# Older Woman + Under Aged Boy. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 21, 2018, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008 "2018-08-21T21:30:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/1 "2018-08-21T21:30:42Z")
I don’t know where to put this thread, but let’s start here. I’m not trying to argue if it’s ok for an older woman ‘coming on to’, or sleeping with an under-aged boy. I feel it should be taken just as seriously as any variation of under-age + older situation. That said; I did have an attractive teacher’s aid flirt with me and invite me out once when I was 17. I didn’t go for it, but I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had. Is it so unbelievable that it could’ve improved my life? …as long as I kept my mouth shut, which I think I would’ve, because I knew what was on the line for her if I did tell. I lost my virginity late, and considering my situation, then and now, I think I may have actually benefited. Is that bad? I think there are rare cases in which younger rape victims don’t even consider themselves “victims”. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/2 "2018-08-21T21:56:52Z")
So are you advocating for a reduction in the age of consent in your local jurisdiction? Do you think that boys 15-17 have a better sense of their sexuality than girls 15-17? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/3 "2018-08-21T22:02:02Z")
I think boys are less sensitive to being molested by older women than women are. I would make it a misdemeanor if the boy was over 14. I really doubt if it hurts him at all. I can really see a lot of benefits to it. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/4 "2018-08-21T22:02:42Z")
Regardless of age, this person was in a position of authority over you. This is never good. What if now your grades or time spent at school were tied to this relationship? What if it interfered with your view of normal relationships? You may think it would have no effect on you, but it sure seems that when stories like this break the parents noticed significant changes in their son’s behaviour, which led them to believe something was amiss. ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/5 "2018-08-21T22:03:52Z")
Putting aside for a moment whether it’s okay for you or not, the question is whether it’s appropriate in society’s view that older males/females should make sexual advances to younger males/females, and while it might have worked out fine in your particular situation the dynamic between an older person and a younger person isn’t the same as two people of the same age, as much as you want to think it is. My general philosophy has always been “live and let live”, but statutory rape is a crime in most states and the younger person may feel pressured to make a decision that they will later regret, even if everyone keeps their mouths shut. Laws are generally created for a reason. In this case to protect people who can’t otherwise be protected by potential predators. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/6 "2018-08-21T22:11:23Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > So are you advocating for a reduction in the age of consent in your local jurisdiction? > Do you think that boys 15-17 have a better sense of their sexuality than girls 15-17? I think it depends on the individual, but no. And not at all. I think there are women out there who might fondly remember and affair she had when she was 17 and with an older man. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/7 "2018-08-21T22:15:51Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Regardless of age, this person was in a position of authority over you. This is never good. What if now your grades or time spent at school were tied to this relationship? > > What if it interfered with your view of normal relationships? > > You may think it would have no effect on you, but it sure seems that when stories like this break the parents noticed significant changes in their son’s behaviour, which led them to believe something was amiss. She wasn’t my teacher’s aid, she was an aid for a kid with CP that I sat with at lunch. We would all sit together. But you’re right about the other stuff… I’m just saying, it CAN happen with no regrets. I still think it’s rape… that’s why I said; “The rape victims might not see themselves as victims” I STILL think they were technically raped. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/8 "2018-08-21T22:17:14Z")
> [@dolphinboy](#): > > Putting aside for a moment whether it’s okay for you or not, the question is whether it’s appropriate in society’s view that older males/females should make sexual advances to younger males/females, and while it might have worked out fine in your particular situation the dynamic between an older person and a younger person isn’t the same as two people of the same age, as much as you want to think it is. > > My general philosophy has always been “live and let live”, but statutory rape is a crime in most states and the younger person may feel pressured to make a decision that they will later regret, even if everyone keeps their mouths shut. Laws are generally created for a reason. In this case to protect people who can’t otherwise be protected by potential predators. I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/9 "2018-08-21T22:17:33Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > I think it depends on the individual, but no. > > And not at all. I think there are women out there who might fondly remember and affair she had when she was 17 and with an older man. Well contrary to your thread title, I’m glad that you don’t make a distinction on gender. Generally there’s a reason that 18 is considered the age of majority, and that people under that age do not have the ability to consent, enter into contracts etc. It’s because they don’t have the maturity to make such decisions, such as “is this a good decision to enter a sexual relationship with my teacher?” ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/10 "2018-08-21T22:23:22Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Well contrary to your thread title, I’m glad that you don’t make a distinction on gender. > > Generally there’s a reason that 18 is considered the age of majority, and that people under that age do not have the ability to consent, enter into contracts etc. It’s because they don’t have the maturity to make such decisions, such as “is this a good decision to enter a sexual relationship with my teacher?” I did. Like I said; I didn’t go for it. I just… wonder if I had. EDIT: Yeah, I should have changed the title. Sorry. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/11 "2018-08-21T22:26:53Z")
