# Older men/younger women and the "ick factor" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653 "2006-03-31T03:46:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/81 "2006-04-04T08:01:08Z")
> [@lobstermobster](#): > > And as icky as other people may find it, I am sexually attracted to men mostly in the 35-45 year range. How _you_ doin’? 🙂 > [@](#): > > In my experience, older men are more appreciative of beauty that doesn’t necessarily fit into the blond cheerleader empty head category. Amen. I find a lot of women attractive who don’t fit the “standard” look. In fact, I have yet to see a cover of Cosmo with a model I find attractive. It’s even getting rare to find a model I like in Maxim! (Sidetrack: I don’t remember which magazine, but I saw Keira Knightley on a cover, and I was horrified. I normally find her extremely attractive, but they had done her makeup in such a way that it completely hid everything that is unique about her face. Why do they do that?) ---
**Author:** ![sunfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@sunfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunfish)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/82 "2006-04-04T09:35:10Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > A _lot_ of guys have their upper limit set at 35 and once a woman passes that milestone, she falls off the radar. That’s a big signal for me, if a guy is only looking for women 10 years than himself and won’t consider a woman his own age, I automatically rule him out. I think in part this is related to the guys who have a strong desire to start (another?) family. Realistically, on the whole, women younger than 35 are better choices in that respect (fewer probable issues with fertility, lower risk of handicapped children). I can’t say I blame them, if that’s their motivation. The guys I do steer clear of are the ones who are late thirties and older who say they are interested in women 18-40, say. At that point I figure that they are mainly interested in the young end of that range and are just trying not to look like dirty old men. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/83 "2006-04-04T12:57:19Z")
I wouldn’t want to paint with a wide brush, but whenever an older man comes on to me I tend to automatically (and perhaps unfairly?) assume it is because of my youth. Either I’m prejudiced or insecure…or both. (Or sometimes, perhaps even right?) ---
**Author:** ![Dan\_Norder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4af34b/32.png) [@Dan\_Norder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dan_Norder)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/84 "2006-07-06T16:32:31Z")
I’m 36. In the last six years or so I’ve dated women from 18 to 38. Age is just a number. If you find someone you like, age shouldn’t matter. I think the people who get most icked out by it are just uptight in general. Saying that a man shouldn’t date someone half their age is typically just jealousy or the general moral ourage lots of people feel when someone is breaking some arbitrary and pointless societal rule. It’s on par with racism and homophobia in just being a gut, ignorant reaction to something that shouldn’t matter. One thing I’ve noticed is that younger women just tend to be more fun. Less bitter, more interested in the world, more full of energy. Some older women are like that too, but often they are already married. On the other hand, I am very much in love with the woman I am currently dating, who is older than I am. She has the energy and fun and somehow or another never managed to get snatched up by a man in all this time. We have so much in common it’s just scary, and we have trememdous chemistry. She’s who I want to be with, and, frankly, it’s just a coincidence that we are nearly the same age. Older or younger doesn’t matter when it just fits. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/85 "2006-07-06T18:33:46Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > There’s an old adage – Chinese, I think – that the ideal age for a bride is “half the man’s age, plus seven years.” Not sure what the thinking is behind that. Mr. Stuff (who was 40 when he married the 27-year old me) quotes this every once in a while. He heard it was a Muslim principle, and he thought it was Malcolm X’s advisor, whose name I cannot recall, that said it. My Google-Fu is sorely lacking, and I could neither confirm nor deny. As far as the “ick” factor goes for us, the only bad comments we’ve ever heard were from a friend’s wife who is famous for her lack of both sense and tact. What they say when we aren’t around, we don’t know. I married an older man because when I fell in love, the guy was older than me. I know that’s very simplistic, and there are probably multiple underlying psychological reasons, but I’m too content to pay for the therapy to figure out what they are. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/86 "2006-07-06T18:43:53Z")
The age difference makes a bigger difference when you’re young than when you’re older. My husband is 11 years older, but at our age, there’s really not a gap. It would be different if I was 20 and he was 31. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/87 "2006-07-06T19:40:37Z")
