# OldScratch : Your On Demand Poetry Performance Artist **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 20, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637 "2001-04-20T04:20:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/21 "2001-04-20T20:12:40Z")
Penultimate callipygian surly ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/22 "2001-04-20T20:30:12Z")
Edicts may be written, and passed onwards down. A smile is nothing more than a frown on a clown what we see and spake on smoke, the jay gets passed, don’t forget to toke. The penultimate chapter has yet to be writ, fierra is a hottie of a brit she’s in love with a surly girly her una dear, love’s a tilt-a-whirly callipygian women they both may be, but god forbid Joey ever see. ---
**Author:** ![JoeyHemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeyHemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeyHemlock)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/23 "2001-04-20T20:51:20Z")
Wow. I am in awe. I especially like “A smile is nothing more than a frown on a clown”, a phrase of almost Edie Brickell-ian proportions. And it captures my sleeziness in a way no poem ever has before. Wow. ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/24 "2001-04-20T21:25:05Z")
champagne tongue blowfish ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/25 "2001-04-20T21:51:54Z")
fractured prisms of pustletude. a glass of your feignest champagne. Don’t tell me to do the fucking hustle dude, Cause my goiters are causing me pain. A tounge slips into my meatotomy, and slivers along it’s course. rough enough for you baby? that tounge, it’s like a horse. blowfish bratwurst on evening meals, raspberry mustard for migranes. I’ve sucked off my fair share of eels, When the moon waxes… not wanes. ---
**Author:** ![Sapphire\_Bullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Sapphire\_Bullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Bullet)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/26 "2001-04-20T22:58:22Z")
**these are insane!** okay, wordsmith…try these: hoipolloi recidivism gouda ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/27 "2001-04-20T23:13:18Z")
I wanted a block of gouda. the waiter gave me chowda your recidivism don’t sit with me. we’re in SF, not New York City. the hoi polloi may be ok with it, but we’re the bourgeoise. ---
**Author:** ![DynoSaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DynoSaur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DynoSaur)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/28 "2001-04-20T23:31:10Z")
ok, three more… obsequious juxtapose anthropomorphic good to see you back, scratch. ---
**Author:** ![Sapphire\_Bullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Sapphire\_Bullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Bullet)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/29 "2001-04-20T23:45:14Z")
Hmmm. Though I _could_ take issue with your creative rhyming of **gouda** and **chowda** (wacky Coldy-speak notwithstanding), the bourgeoise bit more than makes up for it. Truly kick ass, oldie. You have some weird talents… ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2001, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/30 "2001-04-20T23:59:02Z")
I aim to please and please to aim Saph. And now for Dyno’s poem. Obsequious mice are nice on rice for any price. Juxtapose that hat in your feather heather. for any attempt to catch me will result in failure, nice? I don’t think so, to quote Joey, tougher than leather. Looking at a plain of pain in rain torching Spain, he ate crocodile tears for breakfast, woodn’t that be metal cain? and he screamed ANTHROPOMORPHIC at last! ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/31 "2001-04-21T02:32:17Z")
Can’t resist anymore… Scratch,my sweet,can I have an erotic poem using: Jeff Hardy Honey Handcuffs I’ll be ever so grateful:) ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/32 "2001-04-21T06:18:48Z")
Here’s mine: honor bifurcated rutabaga ---
**Author:** ![aseymayo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@aseymayo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aseymayo)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/33 "2001-04-21T07:06:21Z")
And mine: barrister noodles swanlike ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/34 "2001-04-21T17:25:08Z")
erotic eh? I’ll give it a shot Sucking deep on his honey, sweaty bucking bronco of love, handcuffed by huricannas, she is his true dove. Matt and Jeff Hardy doubleteaming in the very best sense, naked green jello wrestling, It’ll happen in the future tense. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/35 "2001-04-21T17:30:26Z")
using shit you’re and good Typographical topography stilton’s best Duck lips pornography shit you’re a mess You’re not getting away too easy we’ll take this as it comes. bathroom cleanup is sleazy good taste dictates tums. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/36 "2001-04-21T18:23:28Z")
::bows down to OldScratch:: Thank you 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Fairy\_Princess\_Kitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fairy_Princess_Kitty)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/37 "2001-04-21T23:35:17Z")
Oldscratch, you’re the greatest, love ya sweetie! Hugs and cuddles, thanks. Kitty ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2001, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/38 "2001-04-21T23:54:59Z")
How wonderful Oldscratch! A skill that thrills! Humbly asking if perchance you could craft something with: Fudgie The Whale monobrow orchids ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/39 "2001-04-22T00:06:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kat \* > \*\*Here’s mine: > honor > bifurcated > rutabaga \*\* He took her honor with a pencil stub easier if he had taken the time to rub on bended knee the grope was denied as it was she cried and cried. Contamination of the brain. Mentalitiy bursting with surging pain, Styborgian rutabagas on attack, my brain hits the cement with a loud smack Bifurcated now, and forever you think you’re so damn clever just because you don’t know the pain of going on with half a brain. ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637/40 "2001-04-22T03:45:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aseymayo \* > \*\*And mine: > barrister > noodles > swanlike \*\* Wathers wouldn’t wake like you, or funneral pyres flamed the barrister’s banister spake like you, and Patty, she was framed. Noodle’s noodlectomy sadly went awry, sinfully sooty and pecked from me, it made your mooher cry. Swanlike in significance, and lawyerly like lice, the multitudes magnificence, would blind any three mice I kept your heart oh dearest, I kept your heart for life You were more than just a beer rest, you were more than just a wife. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/oldscratch-your-on-demand-poetry-performance-artist/62637.md?page=3)