# Older women and younger men **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 29, 2002, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725 "2002-03-29T10:27:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/21 "2002-03-31T12:27:18Z")
When I got divorced from my first wife, I briefly dated a 54 year old (I was 26) Best sex of my life, nearly (excluding the S.O.) plus, capable of a decent conversation, fairly worldly, and a great resource to have if you’re in any kind of trouble, financial or legal (which I often was at the time) I’m 42 now. Do the math. I still see her (socially) from time to time, and she still looks good to me. I owe her a lot. I hope she remembers the relationship with the same feelings I do. Under different circumstances, I’d have made it more permanent, as it was, I was still looking to go out and play. Pity, maybe. If it’s good and you feel comfortable, don’t blow it. b. ---
**Author:** ![Coil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Coil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coil)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/22 "2002-04-02T19:30:39Z")
I am 28 and my wife is 33 and it works fine for us. So it could work for you too even though the difference is a bit larger. ---
**Author:** ![Aleq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@Aleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aleq)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/23 "2002-04-02T20:36:55Z")
When I met the SO he was 19 and I was 27 and married with kids and a husband and all that… We fell in love, it’s fifteen years later and although we don’t live together any more we’re still in love, still have amazing sex, still would rather spend time with each other than anyone else… The big difference now is that most people think HE’S the older one, go figure… Guys my age are boring and a pain in the ass, mostly… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![nimitz\_42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@nimitz\_42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nimitz_42)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/24 "2002-04-02T20:42:29Z")
Ok, so - amateurs all of ya!! 😃 I met my current g/f when I was 22 and she was 44. I am now 29. We are still together and couldn’t possibly be any happier. I’m OK with not having kids. Technically we still could, but it’s kinda dangerous at this point. I went through the whole “When, I’m 30 she’ll be…” thing. Well, I’m almost 30, and we’re still happy as can be. Sure I’m worried about whether or not I will be alone late in life (which is a significant possiblity), but I will not leave her for that reason. Heck, I won’t leave her for ANY reason. So why aren’t we married after 7+ years? Oh, that must be another thread. By the way, she is very young-looking for her age. Not that that enters into my concious thought, but maybe unconciously it makes it OK for me? Hmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![susieq2u](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/51bf81/32.png) [@susieq2u](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susieq2u)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/25 "2014-04-15T03:37:31Z")
I’m 47 and my boyfriend is 27. I resisted dating him for 8 months b/c I thought it was ridiculous. Part of me still thinks it’s ridiculous or I wouldn’t have found this forum for opinions and/or validation, but I have to say we’re effortlessly well suited and I really adore him and he seems to really adore me. Still, in my mind this is a temporary relationship. The idea of looking really old to him someday quite soon is not pleasant to me. But even though it is probably temporary – it is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I feel like for the first time I’m just appreciating and loving a person for who he is without trying to nail down my entire future. ---
**Author:** ![susieq2u](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/51bf81/32.png) [@susieq2u](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susieq2u)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/26 "2014-04-15T03:47:40Z")
By the way, he’s not worried about it. Youth! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Holdsworth_Effect)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/27 "2014-04-15T06:28:57Z")
> [@susieq2u](#): > > I’m 47 and my boyfriend is 27. I resisted dating him for 8 months b/c I thought it was ridiculous. Part of me still thinks it’s ridiculous or I wouldn’t have found this forum for opinions and/or validation, but I have to say we’re effortlessly well suited and I really adore him and he seems to really adore me. Still, in my mind this is a temporary relationship. The idea of looking really old to him someday quite soon is not pleasant to me. But even though it is probably temporary – it is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. I feel like for the first time I’m just appreciating and loving a person for who he is without trying to nail down my entire future. There’s a woman in my current practice who is 80. Her husband, and a devoted one who is the primary wage earner, is 53. They have been married for 25 years. I would guess, that people who know she is a bit older, think she is about 60. This lovely woman is recovering from a stroke, and doing well at it, because the mere presence of her spouse inspires her. He is completely committed to her well being. She tells me his previous relationships were with older women as well, as he is rather cerebral and found his age mates vacuous and boring. This woman is a role model for a number of processes, age discrepancy being only one. The stroke recovery is amazing…I credit the speech pathologist a lot, and her progressive neurologist as well. Her underlying personality is, oh, intelligence and perspicacity with humor. What a delight and a treasure. I’m older than my husband, but only a year, and he is another stroke survivor. Shit happens, folks, age is just a number. Mitsubishi only relevant in re fertility,because thernyou have a limit with women. Men can pparentlymsire children until they are dead ---