> [@Dan Norder](#): > > Saying that a man shouldn’t date someone half their age is typically just jealousy or the general moral ourage lots of people feel when someone is breaking some arbitrary and pointless societal rule. It’s on par with racism and homophobia in just being a gut, ignorant reaction to something that shouldn’t matter. _Applause_ > [@](#): > > One thing I’ve noticed is that younger women just tend to be more fun. Less bitter, more interested in the world, more full of energy. Some older women are like that too, but often they are already married. Exactly. That’s one of the biggest problems for us over-30 men. Women our age who are attractive and fun _are already married to someone else_. And many many many of the unmarried women our age, well, you can see why. I’ve got a lot better chance of finding an unmarried, attractive woman from 18-25. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/88 "2006-07-06T20:14:39Z")
My personal level of acceptability for age differences in relationships is on a sliding scale. This scale has been pretty settled my whole life and, obviously, is based on what I’d find acceptable for myself. An age difference of 10 - 12 years either way is completely unremarkable. I could always imagine myself dating someone within that range, although when I was much younger, I’d have had to ‘correct’ the lower range for legality. For instance, at 23, I would have dated a 35 year old without thinking twice; or I would have dated an 18 year old. Now I am 45 and, if I weren’t married, I’d be willing to date a 33 year old (if he would have me) on up to a 57 year old. A 12 - 20 year difference either way is, and always has been, in the weird catagory. That age difference seems like it would be unacceptable to me. I _might_, under certain circumstances, be willing to date withint that range – if I met a really super-duper perfect guy, maybe. But he’d have to be _really_ super-duper and I’m not sure I’d ever really be comfortable with the relationship comepletely. When I see other people dating or married to people with that kind of gap, it just sems odd. Not icky, just strange – in the way that most things that you have a hard time imagining yourself doing seem strange to you when you see other people doing them. A 20 - 35 year age gap moves into the ‘ick’ catagory. For me, the ages within that range equate to my son, at one end, and my father, at the other. Ick. It just seems wrong, and I would _never_ date within that range myself, no matter how much I liked the guy or how attractive I found him. Just ick. A gap of 40 years or more? Mega-ick. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/89 "2006-07-06T20:15:31Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I would most definitely date Patrick Stewart. Well hell, I’m a straight guy and _ **I** _ would date Captain Jean-Luc Picard. :dubious: Anyways, age differences … There are no age differences, in my mind. There is indeed a “too young,” but once someone is responsibly in the dating pool, look for someone you can love and who can love you. Whether I go up, down, or straight across in age, it’s the _woman_ I’m interested in, not in how many years her face has existed. And that is reciprocated, otherwise there is no actual relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/90 "2006-07-06T20:49:55Z")
> [@Who\_me?](#): > > You know, at 48, I don’t go around hitting on young women. What I do get is young women flirting with me. It may be because they feel safe flirting with a guy old enough to be their father, but it is flattering in a way. Agreed. Although I have had two situations occur in the last year where the flirting went farther and I got an invitation for a roll in the hay. That was extremely flattering, given that I’m 57 and both gals added together wouldn’t even come close to that. And they were hot! There may be snow on the mountain top but there’s still some fire in the furnace, I guess. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/91 "2006-07-06T20:54:39Z")
I don’t remember if I said this when this was a new thread…but my main issue with it is older guys that will ONLY date someone 20 or more years younger than themself. I see it all the time, a guy in his mid 40’s or older will specify that he will only even talk to someone under 25. That is what I find ‘ick’ ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/92 "2006-07-06T21:04:13Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Agreed. Although I have had two situations occur in the last year where the flirting went farther and I got an invitation for a roll in the hay. That was extremely flattering, given that I’m 57 and both gals added together wouldn’t even come close to that. And they were hot! > > There may be snow on the mountain top but there’s still some fire in the furnace, I guess. 😃 Something for me to look forward to! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/93 "2006-07-06T21:21:24Z")
