# Older men/younger women and the "ick factor" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2006, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653 "2006-03-31T03:46:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/101 "2006-07-06T22:57:47Z")
> [@cruel butterfly](#): > > My husband is 22 years older than I am. If I use that formula (1/2 his age plus 7), I fall short by four years. Oh well. I’ve never been one to conform to any particular set of standards. > > (snip) > > In the last two years, we have discovered that there are four other married couples who share a 22-year age gap in our town. Once in a while, we get together with one or more of the couples and we’ve found that they are just like us: a couple of people who fell in love with each other minus all the preconceived notions that age is anything but a number. _applause_ ---
**Author:** ![cruel\_butterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@cruel\_butterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cruel_butterfly)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/102 "2006-07-06T22:58:32Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I am 24 years old, and I would say that most of the time I would not date anyone older than 32. I would make an exception to that rule for someone fantastic, but generally speaking I don’t have much in common with someone more than 8 years older than me. The last time I went out with a guy who was 34 he spent the evening telling me that I am wrong about pretty much everything because I was too young to know how the world works. I assume this was a personality problem though, and not an age thing. Yeah, I have to agree with you on that personality problem theory. I’ve had people my age tell me that I don’t know how the world works. :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > Seriously though, I don’t want to be with someone who will be retired when I will be working for the next ten years. Fortunately, when my husband retires, we will _both_ “retire.” He’s kind of a workaholic, though, so make that “semi-retire.” 😉 > [@](#): > > I don’t want to be with someone who will (probably) die 15 years before me. My grandfather died in the mid-1980s, and my grandmother is still kicking. They were of similar age when they married. So, you never know, you know? I could get crushed by a passing bus tomorrow and my older husband would have to go on. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Understander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3da27b/32.png) [@The\_Understander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Understander)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/103 "2006-07-06T23:06:21Z")
Heck, as a 26 year old Enfant not-so-Terrible I had quite the fling with a 49 year old woman… if I didn’t eventually let the Shallow side of the Force win, I might still be with her… I believe that the esteemed Digital Underground said it best: “Dowhutyalike.” Or in this case, “Dowhoyalike.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tashabot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tashabot/32/6250_2.png) [@tashabot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tashabot)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/104 "2006-07-06T23:30:45Z")
I’ve gotta chime in on this one. My boyfriend will be turning 36 in August. I’ll be turning 22. We’ve got a 14 year difference in age. Everyone, at first, thought he was just trying to take advantage of me. Seriously, that’s just dumb. Anyone who would be attracted to a size 18, b cup, poufy shit-brown hair, pasty complexion, blind without eye correction girl with shoulders bigger than his isn’t going for “a hot piece of ass.” Almost two years later we’re still together and we don’t fight nearly as much as the couples I see that are closer in age. We’re interested in the same stuff, we like the same music, we have the same taste in food and clothing and interior decorating (that, by the way, is “however it came with our crap tossed around it”), and just generally get along. He’s my best friend and vice versa. And I’m sorry, older men have always been sexy to me. Patrick Stewart, despite the fact that he’s older than my dad, is sexy. Sean Connery? Oh yeah. William Peterson? Oh, lordy. And I thought Patrick Stewart was hot when I was going through puberty. How’s that for creepy? I don’t find women my age to be even remotely attractive aesthetically, though. Morgan Fairchild is in her mid-fifties and looks pretty good, but not immature. Anyone who is labled “hot” is automatically subjected to my skepticism about their ability to not laugh at fart jokes. Although, my 40 year old mother still laughs at fart jokes. ~Tasha ---
**Author:** ![Klaatu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Klaatu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Klaatu)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/105 "2006-07-07T09:04:28Z")
I am single (47) and prefer to date women around my age simply because generally the kids are grown and (hopefully) out on their own so when we are having wild monkey sex on the washing machine (or what passes for that at our age) a little kid doesn’t walk in and say “Mommy, whats that?” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/106 "2006-07-07T15:26:22Z")
I saw a picture recently of James Woods (62) and his young blonde girlfriend (20). Now, they’re basically both adults and if they like each other, great. Good sex, rich enough to do what they want, etc. The part that skeeved me out was she is the daughter of a friend of his and he knew her when she was a little girl. Meeting as adults and dating, OK; watching someone grow up and then dating them, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/107 "2006-07-07T17:00:55Z")
