be cooler with some rain! **Bright Tree** sounds like you have a pond solution now, that’s great news! I hope Ollie feels better soon too, he does sound miserable with those itchies. **Oopsie** I hope the meeting concluded swiftly and you got a decent break from it. > [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > I’ll meet Vickie this weekend at the MTTA night out. I hope that goes really well for you, and I bet everyone loves the way you look! Take tissues, you might need them for the deluge of compliments you’ll be getting 🙂 Yesterday was a pretty boring irk day, as I had very little to do. I wrapped a gift for our catsitter as she’s coming to look after the cats from Thursday to Monday but it’s her last visit with them. I spent quite a while working on the right wording for a card to thank her, so a lot of my day involved non-work activities. After I logged out, I made today’s campus food then had a bit of sofa time with Blossom, then went to the gym. We had leftover chilli for dinner when I got back, watched the latest episode of House of the Dragon, and then it was bedtime for me. ---
**Author:** ![Jegpeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jegpeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jegpeg)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/111 "2026-07-15T08:35:58Z")
What did the grape say when the elephant trod on it? Nothing it just let out a little whine. Why can you not find painkillers in the the jungle? Because the parrots eat 'em all (paracetamol) ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/112 "2026-07-15T10:34:21Z")
Good Mornin’ Y’all! Up and caffeinatin’. _YAWN_ ‘Tis 72 Amurrkin out and partly cloudy with a predicted high of 89 and sunny this mornin’ but becomin’ cloudy with a sixty percent chance of rain this afternoon/evenin’. The big item on today’s agenda is to procure provisions. The rest of the day will be spent in our usual RDOS sloth. I forgot to mention yestiddy’s big excitatement. The fiber optic cable got buried! This means mowage must be accomplished. However, it rained a pretty good amount overnight so the ground is too wet for that this mornin’. Maybe tomorrow. Sup will be boxed lasagna (don’t judge!), sallit, and cheesey garlic bread. YUM! **Jegpeg** those are groaners for sure! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Why did the math book look so sad? It had too many problems. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer Now I need more caffeine and to feed rumbly tummy. Then I must purtify and don attire acceptable for bein’ amongst the great unwashed. Le sigh. Happy Hump Day Y’all! ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/113 "2026-07-15T11:39:15Z")
Well, pooh. I woke to 68 Ferrets, but triple digits are promised today and tomorrow. Dammit. I might be able to get a little weeding done, maybe, if I get out there soon enough. but ICK! I need to water the planters on the porch before the heat sets in. Saturday is my mom’s Christmas in July party, tho at the moment there’s a threat of rain in the afternoon. Dammit. We’ll go anyway - we’ve arranged for a dog sitter and there’s 4 rings of Polish sausage waiting for me. Plus she asked me to get some local 'maters for her and my sister. I do hope it goes off - a White Elephant gift exchange is supposed to be part of it and it’ll be my chance to get rid of a stoopit lamp that used to belong to MIL and has been sitting in the basement for several years. Fingers crossed. Anyway, thanks to the stoopit heat, I don’t know what today will hold. I suppose I could rollsuck and _\< gasp \>_ dust and maybe clean some terlits. I do have a couple of phone calls to make about pellets for the stove and insurance for our cruise. For now, tho, caffeination and surfage shall continue. Happy Wednesday! ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/114 "2026-07-15T11:42:51Z")
What is black and white, black and white, black, white and red? a Nun falling down a flight of stairs ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/115 "2026-07-15T12:13:24Z")
Morning all. I can’t find my afternoon posting from yesterday, so I did make it to the Akron area find, drove all around the old places I knew (and some new ones) and watched the World Cup game so a successful day. Going out in a bit to ride the Cuyahoga Valley Railroad train for a few hours , then back for the soccer game and maybe see a movie in the evening. Got a 420 mile drive tomorrow down to Mammoth Cave so nothing to vigorous is planned. Still trying to keep up with all of you, sounds like it’s been a pretty good week (lord knows the jokes are keeping me entertained). And need to finish breaking fast and get ready to go. Have a good day, whatever day it is… ---
**Author:** ![Kitten\_Mitten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b782af/32.png) [@Kitten\_Mitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitten_Mitten)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/116 "2026-07-15T12:20:06Z")
> [@Seanette](#): > > > [@Kitten\_Mitten](#): > > > > Toffee Apple pie. > > Where did you find such a wonderful concoction? Kroger. I woke to 74F, wish that was the high rather than the low. High is supposed to get up to 97. Need to thoroughly water the garden then will go into main office to help new Deputy Director with what certain electronic files are for. Will also work out at fitness center today. Was thinking about going for a drive down to state park to walk along beach or maybe on trails but with the meeting being pushed back (was supposed to be 9am, now is going to be sometime between 10 and 10:30) it will likely be too hot. Stay cool and be safe as you work to get over the HUMP. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/117 "2026-07-15T12:24:07Z")
Up early again. Fed Sadie her breakfast. We’re going to hit 95F today and we have the added fun of an air quality alert from the fires in Canada. Luckily we don’t have to venture out of our sealed environment. Even with the cardboard on the windows to help block the sun, it’s 79F in the living room. I opened the apartment door yesterday and set a fan to help suck in the cold air from the hallway, but it really didn’t make much difference. I’ll try again today, starting earlier. I went down and told the building director that if anyone objects to the cardboard, they can go fuck themselves. He took it well, I think. Have a good day, all. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/118 "2026-07-15T12:30:37Z")
How does Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill? He sprints. JK, rolling. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/119 "2026-07-15T12:35:22Z")
Happy Wednesday, everybody! I’m about halfway through the _Things Parents Say_ jigsaw puzzle. Kent Fulmer, on the local radio, is running through all the reasons I shouldn’t go outside today. Extreme heat, ozone alert, and now widespread smoke are upon us. He didn’t say what the source of the smoke was. It looks like a good day to stay inside. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2026, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637/120 "2026-07-15T13:24:56Z")
Good Morning, folks. So, uh… that wasn’t the snooze button I hit at four-thirty. I guess I needed that extra two hours of sleep. I really have nothing to share since 10:30 last night, so I’ll share something I recently learnt: _In English_, the word octopus has three correct plurals, octopodes, octopuses, and octopi. Let’s explore this. - Octopodes - “Octopus” is derived from the Greek words octo (meaning eight) and pus (meaning foot). The Greek plural of pus is podes, so Octopodes is correct. - Octopi - This is perhaps the most controversial of the possible plurals. Despite its derivation, there is no animal called “octopus” in the Greek language. The animal is called a “polypus” in Greek. The Romans, who took a “what’s yours is mine” approach to all things Greek, called the animal an “octopus,” which makes octopus a _Latin_ word, so Octopi is correct. - Octopuses - But in English we don’t always use the Latin or Greek plural forms. After all, we talk about stadiums not stadia, so octopuses is correct. Funnily enough, the above does not apply to the word “platypus,” whose plurals are “platypodes” or “platypuses,” but not “platypi.” The Romans were conspicuously absent from Australia. > [@scareyfaerie](#): > > I hope that goes really well for you, and I bet everyone loves the way you look! Take tissues, you might need them for the deluge of compliments you’ll be getting 🙂 You are too kind. I’ll be attending the clothing give away sponsored by [The Lavender Closet](https://weconnect.lgbt/lavender-closet-where-everyone-fits/) this weekend, so who knows what I’ll be wearing? Actually, I do know, as anything I pick up will need to be laundered first. Oh, my. All these new names in the MMP. Welcome! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/old-tell-a-stoopid-joke-mmp/1031637.md?page=7)