I like younger men for the same reasons men like younger women–they’re more fun, generally speaking. Less bitter, less baggage, more open minded. There’s also the sex factor, in that at 47 I can (and will, given half a chance!) fuck all day and be ready to go again that night but a lot of men my age or older are popping Viagra like Pez just to get it up… Younger men who date older women tend to learn all kinds of interesting tricks they can then use on impressionable young women to their advantage. 😉 I look at dating the very much younger person as a “catch and release” thing, though, especially since I’ve been sterile since the age of twenty. It’s not fair to block a young person from having children if they want them, and monopolizing a young person’s time when you aren’t going to be with them for the long term is morally unjustifiable. If you both know it’s all fun and games then mazel tov! A friend of mine is very fixated on much younger women, he’s always liked 'em right about eighteen–which was a bit :dubious: when he was twenty five or so, but now that he’s forty it’s getting a bit icky. He wanted to marry the current one, and I just got pissed at him. I asked him if she wanted kids and he said yes–I asked him if he intended to have kids with her and he said “hell no!” So I then asked him if he thought it was fair to tie her down into a relationship which has a built in obsolescence factor, and will reduce her eventual desirability as a mate to someone who DOES want to have children with her? He saw my point and the marriage talk ceased. I know one of the main motivations he has toward young women is the power gradient–he gets intimidated by strong women who are independent, and he’s a bit of an arrested development case himself. His relationships usually end when the lady in question gets tired of all night RPG sessions, taking care of his kids and living like a slob… Also, age disparate relationships tend to correct themselves with time. When my SO was nineteen and I was twenty seven we raised a lot of eyebrows, but now that I’m forty seven and he’s thirty nine it’s just a bit “meh, who cares?” Most people assume he’s older than I am these days because he’s always been a bit of an old man and I just refuse to grow up… 😛 ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/94 "2006-07-06T21:35:35Z")
My husband is 22 years older than I am. If I use that formula (1/2 his age plus 7), I fall short by four years. Oh well. I’ve never been one to conform to any particular set of standards. We got married two years ago after dating/living together for a total of three years. He hadn’t been married for 14 years, and hadn’t planned on ever getting married again. There was something about the way we clicked and the way our kids clicked together that made marriage such an obvious next step. He proposed to me, and three months later, we discovered we were pregnant. The baby has been the biggest blessing for my husband and me and for our kids, who now have someone in common. The simple fact is, I love him and he loves me. We are _in_ love with each other. He is not a substitute for my dad. He doesn’t try to assert his “authority” as “the older, wiser man.” I am not, nor was I ever, a sexual conquest for him. Our age difference is a non-issue unless we can find some amusement in it. And there is a lot of humor to be found, trust me. He’ll joke that we went to McDonald’s for our first date so that I could play, and I’ll turn around and say that the only reason I married him was for his AARP membership. I look much younger than my 31 years. I was asked to show my ID once when we were shopping _together_ in order to purchase a R-rated DVD. We had a good laugh about that one. Neither of us is sure exactly what the clerk was thinking this old guy was doing standing next to me. 😉 We often talk about our “average age.” We can’t wait until someone, someday asks us, “So, how old _are_ you guys?” just so we can say, “We’re 42!” (or whatever our average is at the time we’re asked) In the last two years, we have discovered that there are four other married couples who share a 22-year age gap in our town. Once in a while, we get together with one or more of the couples and we’ve found that they are just like us: a couple of people who fell in love with each other minus all the preconceived notions that age is anything but a number. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/95 "2006-07-06T21:42:11Z")