> [@Phase42](#): > > I’ll be 40 in about six weeks. I’ve never been married, and I like women in their 20s. Why? > > (cut stuff out) > 2) I’ve overheard too many conversations between women around my age, in which the women compare notes on what assholes men are. Usually these opinions are based on a history of extremely poor decision-making on the woman’s part, i.e. they keep going after the same kinds of men (“ooh, that guy in the loud, jacked up 4X4 is sooooo hot!”) and then being surprised when they turn out to be assholes. I prefer a woman who does not have a 20-year string of ugly relationships to compare me to. > (cut stuff out) Hiya! I have no problem with you looking for younger women to date, however, the reasoning given in number 2 just rubs me the wrong way. It just seems hypocritical. Wouldn’t _you_ also, being almost 40, have a ‘20-year string of ugly relationships’ behind you as well? 😉 Or do only \*\*women \*\* have these ugly relationship which scar them and make them undesirable? I dunno - I hear a lot of women irl (and in this thread a few men) with an ‘all the good ones my age are taken anyway’ mentality. I mean, that seems to be one of your reasons for liking women in their twenties? I think the definition of ‘good ones’ for these people is too narrow and that’s the problem. But, that’s just the way it seems to me, and, hey, to each their own! 🙂 I find now that I’ve just turned 30 that my definition of the ‘good ones’ keeps getting wider and I appreciate people more…(but I’m happily married so that might be influencing me.) I just find your argument …that people being somehow damaged by experience to be…bizarre. To bring my personal views into this = In my case - people I would have thought off limits are interesting and fun to talk to now that I’m not such a hard headed twenty year old who knew ‘everything’… I thought I was so tolerant, but I despised conservatives and big muscular frat type men and rich men…I only liked nerdy, liberal guys. I was not tolerant at all. What I’m trying to say…as I age I see people around me that I wouldn’t have considered at all for various reasons…and I would consider them _now_ because I have more experience and am much more open minded. Age, wealth, similar background experiences, jobs…all of these are useless when how one is treated and how one gets along with that other person is not considered. If a person is so much into only younger people…I wonder if they are forgetting the things that are \*really \* important… (tries to sum up her poorly worded argument) I just seems that with age and experience, wouldn’t a person become more open minded with more experience with other people, not less? _shrugs_ ---
**Author:** ![Wnabtokio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Wnabtokio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wnabtokio)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/108 "2006-07-07T17:28:36Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I am 24 years old, and I would say that most of the time I would not date anyone older than 32. I would make an exception to that rule for someone fantastic, but generally speaking I don’t have much in common with someone more than 8 years older than me. > > Seriously though, I don’t want to be with someone who will be retired when I will be working for the next ten years. I don’t want to be with someone who will (probably) die 15 years before me. I have to agree with this. I have a job that I have just to pay the bills, I like to stay up late at night, I drink too much occasionally, and in many other ways I behave like a typical 21 year old. I would be suspicious of someone who was more than 10 years older than me thinking that this was a way he wanted to live his life too, and if he didn’t, I don’t think we would have a whole lot in common. I honestly don’t think I could date someone who had a job that required a lot of commitment and time, and couldn’t pull up stakes and go on a roadtrip with me at a moment’s notice. I feel like most people my age are still growing into adulthood, and when you start getting to your 30’s, you start settling into it. (There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. It’s just how life works. Also, I’m not saying that people over 30 never do exciting things or anything like that, I just mean that they are actually adults at that point, and that has some effects.) Oddly enough, I am very much attracted to men who seem powerful, but for that very reason I would be uncomfortable with someone who seemed authoritative just because of their age, or how much money they had, or any other age-related power. Dominating personalities don’t do it for me unless the guy’s in my age range. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/109 "2006-07-07T18:19:54Z")
The backstory for Neelix put him at several decades of age, perhaps as old as 60 to 80 Standard Earth Years. He married Kes, who was 3. THAT’S weird. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/110 "2006-07-07T21:07:54Z")
> [@Lady of the Lake](#): > > I have no problem with you looking for younger women to date, however, the reasoning given in number 2 just rubs me the wrong way. It just seems hypocritical. Wouldn’t _you_ also, being almost 40, have a ‘20-year string of ugly relationships’ behind you as well? 