**Author:** ![The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/848f3c/32.png) [@The\_Holdsworth\_Effect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Holdsworth_Effect)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/28 "2014-04-15T06:36:49Z")
Mine aren’t coming through. Please forgive fat thumbs and aging touch pads ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/29 "2014-04-15T06:43:54Z")
This is a 12-year-old thread but what the hell. 15 years younger than my sweety. She and I will have been together 27 years on 8/8/14. Loved every minute of it. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/30 "2014-04-15T14:24:45Z")
I think **Brynda** still posts… I’m curious if her relationship is still going strong 12 years later. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/31 "2014-04-15T14:43:49Z")
> [@Lancia](#): > > I think **Brynda** still posts… I’m curious if her relationship is still going strong 12 years later. [Rick](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=510189&page=3) passed away in 2009. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/32 "2014-04-15T20:05:58Z")
Well shit. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/33 "2014-04-15T20:37:30Z")
A twelve year old thread about dating older women? There’s something poetic about that. In my thirties, I dated women in their forties almost exclusively. I found them much more satisfying than women my own age. None of them turned into LTRs, but not because of age issues. Now, in my dotage, I’m finally finding women my own age to be appropriately seasoned. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/34 "2014-04-15T21:02:05Z")
No ketchup! ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/35 "2014-04-15T21:06:59Z")
I was in two similar arrangements when I was 30. One we lived together for a year or two (mainly because I needed a place to live and was a little short on resources) the other was a passing affair with a neighbor that lasted a month or two. Neither implied any permanence, both ended amicably. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2014, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/36 "2014-04-15T21:32:46Z")
I can see why a woman in her late 30’s or even 40’s would like a young man in his 20’s. Quite frankly by then most all of the “good ones” are taken. I cannot think of a single male over 40 I know who has a degree, good job, good looking, and is a decent person whom I would want to introduce to any single ladies and I know quite a few. Now there was one guy at work, age 42, good job-good looking, who got divorced and man… I dont know how all the females at work heard about it but they came out of the woodwork to meet him! ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/37 "2014-04-17T02:27:01Z")
\*\* > [@](#): > > **“Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress”** is a letter by [Benjamin Franklin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Franklin) dated June 25, 1745 in which Franklin counsels a young man about channeling sexual urges. Due to its licentious nature the letter was not published in collections of Franklin’s papers in the [United States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States) during the nineteenth century. Federal court decisions from the mid- to late- twentieth century cited the document as a reason for overturning obscenity laws. [Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing_a_Mistress) It’s in the public domain. > [@](#): > > Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745). > > June 25, 1745 > > My dear Friend, > > I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient. > > But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these: > > i. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable. > > 1. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman. > > 2. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience. > > 3. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes. > > 4. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement. > > 5. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy. > > 6. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy. > > 8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!! > > Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/38 "2014-04-17T02:33:19Z")
> [@Duckster](#): > > \*\* [Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing_a_Mistress) > > It’s in the public domain. > > \*\* God bless you Ben Franklin, you are my hero. ---
**Author:** ![ThisUsernameIsForbidden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThisUsernameIsForbidden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisUsernameIsForbidden)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725/39 "2014-04-17T03:02:25Z")
I think it’s fine as long as you are both attracted to each other. Same goes for older men, younger women, which for some reason has more of a stigma attached to it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/older-women-and-younger-men/100725.md?page=1)