> [@cruel butterfly](#): > > My husband is 22 years older than I am. If I use that formula (1/2 his age plus 7), I fall short by four years. Oh well. I’ve never been one to conform to any particular set of standards. > > We got married two years ago after dating/living together for a total of three years. He hadn’t been married for 14 years, and hadn’t planned on ever getting married again. There was something about the way we clicked and the way our kids clicked together that made marriage such an obvious next step. He proposed to me, and three months later, we discovered we were pregnant. The baby has been the biggest blessing for my husband and me and for our kids, who now have someone in common. > > The simple fact is, I love him and he loves me. We are _in_ love with each other. He is not a substitute for my dad. He doesn’t try to assert his “authority” as “the older, wiser man.” I am not, nor was I ever, a sexual conquest for him. > > Our age difference is a non-issue unless we can find some amusement in it. And there is a lot of humor to be found, trust me. He’ll joke that we went to McDonald’s for our first date so that I could play, and I’ll turn around and say that the only reason I married him was for his AARP membership. > > I look much younger than my 31 years. I was asked to show my ID once when we were shopping _together_ in order to purchase a R-rated DVD. We had a good laugh about that one. Neither of us is sure exactly what the clerk was thinking this old guy was doing standing next to me. 😉 > > We often talk about our “average age.” We can’t wait until someone, someday asks us, “So, how old _are_ you guys?” just so we can say, “We’re 42!” (or whatever our average is at the time we’re asked) > > In the last two years, we have discovered that there are four other married couples who share a 22-year age gap in our town. Once in a while, we get together with one or more of the couples and we’ve found that they are just like us: a couple of people who fell in love with each other minus all the preconceived notions that age is anything but a number. Very nicely put. Congrats on your happiness and that little baby! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/96 "2006-07-06T21:48:35Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > I’m a 21-year-old female, and I definitely find it icky when a guy significantly older than me tries to hit on me. By “significantly older” I mean I probably wouldn’t consider dating anyone more than about eight or nine years my senior, and forty and fifty-year-olds are way outside that age range. What the hell would we have to talk about? The Vietnam War? > > If you want to chase 20-somethings, that’s your decision. Ahem. Allow this 25 year old to chase you. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/97 "2006-07-06T21:56:22Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > [insert your own Woody Allen joke here] That’s what Soon Yi says just before penetration. ZING! ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/98 "2006-07-06T22:00:15Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Agreed. Although I have had two situations occur in the last year where the flirting went farther and I got an invitation for a roll in the hay. That was extremely flattering, given that I’m 57 and both gals added together wouldn’t even come close to that. And they were hot! > > There may be snow on the mountain top but there’s still some fire in the furnace, I guess. 😃 Damn, and we live in the same town! You’ve got to start getting me some numbers, if you aren’t going to take these lovely, giving young ladies up on their offer. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/99 "2006-07-06T22:30:18Z")
I am 24 years old, and I would say that most of the time I would not date anyone older than 32. I would make an exception to that rule for someone fantastic, but generally speaking I don’t have much in common with someone more than 8 years older than me. The last time I went out with a guy who was 34 he spent the evening telling me that I am wrong about pretty much everything because I was too young to know how the world works. I assume this was a personality problem though, and not an age thing. Seriously though, I don’t want to be with someone who will be retired when I will be working for the next ten years. I don’t want to be with someone who will (probably) die 15 years before me. That all goes out the window for the right person though…sometimes you have to make concessions. After all, he may not want to be with someone who doesn’t remember H. R, Pufenstuf. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/100 "2006-07-06T22:31:57Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I am 24 years old, and I would say that most of the time I would not date anyone older than 32. I would make an exception to that rule for someone fantastic, but generally speaking I don’t have much in common with someone more than 8 years older than me. The last time I went out with a guy who was 34 he spent the evening telling me that I am wrong about pretty much everything because I was too young to know how the world works. I assume this was a personality problem though, and not an age thing. Seriously though, I don’t want to be with someone who will be retired when I will be working for the next ten years. I don’t want to be with someone who will (probably) die 15 years before me. That all goes out the window for the right person though…sometimes you have to make concessions. After all, he may not want to be with someone who doesn’t remember H. R, Pufenstuf. I’m 32, live in Texas, and AFAIK am not a supercilious asshole. How _you_ doin’? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653.md?page=6)