😉 Actually, I don’t. I look back fondly on all three of the short-term girlfriends I’ve had in the last twenty years 😃 The first one was still the best of course, but I have nice things to say about all three of them. Even the crazy one. > [@](#): > > Or do only \*\*women \*\* have these ugly relationship which scar them and make them undesirable? Of course not. I just don’t usually hear other men in conversations talking about how “all women are whores/gold diggers/unfaithful”. And then men who _do_ talk like that are usually frowned upon by other men. Of course, this may be due to the “man rule” that says you don’t call your friend’s ex-girlfriend a slut, because they might get back together and now you’re the asshole who called your friend’s girlfriend a slut … As near as I’ve been able to tell, women don’t have this rule, and will cheerfully immolate each other’s exes in the name of “mutual support”. Also, I don’t think most men go into relationships thinking they’re going to change the woman into exactly what they want. Women do this all the time - “Oh, he’ll change once we’re married!” And so some of them keep picking the same kinds of men, over and over, convinced every time that they can change him, and then being surprised and disappointed when they are once again wrong. And they blame the men. Men, on the other hand, usually hope the woman _doesn’t_ change 😃 _heh_ I had to go back and read what I said three months ago. I’d forgotten (but I still want a blowjob). > [@](#): > > I think the definition of ‘good ones’ for these people is too narrow and that’s the problem. But, that’s just the way it seems to me, and, hey, to each their own! 🙂 My definition is narrow of necessity: I’m of a certain kinky persuasion, and I’m not going to be happy with a woman who doesn’t share my kink. I’m not going to force my kink on a woman, and I don’t want a woman who just goes along with it to make me happy, but who doesn’t enjoy it herself. [quote] I find now that I’ve just turned 30 that my definition of the ‘good ones’ keeps getting wider and I appreciate people more… [quote] Me too 🙂 It just gets extremely frustrating when the women my age with whom I instantly make a connection with are already married. That’s happened to me at least twice. One was a coworker, and she and I hit it off like you wouldn’t believe, right off the bat. But she was married. The other was an immigrant from the former Soviet Union. Instant connection that couldn’t go anywhere because she was married. But she offered to hook me up with her pretty sixteen-year-old niece :eek: I said, “Isn’t she kind of young?” and she said, “So?” Which reminded me that the rest of the world isn’t nearly as hung up on age differences as we “advanced” Americans are. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653/111 "2006-07-07T21:57:16Z")
> [@Phase42](#): > > Actually, I don’t. I look back fondly on all three of the short-term girlfriends I’ve had in the last twenty years 😃 The first one was still the best of course, but I have nice things to say about all three of them. Even the crazy one… This actually helps me to understand your point of view a little bit more! I also think very fondly of the people I had dated before. Not everyone does. I’ve got to remember that! > [@Phase42](#): > > Of course not. I just don’t usually hear other men in conversations talking about how “all women are whores/gold diggers/unfaithful”. And then men who _do_ talk like that are usually frowned upon by other men. Of course, this may be due to the “man rule” that says you don’t call your friend’s ex-girlfriend a slut, because they might get back together and now you’re the asshole who called your friend’s girlfriend a slut … As near as I’ve been able to tell, women don’t have this rule, and will cheerfully immolate each other’s exes in the name of “mutual support”… You hang out the wrong message board! 😉 But, no I have never heard men say these things in real life - I have heard them say things like this on the internet (not on the sdmb though!) > [@Phase42](#): > > Also, I don’t think most men go into relationships thinking they’re going to change the woman into exactly what they want. Women do this all the time - “Oh, he’ll change once we’re married!” And so some of them keep picking the same kinds of men, over and over, convinced every time that they can change him, and then being surprised and disappointed when they are once again wrong. And they blame the men. Men, on the other hand, usually hope the woman _doesn’t_ change :D. This makes me laugh. A few of my friends want to change their husbands, it’s true, so I understand where you’re coming from. However, it makes me laugh because for me…it’s the opposite. My husband’s great - \*\*he \*\* should want to change **me**! 😃 You’ve laid out a generalization we have about relationships that I really would like to see changed. I’d also like to see married men not portrayed as useless idiots all the time. (Oh, and please cancel ‘The War at Home’ while I’m at it!) 🙂 > [@Phase42](#): > > _heh_ I had to go back and read what I said three months ago. I’d forgotten (but I still want a blowjob). > > My definition is narrow of necessity: I’m of a certain kinky persuasion, and I’m not going to be happy with a woman who doesn’t share my kink. I’m not going to force my kink on a woman, and I don’t want a woman who just goes along with it to make me happy, but who doesn’t enjoy it herself. > > \*I find now that I’ve just turned 30 that my definition of the ‘good ones’ keeps getting wider and I appreciate people more…\*Me too 🙂 It just gets extremely frustrating when the women my age with whom I instantly make a connection with are already married. That’s happened to me at least twice. One was a coworker, and she and I hit it off like you wouldn’t believe, right off the bat. But she was married. The other was an immigrant from the former Soviet Union. Instant connection that couldn’t go anywhere because she was married. But she offered to hook me up with her pretty sixteen-year-old niece :eek: I said, “Isn’t she kind of young?” and she said, “So?” Which reminded me that the rest of the world isn’t nearly as hung up on age differences as we “advanced” Americans are. I think I understand your point of view a bit more and wish you luck in finding someone who works for you! Have a great weekend - hope you find that blow job! 😃 Some parts of our society is a bit prudish, yes, but truthfully as a woman I’m grateful to live here as opposed to other parts of the world. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-men-younger-women-and-the-ick-factor/350653.md?page=5)