If there’s going to be “a line”, an age where things officially change, then that line necessarily has to be drawn somewhere. I hope that the judgment has been that there’s reasonable evidence to suggest that just about all 18-year-olds are competent to make such a decision. We know if the line was placed at 30 years old it would be ridiculous. Similarly if the line was set at 10 years old - ridiculous. Somewhere in between there, we have to come up with - not what **can** work out OK for **you** , but what’s **very likely** to protect **just about everyone**. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/12 "2018-08-21T22:31:30Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > If there’s going to be “a line”, an age where things officially change, then that line necessarily has to be drawn somewhere. I hope that the judgment has been that there’s reasonable evidence to suggest that just about all 18-year-olds are competent to make such a decision. > > We know if the line was placed at 30 years old it would be ridiculous. Similarly if the line was set at 10 years old - ridiculous. Somewhere in between there, we have to come up with - not what **can** work out OK for **you** , but what’s **very likely** to protect **just about everyone**. Well said. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/13 "2018-08-21T22:37:55Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > Generally there’s a reason that 18 is considered the age of majority… [In Europe](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent), the age of majority is set at 18 in Malta, Turkey and Vatican City. Elsewhere, younger. Sixteen is probably the most common age, although it is even younger in some places. [In the US, most states set it at lower than 18.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_States) ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/14 "2018-08-21T22:45:18Z")
Sixteen in Canada, with conditions. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/15 "2018-08-21T22:47:19Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Sixteen in Canada, with conditions. Conditions, or benefits? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/16 "2018-08-21T23:00:31Z")
I thought the age of consent was usually around 16 or so. When I was 17, I dated a 33 yr old for a few months. Not my teacher or anything, just a guy I met. A lot of people disapproved but no one said it was illegal. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2018, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/17 "2018-08-21T23:42:09Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > That said; I did have an attractive teacher’s aid flirt with me and invite me out once when I was 17. I didn’t go for it, but I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had. As pointed out, by age alone that’s likely legal in the most of the western world. There’s a big caveat, though. It’s not uncommon to have special stipulations for those in certain positions of power when dealing with minors that could otherwise legally consent. Sometimes that also covers sex with those that are legally adults. Teachers are typically one of those groups subject to special limitations. You might not have been traumatized or felt like you were pressured by their positions of power. The law has to draw a line somewhere. There’s a hypothetical that once the relationship started things could change to something uglier. The teacher’s aid at that point has committed a potentially career ending and life altering sex crime. Relationships are already complicated enough when they don’t include felonies. We probably do prevent some positive relationships with where the line is typically drawn. We probably also prevent a lot of traumatizing at the hands of those who would use their positions to prey on the inexperienced and naive entrusted to their care. Whether your relationship would have been good, bad, or neutral is hard to tell. We all make choices about sex and relationships. We don’t generally go into those decisions thinking it will be bad for us. We fuck those decisions up regularly. The “one that got away” is powerful for fantasy. You can’t really know if it’s closer to the metaphorical bullet you didn’t take. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/18 "2018-08-22T01:01:33Z")
I’m vehemently against this… probably colored by my job. My ex wife use to say about our son… if you think (Me) will kick your ass about our daughter wait til you see what I do to a woman concerning my son. The concept that a underage male will be able to handle a sexual affair with an older woman without repercussions is absurd to me. I watched a kid football player in Kansas City go off the rails after getting involved as a 16… 17 year old with an adult woman. Speaking specifically on the black community i’m enraged how this has come to be acceptable in some way… I would personally remove R Kelly from the planet if possible… ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2018, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/19 "2018-08-22T01:44:38Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I think boys are less sensitive to being molested by older women than women are. I would make it a misdemeanor if the boy was over 14. I really doubt if it hurts him at all. I can really see a lot of benefits to it. Do tell. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2018, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008/20 "2018-08-22T03:51:43Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Do tell. I know it might not be PC but I know plenty of guys including myself who had flings with older women while we were still boys. I have yet to meet one that has complained about it. I have also met plenty of women who had this happen and most of them seem very unhappy about it. Obviously teachers or anyone in a position of authority it should be a more serious crime. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-woman-under-aged-boy/820008.md?page=2)