# OldScratch : Your On Demand Poetry Performance Artist **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637 "2001-04-20T04:20:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/1 "2001-04-20T04:20:15Z")
Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and bear witness to the 11th wonder of the world! **OldScratch** , the free-form poetry stylist. **OldScratch** will, for your viewing pleasure, compose a short poem utilizing three words of your choosing. For example, the three words I shall offer up for use are: _Grinder Skeleton Plankton_ **OldScratch** will, in his own inimitable style, compose verse using those three words. Do your best, and please limit yourself to words that nobody has to look up, hmmmmmm? ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/2 "2001-04-20T04:25:35Z")
Grinder with beef, my god you’re full. of fish and plankton and smelly things. Out of the grave your corpse may pull, a Skeleton and butterfly wings. for fly fly flying away. (at this point, imagine me fluttering around the room waving my arms like a pretty butterfly) ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/3 "2001-04-20T04:30:54Z")
Hey oldie, call me a cab! (Snicker, Snicker) No, go with this. _Anthropomorphic Personification Slippery Urethra Anal Lubricant_ Maybe I’ve made it too easy… ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/4 "2001-04-20T04:42:54Z")
ok **totoro** that’s 6 words. I’ll choose three. Namely… Personification. Slippery. and Lubricant. A slippery slathering or slothitude. His rippering rambling rookery. Had gotten ska boys in a mood for rude, so they took it out on me. Personification placiation. And lubricants would buy, Hearing voices across the nation. baby… touch the sky. ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/5 "2001-04-20T04:44:17Z")
Well, this sounds like fun, how about it oldie, give it your best try… Silly Puppy Tie-dyed Lizard and… Absolut I know the connection between the three but I want to see you try it. Love ya bunches… Kitty ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/6 "2001-04-20T04:53:41Z")
Oh, I am all over this: Procedure Ark Infection ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/7 "2001-04-20T04:57:35Z")
Ogre. Graaawwwr. with loud growls and noise skinny, not silly puppy. fun for girls and boys. What about my guppy? he’s at tommy toy’s haute cuisine of china, better food than roy’s. Absolut martinis. though not really can’t you see. instead of olives, cocktail weenies, and no vermouth but tea. tie dyed lizard comely outerspace filthtooth get my airport reference? gone for the night, poof. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/8 "2001-04-20T05:03:04Z")
A bifurcation procedure of import one too many drinks. errrr… thought it would stable my hands mort. but it aint doing that. no sir Two by Two they marched in. germs of every taste like a bacterial ark on pin and needle they flooded with haste… Infection was caused by my friends little but bigger than you it’ll be worse than the bends. yes… I’m ending with shoe. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/9 "2001-04-20T05:10:21Z")
Bill Maher Ted Koppel Elvis ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/10 "2001-04-20T05:18:02Z")
Ted Koppel was a Moppel with a peachart on piercing. He looked and he victed and saw what was missing. A man of great stature and calm in two storms. a man who surpassed all our pendulous norms. THat man was named Elvis and he carried a bag full of loot that hung from his two fisted stag For riding the Maher of Bill’s sweet content on Brill, never mind I’ve learned of consent. And weeping the willows and sweeping the trees. of dusting the crops and stinging the bees. right go now and spread the word upone land the age of Koppel the Moppel is now at hand! ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/11 "2001-04-20T05:23:34Z")
Somewhere… Somehow… Shel Silverstien is sitting back laughing his ass off at this. And i’m sitting right there with him. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/12 "2001-04-20T13:22:04Z")
From my neighbor in the next cube: Stapler Dog Tire ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/13 "2001-04-20T13:34:13Z")
In the style of Kool Keith. Like beavis sans butthead I’m shouting fire fire, gonna roll down the hill in a big ass tire, stapler bloke don’t choke on my vocals. with my dick hanging out gonna poke holes… in your verbal infections like a virus replication. DNA station getting cross the nation. coast to coast, I’m the toast limo dog style, vaseline, dirty ass ho. grab them ankles with spackle I tackle, Like reggie white getting sacks paybacks. or WWF style, lay the smack down. UH! Like beavis sans butthead I’m shouting fire fire, gonna roll down the hill in a big ass tire, stapler bloke don’t choke on my vocals. with my dick hanging out gonna poke holes… in your gritty thug life, you just whitey on a mission, don’t talk to me today or you’ll be wishing that you never were born aborted fetuses meet us at, Dave and Busters come pee on my pork pie hat. UH! ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/14 "2001-04-20T13:36:57Z")
in your gritty thug life, you just whitey on a mission, don’t talk to me today or you’ll be wishing that you never were born aborted fetuses meet us at, Dave and Busters come pee on my pork pie hat. funyuns, staplers, and messed up spacemen pull the foreskin back, hear it snap up and then, see what see who see men see them. going for platnum like buster and glen. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/15 "2001-04-20T17:33:02Z")
A perfect example to why scratchie’s my hero. blizzard lackadaisical destination ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/16 "2001-04-20T18:41:22Z")
A destination of procrastination awaits those who seek it, Lazy sundays on river rocks fishing with my fly kit, Snails breath, and green acrid smells from the water waft, a gentle breeze from the trees carry your thoughts aloft. You hear a soothing buzzing noise, coming from afar, too loud to be the water, too soft to be a car. A blizzard of mosquitos is coming at you fast This lackadasical day can not last. You screech and scream and attempt to run, like staring down a barrell of a giant gun, the fear it grips you round your chest keep running now, you cannot rest. You manage escape with a minimal loss of fluid, you can always seek help from your local druid? yeah yeah yeah. druid? ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/17 "2001-04-20T18:47:54Z")
A destination of procrastination awaits those who seek it, Lazy sundays on river rocks fishing with my fly kit, Snails breath, and green acrid smells from the water waft, a gentle breeze from the trees carry your thoughts aloft. You hear a soothing buzzing noise, coming from afar, too loud to be the water, too soft to be a car. A blizzard of mosquitos is coming at you fast This lackadasical day can not last. You screech and scream and attempt to run, like staring down a barrell of a giant gun, the fear it grips you round your chest keep running now, you cannot rest. You manage escape with a minimal loss of fluid, you can always seek help from your local druid? yeah yeah yeah. druid? ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/18 "2001-04-20T19:22:05Z")
\*\* Oldscratch\*\*, you’re amazing! Try: undulate macaroni ephemeral ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/19 "2001-04-20T19:30:22Z")
\*\* Oldscratch\*\*, you’re amazing! Try: undulate macaroni ephemeral ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/20 "2001-04-20T19:50:37Z")
Percolations imminent, spock! a Star! undulate the punctuations and we can go far Ricky Rikey Rocky Roo! and then we jump. Spelling series (whoda thought) in a soft more slump, Macaroni with cheese please, thank you sir. THe dog it’s beat, it’s a lousie cur. While udder the powers of stocking stalkings I’ve never met a Stephen Hawkings Emphemeral he might as well be to me, this disabled scientist, I can not see. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637.md?page=2)